Chapter 12
AN: We've arrived! Just an epilogue left.....
Penelope didn't make it far when she finally walked out of Derek's house. She just sat on the front step, thinking about how wrong that just felt. She thought she was doing the right thing, to maintain their friendship, and it felt like the absolute wrong thing.
She knew he'd be upset she broke it off two months early. She thought it would be because he'd miss the sex. She wasn't so naïve not to know the sex they had together was incredible. Of course, he'd miss it. She was going to miss every part of the sex, for the rest of her life. She'd miss every second of their crazy, whirlwind affair, too.
She'd miss his friendship, miss what he meant to her now, much more than the sex.
But thinking about what just happened, he didn't look like the sex played any part in how he felt. He looked so angry and so unhappy. He didn't think it had anything to do with their friendship, or how this changed how they felt. He was crazy. She loved him, really loved him; that changed everything.
He thought she was lying. She wasn't. She told a partial truth. He wanted the whole truth; he looked like his life might just depend on what she was going to say. She couldn't do it. Couldn't say she fell so hard, she couldn't keep doing this without begging him to never leave her.
Three months. A lifetime with Derek wouldn't have been enough. She wanted to spend eternity with him.
She thought again about his reaction, and felt horrible. Her heart broke with every word he said. The anger radiating off of him was evident, but so was the hurt. This hit him really hard, much harder than a normal player losing his "sex toy". To be honest, he looked devastated. He looked exactly how she felt.
Exactly how she felt.
It hit her then, like a brick through a glass window. Was that exactly how he felt?
She thought about how caring he was last night, how he held her the whole night, comforting her. She thought about how jealous he was of Marc, he admitted he was jealous, and how she thought she saw hurt. She thought of how he needed to be with her as much as she needed to be with him, just to be by each other. How just the weekends were not enough anymore for either of them. She thought of so many other little things he did these past days.
She thought of the significance of 2004. I was waiting for you to come to your senses and have me. Really. Honest.
She started to breathe heavier as tears rolled down her face. Dear Lord, she'd made a huge mistake. She had misjudged him badly, like everyone else always did. She had let herself believe every bad rumor she heard instead of what she was feeling, seeing and experiencing.
She believed in JJ and Reid and everyone with their good intentions. She knew they didn't want to see her hurt; she didn't doubt they loved her. Yet, she couldn't help feeling, a grave injustice was done. She couldn't help but think, maybe they needed to start protecting Morgan instead of her! Men can change; one look at his face tonight, and they would know she'd broken his heart.
She had to fix it right now. She stood up, opened his front door, and walked back in.
He was still in his room, but the door opening must've drawn on his curiosity. He walked out of the room, and leaned against the door frame.
"Why are you still here?" he sneered, his lip curling. His eyes were like chips of ice, cold and flat. "Back for a goodbye fuck?"
The coldness made her stop for just a second. She never knew his eyes to have no feeling at all. They were always so teasing, so warm. There was no doubt he was beyond angry with her. It frightened her a little.
"No."
"Good, because I'm not up for that." He was still glaring at her. "Forget something?"
"Yes," she said, swallowing hard, her voice small. "I forgot the other half of my heart."
He paused for a second, then he snapped, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You have it, Derek," she said, summoning up her courage. Even if she was dead wrong about how she thought he felt, he did deserve the truth.
He was still scowling. "I have it?"
She nodded. "You can keep it. I don't want it back." Tears formed in her eyes, then spilled over, and she was shaking, she was so nervous. "I just wanted to see if you wanted the other half, too."
The scowl left immediately. "Baby girl.."
"I love you, Derek," she said quickly, the words just spilled out. "You're a good, honest, caring, kind man, and I love you. I fell in love with you this month; I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry; I tried not to, I tried to keep it light, but I couldn't. I-"
She stopped because he reached out, held her face in his hands, and kissed her. It was a desperate, needy, wonderful kiss that told her just about everything she needed to know. After, he held her against his chest. She could hear the rapid beat of his heart.
"Never apologize for loving me," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to hear you say those words, exactly the way you meant them right now." He put his hand under her chin, meeting her eyes. "I love you, too. I have always loved you."
"Oh, Derek," she said, her heart full and feeling vindicated. "I thought you did. I should've trusted my heart, not listened to what other people said."
"No, I should've said it, but I didn't want to force you to change how you felt." He laughed a little. "What you heard from everybody was probably right. I'm none of those things you said I was; except honest. I can be honest. My past is a snake pit," he said, looking away from her. "I don't deserve you."
"It's in the past, Derek. That's what counts." She put her hand on his cheek. "And you're so wrong. You are all those things I said, and more."
He smiled at her, it was so warm, it took her breath away. "All my life I've been running, looking for something that was always out of reach. Some other person always had it. Now, for the first time in my life, I feel truly lucky. I've never felt that way before."
She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well, now your luck has changed."
"It has, baby girl. Definitely for the better," he said, before kissing her.