I just got my wisdom teeth out and I've been sort of loopy so if there's anything abnormal in this chapter, that's probably why.
Enjoy!
"Hey, guys, check this out!" Connie grins, running into the mess hall with the laptop. Sasha's not far behind, bringing in some snacks for all the cadets to share.
"What is it?" Reiner asks, coming over to see what Connie is so excited about.
"It's a quiz," Connie explains, "and it'll tell you what famous cat you are."
Jean raises an eyebrow. "Why would we want to know what kind of cat we are?"
"Don't horses love cats?" Eren jokes, earning a glare from Jean.
Armin takes the laptop from Connie. "I'd like to try." There are some interesting questions on there, but nothing too strange. "I got a cat named Maru," Armin says. "It's a cat from Japan who's addicted to boxes. Very fluffy."
The others gathered around to read the description. "Except for the part about boxes… I'd say it's pretty accurate," Mikasa comments.
"Adventurous, life-loving, curious, and entertaining," Sasha agrees.
"Where's Japan, though?" Bertholdt wonders. They all shrug. Who knew?
"I want to try it." Eren pushes Armin away from the computer and goes through the questions. Jean disagrees with some of the answers Eren chooses ("Your best quality is not your eyes.") but a glare from Mikasa shuts him up.
When Eren's result loads, not even Annie can keep her laughter in.
"Lil' Bub?" Reiner snorts.
"'Lil Bub's multiple health issues don't stop her from being a cute inspiration to cats and humans alike,'" Armin reads. "'She promotes spaying of housecats, and her cute pink tongue has conquered hearts around the world. Just like her, life has not been too easy on you, but despite the obstacles you encounter, you manage to be an inspiration to those around you. Good for you!'"
"Okay first of all," Eren protests. "I am not a girl!"
Jean snickers. "I don't know, Jaeger, I think you'd look pretty dashing in pink."
"And you do give some pretty inspirational speeches," Connie adds, referring to the last part of the cat description.
"This quiz is dumb," Eren grumbles.
"Could I try?" Krista asks.
"Go ahead," Ymir replies, grabbing Eren's collar to drag him away from the computer.
Krista's results are accurate to her goddess persona: a cat named Snoopy, described as the cutest cat the Internet has ever seen, melting hearts all over.
"That's our Krista for you." Ymir grins, slinging an arm over Krista's shoulder.
"You know," Sasha starts thoughtfully, "I wonder what result Heichou would get…"
"I bet it would be the grumpiest cat in existence," Reiner guesses.
"Let's do it!" Connie exclaims, and Krista lets him sit down in front of the computer. "First question: 'Your most prominent feature is…'"
"His frown," Eren says. "Definitely his frown."
Connie clicks the box and the quiz moves on. "'Which of the following best describes your attitude towards life?'"
"Grumpy," everyone choruses.
"How do you feel about the humans around you?"
"Tolerates them," everyone agrees.
"'Are you male or female?'"
"Female!" Sasha shouts, giggling.
"He can be such a girl sometimes," Mikasa snickers.
"But he's obviously male," Armin contradicts.
Jean rolls his eyes. "You and your logic."
Connie picks 'male' and continues. "'Which of the following best describes your goal in life?'"
They're not quite sure about this one. Levi obviously doesn't hold sleeping as his highest priority, and he brings as much joy and inspiration to others as the king does.
"Just say 'riches and fame'," Annie shrugs, eager to get this dumb thing over with.
"Plus, that cat in the picture is wearing a cravat," Ymir notes.
"Okay, next question! 'Is there anything you'd like to change about yourself?'"
"I don't think Heichou is really stuck up enough to say that he's perfect," Krista muses.
Mikasa rolls her eyes. "I think he might be."
Connie chooses the option: 'No, I am purrrrrfect' just because it's funny, and goes to the next question. "What best describes your style?"
"Elegant, I guess," Jean replies. It's a unanimous decision.
"Last question. What do you like most about cats?"
"Does Heichou even like cats?" Eren wonders.
Armin shrugs. "Well, cats are cleaner than dogs… so maybe?"
"I'm just going to choose the one about loyalty." The quiz results finish loading. Shown on the screen is an angry looking cat.
Sasha snorts with laughter. "Colonel Meow?"
"Named the Angriest Cat and has the longest hair on record," Jean smirks. "Pretty fabulous, if you ask me."
The last line makes them all break out into giggles. "'You should try not to be so angry at the world, and everything will be just great.'"
"We should put that on Heichou's birthday card." Connie quickly takes a screenshot so they'll always remember this moment.
"Sure, if you want to die," Reiner says.
Connie's about to argue, but they hear some very familiar footsteps and they instantly hide the laptop.
"I thought I told you brats to clean the kitchen," Levi growls.
"Yes, Heichou, right away!" they shout.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
They're making their weekly trip into the city for groceries. For once, they all decide to stick together instead of splitting up to do their own shopping.
"Hey, guys! Look, a stray cat!" Before they can stop her, Sasha gives chase. Luckily, they don't have to run far because Sasha quickly picks it up.
Connie makes a face. "Wow, that's an unpleasant looking cat."
"Nah, I think he's cute!" Sasha exclaims. The cat has angry yellow eyes and black fur.
"Reminds me of that cat," Jean mutters. "Colonel Meow or whatever."
Suddenly, Sasha gasps dramatically. "This cat has this little patch of white fur on its chest that looks like a cravat!"
She holds up the cat for inspection.
Eren looks severely disturbed. "That's really creepy…"
"We should give the cat to Heichou," Reiner jokes. "They can be grumpy cats together."
Even though he was joking… they all decide it's a great idea anyways. Except Eren, who still finds the Levi look-a-like disturbing. They sneak the cat back to the HQ, give it a bath, gain some battle wounds in the process, and quietly stick the cat in Levi's office before dinner.
A couple minutes later, the door slams open and all of the dinner conversation dies down.
Levi walks in holding the cat by the scruff of his neck. "Alright, who the hell put this disgusting creature in my office?"
"It's not disgusting!" Sasha blurts. "It's adorable!"
"Very funny, Braus." Levi glares, but it's not as intimidating as usual because the expression on the cat's face is identical.
"It's a gift for you," Krista explains.
"We named it Captain Meow," Armin adds.
Levi cannot believe the ludicrous ideas his squad comes up with. He drops the cat down on the floor and leaves, saying, "You brats are taking care of this mangy thing."
Before Sasha can grab the cat, it quickly slips out the door, tail swishing with indignation.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Back up in his office, Levi kicks off his boots and settles in for a long night of paperwork. Thank goodness he got rid of that… thing. The stupid cat had been meowing insistently, even left a scratch on the door. If those runts don't keep track of the creature…
Just as he writes his first word, a very raspy tongue begins to lick his bare foot.
He leaps out of his chair faster than you could say 'colossal titan'. Staring innocently at him underneath the desk is that blasted cat.
How did it even get in? Levi looks at the door, but it hasn't opened since he first came in.
"Go away, cat," he snarls. To his horror, cat hair now covers the bottom of his pants.
Captain Meow simply lets out a strange sound that sounds almost like a snicker.
Growling, Levi picks up the cat again and drops it out the door. Unfortunately, he also gets a couple scratches on his previously flawless shirt in the process.
Cursing, he slams (and locks) the door behind him, taking a sip of tea to calm down.
But when he turns around in his chair to grab something, the cat is there again, meowing up a storm. It surprises himself so much that he spills scalding hot liquid down the front of his shirt.
"How the hell are you still here?" Levi shouts, ripping off his shirt. "Damn cat."
He narrows his eyes at the black feline, currently licking his paws and - is it laughing at him?
Levi finds another shirt and cravat and proceeds to ignore the cat. Well… he tries to anyway. Captain Meow finds it very amusing to weave around Levi's ankles while insistently meowing.
"No, I am not going to pet you," Levi growls.
But not even Levi can resist the charms of a cat. Eventually they have a grudging relationship. Because no matter what Levi tries to do to get rid of it, Captain Meow keeps coming back.
Plus… the cat can be pretty intimidating.
Later in the week, the cadets are milling about the mess hall, avoiding their chores while Levi is occupied in his office.
Eren and Sasha slip off into the kitchen to grab some more snacks. Suddenly, they hear a very loud meow.
"Awww, it's Captain Meow!" Sasha coos, dropping her biscuits on the counter.
"It still kind of creeps me out," Eren mutters. "It looks so much like Heichou."
He's reaching into the cabinet to grab a cup - one of Levi's favorite cups - and then he swears the cat… speaks to him. Fixing him with an eerie stare, saying, Don't do it, human. DON'T EVEN TRY.
Eren curses and almost drops the cup he's holding. "Sasha, I knew we shouldn't have brought it back with us!"
Sasha pets the cat affectionately. "Why not?" Even as he purrs, Colonel Meow still stares at Eren with angry eyes.
"It's like… the cat version of Heichou!" Eren sputters. "It's like it's possessed or something!"
Sasha snorts. "Don't tell me you're scared of a cat."
Eren reddens. "I'm not… it's just…" He's unable to come up with a viable excuse for his actions.
Sasha rolls her eyes. "Whatever, let's just bring these snacks back to the gang."
The cat continues to glare at Eren. Beware, human. I am always watching.
Levi has to admit that the cat may be one of the best gifts he has ever received. Eren's never been so diligent with his chores, even doing extra, because the cat likes to follow him around and scratch if he slacks on his work.
It was the perfect gift, after all.
This was based on this quiz I took, because I was curious as to what Levi would get if he took the quiz. :D I pretty much died when I got 'Colonel Meow' as the result, because it's so perfect. If you look up 'Which Famous Cat Are You Quiz' on Google, it's the one from PlayBuzz.
Also, I was bored one day, so I made some text messages between some members of the 104th, based on Chapter 4. Check it out :D
flyinghobbit . tumblr . comm/ post/89930534690/levi-heichou-jokes-are-much-better-than-chuck
((Just remove the spaces and the extra 'm' in 'com' because fanfiction is stupid when it comes to links.))