A sense of contentment wrapped Justin's heart like cowry shells wrapped Brian's wrist.
He'd felt an extra pep in his step as he eyed the bracelet now, as it moved with Brian's arm as he loaded coins into the register. The blond had been surprised at how elated he'd become just because Brian Kinney still wore last night's peace offering.
Which had done it's job.
Indeed it had instilled a sense of peace. Peace within Justin, within their tumultuous non-friendly friendship and, by the looks of it today, inside Brian as well.
According to the calculations of the past two years, the boys had gone from best friends to annoying acquaintances. These simple shells intertwined with cheap rope was certainly more than a dime store piece of jewelry.
No, it was something grand. Something that continued to warm Justin from the inside out, soft tears attempted to extinguish the heat.
He looked once more at the rope, so gingerly tied, and sighed.
For one heartbeat of a fantasy, he imagined his arms encircling Brian's slender, yet strong chest.
Embracing tightly the boy who could erase the world with his smile.
Imagined inhaling his scent, feeling his warmth.
Yes, of all of the things that Justin missed about his friendship with Brian, he'd missed hugs the most. Missed a time when he'd been allowed to do so.
No mess. No complications.
Nonetheless, he liked now too, seeing the brunet openly display a gift he'd given him. Almost proudly. That fact delivered a feeling to Justin about as good as any hug.
Brian had appeared cool and calm in the store all day. So calm in fact he'd at first had Justin wondering if he was messing with him. Just joshing like everything was okay...for now.
As if he'd not seen the bruises the brunet had shown on both skin and soul just hours before.
Though, as the morning poured itself into noon, Brian's mood never faltered. He had even spared a few rare 'yesterday's smiles', despite his obvious discomfort. The boy's expressions had continued to mask the pain Justin knew he carried.
Justin had been acutely attuned to Brian's every action. Saw every sly struggle the boy had unsuccessfully attempted to hide from Justin and Ms. Debbie, who everyone knew you could never keep anything from.
Mr. Vic had gone into the city of Jackson to pick up some of his latest orders. A suspicious Debbie had none too conspicuously told the kids to take it easy, as long as they didn't tell the boss.
She had known Brian his entire life, known his parents even longer. The latter not being something to write home about.
Too many times she'd heard his broken body sneak into Michael's bedroom window.
Soft tears sometimes whispered through the walls. Sometimes they didn't.
She'd never scolded her son or his late night prowler. Brian Kinney had needed a friend, which Michael was. He also occasionally needed a safe place to be himself. Which she was able to provide in her tiny, cluttered, loving home.
For production value, and the kid's ego protection, she'd inquired briefly about his struggled pace. She hadn't mentioned the wincing she'd been watching him pretend hadn't happened all morning.
"I spun out on my motor bike." he'd answered. All tough guy. All bullshit. All Brian.
Brian's answer had piqued Justin's already heightened intrigue in the ever complex Kinney.
"I sure do! It's a 53' Ariel four-square." Brian had excitedly chattered when Justin had asked if he really owned a motorcycle.
The blond enjoyed every second watching Brian talk about his cycle. The gold flecks in his eyes seemingly twinkled in sync with every octave change in his voice.
It was a beautiful sight, seeing him this way. Lost in his own world of something he was passionate about.
Briefly turning out the other boys' vocal pondering of paint colors, Justin let himself ponder just what were Brian Kinney's other passions.
The thought left too quickly for Justin to enjoy it.
Brian's blinding smile shined a spotlight on his face. Transfixing the blond in the moment. It was one of those rare yesterday's smiles. The kind that erases the world.
It was then that Justin knew, he'd not been putting on a show at all. Brian was seriously...cheery.
It was also when Justin knew he'd do anything to keep that smile in place...
...If only he was allowed.
It was undeniably a better view than sadness brimming in those sparkling, gold dusted eyes.
Memories of last night flickered behind Justin's eyes.
Last night when Justin had witnessed a side of Brian he'd never before met. It was the exact reason that Kinney's optimistic attitude swam in Justin's belly with other feelings like sympathy and concern.
No matter what Brian would argue, Justin knew he was terrified of being weak, felt he was not meant for strength, or for love. The added thought sneaked into Justin's assessment.
His first clear memory of knowing Kinney he could tell the kid had trust issues. He could also tell the boy wasn't as arrogant as he let you believe. A guess that Justin had proved true throughout their years as best buds.
But last night...Brian had allowed Justin to see his weakness.
They'd shared Brian's secret between their eyes and a soft kiss whispered it to Brian's cheek.
Secrets. Surely secrets were shared with only friends.
Brian, who now stood ringing up a woman's groceries, had been too busy to notice Justin gawking at his every movement. Mesmerized by that damn insignificant bracelet. The one that meant too much, yet still not enough.
Right now it was no longer a peace offering it was a friendship bracelet.
Whether Brian had realized it or not, some form, some way, some shape; it announced a shift in their relationship.
Justin wasn't exactly sure what that shift was, but certainly they were no longer enemies. Not quite best friends but surely they'd now made it beyond acquaintances. The thought made him smile.
'He'd take anything he could get.' The thought finished in time with Justin finishing up stacking the new 'Sunshine's Hydrox cookie' display.
A new over-sized advertisement displaying Justin's nickname to the store. Displaying it quite obnoxiously, in Brian's opinion. Justin quite liked it.
Standing up, his body brushed into Brian's suddenly near crotch as he went to stand. A soft sweeping motion, with still a touch of torque, it was impossible not to feel the other boy's arousal. Justin let out a bashful chuckle, as Brian offered a hand to help him up. He glanced at the offered hand, and then at Brian's eyes.
Blue studied hazel. Hazel blinked and faced the ground.
In that quick amount of time, Justin had seen the emotions Brian was trying to keep to himself.
Excitement at their abrupt, almost intimate contact. Then, sadly, a glimmer of shame danced on the surface of his eyes.
Justin didn't like that.
Aunt Lula had always told him that shame was the roadblock to smiles.
That's one of the many reasons Justin loved that eccentric Ol' woman. She was always wanting everyone to own who they were.
Embrace the good and the bad of you, accept it. Merge it. Live fully from both sides...or be miserable.
There were so many wonderful things about Brian Kinney. Embarrassingly, Justin had often fallen asleep listing Brian's positive points, until finally he'd succumb to sleep. List still usually incomplete.
If only Brian could see he was not weak. He was not damaged. And most importantly, he was not void of love.
'Yes. There were several things Justin thought Brian should know.' Though he'd been sure he'd never tell him.
He was getting ahead of himself. But it was easy to rush ahead to the happily ever after, when your prince was wearing your peace offering.
Justin brushed his hand on the front of his thighs and let out a long breath. His sight pulled by a returning Mr. Vic.
He offered a smile to the boss and looked towards Brian who was taking a crate marked Coca-Cola from the man's hands.
The shells shaped perfectly around the muscles in his flexed wrist.
'Relax Justin. Christ! It's just a bracelet.' "No it's not." he whispered to no one. 'It's a second chance.'
Brian set the seventh, final soda crate on the floor nearest the counter and wiped his brow with the hem of his shirt.
"You look hot." a soft voice observed. A voice and statement that warmed a little warmer his already hot everything. He swallowed, moistening his suddenly dry throat and lowered his shirt.
Justin was staring at him with an intensity that threw him off a little. After a second he lifted an eyebrow. "I am hot." he smiled slyly, holding blue, purposely not embellishing his statement.
He just stayed focused on Justin's face. On those eyes that reflected every question he himself was dying to ask but wasn't sure he could handle the answers to.
"Hmm." Justin agreed nonchalantly, revealing no hint of a smile.
A reaction that made Brian want to beg for something deeper. But, Brian Kinney didn't beg; he didn't usually want for meaningful moments and 'feeling' type words either. He wasn't thinking clearly.
'A touch of heat stroke obviously.' Heavy lifting in Hazlehurst's heat was as dangerous as Justin's close proximity.
"Mr. Vic says we can grab a pop before we go." he smiled, then sat his Dr. Pepper bottle on the counter.
Brian watched as the other boy walked over and took a handful of peanuts from the ice cream toppings, and carefully put them into the open bottle. Preparing to take a sip, his eyes scanned Brian's inquisitive ones. The brunet wore a playful face of disgust.
He pulled the soda away from his lips and held it out to Brian's hesitance. "Wanna taste?" he waved the bottle gently, the liquid sloshed like Brian's belly.
This felt good; this stress free, simple company.
"It's the friendly pepper-upper that never lets you down!" Justin joked the jingle.
Brian shook his head. "I don't think so." he teased.
"Aw, come on. It's great! My Daddy drinks it like this." he declared, then took a long swig of the peanut spiked soft drink. "Mmm..." Justin exaggerated the sound, finishing his drink. His eyes moved but nothing else, towards Brian. "Boy, you sure don't know what you're missin'." he clicked his tongue, whilst Brian's tongue nearly panted.
He'd been entranced watching Justin's mouth encircle the neck of the Dr. Pepper bottle. He'd noticed maybe once, or fifty-seven times before, just how soft and pink Justin's lips were.
'Yes. He sure did know what he was missin'.' he answered only in his mind.
He'd in fact been missing it ever since that night in Shickle's library...Justin's mouth pouring into his. The warmth like he'd never known in Justin's greedy tongue.
He tried to think of anything else, but it was as if the heat of the memory itself was melting his brain. Uninvited sweat trickled down his forehead, mimicking the condensation dripping along that lucky bottle of pop.
His already overworked, over-thinking, overheated body threatened a nuclear meltdown. He needed fresh, Justin free, air.
He mumbled a slew of socially acceptable goodbyes to Justin and the bosses before hightailing out the door. Immediately his body thanked him for the slight breeze caused by the doors movement, his lungs hungry, breathed the breeze.
Today had been a step in the right direction with Justin. After last night, Brian could see no point in pretending the blond hadn't seen his tears, his vulnerability, as he stood at his window as fragile as a soap bubble, shivering and hollow.
Clearly, he didn't like the idea but he had to admit it was an honest relief having someone see a glimpse of the damage it was always so exhausting to hide. It felt somehow...right...that that person was Justin Taylor.
The boy who always knew the right thing to say and the right things to keep to himself.
Brian hopped on his bike, deciding to take the long way home. He wanted to enjoy the rarity of inner peace he'd felt. He glanced at the bracelet around his wrist. Gripping the bike's handlebars, he peddled a little faster.
Everything was different somehow. As if this single prize from a cheap claw machine had awarded him the world.
The blue of the sky nearly painted his brain; the sun's glow warmed all the way to his heart. Like a veil between Brian and life had been lifted, turning the details sharp and clear.
However, Brian hadn't been alone with his thoughts as long as he'd have liked. The sound of playing cards in a bicycle spoke that wasn't his, filled the day. A flash of blond hair tainted his peripheral vision.
"Following me Taylor?" he teased, no hint of irritation for the intrusion in his voice.
"Maybe." Justin answered with a smile Brian could hear.
At that one word, Brian's heart skipped in his chest like smooth stones Uncle Vic had once taught him to toss across the pond.
Though he didn't turn to face Justin, Brian returned his smile.
The two boys rode in comfortable silence almost friends. Almost more.