"I have a feeling that I'm going to truly regret asking," Emma began. "But what exactly did my mother do?"

"Well, that's a loaded question if I've ever heard one."

Emma sighed. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I do."

"So, are you going to tell me?"

"I don't know, dear, it may ruin your pretty little image of her."

Emma snorted. "Okay, Regina, you know I've never put her on a pedestal. I've never viewed her as a saint. So just tell me before I lose the courage to ask."

Regina ran a hand through her own short, dark hair. "Fine, fine. But remember," she pointed at her. "You asked."

"Lay it on me."

Regina drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, first a little background information. My mother could basically look like anyone she wanted to at any time, and nobody would ever be able to tell the difference. Once upon a time, when Snow's mother was sick and dying, she masqueraded as the Blue Fairy to use the rouse of being on the side of good to sway Snow to the other side."

"How would that even benefit - ? No, sorry, sorry. Keep talking." Emma made a zipping motion across her own lips.

"As I was saying," Regina went on. "When Snow wished upon a star that night, instead of getting the real Blue Fairy, she got my mother instead. Snow was at her last hope of saving her mother and my mother provided her with a way."

Emma's expression clearly said, 'huh?', even though she was restraining herself from talking.

"However, what she provided came from dark magic. My mother conjured up a candle, one that lit at both ends. As with all magic, it came with a price. In this case, a life for a life. Snow could save her mother but someone else would have to die. She would have to pick someone, light the candle over them, and say their name. They would die and her mother would be healed. Snow didn't want to pay that price, so she decided against it, and soon after her mother died." She paused to let Emma absorb everything she'd said, but it wasn't long enough for Emma to reply. "Flash forward to years later. My mother is in Storybrooke and Gold is on the brink of death. Shortly after you held me at knifepoint –"

"I – "

"I know it was just for show, you don't have to apologize. Shortly after that, my mother felt that something was wrong. For many years she was heartless, you see, and I mean that literally. She removed her own heart and hid it away so she was practically invincible as long as it wasn't in her body. She told me it was in my vault and told me someone was there and told me to go. Guess who I found there?"

Emma was silent.

"That wasn't rhetorical, dear. Take a guess."

"Snow?" That would explain why neither she nor Charming had known where she was.

"Right! By the way, it was my first time setting foot there in a long time, just so you know. This is the part where I get tricked. Your mother got me all convinced that if I returned my mother's heart to her body, she could love me properly in all the ways a mother should, in all the ways that she couldn't without her heart. She had me so convinced that I even thought I could have my mother attend our wedding. She had me so convinced that I took the heart and ran back to Gold's shop, shoving it back into her from behind. And I saw change Emma. I saw all the potential love she could have had for me flood back into her. For a couple wonderful moments, I had a mother. And then she died, she died in my arms. But before she did, she told me that I would have been enough. Not too long after Snow came running in, telling me to stop, but it was too late."

"She used the candle, didn't she?" Emma asked. "She used the candle to heal Gold and to kill your mother."

"That is exactly what she did." Regina had tears rolling down her cheeks, the memory overwhelming her.

Emma closed the distance between them, pulling her into her arms. "God, I'm so sorry," she murmured. "I'm so sorry." It was even worse than she had originally thought. Losing her was bad enough, but losing her after getting a taste of all she'd missed? That was unthinkable. She could imagine Regina felt the same hurt that she herself felt when Henry had nearly died. He'd come back into her life and then less than a year later he was gone, and before he woke up, Emma had felt a part of herself die.

Regina allowed herself to fall apart once more in the comfort of Emma's arms. When she'd nearly destroyed the whole house, the tears she cried had been fueled by anger. But the tears that fell this time were caused purely by the loss she had suffered. The anger she still felt had dulled considerably, because she hadn't allowed herself to properly mourn. She kept pushing the thought away, choosing instead to occupy her time with Emma and Henry. She had started to feel pulled in opposite directions, as the latter was still mad at the former. It was almost like each had taken one of her arms and were now playing tug o' war, determined to split her in half. A part of her wished Emma had just let her be the bad mom, because feeling torn like that was terrible.

"I love you, you know that?"

Regina nodded against her shoulder.

"And you're going to get through this, okay? You're going to get through this and I'm going to be right here with you every step of the way." Emma rubbed her back gently.

Regina's arms were tight around her even after the tears had stopped. "Thank you," she whispered.

"I know you need me now more than ever, of course I'm going to be here. You don't have to thank me. Because it's not a privilege, it's a right."

Regina chuckled softly. "Practicing your vows, are we?"

Emma smiled. "I can throw that in there, if you want." Then a new thought came to her. "So, we're doing individualized vows, then?"

"That's personalized, dear."

"Individualized, personalized…same difference. You didn't answer the question."

"Yes, I'd like to do personalized vows, if that's alright."

"Alright, we'll do that then." Emma kissed Regina's temple.

"We still haven't picked a date," Regina reminded her.

"Yes, I know. Or a place, or the clothes, or the guest list, if there will be bridesmaids, where to go on our honeymoon, or anything else."

"We really need to start working on this."

"We do," Emma agreed. "Do you think it would be weird if we both wore dresses?"

Regina laughed. "You, wear a dress?"

"I've worn them before!"

Regina made her scanning through memories face, but came up with nothing. "Not that I've seen."

"Okay, well maybe I haven't worn them here, but I have worn them."

"If you say so."

"And once again, you didn't answer the question."

"I don't really care what you wear."

"There's a first!"

Regina threw a glare her way. "I don't care what you wear as long as I get to wear a dress."

"What if we matched?"

"Oh, dear God, no. No, we are not going to be bridesmaids at our own wedding."

"It might look nice…"

"I said no. No to matching. Absolutely not. No exact matches, no same style matches. Same color is fine."

"Ha, and you said you didn't care what I wear."

"Beyond that, I don't. You could wear a potato sack and I'd be happy."

Emma laughed. "Really, now? Would that be because you'd automatically look better than me?"

"No," Regina answered with a roll of her eyes. She flicked Emma's forehead for good measure, then cut her off before she could protest, "I'd be happy because it's my wedding day."

"How is it whenever you're about to be in trouble you never make it to the doghouse?"

"Because you love me." She sealed it with a kiss.