"L"
Disclaimer: I don't own Deathnote.
Mello and Near were in the parking lot. Why, I don't know or care. They just were. After a couple minutes in the sun, Mello started seeing things.
'Hey, look! It's L's car! L is awesome. I wanna be him. He's so cool. But he looks like a monkey. He has to be the weirdest looking person in this story. His eyes are weird, and his mouth is weird, and I don't think he has eyebrows. Not to mention the way he sits. But, I guess when hardly anyone knows what you look like, it doesn't matter what you look like. Another reason I want to be him. Because then no one will know I look like a girl. It would be great. But, why does he always eat sugar? It's not like its chocolate, or anything. He eats all kinds of sugar. I wonder why he isn't fat. All he does is sit with his legs up. His metabolism must be working overtime. How long will it be until he becomes too fat to fit his legs on the chair with him?'
Near didn't care that Mello was ranting, because, knowing that this had a 95 percent chance of happening, he had planned ahead. When Mello had said 'L is awesome' Near had put in ear plugs. Good old ear plugs. They saved him.
Just then, the mirage of L's car disappeared. Good thing, too, because it was about to run over them. 'Wow that was lucky. You know, luck is good. If we didn't have luck, Romeo and Juliet would still be alive. And, they would be so annoying, I would kill them. Then they would be dead anyway. But still. Luck is good. Once, I found a lucky penny. It gave me luck for one day. But, I had to put it in my right shoe, or else it doesn't work. Except for on the third Thursday, on the eighth month if there's a full moon, at which time you have to put it in your left shoe. That's only happened to me once. Matt put it in his right shoe, and he had bad luck all day. Like, he fell flat on his face, got a scratch on his cheek because of it, and because of the scratch, the girl he asked to dance said no. But, me, I got good luck. I helped a lady across the street, and she gave me three dollars, and then I went to the vending machine which gave me two pops, and then I spilt pop on my shirt, so I took it to the laundry and a girl there asked me out. A good day, and all because of the lucky penny. I think I still have that penny somewhere. Oh well, the point is, luck is good.'
Near, not hearing anything he said; just continued staring blankly ahead.
Eugene walked by. Mello pointed, and said in a singsong voice, 'I see London, I see France. I see Eugene's underpants! Why would you say London? It doesn't rhyme with anything, so why would you say it. In fact, I can't think of anything that rhymes with London. Bondon, Condon, Mondon, Fondon, Rundon, nothing! I can't think of a single thing that rhymes with London! London's stupid, anyway. Why would you want to go there, if all they drink is tea, and they ask "Do you want a spot o' tea?' They don't even bother saying the 'f' in 'of'.
Near took out one ear plug and said, 'If you're not finished, then talk to thin air, because I'm leaving.' And he left.
'Maybe I will talk to thin air.'