Author's Note--duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .i am finally finished with A Moment of Pain, of Freedom. . .i am so sorry for the long wait and I hope you don't hate me. . .i know that I probably should have finished a lot sooner but I hope, somewhere I have some readers still. . .i am working on a new story, I am already writing it, but I wont update very fast because I actually got a job for the summer so sorry. . .please read my new and future stories. . .also, please R&R and tell me what you want to happen in the alternate ending and what you didn't like in this and how I can improve. . .please enjoy. . .the ending alone was 27 pages on when typed up. . .
Disclaimer- - -sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of he characters, but I do own this plot. . .only the wonderful Ms. Stephanie Meyer owns Edward, Bella, and the rest. . .
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Rosalie was sobbing tearlessly and Carlisle was trying to be brave but was in pain too. I started sobbing uncontrollably, yet because of what I am I couldn't even cry for my loved one. She was stolen by death, I hated to face the truth, but Bella, my love, my angel, my perfect Bella was dead. I just sat there and rocked back and forth. Rosalie and Carlisle left me alone, to go tell the others the news.
Charlie took the news bad but refused to see Bella like this. Esme was trying to comfort him. For two days I didn't let Bella go, I just rocked back and forth holding Bella. Finally, on the third day Alice came in and gently pried Bella's body out of my arms. I was in a daze, lost on thought and pain, but when she finished I realized what she was doing. I tried to reach for Bella again but Alice stopped me.
"No, give me Bella back Alice." I said in a quiet, raspy voice I didn't recognize.
"No, she's gone. Let her go. Come on Edward. Please, come with me. "Alice said in a whisper. With that I started punching everything insight; computers, bookshelves, books, windows, walls, everything. I had to get the anger out.
"No, she isn't dead!" I roared, still destroying everything. "She can't be! It wasn't supposed to happen this way, I was supposed to save! It's all my fault. I'm the reason my Bella is. . .is DEAD!!"
"No, Edward it's not your fault. You had no way of knowing this would happen Edward. None of this is your fault. You did what you thought was best. You didn't know how Bella would react; you didn't know she would see Angela get murdered in front of her!" Alice said in a soothing voice.
"Yes it IS! Don't you get it, Alice, I am the reason she went into depression. If I had been there no one would have gotten hurt, not Bella, not Angela, no one. I'm the one who waited too long to change Bella. It's all my fault, I couldn't save her. Why couldn't I save her?!" I shouted angrily. I stopped destroying everything and fell to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Why couldn't I save Bella? I screamed in my head.
"Edward, stop this right now. We can't sit around blaming ourselves. Bella wouldn't want us to. I don't know why you couldn't save her. . .or why I couldn't see this happen. Please, you can't help her now. We have to start moving on. I know this seems impossible but it can happen, but it will take time." Alice said in a quiet, sad-regretful voice.
"How can you even think I'll be able to move on!" I shouted. I couldn't live without her, she was, is my life. Was Alice insane.
"First, you have to forgive, forgive yourself, forgive Bella, forgive. Then, mourn. You mourn and finally, accept. You must accept the fact that Bella is gone. After, you will be okay, you will always love and miss Bella but you will be able to go on with life. I know it sounds impossible but it will happen, it just might take a while." Alice said leaving my room.
"I DON'T WANT TO BE OKAY ALICE!! I WANT BELLA BACK, I WANT NONE OF THIS TO HAVE HAPPENED!!" I roared at the top of my lungs. I couldn't move on ever. I never would. Alice didn't reply, she just left me to think about what she said.
I gently put Bella on the bed and arranged her like she was sleeping. My sleeping beauty. I sat next to her and prayed with all my might that Bella's heart would start again. I sat and prayed and thought of all the things that happened. All the questions I never answered for Bella and all the questions I never asked. The conversations we never had and the places we never went. The things we never did. Oh God, why did this happen.
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"Alice, we have to tell him. If we had told him after we caught Bella none of this was would have happened. We're responsible for Bella's death. We have to tell him." Jasper said frustrated. Alice and Jasper were arguing over something. I had tried not to listen but I couldn't help it. What had they caught Bella doing that Jasper wanted to tell me.
"No, if he knew he would only be worse off. It's for his own good. We cant tell him." Alice said matching Jasper's tone.
"I will do what I think is right. We made the mistake not telling him. I won't do it again. You didn't feel Bella's feeling. Edward's are exactly the same. I can't stand letting someone go through that. I won't live with the guilt. Edward thinks he's guilty, you are blaming yourself for not seeing this, Carlisle's blaming himself for not being able to save Bella, everyone is so guilty. All the pain, sorrow, anger, guilt, everything is killing me. I'm telling Edward!" Jasper said. "If you tell, Edward he will be even more pain. It will kill to know that Bella did that. He'll only blame himself more. He'll just keep pulling away. I wont let you do that Jasper, I won't let you hurt him even more, no matter how much I love you!" Alice roared, venom coating every word.
"Alice,. . ." Jasper said, pausing and continued in a quiet voice I struggled to hear,"I'm not asking for your permission. I am doing what I think is right. Now, I want to do say good-bye to Bella. Whether you agree or not I'm telling Edward. If you'll hate me I'll understand, but I'll always love you!"
With that their loud conversation ended and I went back to rocking back and forth, praying while part of me wondered what Jasper wanted to tell me. What would Bella and my life have been like with out one leaving? Bella, oh Bella, please come back to me.
Later that day, or was it night, Jasper entered slowly. I didn't look up or even acknowledge his presence. He sat down quietly next to me. "Edward, I know you heard Alice and my argument. I want no need to tell you something." He said in a sad quiet whisper. "In the good-bye letters to Alice and me when Bella said she kept her promise I know what she promised us. I lied to you. I am so sorry."
"About a month before Angela was killed Bella was starting to cut herself. Alice was it in a vision and I felt every single emotion Bella felt, everything she went through. We tried to stop her but finally after her first time we convinced her to stop and we made her promise never to do it again. I know you're mad that we didn't tell you. I wanted to, I'm so incredibly sorry."
No, not my Bella, she would not. Even if she was in pain, she wouldn't. Would she? Bella what have I done to you?! Why did I leave you, I ruined your life. Were you in so much pain that cutting yourself was you only way of escaping. Were you depressed and desperate enough to cut yourself? It's all my fault. Why you, why you my beautiful Bella.
"Edward, please let me finish. I'm going to show you my memories of Bella cutting herself so you can understand her pain and understand why she committed suicide. But, you cant blame yourself. Do you understand, please, I know Bella, she didn't blame you, so please don't feel guilty. Everyone is and I'm so sorry. Also, a little warning, you will feel everything Bella feels, so be prepared, it'll be a shock for you." Jasper said in the same sad, quiet tone.