Oh yes people! It's that time again! An update! Yeah it's late, so meh. Not had time to check it through because VERY busy. Kinda trailed off on this one, so it's mainly TID. Heh. But still… WHO DOESN'T LOVE SOME TID?! XD Anyway, I hope you like! Let the chaos… begin next chapter. Hehhe. Reviews very much loved! I'll reply to them all as soon as I get chance. Should be maybe by the end of this week. Blah college sucks, doesn't it? Thank you! x
When Alec left, Jace decided to follow. Everyone was being cryptic as to where he'd been and he found it suspicious. He would have asked Isabelle, but she was at the mansion alone. The whole idea about a funeral so soon after Max had shaken her up. Jace didn't blame her and let her off.
With Clary visiting her old home, he'd taken the chance to tail his parabatai.
Jace followed at a distance, keeping carefully to the side and shadows so Alec never noticed.
He followed until they reached Brocelind Forest and Jace watched him stroll up to the cottage at its edge. A warlock named Magnus Bane lived there, he was sure. Why was Alec visiting him-?
Jace hid behind a tree and watched around it as he knocked twice. A pause and it opened to reveal the warlock himself. And then, to Jace's utter and complete shock, he tugged Alec forwards by his shirt and kissed him.
Kissed him. And Alec was smiling.
He was so surprised that he had forgotten about trying to hide. As if he'd sensed it, Alec turned and caught the boys golden eyes. Those sapphire ones widened in something like horror and shock.
There was a pause and Jace didn't move as the Lightwood walked all the way over to him, his footsteps deliberate and careful. Alec stopped before him and Jace asked in a cool tone "Are you shagging the warlock?"
"No, I'm not shagging him."
"You're certainly kissing him. Willingly." Jace snorted lightly, nodding a little "No wonder you always ignored those ladies. They weren't what you liked."
Alec clenched his jaw. "What do you want me to say?"
"The truth would be nice. Are you q- gay?"
A silence and Alec told him quietly "Say 'queer' if you want to. Father did when he threw me out of Alicante."
"I don't want to say it. And he threw you out-? Why did you not just come over to the mansion you total and utter fool?!" he was scowling in annoyance and Alec rolled his eyes, muttering out "You are married now."
"And you are my parabatai. You are such an imbecile Alec." Jace's golden eyes flickered to the cottage where the warlock was watching with a cocked brow. He snorted gently, asking "How long have you been with the warlock?"
"His name is Magnus. And… a little while."
"Why did you not tell me about yourself?" his tone had taken on an angry edge. Alec was quiet, but then he muttered "I was worried."
"I'm not your father. I'm your friend. Your fighting partner."
"Exactly."
Jace scowled. "You think so little of me Alec." He turned to leave but Alec caught his arm, saying quietly "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Then you know so little about me too. Good-day Alec."
He left and Alec just stared after him miserably.
-OfSeraphBladesAndBallGowns-
Will had never ran so fast in his life, he was sure. His heart was hammering against his chest and his breaths were coming out in heavy pants. It hadn't taken him too long to return to London, and when he reached the front of the Institute, very nearly midnight, he stood there and allowed himself to catch his breath. He wouldn't, couldn't let Jem know just how worried he'd been. How afraid he was feeling. It made him feel as cold as death itself.
As soon as he had composed himself, he pushed the door open and strolled inside, tutting out as if he wasn't too bothered "Where is he?"
Charlotte, her stomach swollen with pregnancy, just looked up from her place next to the fire and told him, voice calm "In his room."
"With Tessa?"
"Yes." She looked away and back to the jumping flames in the grate, eyes glowing faintly from the orange embers. Will just paused, then walked the familiar route through the corridors to the door that was cracked open only the slightest of fractions. Without hesitation, he went inside and closed the door behind him.
Tessa was sat on a chair next to the bed where Jem lay, a pale figure in the witchlight. She looked up instantly, saying nothing as Will walked forwards until he was at Jem's side, gazing down at him.
James Carstairs had always been pale, deathly pale, but nothing like this. Will could see every single line on his face that was muscle and bone. He looked almost gaunt. The backs of his eyelids were a dark purple, as if he hadn't slept for weeks on end. Silvery hair, a color that matched the full moon outside was smoothed back away from his face that was damp with sweat.
Will had never felt so useless in his life.
"Out." He just muttered to Tessa who got to her feet, watching the midnight haired Shadowhunter with careful eyes. Even she could see how lost he was underneath.
Without a word, she left the room and Will found himself staring once more at his parabatai. It was horrible. Just… the worst kind of torture.
Will slowly sank down upon the chair next to him and raised a hand, hesitantly taking Jem's that lay by his side into it, squeezing gently as he muttered out "What an…" he just couldn't think of what to say. He wanted to say just how much he'd messed up, but the words wouldn't form.
But then the slim hand within his own squeezed back with the lightest pressure, a soft, almost inaudible voice telling him. "We are all sinners, Will."
"None more so than me."
Jem chuckled quietly and opened his eyes. Will saw them to be so very pale that they were almost white. It was unnerving to see. He couldn't help but stare until he realized, blinking and looking down at their hands. For a man who had memorized passages after passages of poetry, books and other literature, he simply couldn't think of the suitable quote. Not even a song lyric.
"I have never seen you so quiet" Jem mused, closing his eyes once more, the witchlight flickering, casting bluish shadows across his face at times. Will snorted lightly and merely went "I thought dying was supposed to be quiet?"
"Even at my end-"
"Don't say that." Will snapped sharply, pulling his hand from the boys own. Those eyes were open again, and they could see for themselves just how pale William had gone. All the color in his cheeks had drained away to nothing.
Silence fell once more and Will's eyes flickered to the table next to him that was devoid of his silver box. Inside was the blasted powder that both saved and destroyed him.
Something was… amiss. Wrong.
"Where is it James?" he asked quietly, getting to his feet and starting his search around the room. It wasn't until he reached the curtains that Jem told him "Gone."
"Don't give me that. You had enough to last you until next week. Unless-" Will's eyes widened and he stalked forwards until he was stood at the bottom of the bed, very nearly snarling out "You didn't."
"Why not? Surely I have the option of choosing my own passing. Or should I say, when."
"While there is still a breath in my body, no. You don't get to choose." Will told him quietly, deadly almost. His eyes were narrowed and he just could not believe the stupidity of the young man who was literally dying as he watched. He pressed his palms together, almost as if he was praying, then let out a long, low breath "Is this punishment for what I did?"
Jem looked genuinely startled at those words, silvery eyes widening in surprise. "Why would you say such a thing? I am not cruel. I could never be."
"You know I love Tessa." Will whispered, his expression vulnerable. "You are angry. I know it. You can tell me a thousand times that you are not, but I know you are."
"William, how many times do I have to tell you? Do you want me to rise as a ghost because of unfinished business, or something of the sort, just so I can keep reminding you?"
Why does he have to be so very forgiving Will thought bitterly I don't deserve it. I don't deserve Tessa. Never.
"I need to tell you something James. Now." Will found himself saying, heart picking up pace instantly. He was feeling afraid. No one but Tessa and Magnus knew…
When Jem said nothing, he swallowed hard and muttered out, just loud enough for him to hear "When I was twelve… something happened to me. What led me here." A pause "My father, while we were living in Wales, kept a Pyxis in his office. And I... released the demon inside. He cursed me James. Cursed me so that anyone that who loved me was doomed to die. I thought it codswollop at first, but then, that night, my elder sister died."
Jem was frowning now. "Are you telling me" he went slowly "that for all these years, these past five years… you have been cursed?"
"No" Will whispered. "It was a trick. A lie. The demon caught her with its stinger and she died from it. I-" he felt his voice breaking. All these years of secrecy, of lies and deliberately creating the most ridiculous of scenarios to make him hater was crashing down on him. Will was horrified by the tears that were sparkling in his eyes. He was falling like a bad, bad angel.
A hand caught his own once more and held it tighter than he had expected. Will naturally wanted to pull away, to hiss that he didn't need the comforting. But he did. For once in his life, he wanted it. He gripped Jem's hand tight and cleared his throat. "I left my family because I thought I would be their death. Like my sister. And then I came here and it was like another family. You blasted lot were in the firing line." Will paused. He wanted to tell Jem that the only reason he'd let him come close was because he was already dying. That it didn't matter. But he didn't. Instead, he brushed what he thought was a touchy subject.
"And then… Tessa came along. And by the Angel, she shattered my walls. Every single piece of… just all my barriers. Tore down my armor. I made her hate me James; because I was afraid I would kill her. I was terrified that I would be the one to cause her demise, simply because I loved her. Because I was a fool."
Jem shook his head, telling him softly, voice barely a whisper "You spent five years protecting the people around you, William. You shunned friendship and companionship in favor of keeping them safe. You speak of sinning, but I see you as an innocent."
"I am far from innocent."
"In my eyes you are." Jem protested, coughing a few times afterwards and Will watched with his heart clenching a trickle of blood creep from the corner of his mouth. Without hesitation, he leaned forwards and blotted it away with the cuff of his white shirt, staining it red. He truly didn't care.
"I cannot and will not live a life without you James Carstairs." Will told him almost sternly, dark sapphire eyes blazing. He wouldn't. He couldn't.
And he wasn't planning to.
"Think you can keep breathing for a few minuets while I get you a glass of water?" he asked and Jem merely chuckled, closing his eyes while Will left the room. Instead of going to the kitchen, he strolled to his room and reached behind the wardrobe, snagging the little linen bag. Then he retreated to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, tipping the silvery powder into the glass before adding the water, stirring it with a spoon. Incase of emergencies just like this, he was prepared.
Jem wasn't dying without his consent. And he wasn't giving him it.
Not tonight.
When he returned, the first thing he heard was
"I give you my consent. If that's what you're worried about."
"What are you blathering on about now?" Will went gruffly, setting the glass down upon the side. Jem watched him before saying carefully "About loving Tessa."
"What about Tessa?"
"You can love her if you want. I mean, you adore her. That is something I have never seen with you William. And I've seen it in her eyes… she adores you too. Her destiny was never to end up with me; it was to be with you."
Will was just staring in something that was almost like shock. Had he just said that? The fool. The complete and utter fool.
He snagged the glass now and thrust it at the boy, watching him sit up with a low groan. Will was relieved that he didn't look down at he drank. There was a silvery sheen to the water that would have given it away instantly. Jem drank it all back as if he was a man dying of thirst.
Will didn't feel a smidgeon bit guilty as he realized what he'd done, tasting the powder upon his lips. Jem glared at him, saying quietly "You bastard."
"Still not a sinner?" Will asked almost sadly and half expected Jem to make himself sick, bring it all back up. But he didn't instead, he collapsed back onto the bed and hissed out up at the ceiling. "I swear you are the devil at times."
Will sighed and got to his feet, gazing down at Jem who was still pale, but he knew some color would return to him. No matter how short. "Goodnight James. I don't wish to fight and argue over your impending end."
"Goodnight William." Was all Jem replied with. Somehow, it made Will feel even more miserable.
He shut the door silently behind him, resting his forehead against the dark wood of the door, watching the witchlight that had been escaping from underneath go out as Jem retired to bed. He wasn't dying tonight, Will was positive.
"Is he-?"
Will paused that that voice, knowing it anywhere.
"He is fine, Tess." He mumbled out, feeling so mentally tired and exhausted. Silently he turned to face the girl, his eyes half closed with tiredness. He hadn't slept properly in days. No, weeks. The girl was watching him with sadness in her eyes as he went to walk past towards his bedroom, but then he paused. No, now he was turning. Turning back to her. His stormy blue eyes were a fraction more alert as he asked, voice tired though. "Tess. Do you love me? Just… no drawn out lines. No quotes of other people's passions. Just… your own. Please. Yes or no?" There was a look of loss about his eyes that Tessa couldn't bare to see. But he wanted an answer.
The truth.
And there was only one she could give, really. There was no point lying to herself, to Will. Jem had told her that it was okay, that love was a blessing. It wasn't a curse. He would always love her, but he'd be much happier knowing she was too.
That was the reason she raised her hands, gently taking the young man's handsome face into her delicate fingers, taking a deep breath before breathing out "Yes."
The way Will seemed to wake up, his eyes instantly becoming more and more focused as the seconds passed didn't escape Tessa's notice. It was like a blind man seeing the sun after so many years. A look of wonder that caused a smile to appear upon her lips.
Hesitantly, as if the moment was glass, fragile and breakable, Will leaned forwards, resting his own hands over the girls own, allowing his eyes to close as his lips touched her own. For next to a minuet, Will held her hands gently within his own, kissing Tessa tenderly as if she was the most delicate flower in all the world. When he broke the kiss, he told her softly "I thought for this moment I would have the most perfect quote ready. Maybe something Shakespeare, maybe even something from Jane Eyre. I feel rather like Mr. Rochester regaining his sight." A smile. A beautiful, lilting smile that lit up his eyes spread across his face. "Only instead of clapping eyes upon his son, I saw your beauty."
Tessa was waiting for him to add something mocking and maybe even downright rude upon the end. But he didn't. Instead, taking her utterly by surprise, he slid his hands down to her waist and pulled her into his chest. It could only be described as a cuddle. Tessa rested her head atop his shoulder and let her eyes flutter shut, feeling so very content in the young mans comforting arms.
They were free. Free to love each other.
And in Will's case, it felt like his own personal Heaven.
Hard fought, arduously won.
-Review? :D