Hi Sweethearts!

Here is chapter 12, it's my favorite chapter so far so i hope you like it!

Here we go,

Chapter 12

Her love.

Bpov.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked angry when we were back inside the house. Who the hell he thinks he is shoving me into the car and then driving like a maniac without saying a word!

Edward closed the door behind us and leaned his head against it, I could hear he was breathing fast but right now I didn't care, I was so god damn angry at him.

He's been acting of since the meeting with James but he won't tell me who he is.

"Hey?" I snap but he doesn't answer me.

I walked a couple of steps closer to him. "Edward?" Nothing, he was still leaning his head against the door.

"Hey come on, your scaring me you know." I say, my anger is soon replaced by worry.

A walked a little closer and touched his shoulder with my hand and I could feel that he was shaking.

"Come on." I say again pulling at his shoulder trying to turn him around so I could see his face.

Edward turned around and leaned his back against the door now, but he still didn't look at me.

I put both of my hands on his face and pulled it down so I could look at him and for a second and wished I didn't do it, he looked like someone just punched him in his stomach, but it was the look in his eyes that made me gasp.

Those green eyes that are normally filled with life were numb now, like he was looking right through me.

I pulled his head back down and stood on my toes so I could lean my head against his, our faces just inches apart.

"Don't do that." I whispered. "Talk to me."

He didn't, instead he closed his eyes and leaned his head on my shoulder pulling me tighter against him and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, I could barely breathe but I couldn't care less at this second.

"It's okay," I said trying to calm him. "It's okay."

We could have stand there for hours before Edward pulled back. I looked in his eyes again. The numbness was still in there, it looked like someone sucked the life right out of him.

I rubbed my thumb under his eye and now I could feel how cold his face was. "What about a bath hu? It would get you warm." I ask rubbing my hands over his arms trying to warm him up

He didn't answer so I took his hand and lead him up the stairs, I walked into the bathroom and turned the light on.

I let Edward sit down on the toilet seat so I could fill the tub and I flicked the little light above the tub on so I could turn the bright light of. I grabbed some towels and clean clothes and put them down beside the tub, steam filled the bathroom from the hot water.

All the time he didn't move or say a word he just watched me. I checked if I had everything before I turned back around and walked closer to him.

I smiled and ran my hand through his hair. "I'll be in my room, just call me when you need me okay?" Still no answer. I sighed and took a step back so I could give him some privacy but his hand grabbed my wrist.

"Don't go. Please." He said so low that I almost didn't hear him, but I was glad that he finally said something.

I stepped closer and grabbed his hands pulling him on his feet. I pushed his jacket from his shoulder so it fell on the floor and did the same with mine, then I started working on my shoes. Edward did the same.

I hesitated when I reached the hem of my shirt, sure Edward and I had seen each other in our underwear but never fully naked. But it was Edward I had no reason to be scared. I lifted my shirt over my head and pulled my jeans of.

Looking at Edward I saw he was still fully dressed.

"You're not planning on going in that tub with your clothes still on are you?" I say trying to light the mood.

He chuckled. "No ma'am." He pulled his hoodie over his head and tossed it a side and I couldn't help but look at his muscles.

I reached behind my back to unclasp my bra, I saw Edward looking at me and I blushed when I got rid of my underwear.

I stepped into the bath and flinched a little when I felled the hot temperature on my skin. Slowly I sank into the water until it was touching my chin and watched Edward undress himself.

He caught me staring and he couldn't prevent a tine smile showing up his face.

"You're coming?" I asked and scooted a little further so he could sit behind me.

He lowered himself behind me, his legs bent at the knees on each side of mine. I leaned back against his chest and Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed the scars on my shoulder before he rested his chin on it. I could feel his breath on the side of my neck

"Better?" I asked Edward and he hummed.

I leaned a little further into his embrace. "Would you tell me what's wrong? You scared the shit out of me for a second."

He sighed and kissed my shoulder again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

I moved a little to the side so I could see his face.

"Don't be." I said touching his cheek. "Just-, just tell me what's going on okay?"

Edward closed his eyes and leaned his head against the side of the tub. "You're going to hate my guts."

I stroked my hand through his hair again and smiled. "I doubt that, especially those guts." I said playfully.

Edward chuckled but the next second his face was serious again. Now it was him who touched my cheek. "I don't know what I did do deserve you, especially after all the shit I've done."

Edward never told me about his past, the only thing I know is that he lived on the streets for almost 8 years. I don't know a thing about his parents or if they are even a live. There was so much I wanted to know about him.

"Tell me." I said. "Does it have something to do with James?"

"A part of it." He answered.

"You know you can trust me right?" I asked and I was relieved when he nodded.

"And you know that whatever you say to me I still won't think less of you?"

He smiled but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "Wait until you've heard what I've done before you say that." He sighed and mumbled something I didn't understand.

"Me and my mother lived in Chicago..." He paused and I took his hand in mine.

"She uhm, my dad left when I was five or six I guess, I don't remember him and my mom never really talked about him."

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Elizabeth." He said squeezing my hand.

"Money was always a problem, so she worked those shitty jobs to support us but we were happy. I guess I was nine when she met a guy, Alec. My mom was working as a waitress in a restaurant and that's where they met." He paused for a second to clear his throat.

"So you could say they started dating and after a year or so we moved in. I didn't like him and he didn't like me, he was a big man in a company so my mom didn't need to worry about getting food on the table anymore and she stayed at home to take care of me. They got married and for a while everything seemed to fall into place. Me and Alec ignored each other most of the time. I could see my mom was happy but..."

Edward sighed and I squeezed his hand again, he smiled a little before he continued.

"She got sick, bone cancer." He looked down at our hands in the water.

"Shit, Edward I'm..." I tried to say how sorry I was but he cut me of.

"I know, it's okay." He whispers.

"The doctors gave her a year but she was lucky, she fought against her disease for three years before she died. You know what's weird?" He asked more to himself than to me.

"I knew she was going to die, but it still hit me in the face when it happened."

I didn't know what to say so I just stayed silent.

He laughed but there was no emotion in it. "My mom didn't have a will because she had no money. So Alec was happy when he could get rid of me after the funeral, he even packed my stuff for me. I know, I always was a burden to that guy but who kicks a seventeen year old boy out when he just lost his mother hu?"

I was surprised to hear that his step father had kicked him out, so that's how he ended up on the streets.

"He just told you to get out? I mean did nobody say something?"

Edward looked at me. "He had money little one, and money means power, and what did I have? A backpack with clothes. Everything I owned was his."

"But how did you get here? I mean Chicago isn't exactly on the corner of the street?" I ask him.

"I stayed in Chicago for a couple of years but all those memories back there were suffocating me so I decided to leave, I sold all of my clothes and I had just enough to travel to Seattle. I stayed there for a while, but there were too much people. At that time I just wanted to be alone you know? Away from everything."

I nodded. I remembered how it felled when I just got back In Forks.

"How did you get in Forks?" I asked.

"I hitchhiked, there was this truck that picked me up when I was walking, I think his name was Jasper he asked me if I needed a ride and I took it. We talked a little and I had asked him if he knew I quite town and he dropped me of in Forks. I slept on the streets for a couple of nights before I discovered the shelter."

"And that's where you met Esme?" I said.

"Yes."

"How did you meet James?" I asked.

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "This is when it gets ugly."

He looks at me again and I nod trying to get the worried look out of his eyes.

"Most of the nights the shelter was full, so I ended sleeping in the streets. I was looking for something to eat when a guy asked me if I needed a job."

James.

"James was one of those guys you didn't say no to. I heard some other guys in the shelter talk about him, he started his own business or something. And I joined them. He let me do the easy things at first deliver a package or something like that. I never knew what was in them. After a while he asked me to help him with something."

He paused for a second.

"It's okay go one." I say wanting to hear the rest.

"James was dealing in drugs, he said that I was a loyal employer as he liked to call it, and he asked me to be his right hand. I was honored at the time and I knew that the paycheck was a lot higher so I said yes.

"Me and James owned the streets everyone knew who we were and the business were going good. I didn't sleep in the shelter anymore because I had enough money to pay a motel room. I started to use some cocaine and that's when it started to get bad. James and I were constantly high, both fucking everyone with two legs."

I pulled back a little. Edward noticed that but didn't say anything about it.

"James was getting more careless, he thought that he owned Forks. The police was getting closer and closer and he started to panic. I was walking through the streets one night, James asked me to meet him, something about a new job he had for me. I saw him talking to a guy when he suddenly pulled his gun and shot him."

Edward stopped so he could see my reaction but I couldn't say anything, I was frozen.

"That's when reality kicked in and I knew that what we were doing was wrong. I know a little late hu? This time it was me who panicked but James said that he would handle it and that I just needed to relax. I went back to the motel and threw up. I told James I quit a couple of days later." He stopped for a second and laughed.

"I can tell you, he wasn't happy with that. But I didn't want to do that kind of shit anymore so I went to Esme for help. She helped me to get clean, I'll spare you the details of that." He says and I try not to think about a drug addicted Edward.

"She could have kicked me out, just like Alec did but she didn't. James left me alone and I was getting my life back on the right track. But the little money I had was gone before the end of the month and I went back to the shelter. That's when it was getting colder and I couldn't always sleep in the shelter. So one night I was walking through Forks and saw this little garden house, it was so cold so I climbed over the fence. I noticed that the door was unlocked and I slipped inside. So I always slept there when the shelter was full, until one night some girl woke me up with a flashlight pointed at my face and she saved my life."

"You." He touched my cheek again, his thumb brushed over my bottom lip.

"And now she's going to ask me to leave." He whispered.

A sat there stunned, I didn't know what to think about everything he just said. Edward. James, Drugs, Guns, Killing.

"What happened to the guy?" I asked.

"Honestly, I have no idea, James took care of it" He says looking down.

I closed my eyes, everything he did and said made sense now, how he didn't want to stay in the beginning, or didn't let me buy him stuff, how he wants to pay me back, why he pulled me behind him and shoved me into the car when we saw James.

"Please don't hate me love." He said cupping me cheek.

I opened my eyes and looked at him that broken look was back.

"So you think that I hate you?" I asked stunned, really why would I?

"Jesus Bella didn't you hear I word of what I just told you?" He asked me, he sounded mad.

"Of course I did, I'm not deaf! But it wasn't your fault you know? That guy had no reason to kick you out doesn't matter if he liked you or not, you were seventeen for god's sake! Don't get me wrong I'm not going to say that what you did was okay, you did some pretty bad shit out there. But Edward you realized that what you did was wrong and you made the choice to change, to be better. Don't you see how brave that was?"

"Bella, I did a lot of things but none of them were brave." He answered.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his face closer to mine.

"You're wrong." I say before I press my lips against his. I guess he was surprised because it took him a second before he kissed me back. He wrapped his arm around my back pulling me tighter against him so that my breast whre pressed against his chest. Edward groaned and buried his other hand in my hair.

He ran his tongue along my lower lip, asking for entrance, and I granted it with a small moan. He took the opportunity to recapture my mouth with his and our tongues fought for dominance, the kiss got more heated and it didn't help that we were both naked but unfortunately humans need to breath so I pulled back, both of us breathing heavy.

Edward kissed my upper lip and then my bottom lip.

"I don't understand how you can bare to even look at me." He whispers.

I chuckled and pecked his lips. "Did you look in the mirror lately?"

"So it are just me looks hu? Good to know." He couldn't help that the corner of his mouth turned up into a little smile.

I laughed and touched his cheek, loving the feeling of his stubble. "Well the looks are not bad but what I really love is the man behind them."

Edward eyes got wide and that's when I realized what I said.

Shit.

"What did you just say?" He asked.

I wanted to tell him this a lot sooner but I was scared that he didn't feel the same way.

But it's now or never right?

"I love you Edward."

She finally said it!

I would love to hear your thoughts about this chapter!

Thanks for reading!

See you soon,

Sylvie xx