Disclaimer chapter 1

AN: Okay folks this chapter literally wrote itself. I should be working on novel edits with my writing partner, but I am slightly possessed by this story and feel very compelled to write it. It is, as always, unbeta'd so forgive me for any errors. Finally thank you all for your amazing feedback. It is empowering and creatively stimulating to know someone is reading. More, more!!!

Chapter 12

One of the things Catherine Willows appreciated about Nick Stokes was the fact that he was generally even tempered, and invariably rational. However, he was anything but this when she ran into him in the locker room a mere twenty minutes after she'd last seen him. In fact he'd managed to pound a dent in both a vacant locker and his hand by the time she was able to stop him. As it was, the poor guy was going to be hurting for the rest of shift and worse yet there was a good chance his hand would be a lovely shade of blue by noon the following day.

After a succinct and rather foul mouthed explanation, that had the blonde haired woman snickering internally, she'd left him to lick his wounds, clean himself up and head the break room for assignments.

Her hope, as she made her way down the hall towards Grissom's office –after she'd made a pit stop to peruse the sonogram, of course - was that he was still in there so she would have a moment to talk to him and ultimately head off the impending disaster of the twosome meeting up in a public place and having it out in front of the entire team.

Thankfully, she was in luck. The light emanating from between the slats and his bulky form hunched over the desk made her smile as she entered his office and closed the door behind her.

Gil Grissom looked up from the file he was examining and scowled in her direction; a heavy sigh punctuating his desire NOT to have whatever conversation his friend had planned. "I have to finish this evaluation and get it into Ecklie within the next twenty minutes otherwise Greg won't get the raise due him. Plus I have to hand out assignments some time tonight."

Catherine dropped into the chair in front of her supervisor and long time friend and grinned at him. "Then listen to what I have to say and I'll get out of your hair."

Grissom paused a moment, then taking his glasses off he dropped them on the desk in front of him. He'd slept like shit, his slumber broken by a steady stream of nightmares he really couldn't recall, though all of them - he did remember – had been bathed in the color red. He figured if he were ever to visit a PEAP counselor he or she would have a field day with the trappings of his mind in its present state. He took a moment to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes, and then leveled Catherine with a no nonsense gaze. "Okay…" He closed the file in front of him. "You have my attention."

"I just ran into Nick." She stared at him a knowing look passing over her face, and her tone telling him he should know full well what the conversation was about.

Confused, he shook his head. "Alright?"

"He was more than a little pissed."

"About yesterday, still?" Grissom had spent the better part of the morning and afternoon with the angry and mute younger man. After dropping Sara off at home Nick had returned with a hostile attitude and other than throwing one or two absolutely necessary case related comments his way, the brooding Texan had treated him to a cold shoulder the entire time.

"Well, yes and no." Catherine grimaced. "I heard about that first at PD earlier this evening and then from the horse's mouth less than an hour ago. To his benefit he didn't come tattling. I asked after hearing the rumors at PD." She leaned forward and examined her friend's face for clues as to his present state of mind. "This has to do with you telling him that his and Sara's behavior in the drying room was in appropriate for the lab."

A glimmer of both understanding and disbelief crossed the older man's face. "He came to you with this?"

"Well no. I got the story out of him after he'd done a number on his hand and the locker door he caved in. I understand how you may have thought what was going on was in appropriate…"

"It was."

"Maybe, but according to him, Nick was comforting Sara. She still isn't feeling well, and he was simply giving her a supportive hug. But apparently, you behaved as though they were doing the horizontal limbo on the drying room layout table for all to see."

Grissom opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the blonde, who by this time was on a roll. "Now, the way I see it, this coming from a man whose fiancé…" She actually held up her fingers and hooked quotation marks in the air at the label, "takes every opportunity to suck his lips off and swallow his face whole - in front of any and everyone watching - and we're talking at the lab, at crime scenes, at PD and anywhere else she can grab a moment - and openly announces your impending parenthood to everyone at work, your behavior earlier sounds more than a little hypocritical. I would say." She leaned back in her chair waiting for his response and then added. "Oh and congratulations on matching ova to sperm, I'm sure you two will have a wonderful uber child."

Grissom turned a lovely shade of horrified red and squinted in her direction. "Alicia told everyone we were expecting?"

"Well I'm not sure that told would be the apposite word. And the word we in terms of a couple expecting is misleading since only one person is actually carrying the kid. But I'm fairly certain that everyone in the lab knows by now that you are about to be blessed with a little Grissom. And I know that for a long time Sara had a bit of a crush on you, hell we all knew, but this - well I imagine it would hurt a lot more if she wasn't already involved with Nick, so don't rain on her parade. Let her be happy. You are."

Grissom's eyebrows almost hit his hairline, and his heart suddenly felt like it was caught in a vice grip. The kiss at the restaurant had hurt like hell, but he'd been able to delude himself into thinking that it was something friendly, maybe even comforting. That thought had allowed him some measure of comfort. He swallowed away the lump in his throat, but was afraid to try and say anything lest the ache in his chest be found in his words. Catherine confirmation of the couple's involvement was akin to a stab in the heart. Despite the fact that he knew he had to move on, and despite the fact that on some level he'd expected it, he'd been unable to control his emotions earlier and had acted irrationally. It was very out of character for him, but he'd been powerless to stop himself.

Angrily, he shucked aside the thoughts plowing through his head, making a jumble of his besieged emotions. His eyes fell on Harry, his pet Tarantula, and he contemplated the state of his life, all the while studying the slow deliberate movements of the large arachnid. He felt a little like the small fly the spider was busily masticating.

Collecting his scattered thoughts, the graveyard supervisor fought back the migraine sitting just at the edge of his vision. First things first, he reminded himself. Clearing his throat slightly, he looked again at Catherine, who having had her say, was now on her feet and standing beside the door. "What do you mean she told the whole lab?"

The slim blonde looked at Grissom like he'd swallowed a snake; and was readily confused by the fact that out of everything she'd said to him, the only thing that appeared to have stuck was that the fact his fiancé had announced their impending parenthood. Then it struck her that maybe this little tidbit was something that he hadn't wanted the people at work to know. Tilting her head to the side she smiled tightly. "If it was meant to be a secret, you might want to go and take a look at the notice board in the breakroom."

Grissom paled at this and snatched the assignment slips up of his desk before plowing out of the office.

Grinning at the prospect of Alicia getting a little of what she'd been giving, Catherine followed close behind her friend as he made his way through the lab hallway, a few congratulations being thrown at him by various lab techs as he passed their respective work spaces.

He looked totally pissed off as he entered the staff room, his eyes falling on pretty much the entire team, who sat around the table conversing quietly. His eyes caught Sara's and he thought he caught a flash of hurt in them before she turned to address something Warrick was saying to her. Mandy who'd been standing in front of the corkboard grinned at him but when he didn't smile back she turned and sullenly left the room; a slight snicker bouncing its way down the hallway behind her, as she met up with Archie.

He hadn't actually intended to do it, but like in some movie of demonic possession, he reached over and snatched the photocopy and the pink and blue sign off of the board, crumpled it up and tossed it into the garbage.

This drew everyone's attention to him; looks ranging from concern to surprise to anger were smattered on their upturned faces.

"Nick, you're still working the baby in the alley case with me." He passed the younger man the official slip and pointed towards Greg's old haunt, day shift ran the DNA. Mandy may have something for us. Cath you're back on the Tangiers case you were working with Warrick. It's mostly processing to be done so I'm taking Warrick." They'd collected scads of evidence from the alley and were going to need help processing it. Plus with Warrick on the case the tension between he and the younger man might be a little more diffuse. He passed the only other slip in his hand to Sara but directed his words to the former lab rat. "Greg, Sara, DB out in the desert. Not sure about the state of the body. Keep me appraised of the situation, and let me know if there's any collection to be done."

He cocked his head to one side wondering if he should ask his next question, but found that it wasn't really an option, as a supervisor it was his responsibility. "How are you feeling?" Worried blue eyes studied warm brown ones.

A slight roll of her eyes accompanied Sara's response. "I'm fine." She responded climbing to her feet. "What about our John Doe case?" Looked at him without really seeing, her eyes focused somewhere over his shoulder, instead.

"Work it on your down time, I need you on this."

Sara nodded. "We have a fingerprint in blood on the dead man's shirt. I handed it off to Neil. We'll get the results to Jim if anything comes of it."

Grissom nodded in her direction and then turned to his fiancé who'd been quietly staring at him, an unreadable expression on her face. "Alicia. You're relieved of duty for the night. I want to see you in my office, and then you are to go home."

Mouths dropped but no one dared to say anything until he and a now supremely pissed off looking Alicia had cleared the room. Then smirks were silently passed around until everyone cleared the room.

"Hey Sara..." Using his uninjured hand Nick grabbed the young woman by her upper arm. "Can I talk to you about the print we found…?" He tugged her away from Greg who in turn stopped to wait for the slim brunette.

Pulling the keys from her pocket she tossed them to the younger man. "Grab the truck and I'll meet you in a minute. I need to take care of this and grab a few supplies."

"Get me some swabs will you?" Excited that he was going to be allowed to drive, a rarity when working with Sara, he almost skipped down the hallway.

"That's one strange boy, you know…" Nick watched the young CSI turn the corner and then tugged Sara into an empty lab.

"What's up?" Her evening brightened by Grissom's earlier display and feeling moderately guilty for it, she managed a small smile.

"Just making sure you're feeling okay." He returned her grin.

"I'm actually feeling almost human…" She surprised both of them with that statement. "How's your hand?"

He looked sheepish but kept it behind him. "It's alright."

"Let me see it." It wasn't a request but rather a demand. She held her hand out waiting for him to place his in hers.

The tall Texan frowned but complied, pulling his purplish, slightly swollen fist out from behind his back.

"Oh my God, Nick." She pressed on the enlarged appendage and watched as he winced. "Are you sure it's not broken?"

He waggled his fingers. "It's okay. Just a little sore."

She shook her head. "You have got to stop letting him do this to you. Either that or invest in a punching bag."

"It's hard not to get angry when his behavior is so very..." His face twisted as she felt along the top of his hand trying to determine if there were any broken bones. "frustrating… Ouch!"

She grinned at him awkwardly. "Sorry…" She massaged the swollen hand slightly; hoping the warmth of her touch would have a soothing effect. "You know sometimes he just doesn't get it. I have come to accept that. And honestly Nick, losing your job, or making trouble with the boss isn't worth it. Not for me. Not for this." Her dark eyes were sad, but she still forced a tiny smile.

"What if I happen to think it is?" His dark eyes explored her face. He'd known for some time that something in her past made her feel a little less worthy of love, or caring. He didn't know what it was but was determined to find out some time soon.

She gazed back at him silently, unsure of what to say.

"I happen to think that you and the baby you're carrying are worth getting upset over. I also happen to think that if he doesn't get it, he should be made to. He may be brilliant, but that doesn't preclude him from being accountable for his actions." Nick's expression was set in stone; bringing his hands up he placed them on both of her elbows and began carefully rubbing at her upper arms. "What else in life is there, Sara?"

His eyes were so intense that for a moment Sara thought he could see right through her.

"This is what it's all about. You can take money, power, and anything else this materialistic society deems important, and flush it down the toilet if you don't have, love, and someone to love you. So you'll pardon me if I get mad at the fact that he doesn't value what he could have. And I don't mean just now. I mean up to this point. This whole thing is so screwed up. I get that. But even before, there were times you were so sad. And I knew that it was because of him. You need to learn to value yourself more than to let him do this to you. For the sake of yourself and your child. Because in the end that's what's going to make you the mother I know you can be."

There were tears in her eyes when he'd finished and for a moment he thought she was going to yell at him, maybe punch him. Instead, she threw her arms around his neck tugging the surprised Texan into a powerful embrace. He returned it, in kind, ignoring the small voice in the back of his mind telling him to tread with care - otherwise it was his own heart that would suffer.

"You are something special, Nick Stokes." Sara whispered her soft voice breaking in his ear and then stunned him with a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hey, you two break it up." A pair of startled faces turned to find an exasperated Catherine Willows standing in the doorway. "I just got through telling Grissom that he was out of line with his assumptions this morning and now I find you making out on the job."

Sara and Nick smiled at each other and broke apart, the two of them mumbling a couple of embarrassed, sorry-s.

A heavy sigh fluttered out of the blonde and she rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the twinge of jealousy in her chest. "No problem, but you do need to watch it around here from now on… Though, if the look on both their faces was anything to go by, I don't imagine he'll be out of his office anytime soon. In fact, we may have our own crime scene in there at some point this evening." She winked and passed Sara her travel cup. "You forgot this in the breakroom."

"Thanks."

The older woman favored Sara with a worried stare. "Be careful out there. I would have prefered Nick or I with you, as opposed to Greg. But Grissom didn't look like he was willing to compromise this evening. " She handed the young brunette a piece of paper. "And these are your AFIS results. Neil asked me to give them to you."

Nick stared over Sara's shoulder. They had a positive match to the previous print. It put Ruth Gamine at the scene during the time of John Doe's death. "Ha, ha! We got her, pardner." He intoned, mistakenly held his hand up for a high five and then crumpled when she obliged giving a heavy handed smack to his injured appendage. He let out a soft howl.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry." Sara turned a full crimson, and grabbed his hand, making him yelp again.

"That has to be broken." Catherine piped up, and moved in to take a closer look at the younger man's hand.

He wiggled his fingers. "I have movement."

"That means nothing. So did Lindsay after wiping out at her dance rehearsal. Now, she's in a cast up to her shoulder." She poked the contused area over the back of Nick's hand.

"Jesus…!" He sucked the word in and backed away from the two women.

"Maybe a just fracture, you're just lucky it's your left hand."

The two women exchanged glances, but Catherine was the first to speak. "I'll take him down to see Doc. Have him x-ray it."

Sara bobbed her head. "I'll put this in the cabinet in your office and then give Brass a call."

"Sounds like a plan." Smiling at the younger man the petite blonde supervisor looped her arm through his and led him out of the room. "Nicky my boy, love can definitely hurt." She teased.

Watching the slim brunette dash ahead of them, he nodded his head and silently agreed. It most definitely could

Gil Grissom was tempted to slam the door behind him. In fact it took every ounce of fortitude he had not to. Instead, he closed it softly and indicated his guest chair to the young woman standing haughtily in the middle of the room.

When she crossed her arms over her chest and cast a stony glare his way instead of sitting, he knew that the situation had the ability to escalate from bad to worse. Though, in his mind worse was a relative term since his life in recent months had become what could only be described as a nightmare. However, this didn't mean he was willing to cause a scene that would have the whole lab talking for months.

Still, the fact remained that never in his 50 years had he ever desired to throttle someone so badly. He normally considered himself non violent and even tempered but looking at the woman standing in front of him with her three hundred dollar slacks – he'd seen the tag in the bathroom waste bin - and her equally expensive low cut red blouse, she looked like anything other than the type he would ever be even remotely attracted to. Not to say that she wasn't pretty. She was extremely attractive by pin-up standards. It's just that those things had never truly interested him.

"I need you to go home." He started, his blue eyes returning the icy gaze she was aiming his way. "You have tonight off."

She squinted at him much like a leopard eyes its prey; her words were cold and emotionless despite their meaning. "I can't believe you crunched up the picture of our baby."

Grissom massaged his temples doing his best not to reach into the drawer and pull out his meds or better yet his gun. "That was private business. You should have asked me before putting it up for all to see."

"Most parents are proud of their children." This time there was way more emotion in her voice than he would have liked. In fact it went up a few octaves, having the effect of nails on a blackboard to the man. "Most men are proud of their wives and want to share the joy of parenthood with everyone they know."

Still aggravated over his private life becoming fodder for office gossip pool, he was tempted to ask her where the hell she got the idea that he was proud, hell make that even happy about being forced to make a decision between marrying someone he wasn't even remotely attracted to and killing a child he'd never planned on having - especially with a total stranger. Never mind the fact that her expectations of his love, companionship, and respect in his eyes were more than a little fantastical considering the circumstances. But he bit his tongue and instead of spewing out that particular brand off cruelty, he grimaced, placed his glasses on the desk in front of him and leveled her with his best no no-nonsense gaze. "You need to understand, that I'm not most men."

"You sure as hell aren't." She wiped caustically at a tear her voice creeping up in volume. "You should have just told me to kill it to begin with instead of letting me try live this charade."

"You didn't give me much of a choice, Alicia." Despite everything he couldn't be the one to tell her to kill something that was half his - a tiny innocent child. If there was one thing he had learned doing the work he did, was that life is the most precious thing. And that far too many children die at the hands of someone who should have been there to protect them. Sara had been right. The minute he knew that there was the potential for him to be a father, he could never do harm to that child. "I chose the less…" He did his best to search for a word that wasn't horribly offensive. "…the less difficult of the options given to me, but you can't honestly expect me to just jump into a relationship with you wholeheartedly. Something like this takes a lot of time and getting used to."

Her eyes turned cold and for a moment it scared him that he might just have pushed her over the edge. The worst thing being, that there was a small part of him that hoped he had. Regardless of the outcome, the present conversation had to happen. He simply couldn't allow things to continue as they were. Already knee deep in mire, Grissom thought he might as well wade a little deeper, since he knew at this point he had to either take back some control of his life or lose pretty much everything he had worked for. "I can't tell you what to do about the baby." He said softly. "But I can tell you that you have to start acting like a professional around here. I've been getting flack for your behavior and I know it's my fault for not explaining it to you in the beginning, but from now on our private business, our home life and everything else, stays out of the lab. Not kissing, no hugging, no talk of personal things. Is that understood?"

She glowered at him, then turned silently and left.

TBC