Chapter 12

When I don't reply, Kestrel frantically adds in, "I-I know this isn't the most romantic place ever, but… i-if you don't, you know, feel that way for me, or if you're not ready or something, I… I don't know. I won't mind." He smiles weakly.

I don't know what to say at first, even though the answer is obvious to me. What are you doing? Move! My body doesn't respond. It's as if my brain's been disconnected from the rest of me. Kestrel waits silently, the air around us tense.

At last I am able to stop acting like a complete retard. "…Oh… wow, that came so… suddenly." What the heck was that? The worry in Kestrel's expression doesn't go away.

"Yeah, I'm… sorry about that," he stammers.

I shake my head to clear the jumbled thoughts inside my head. "Well, of course I'll go out with you…! I… I've loved you since the day we met." My face goes red when I say that. Kestrel's eyes widen.

"Woah, seriously? Same here!" his grin widens, and in the next second he's embracing me with an enormous huge.

"When shall our first date be, love?" he asks, his voice muffled with his lips pressed against my hair.

My heart beats a million miles per hour. I find it hard to breathe, and it's not just because I'm being crushed against Kestrel's chest.

"Doesn't matter for me, as long as it's soon," I reply against his t-shirt. I can feel the thump of his heart – it matches the speed of mine.

"M'kay, how about this Friday afternoon? The park?" I nod and I can hear the smile in his breathing as he pulls my closer. I close my eyes and lean against him, treasuring the moment.

I can't believe this is happening. This must be a wonderful, wonderful dream. I must be the luckiest girl in the world.

We stay like that for a minute or two, but to me it feels like several hours. I could've stayed like that forever. Kestrel probably felt the same way too, because when we pulled away he did so as reluctantly as I did.

"I think I should go now." He murmurs, his face so close to mine I can feel his breath. I die a little on the inside but nod my head.

"Same here. My family's going to get worried."

"See you Friday?"

"Yea, definitely." We hug each other quickly, tightly, before bidding our good-byes and parting ways.

My heart leaps out of my chest as I get into the driver's seat and turn up the engine. My hands shake when I take the wheel, and I breathe deeply, trying to calm my nerves. I slowly back out of my parking place and drive out into the road. I don't spot Kestrel anywhere anymore. It had only been one minute, and I miss him already.

When I don't concentrate completely on driving, my mind wanders to Kestrel. Had he really loved me ever since I started loving him? If only we'd known that earlier, then we could've been together so much more. I sigh dreamily, then suddenly realize I am about to pass a red light and stomp on the brakes. My car comes to a squealing stop. I exhale in relief and force myself to focus on driving.

I get home to find Landon and Lark napping and Mom reading a book. At first I act as if everything is fine. After several minutes of reassuring myself and planning out what I am about to say, I approach my mom and tell her about my new relationship with Kestrel.

She sets down her book and gives me a weird look. An awkward silence settles between us. I shuffle my feet nervously when she finally says in an alarmingly calm voice, "Kestrel, hm? The boy you worked with at The Music Gallery? What's his last name?"

I blink. That was not the reply I had expected. "Um, his last name? It's Slater."

"Slater…" she trails off for a second. "Cecilia Slater. Doesn't sound bad."

"Wait, what?" I snap, totally caught off guard. "I'm not going to marry him! He just asked me out today!"

Mom shrugs, a sly smile on her face. "You never know. When's your first date?"

"…This Friday, at the park."

"Okay. Hope you have fun. The first dates are always the most awkward – the rest are going to get better, trust me. Just hold on."

I grin widely and give her a huge hug. "Thank you! You're the best."

She pats my back. "You too, Honey."

I give her a peck on the cheek and skip to my bedroom. Once inside, I do a victory prance around my room, humming merrily as I quickly change into more comfortable clothes. When I finish, I lean back and check my e-mail, feeling at ease and pleasant.

My eyes notice the e-mail from a while ago, informing me of my volunteering status at Resurgam. I immediately think of CR-SO1, and something strange stirs inside my mind. Had I hoped to become friends with that surgeon, and maybe more? I shake my head and groan. No, you and Kestrel were meant to be. There's nothing between you and CR-SO1. You barely know him! Yet I can't help but wonder what it would be like if he and I are together. I cringe and force the thought out of my head. Quit doubting yourself. You and Kestrel are perfect. There's nothing better you could ask for, right?

I finish reading through my new mail, then turn off my laptop and go back downstairs to get something to eat. After all that had happened today, even if it is just one (big) thing, I feel drained of energy.

I open the fridge and look through the snacks. There is ice cream, frozen cookie dough, and fruit. Not in the mood for anything cold or sweet, I close the fridge and end up grabbing a pack of Ritz crackers from the closet. I sit down at my favorite couch and open the book I'm reading.

Friday, huh? Only two days away. Hopefully things will go well.