Dear Diary,

I haven't even wrote in this thing forever, but I decided it might be the best way to get my feelings out in the open. I mean, we had somewhat of a break-through tonight, but I just couldn't go through with it. The temptation was almost too much to deny and at times, yeah, I gave in, but overall, I had to push him away and retreat to my own bedroom for the night.

Maybe coming to stay here for a few days was a bad idea.

I don't even know myself, but all I keep thinking about is the possibility of being a rebound or this.. this dream not coming true after all. It's almost too good to be true, as if it's a dream in fact, and I'm going to wake up at any minute, completely heartbroken and left in shambles.

He just drives me completely insane with the way he makes me feel. I'm fine one minute, and even after I notice him, I'm able to keep my feelings at bay, but then, the closer he gets to me, the faster my heart races, the more the butterflies swim and the more my head spins. And then, when I look into his deep, baby blues, I get weak at the knees. And then, he has to touch me. I melt on contact and whatever I was thinking beforehand is lost.

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I insane? Have I lost it?

His daughter is so sweet and I feel in love with her the minute I held her. She has to most innocent face and the same eyes as her daddy. He is so proud of her and completely captivated by her. He is absolutely in love with her. That's another that that gets me. Every time I see the two of them together, it makes my heart just swell. She is so wrapped up in her daddy, it's too sweet. It's almost like no one else matters.

Randy has been there for me shortly after the bitterness of the separation of Trent and me, and it's really ironic how our worlds are tied together. His ex and my ex. Lovers who cheated on their spouses. And now their ex-spouses are caught in this weird... this weird...

I don't even know what to label it as. I'm so confused!

Tonight was insane. We talked briefly about our status, if there even is one, and the moment our lips connected, nothing else mattered. I mean, I felt so much; more than I ever have felt with anyone else, even Trent, my own former husband, who I thought I knew so well. But, Randy has this presence about him, this smirk he gives off that just gets me going and before I know it, it's too far for me to stop. The way he takes over a room when he enters it, yet stares at me like no one else is even around. I felt the tension between us, and yes, a great deal of that is sexual tension. But something else is there, right? I mean, I feel it. It's so strong, he has to feel it to.

Our conversation was coded tonight, almost. It felt like so much was going to be discussed but, it just didn't happen. And I must be crazy to push him back the way I did. I mean, we were really getting into it and I push him away.

I mean, my God, he has got to be the hottest creature walking the planet and I just tell him I can't do it. I've been able to have one night stands before, so sex for me is nothing, as long as I know the person, but apparently, somewhere along the way my own feelings got mixed up to where sex isn't even happening, even though I know it would be unbelievable.

And yet, I'm trying to get my feelings out and I'm just confusing myself even more. What do all these feelings mean? Am I falling for Randy Orton? Does he even feel remotely half-way the same or as deeply as I do?

Am I in love?

That just isn't conceivable. I mean, my divorce was just finalized and I'm talking about some other man as if I'm in love with him. I care for him, sure. I know that much at least. I guess I'm just getting the reality mixed up in between. He did tell me that his feelings were there, too and that there was no denying it. He also said that the 'what if' factor scared him more than anything.

Is it worth trying? That's the question I've pondered for the last 7 hours. The one question that has deprived me of sleep all night long and has led me to write in this journal now. I noticed my last entry was from 2 years ago when I was still married to Trent. It's odd because it's when I vowed I would continue writing in this book and when I noticed the first signs of his cheating, apparently with Sam.

I wonder what Randy was doing around that time? I don't think he was even married at the time; engaged probably, but I don't think they got married for another year.

So, am I crazy? Should I let my fears fly and just see what happens? Does Randy want that? Does he even wonder the same things I do? Does he want more than just sex or a friendship?

These are all questions I was fully prepared to ask him tonight, but instead, we had to kiss. We just had to kiss! And given the chance, I don't think I'm strong enough to find the courage in asking him.

"What are you doing?" came a voice from behind her.

She wheeled around, almost falling from the desk chair in the process. He hair flipping to the one side, as she stared up at Randy, her breathing somewhat labored from the panic of the sudden interruption. She hadn't even heard the door open or his footsteps enter the room.

"Nothing." she replied, smiling weakly.

"Well, I was just letting you know that breakfast is ready. I didn't mean to interrupt you, but mom wanted me to get you." he muttered.

He shuffled his feet as he walked, his head hung low as he exited the door without another word. Aurorah watched him leave, realizing his sudden attitude change towards him. She sighed heavily before standing and slipping the robe around her shoulders.

Breakfast did sound good. Anything sounded better than dealing with her emotions and feelings at the time being. Seeing as she had the remainder of the day off from work and meetings, she had the rest of the day to contemplate her relationship with Randy. As much as she wanted it all to be done and over with, she knew she had to sort through everything to get to the bottom of it.

Randy leaned against the wall, watching her descend the stairs before he entered the room, and looked at the black leather-bound book she had been writing in. He knew it was invasion of privacy and perhaps he shouldn't be looking at her personal thoughts and feelings, but his curiosity got the best of him and he couldn't help it. He had almost guaranteed himself whatever she was writing was about himself and their interaction the night before. That was exactly what sparked his desire to read what was written in front of him now.

He skimmed over the pages, feeling his heart beating and breaking, all at the same time. If he wanted answers the night before, after reading her diary entry, it did not help matters at all. She was apparently just as confused on the inside as she was giving off to him as well. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the journal log, only that it made him sick to his stomach, but happy at the same time.

There was one sentence, or question rather, that rang through his head above everything else that was written. The hopefulness of the possible answer made his heart jump, knowing it was exactly what he had been fighting with as well.

He suddenly got a sickening feel deep in the pit of his stomach as he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He closed his eyes, knowing who stood one feet away from him before he had the chance to turn around. And as he did so, he opened his eyes slowly, his eyes meeting with the icy blue stare of Aurorah.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

Randy bit his bottom lip, his nerves swimming within him knowing he was caught staring at her personal feelings and thoughts. He knew he shouldn't have been so dumb to glance at her diary but, for some reason, he didn't take back what he did. He didn't regret his decision entirely until he saw the look on her face.

"Do you?" he asked, stepping dangerously close to her.

"Do I what?" she asked, giving him a confused, yet angered stare.

"Do you..." he began again, clearing his own throat before continuing. "...love me?"