6 days later.
"Shit!"
Shepard is standing in her mother's kitchen, busy preparing their breakfast. Well, or busy cutting her own fingers off as it seems. Who would have thought playing 'housewife' could be that dangerous? Inspecting the wound, Jane wrinkles her eyebrows angrily and sighs frustrated. She's rather dextrous with a knife, but after the last week...
Goddammit, I'm so fucking tired...
Staying true to her promise in the medbay, Jane spent every night of the last six days with watching Liara's sleep, soothing her fiancee anytime she noticed her having a nightmare. Normally it's not until the early morning hours she allows herself one or two hours of sleep. Familiar with haunting nightmares by herself, she is more than willing to pay the price of keeping them away from Liara; but slowly she is starting to feel some wear and tear. And her reflexes are obviously the first victims...
The doc... um... Karin said it wouldn't be easy... I'll have to hang on and hope the best...
Luckily the wound seems to be rather shallow. Sucking on her bloody finger, she continues placing the food on two plates, cursing her ineptitude quitely. Being busy with the task, she can't help but think about the last week's events.
As soon as she heard about what happened, her mother insisted of them taking residence at her gorgeous apartment at the Silversun Strip instead of a hotel and Jane agreed happily, hoping a more private enviroment would be helpful.
A wave of devotion is warming Jane's heart as she remembers how her mother, despite being called in the middle of the night, came immediately to pick them up and give them shelter. But she did even more... The next day, after taking care of the couple touchingly, Hannah departed back to her ship with three hours delay and only after Jane literally forced her to. Even standing in the doorway, the old woman refused to leave them alone at first, but finally, after Jane reassured her that she would be able to take care of Liara by herself, she gave in.
The red-haired woman is sighing again. If it only would have been that easy...
After they moved to the apartment, Liara fell into a state of heart-breaking passivity, barely leaving their bed and spending her days with reading (Feron's reports as well as some really cheesy novels) and sleeping. According to Aethyhta, Dr. Chakwas and the numerous articles Jane read on the topic, it's a perfectly normal behaviour for an asari suffering from a recent trauma, giving the tortured body and mind time to heal themselves. However, it doesn't seem to help at all. On the contrary.
Everytime the sight of Jane's shape makes Liara cringe, it apparently makes things worse, deepening the shroud of depression even more. It's like a part of Liara being absent-minded all the time, trapped in the cruel memory of Jennifer, the crazy clone.
Jane wants to help her forget the things she had to endure, but...
Liara doesn't talk to her. She doesn't tell her the things she simply needs to know. Sure, they speak with each other about many things. Her fiancee even told her about this wonderful dream she had during her captivity. But she hasn't told her anything about what the clone did to her, not even in the meld. The meld...
Placing the two plates on a tray, Jane suddenly experiences a surge of pure despair.
She doesn't know if it's because she is confident it would help her fiancee, or if she already became addicted to the soothing comfort of joining their minds, but Liara's refusal to meld with her is probably unsettling Jane the most.
Although she didn't get laid for over a week, it's not because of sexual frustration. To be honest, there is that, of course, but the knowledge of Liara actively denying her the intimacy of becoming one is definitely worse. Almost unbearable even. Her fiancee is stubborn on the topic and claims she couldn't spare the energy or concentration, but Jane can't help but think of other reasons...
Do you want to protect me, Bluebird? Carry the burden on your own because you think I would break under it? Why do you want to spare me the pain, Bluebird? Don't you know I would endure everything just to hear you laugh again?
Trying to get rid of her day-old headache, Jane massages her pulsating temples. It doesn't help much.
Finally content with the food she prepared, she grabs a bottle with orange juice and two glasses, balancing them on the tray with six-day-old routine. Just before she is about to leave the kitchen, Jane turns around to catch the one thing missing to complete her breakfast arrangement.
Loaded with two plates, glasses and forks, a bottle of juice and the small bouquet of roses, the tray has become considerably heavy, but Jane is carrying it towards the bedroom with quick, sure footsteps nevertheless. Reaching her destination, she stops to practice one of the many rituals they developed over the course of the week and undresses her bathrobe quickly.
Dr. Chakwas advised her to keep as much skin contact with Liara as possible, and so she accustomed herself to wear nothing except her underwear as long as the two of them where alone. And, surprisingly, it is helping. Be it because of Liara's fingers always having access to some bare flesh, or because Jane appears to be more vulnerable without clothes; she doesn't care, as long as it helps relaxing her fiancee.
Actually, she kind of likes the way Liara, always clad in panties and Hannah Shepard's late birthday gift, a custom-made N7 hoodie, is petting her with torturously slow strokes while reading one of the historical romances she has grown so fond of...
It's almost like I'm some sort of cat... Mmh... No. I'd rather be a dog. Less dignity, but way more badass...
Picking up the tray, Jane chuckles quietly. A week's worth of sleep deprivation certainly has the funny side effect of giving her some really interesting ideas. Even more than usual.
Pushing the silly thoughts aside, she clears her throat and steps into the room, but not without notifying Liara of her entry first.
"Bluebird, I'm back..."
The sight in the bedroom is the same as it was all over the last six days. Liara is lying on the bed, holding one of her numerous datapads while resting her back in a half-sitting position against one of the fluffy pillows. Alarmed by her words, she stares towards the door with compressed lips and wrinkled eyebrows, totally concentrated on preparing herself for Jane's entry. But her efforts are in vain. As soon as she notices the red-haired woman, she is wincing involuntarily. As always.
Watching it makes Jane's heart ache. No longer because the gesture of fright hurting her feelings, but because of what it does to Liara...
A horribly familiar lump in her throat is forcing her to swallow. Despite eating enough (Jane has taken care of that...) Liara has definitely lost some weight. Together with the purple rings under her eyes and the disheartened expression in them, it is giving her a haunted, fragile look.
Jane is forcing herself to an encouraging smile and walks towards Liara's bedside table, filling the uncomfortable silence with cheerful smalltalk.
"I made breakfast. Again! Unbelievable, isn't it, Bluebird? I tell you, after the war I'll learn to cook properly. I'd never thought, but it's a lot of fun!"
It actually has the desired effect of ripping Liara out of the dejection her brief flashback left behind. While Jane is busy placing the tray between the piles of datapads on the small table, Liara's expression slowly begins to brighten. Without even thinking about it, she is searching for skin contact immediately and reaches out to place her hand on Jane's upper tigh.
"Well, I have to admit, you're getting good at this, Jane. It looks delicious! And you brought me flowers..."
"Thessian roses. Do you like them?"
"They are wonderful... Thank you!"
Liara's loving smile is warming Jane's heart in an instant. After brushing over the blue fingers at her tigh softly, she is handing Liara one of the plates and waits for her reaction. It doesn't take long and the asari's expression changes from curiousity to surprise.
"Jane, you prepared Thessian fruit salad?! That's my favorite!"
"Yeah, I did. Something resembling Thessian fruit salad, at least. Couldn't get all the ingredients... But I think I was able to substitute them quite nicely..."
Smiling proudly, Jane is bowing down to place a tender kiss on her fiancee's blue cheek and is rewarded with a happy purr. Before she is able to pull back however, Liara is placing a unyielding hand at her neck, and the lump in Jane's throat is returning with force. The way the blue fingers clutch the strains of red hair has something desperate...
Staying in this position for some time, their bodies are almost perfectly still except five blue fingers stroking a freckled tigh unwittingly. It takes them minutes until they are slowly able to let go.
"It's already getting better, Bluebird. It's already getting better..."
Jane's whispered words are a lie, and they know it both, but Liara nods approvingly nevertheless, trying to reassure as well herself as the red-haired woman.
They spent the next minutes eating together in silence. Despite the intoxicating normality of the situation, Jane can't help but remember their shore leave would end the next day, bringing back the cruel reality of war mercilessly...
The fruit salad's dressing tastes bittersweet, just like she is feeling, but her fiancee seems to like it, and this is enough to raise Jane's spirits.
After they are finished, Shepard is placing their empty plates back on the tray, but decides to take them back to the kitchen later. She wants to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere as long as it would last. Crawling onto the bed, Jane is lying down besides Liara and places one arm around the asari's neck. Her fiancee rewards the fond gesture with a happy purr and nuzzles herself into Jane's shoulder.
Shepard can't help but inhale the asari's scent deeply. Being stronger than usual, the ambrosial hint of eezo, lilac and seasalt is making her head spin in an instant, but sadly it is also another symptome of Liara's concerning state...
Finally content with her position, Liara continues reading and starts her unwitting habit of delivering delicious torture.
This time she is tracing slow circles around Jane's navel, following the lines of the woman's well defined abdominal muscles with infuriating feathery fingers.
Aroused in an instant, Jane bites her lips to surpress a soft moan as her body reacts inevitably. Her nipples are painfully stiff, pressing against her sports bra's thick fabric in an uncomfortable way, and a surge of wet heat between her legs is igniting her yearning even more. It's been far too long...
Trying to control her quickening breath, Jane closes her eyelids.
Shepard knows that Liara's mechanical touches are just an attempt of affirming herself of her presence, but after a week without having sex, they are driving her utterly crazy...
Another soft stroke is forcing her to inhale sharply.
Goddammit, Liara!
Not that she hasn't tried to get rid of the built-up horniness. Hell, she literally has fucked herself sore in the shower! But her worries about Liara are preventing her from having an relieving orgasm with the same effectivness that would have watching elcor-porn. Not that she has any experience with that, of course...
Despite what it's doing with her, Jane certainly is enjoing the caressing, not only because of the tantalizing sensuality, but also because it really helps relaxing Liara. Sometimes Shepard even wonders, if the asari is aware of what she is doing to her with it...
A quick glance down shows her that she is obviously not. Still reading one of her novels, her fiancee is completely immerged in "The adventures of Captain Hama'ro, the gentle space-pirate"...
Almost growling in frustration, Jane stares to the ceiling, fighting down the urge to jump Liara and simply fuck every memory of Jennifer out of her.
Yeah, sure, that would be really helpful...
No, that obviously isn't the way. But they couldn't continue like this onboard the Normandy either, not with the Reapers forcing them to give the war their full attention. She has to make another attempt of convincing Liara, but she is fucking afraid of it...
It takes her half an hour to build up the necessary courage.
"Bluebird?"
"Mmh?"
"We... have to talk."
Her whispered words are fullfilling their purpose. Despite her body tensing up immediately, the asari is looking into the shining emeralds above her expectantly. Jane sighs in relief. Liara remains silent, swallowing weakly with a hint of fear in her sapphire eyes, but at least she is obviously willing to listen.
Jane coats her words in a soothing tone.
"Our shore leave ends tomorrow and... Bluebird, we have to find another way! You want to handle this on your own, alright, but you don't have to. I'll help you with anything you need, so... Would you talk to me, Liara? Please?"
Although her fiancee looks uncertain, the blue fingers at the red-haired woman's stomach are continuing their slow pace unhesitatingly. Swallowing another time, the asari starts speaking with a thin, shaking voice.
"What do you want to know?"
Oh, sweet Jesus, thank you!
"What happened, Bluebird? What did she do to you? I need to know..."
Liara's sapphires are growing wide and she opens her mouth. The next moment she is breaking eye contact. Mumbling towards the red-haired woman's chest pleadingly, Liara is tensing up even more.
"Jane, I'm sorry, but... I'm not ready for telling you. Not yet. Please, you have to understand..."
Watching Liara like this makes Jane's heart ache. Closing her arms around the slender body, she starts stroking Liara's back and remains silent for a few minutes, barely noticing the trembling fingers at her stomach tracing faster circles. Finally she decides to have a fresh start.
"It's okay, Bluebird, it's okay... But... we have to do something, Liara. I can't take you back to war like this, but I'm not leaving you either. I'll... I'll call Hackett and exceed our shore leave, if you want..."
"No! No, you don't have to... It's... it's already getting better, you said it yourself!"
Pinching her nose bridge, Jane exhales loudly. The tiredness these long nights without sleep left behind is returning with force.
"You well know it wasn't the truth..."
"I... I just need more time, Jane... It's not that bad! I... I can handle it..."
In the name of Whateverhernamewas' holy hanging tits!
Frustrated by her fiancee's stubborn denial, Jane is lifting her alto-voice.
"You can't! You're loosing yourself, Liara! You spent your days reading crap or sleeping, barely leaving the room, or even the bed. You're wearing the same clothes for almost a week! Hell, you haven't even taken a shower since..."
"Do you want to say I stink?!"
Staring at the red-haired woman with an expression of pure humilation, Liara is pushing herself upright, but her fingers are proceeding their task at the human's stomach nevertheless. Jane grows pale. She didn't mean to hurt Liara even more.
"Shit! No-no-no-no, Bluebird, that's not what I... No! It's just... This isn't you, Liara! It's not healthy... I can see how much you're suffering, and it's killing me, Bluebird, it's literally killing me! Let me help you. Please!"
"You can't! Pretty flowers and fruit salad won't make me forget what she did, Jane. They won't make me forget the pain. The things she said. The look in her eyes. Your eyes... "
Shuddering at the memories, Liara stops. It takes her a few moments and some deep breaths until she is able to resume.
"Jane, I love you, but... I have to handle this on my own! Just like I had to handle being alone with your clone..."
It hurts. It hurts deeply, but apart from closing her eyelids shortly, Jane is able to control her expression. Liara is right, but at the same moment she is wrong. There is something she is able to do...
Grabbing Liara's shaking shoulders, Jane is looking right into Liara's blue eyes. Her own emeralds are filled with pure desperation.
"Share the pain with me, Liara. Please! Show me what happened. You were alone in this room, but you don't have to be alone in your memories!"
Liara seems to be terrified by the very thought of Jane's offer. Shaking her head rapidly, she starts to beg.
"I... I can't... Jane, please, don't ask me for this! I'll do anything, but I can't go back to this place... To her... Please! I can't endure this again, Jane, not even together with you... It's..."
The fear in the glistening sapphires in front of her is unbearable. Forgetting about Dr. Chakwas' warnings, Jane launches forward, closing the trembling blue lips with a passionate kiss, soothing her fiancee with the only method that has never failed. After one moment of hesitation, Liara grabs some strains of red hair at Jane's neck, pulling the woman even tighter into her lips and returning the kiss with the same hunger.
Loosing herself in the sensation, Jane doesn't notice the sudden stiffness in Liara's body.
One second later, a irresistable wave of dark energy hurls Jane into the wall at the far side of the room. Although falling to the ground with bone-shattering force, the red-haired woman is barely noticing pain. There is no other feeling left inside her but pure dismay.
Liara seems to be deeply shocked as well. Staring at her fiancee wide eyed, the asari jumps up, conceiling her lips with trembling blue fingers.
"Goddess! Jane, I..."
The red-haired woman is cutting her short with a quick gesticulation. Pushing herself up on shaking legs, Jane's whole body is aching, but the emotional pain is worse. Liara attacked her...
Lifting her fingers slowly, she touches a sore spot at the back of her head and is not surprised to find them coated with red wetness after their retrieval. According to her sharp inhale, Liara seems to notice it, too.
Something shatters inside Jane. The betrayal of being injured by Liara is triggering her fight-or-flight instincts immediately, and there is only one thing she is able to choose. Shirking from the asari's distressed look, she stumbles towards her drawer hurrily and grabs a clean service uniform, stuttering towards her clothes nervously.
"Um, I... I should go. There is this... um, appointment with councilor Tevos and... We'll... we'll talk when I'm back, okay? We'll... um, talk and... um...I should go."
Liara is still staring at her speechlessly, her sapphire eyes glistening with tears. Taking one step towards her, Jane is lifting a trembling hand with the intention of...
She hesitates. Was there anything she could do?
Shaking her head in defeat, Jane rushes out of the bedroom and towards the way out. A single sharp sob from behind stings right into her heart, but she isn't slowing down in spite of that.