Chapter 12
"That's not possible," Addy said," There is no way in hell Lilith has been inside me for months and I didn't know."
"How do you think you were able to see Dean in hell?"Uriel asked and the room went quiet. Addy closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"You were seeing Dean in hell," Sam said behind her and slowly she turned to face him," Is that what your nightmares were about?"
She nodded slowly as they stared at each other. She felt all the emotions she'd been holding in come crashing down on her.
"Sam I-"she began.
"How could you not tell me?" he asked with hurt in his voice.
"I couldn't, Sam," she stuttered," I- I didn't understand and- you were obsessed- I couldn't let you- I'm sorry!"
"You didn't think I deserved to know?" he asked loudly," You have Lilith inside you, Addy. How could you keep that from me?"
"She did not know," Castiel said, stepping in," In hell she latched onto the only familiar thing there and that was Dean. My guess is in times of high stress situations they still connect. It's a survival mechanism."
Addy looked frantically from Castiel to Sam" I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you."
Sam didn't respond and she looked at him with pleading eyes," I'm sorry, Sam."
"And you didn't tell me either," he said, turning to his brother.
"He doesn't remember hell," she said quickly and he turned back to her.
"Is that what the headache was about?" Sam asked in a cold voice and she felt her heart being ripped out of her chest.
"Lilith is speaking to Adriana," Uriel said and Addy diverted her eyes," She's been awakened in her."
She could feel Uriel's eyes boring into the back of her head, but she didn't take her eyes off of Sam.
"How long?"Sam asked.
"Since we left Telma," she said quietly and Sam looked away from her," Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know what it was," she said desperately," I thought I was losing it, Sam. I thought I was becoming like my Mom."
"No, you're something much worse," Uriel said and she turned to him.
"You're wrong," Sam said, stepping in front of her and she felt relief as he came to her defense.
"So that voice in your head is nonexistent," Uriel said," You know we are correct."
"It has to be something else," Dean said.
"When was the last time you came in contact with holy water?"Uriel asked and a vial appeared in his hand," You wouldn't mind a little drop on your hand. Would you?"
She looked from the vial to Sam and back at Uriel," I'll know if she's inside me or not?"
"It should be a sufficient test," Castiel said.
"Addy you don't have to-"Sam began but she stopped him before he could dissuade her.
"If I'm not than what's the harm," she said and walked closer to Uriel. He popped open the vial and she held out her arm.
Instead of throwing the water on her arm, he splashed it in her face and she screamed in pain as it felt like her skin was on fire. She desperately wiped it away as she fell to her knees. Sam came to her aid with his arms around her. Her face was dry but it still seemed to be singing as she looked up at Uriel.
"I thought you said it would just be on my arm," she growled as Sam helped her up.
He shrugged," That wouldn't have been a sufficient enough."
She fought the urge to punch him as she shrugged out of Sam's grip," Alright so what now? How do you get her out of me?"
"We don't," Castiel replied simply.
"Why the hell not?" Dean asked.
"Because it could kill you," Uriel replied," That kind of process would be too much for a human to handle."
"I'm a true blooded witch," she said," That has to count for something."
"Than you should be used to that kind of darkness within you," he replied and she scowled at him," Besides your much more helpful this way."
"Excuse me?" Sam asked.
"She has a direct link to Lilith," Castiel said," She can help us find out which seals she's planning to break."
"So I'm just supposed to kindly ask the voice in my head how she plans to destroy the world?"
"Of course not," he said," We'll tap into-"
"No," Addy said quickly," You're not going to tap into Lilith. What if she takes me over?"
"Afraid are we?" Uriel mocked.
"You know I thought angels were supposed to care about humans," Addy said to him.
"Demon or not, Adriana," Castiel said," You are not human."
"If you ask me you're nothing but another monstrosity that should have been put down long ago," Uriel said and she lost it.
She looked to him and he doubled over in pain. He began to cough blood as she stared him down.
Doesn't that feel good?
Not being pushed around.
Angels are a bunch of tools anyway.
"Adriana, do not listen to Lilith," Castiel said, snapping her out of her chance and she recoiled back in surprise, taking in what she'd done.
She began to back away from them and Sam caught her in his arms.
"Addy it's gonna be okay," Sam said and she wrestled away from him.
"No it's not," she whispered to herself, shoving past Dean and out the door.
Sam followed her out and grabbed her gently by the arm.
"Where are you going?" he asked, worry in his eyes.
"I don't know," she said frantically," Please Sam just let me go."
"Addy I can't just-"
"What?" she asked, loosening from his grip," You can't let me roam around the streets hurting innocent people like the monstrosity I am."
"You know I don't see you that way," he said, grasping her by the shoulders," I love you."
"I have a demon attached my soul, Sam," she said, her eyes glazing over," I need to get away from here."
"Okay I'll go with you," he said," We'll figure this out. Together, remember?"
She shook her head furiously and turned to run from him, but Cas blocked her way and pressed two fingers to her forehead.
SUPERNATURAL
You should really stop running off alone. It means it's just you and me now.
"Why are you doing this to me?" she whispered to herself at the far end of the bar.
Because it's fun.
Addy scoffed," I hate you."
Likewise.
Suddenly, Dean sat down in front of her and she smiled lazily.
"Hello," she said with a giggle.
Dean frowned," How many have you had?"
She shrugged and took another sip.
"Are you drunk?" he asked.
"No," she said mischievously and then leaned forward and whispered," I'm actually only kinda sorta drunk, but I kind of want to table dance and take my shirt off."
Dean opened and closed his mouth in shock and she giggled.
"You should see your face," she said between laughs and Dean laughed along with her.
"You know you're a lot more fun when you're drunk," he said and she smiled and yelled ,"A beer for my friend here."
The bartender nodded and slid a beer over to Dean. He caught it and took a sip.
"Why do ya look so serious?" she asked.
"The angels wanna blow this town off the map unless we can stop the rising of that Samhain guy and my car got egged," he replied.
She snorted a laugh," I have a demon inside me."
"Yeah, so-"
"Hey how'd you find me?" she asked, taking another large swig of beer.
"Castiel told me where you are," Dean said.
"Does Sam know where I am?" she asked and then paused, her mouth agape.
"What?" Dean asked carefully.
"That rhymed," she said with a smile.
Dean looked at her seriously for a moment and then they both laughed together.
"I told him I'd bring you back soon," he said," But you know let's have a little fun tonight."
She smiled and then looked around the rowdy, crowded bar," That's not a bad idea."
She hopped off the stool and went over to the crowded dance floor. Dean watched her from the bar as she lazily spun around to the music, her hips twisting to the beat.
Addy smiled as Dean watched her at the bar. She knew what she was doing to him and she liked it. She beckoned him over and he shook his head with a smile. She pouted and winked at him playfully.
You're tempting him, Adriana.
"I want to," she replied in a voice she didn't recognize as her own.
Suddenly, she felt two hands on her hips and Dean's voice said in her ear," What are you doing to me?"
"Exactly what you want," she whispered back in a seductive voice and they swayed along to the music. Dean's lips trailed up her neck and she arched her head to the side and moaned.
"We can't do this," he said, his lips on her pulse point.
"Than stop," she said and turned to face him. Her eyes traveled from his eyes to his lips.
"What about Sam?"he whispered in a husky voice.
"Sam who?" she replied and they connected in a furious kiss. She pulled away and they weaved there way through the crowd and to the bathroom. She locked the door behind them and pushed Dean against the wall. He pushed flush against her and she moaned at the contact.
"This is wrong," he said and she smiled and wrapped her legs around her waist.
That's my girl.
"We have screwed up lives , Dean," she whispered in his ear," Wrong is what we do."
"My brother loves you," he said, setting her down on the sink and she smiled.
"He'll never know," she replied and whispered into his ear," It's not his name I'm going to be saying."
"No it's not," he growled and kissed her furiously. They peeled off each other's leather jackets and Dean's hand crawled up her shirt, cupping her breast from the side.
"I want you," she said and Dean pulled back and looked into her eyes.
"Oh my God," he said in horror and she frowned and turned to look at herself in the mirror. She let out an ear piercing scream at her white eyes.
I'm taking over.
Addy sat straight up in bed with a gasp. She saw Sam at the table. He stared at her and she stared back.
"Addy," Sam said carefully.
She tasted bile in her mouth. She got up and ran to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
That little dream of yours was courtesy of me. Hope you enjoyed it because it tells of things to come.
"Addy," Sam said more urgently this time.
"I'm fine," she said, staring at herself in the mirror and sighing in relief at her brown eyes.
"Can I come in?" he asked. She opened the door before he could.
"I'm fine," she repeated and he frowned.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
"Are you sure because-"
"I'm fine," she said sternly.
"Addy you don't have to lie anymore," Sam said and she rolled her eyes.
"I'm guessing that doesn't go for both of us," she said coldly and moved past him.
"Is that Lilith talking?" he asked with her back turned to him.
"That was all me," she said turning back to him.
"Don't do that," he said.
"Do what?" she asked, growing frustrated.
"Pretend like everything's okay," he yelled suddenly," You have a demon inside you."
"What's your point?" she asked, narrowing her eyes," I can't do anything about it. I can't get her out of me."
"So you're just going to ignore her?" Sam asked in disbelief.
She shrugged," Pretty much."
"So that's it," he said," Conversation over. I find out that you saw Dean in hell because you have a piece of Lilith inside of you and that's just it. You don't want to talk anymore."
"If I had told you what would you have done?" she asked, stepping closer to him," You had a problem Sam. You were obsessed with getting Dean back and you were obsessed with Lilith. It was going to kill you. So you don't get to stand there and tell me that I made the wrong call by ignoring it because I didn't. I did what was best for you, Sam."
"And what about what's best for you?" he challenged," You think being quiet while you're suffering every single night was okay. Did you honestly think I'd be okay with that?"
"You were so fucked up I didn't know what okay was to, Sam," she screamed at him," You were doing things that I didn't know about it and if I knew about it I didn't understand. You were keeping secrets and I was trying desperately trying to keep you alive. I've dealt with darkness inside me my whole life, Sam. It's normal for me."
"Hearing voices is normal," he said and she froze," You weren't going to say anything about it to me, were you?"
"No," she said simply.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked loudly," You were hearing voices and you didn't ask for my help."
"Because you couldn't help me," she said, matching his tone," Once I lose it, Sam that's it. Whether it's because of Lilith or Reth or Peter or my Mom I will lose my mind someday. I can never become Dark so I can never choose and because of that one day you will lose me."
She didn't mean for the last part to come out, but it did and she covered her mouth in shock.
Sam began blinking back tears and tears flowed freely from her.
"Is that really how we're going to end?" he asked in a small voice.
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Dean suddenly burst through the door of the motel room, but neither of them moved.
"So that creepy teacher, Don," he said, not noticing the tension in the room," He had charred kid bones in his desk. My money's on him so let's-"
He finally noticed the two staring at each other.
"Alright what the hell did I miss now?" he asked and they looked away from each other. Addy wiped the tears from her face and went for her jacket.
"We better get going then," she said, clearing her throat.
SUPERNATURAL
Dean shot at Don who was about to kill Tracy. He fell to the ground, dead, knife still in hand. Addy went over to Tracy and cut her down from her ropes. The scared girl fell into her arms sobbing as she ripped off her gag.
"Thank you, he was gonna kill me! Ugh, that sick son of a bitch. I mean, did you see what he was doing?" she said through tears.
"It'll be okay," Addy said gently, helping her upright.
Tracy nodded and then her whole demeanor changed," Did you hear him? How sloppy his incantation was?"
Addy's eyes widened and she started to back away from the girl.
"My brother always was a little dim," she finishes and she throws out her hand. Sam and Dean drop to their knees, writhing in pain. She frowned when it didn't work on Addy and then she smiled.
"A fellow witch," she said, tilting her head to one side in curiosity," Light or Dark?"
"Neither," Addy replied, focusing on Tracy and she chuckled.
"Sweetie I'm stronger than you," she mocked and flicked her wrist. Addy went flying into a shelf with a crash. She fell to the ground away from Sam and Dean, her senses dull from the hit.
She could hear Tracy's voice, but she could only make out a few of her words.
Suddenly, the basement began to shake and the ground cracked. Addy watched as black smoke rose from the ground and into Don's body.
"Addy," she heard Sam whisper to her and she turned to see him, but she couldn't make out his words.
She heard a sickening crack and Tracy's body dropped to the floor in front of her. She looked up to see Samhain standing over her.
"Looks like I need a new witch," he said, meeting Addy's eyes," What have we here? You'll make a lovely new whore."
She cried out when he grabbed her by the hair and hauled her up.
"I'm not doing anything for you," she growled and he smiled. She met eyes with Sam and Dean and she shook her head, letting them know not to take the chance.
"We'll see about that," he said and slammed her head into the wall, knocking her out cold. He threw her over her shoulder and left the basement with her.
"He has Addy," Sam whispered in a panic to his brother.
"Why didn't he see us?" Dean asked.
"Halloween lore. People used to wear masks to hide from him," he replied," He saw Addy because she wasn't covering her face. We have to go after her."
SUPERNATURAL
Addy stirred and groaned at the throbbing in her head. She moved to put her hand to her head but she couldn't move it. Opening her eyes, she saw her hands and legs were bound tight with rope. She slowly moved her head to see she was in some sort of crypt.
"You're awake pretty witch," Samhain said and she turned her head to see him just standing with his back to her.
She grit her teeth at the throbbing pain in her head. The gag tied around her mouth stopped her from answering.
"I'm a king," he replied, turning to her and slowly coming closer," Me and my dead army will rule, but king's can get lonely."
He kneeled in front of her. He reached out his hand and gently stroked her cheek but she yanked away from him. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.
"Tracy was old," he said, searching her eyes," You are younger, less tainted, and far more beautiful. With a witch my power could grow considerably and one of great power as well. You're darkness is fighting within you. I can see it in your eyes."
She shook her head at him.
"I am correct," he replied," You know it as well that within you there is a great darkness and I must say you have the most beautiful darkness I've ever laid eyes upon, my queen. Your soul is almost black. We'll have to work a little harder to make it pitch dark."
He let her go and went back over to stare at the wall, his back to her again.
He scoffed," I like that you have such defiance within you. I can't wait to break it from you."
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sam enter the room, Ruby's knife in hand. She shook her head at him.
He simply glanced at her and edged closer to Samhain.
She held her breath, scared to even make a noise in case she alerted the demon.
Suddenly, he turned and shot a hand out at Sam. A bright light shot at him and then it dimmed, just like it had when Lilith had tried it on him.
"Yeah, that demon ray gun stuff," Sam said," It doesn't work on me."
Samhain ran at Sam in a rage and the fight ensued. She desperately yanked her restraints as Samhain got the upper hand and pushed Sam to the wall, his hand around his neck.
Sam manages to get Ruby's knife out and slices it into his arm. He recoils back and throws Sam into the opposite wall. Addy screamed out his name.
She struggled harder as Sam got back up. Samhain began to advance towards him, but Sam shot out his hand and the demon reeled back. Addy watched as Sam used his powers, black fog seeping out of Samhain slowly. Dean came into the room and paused, watching his brother. He saw Addy and went to help her, but she didn't take her eyes of Sam as his nose began to bleed . Samhain kept fighting it out, but he lost and Don's body fell to the ground.
Dean finally got the rope off her legs and arms. She didn't move as she stared at Sam.
"Addy," Dean said, but she didn't move," Come on look at me."
She did and slowly he pulled the gag from her mouth. He saw something different in her eyes.
"Let's go get your head checked out," he said and helped her up. The room spun and she had to lean heavily on him. He picked her up in his arms as she passed out and turned to his brother. The two met eyes and Sam started to say something.
"Dean I-"
"Not now, Sammy," Dean said with disappointment in his eyes and he turned his back and walked out with her.
SUPERNATURAL
Addy stirred and woke up with a throbbing pain in her head for the second time. She squinted as sunlight streamed onto her face and then she surveyed the room. She frowned at the hospital room scenery and then turned to see Dean was sleeping in the chair next to her bed. She was happy he was here, but she was wondering where Sam was.
Dean was snoring lightly. She moved her foot out from under the blanket and kicked him lightly. He woke up with a start.
"Hey," he said when he noticed she was awake.
"Hi," she replied, slowly sitting up. She groaned in pain and Dean came to her aid.
"Thanks," she replied and Dean sat back down," So why didn't you stitch it up back at the motel?"
"I saw him slam your head into that wall," he replied," I thought you might have a concussion. You didn't, but still."
"Oh," she replied.
"Sam's not here," he said, reading her mind," He's back at the motel packing up."
She nodded and refused to look him in the eye," He didn't want to be here when I woke up. Did he?"
Dean's silence was all the answer she needed.
"When can I get out of here?" she asked him, barely above a whisper.
"The doctor just wants to do a once over and then he'll let you go in a few hours," Dean said," Addy, are you okay?"
"Don't Dean," she said," Don't do that."
"Look I'm not into the whole chick flick moment thing but if you want to talk about anything I'm here," he reassured her.
She scoffed," If I want to talk?"
"Yeah, uh, talk," Dean repeated.
"I don't want to talk, Dean," she said in disbelief," I want to scream and yell and claw someone's eyes out all the time. "
"That's normal," he replied and mentally slapped himself.
"Normal," she repeated," Dean I have a demon in me and you want to say something's normal. I'm angry and confused and scared and Lilith is preying off of that. She's making me see things and want things that I know are wrong but I can't stop myself. I don't know what's happening."
Dean sat on the bed and grasped her hand in his," It's gonna be okay."
"No it's not," she whispered," I say that to myself everyday but it's not okay. Sam can exorcise demons with his mind, angels have plans for us, the apocalypse is happening and I'm falling apart. I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. If one more thing happens I might just lose it."
Dean stared at her and realized that she'd just told him the way he felt every day.
"Addy I'm not gonna let one more thing happen," Dean said, looking her in the eye," We're going to keep it together."
"He said my soul was black," she whispered to him," Samhain said my soul was black."
"He's wrong," Dean assured her," Do you understand? That son of a bitch was wrong about you. They're all wrong."
She shook her head," I used to say that too, but are they wrong? They all want me to give up. Maybe I should."
"Look at me," Dean said forcefully and she didn't. He gently grabbed her face in his hands and turned her to look at him.
"There was one thing that kept me going in hell," he said," It was what you said to me right before I died. When I was ready to give up and go down. You told me to go down kicking. Keep fighting. Give these mother fuckers hell until my last breath, because if you couldn't save me then damn sure you were gonna make it hard for them to take me. Addy, I repeated those words in my head for forty years. You were my lifeline in hell. Even when I started torturing it was what kept a little piece of me still human. If anyone can keep fighting, it's you. I have never met a woman who has more fight than you. Keep fighting, Addy. Just a little longer."
"What if I can't?" she asked, her eyes dull.
"Then we'll fight together," he said and slowly he raised his lips to forehead and pressed them there. She leaned her head onto his chest as he held her in his arms.
"It's about time someone took care of you," Dean said into her hair.
She laughed and looked up at him," I just never thought it'd be you."
"Me neither," he said with a small smile.
Lookey what we have here. Isn't the other Winchester just irresistible?
"Is Lilith talking to you?" Dean asked with a frown.
Addy nodded.
"Like I said," he told her," We're fighting together."
She smiled at him as she remembered Sam telling her the same thing, but she felt safer when this brother said it to her and that scared her. It scared her a lot.