Chapter 12- Over and Over
I feel it everyday, it's all the same;
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame.
I've tried everything to get away.
So here I go again,
Chasing you down again,
Why do I do this?
Over and over, over and over;
I fall for you.
Over and over, over and over;
I try not to.
It feels like everyday stays the same,
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away.
So here I go again,
Chasing you down again,
Why do I do this?
Over and over, over and over;
I fall for you.
Over and over, over and over;
I try not to.
Over and over, over and over;
You make me fall for you.
Over and over, over and over;
You don't even try.
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head,
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead.
I know what's best for me,
But I want you instead,
I'll keep on wasting all my time.
Over and over, over and over;
I fall for you.
Over and over, over and over;
I try not to.
Over and over, over and over;
You make me fall for you.
Over and over, over and over;
You don't even try to.
-Three Days Grace – Over and Over
--
Ginny was staring forlornly at the parchment in front of her, the parchment that was attached in leather, the same leather that had bound Tom Riddle's diary, as the parchment before her and his diary were one in the same.
"How -- where do I start?" Ginny turned to ask of Draco, who was seated in the couch staring into the flames, his back to Ginny's desk and the amber blaze busy spreading a topaz glow through his white blond hair.
Draco got to his feet, and Ginny let her gaze catch his, then turned back to the daunting parchment before her, soothed when she felt Draco's presence behind her.
Draco, Ginny felt, placed his pianist hands over her shoulders. "You start," Draco whispered into her ear, dropping one hand down to cover hers, and giving it a light squeeze. "When it began, when you first found the diary," Draco continued. His face had a glum expression, covering his features, which Ginny only noticed a flicker of when she looked up, but still she found herself wondering what he was so worried about.
"You mean, the day I first met you?" Ginny couldn't help but ask, and watched Draco's eyes close and his face become dark.
"Yeah, start there." Draco replied, squeezing her shoulders once more before returning to his seat.
Ginny watched him resituate himself, and felt the slump of his shoulders, but turned back to the parchment before her, and placed the quill to the paper.
- -
Draco had returned to his seat, and allowed the silence to envelop them both, seating himself once again before the fire.
Once there he dropped his head into his hands, losing himself to his own terrifying thoughts as the fire soothed him, bathing him in heat, and calming his nerves. He had never found himself so confused over one female, and he had never wanted to be able to just hold one to his chest, and soothe her quivering; and now here he was, with the one girl that brought him to that point, and all he could do was torture himself with the knowledge of the pain she would feel as her soul tore itself away from Tom Riddle's insistent grapple.
His father, when the diary had first been passed on, had replied to Draco's snarl of, 'afraid of death, I take it,' with an explanation of the pain Riddle had gone through, a terrible explanation that still stayed with Draco, an explanation he now heard resonating in his memory.
-
'You stupid insolent boy, Tom Riddle, went through insurmountable pain to erect this scapegoat. Let me tell you boy, if you think Cruciatus was bad, you have no clue, but you will. You see, the dark lord has implemented the same pain into the dark mark."
" The dark mark is not something that is to be taken lightly, you feel every pain you have ever felt, and it's all amplified, but that's not all, you also hear in your head all the truths that you've ever been faced with, all the questions hammered into your brain in one fluid motion, all those terrible realities that you had wished were not real, and they come flying at you in an instant."
"Wouldn't that take your mind off the pain?" Draco had asked.
"No, it's not like that, it's as if you've taken both beatings separately but you feel them both clearly at the same time, and even though it feels like years of torture, it only lasts seconds. I have seen people die during it."
"That's terrible," Draco had thought out loud, to which his father's lips pulled into a tight line.
"That's your future," Lucius had replied, and walked away.
-- --
Ginny had just started writing about her first encounter with the memory of Tom, when the shakes began, tossing the quill around the paper as her body wracked around, and then she was in Draco's arms, he was holding her to his chest, holding onto her tight, and as she cried, still shaking slightly as her first withdrawal symptom started to ease.
- -
"Oh god it hurts." Ginny sobbed into his ear, with him still rocking her back and forth. In his own mind he was fighting a battle, every inch of him was wanting to simply hold onto her like that forever, and for a minute he gave into the temptation, but that quickly ended, when he remember what had to be done, when he remembered that she would never be truly happy until she removed Tom from her life, just like the muggle drug addict. Tom would never enable her to achieve her greatest potential happiness, she could only achieve that on her own, she could only achieve that in her own mind, not surrounded and tortured; mind raped by Tom Riddle.
Squeezing her to his chest, Draco breathed in the scent of her a second time. Kissing her neck as he had always wanted to do, he whispered, while hating himself for it, "you can't stop Ginny. You need to make him release you, you need to fight it."
- -
Re-motivated Ginny had returned, only to find her next symptom, which for a second she ignored, until the bleeding from her nose started reminding her of when Fred and George's nose bleed nougat had been in its first stages of production. Thankfully Draco had thought to get her to bring numerous antidotes for that snack box, and the nose bleed quickly ceased.
--
For a week Ginny went though the symptoms, which grew steadily worse as she grew closer to the end, though also steadily more bearable as the terrible feelings became more natural. Slowly she was starting to adapt, something she was grateful for, enabling her to write for longer periods of time, but still she wished she didn't have to do it.
That was when the dry heaving began; the dry heaving which was quickly followed by her coughing up blood, and then subsequently fainting.
Draco had taken her to the hospital wing twice, but still they returned always to a special dorm Dumbledore had provided for them alone.
Draco, now back in their dorm, remembered telling Harry, Ron and Hermione his own personal epiphany after Ginny had agreed to his terms. They all understood the trials and tribulations Ginny was going to have to overcome. They also understood that he was going to help her through it.
Draco allowed himself to sink deeper into the couch as he went through the memory in his head.
-
"What do you mean, write it out!" Ron shouted, jumping up from the seat in front of both Ginny and Draco.
"We mean that in order for her to finally and completely get though what happened in that chamber, she actually has to sit herself down, put ink to parchment and come fully to terms with what happened. This is not a joke, and I find myself rather happy that you're not taking it lightly. However, this has to be done." Draco replied, calm, cool, and collected, though he still hated what he was required to do.
"Ron, please, listen to Draco, at least this once; I never got over the chamber, I never fully accepted what happened, and I need to. Oh god do I need to. Please, for me, give me a chance to rediscover what it means to be free, allow me to wake up, and discover how to wonder again, how to get away from this world of fear and memories completely," Ginny started pleading of her brother.
"Ron, you should listen, I was down there. While Riddle was in me I heard his memories, it was not the cake walk we made ourselves believe it was, she went through a worse place then hell could ever be," Harry had tried reasoning with Ron's disbelieving expression, clutching Blaise's hand for support.
"Don't even talk to me, Harry, not after what you told me this morning, I can't take it right now," and Draco had watched as Ron turned on the boy that was his friend, and even he, from his position, saw the malice behind the blue irises, causing Draco to send a sympathetic glance at Harry.
"Ron, I know you don't want to hear this right now, but I honestly couldn't care less, I need this, and I need Draco's help through this," Ginny started again, then added, "Don't take this out on Harry, and stop being so damn homophobic, he's still Harry, and even if he's homosexual, he still feels the same about you." Ginny explained it to Ron as though he was two years old, and then added, to his disgusted expression, "and all that's ever been is friendship."
"Why him, eh, why not Hermione and why not me?" Ron asked, as finally the cunning tactic started to get to him.
"Because, I would feel comfortable with him reading over my shoulder, not you." Ginny explained.
"And because we both have homework to deal with ourselves, and as much as I would like to help it makes a lot more sense for Draco to do it, since I know Seamus would not be all too impressed, and I can guarantee that Pansy wouldn't be to keen on you not having any time for her either," Hermione explained to him.
Ron ignored Hermione's explanation and instead turned on Ginny. "But, his father gave you that blasted diary in the first place."
"Yes, Ron, his father. His father who was never really a father to him in the way we know the word, and besides, Draco is nothing like his father, and should not pay for the sins of that man."
"But..." Ron had begun, but it was that moment that Pansy finally showed up.
Opening the portrait and crossing the hall, taking a seat on his lap, she instantly began rubbing his back, asking to everyone in the room, "has he come to his senses yet?"
"Not exactly..." Blaise answered, "However, he was rather close."
"Ron, honestly, what will it take to get through to you?" Pansy started asking, to the boy beneath her that was now completely calm. "You love your sister dearly, correct?"
"Of course, you know that."
"And you worry about her dreadfully much?" Pansy asked with a knowing twinkle in her eye.
"Of course, Pansy"
Pansy allowed her hand to reach his earlobe, and she then finished her questions with, "and you want her to feel normal, free, and happy, correct?"
Ron dropped his head in shame. "Yes."
"Good, because that is the opportunity this is for her, she can finally live free of fear, she can finally wake up."
"How do you know this will work?" Ron asked his girlfriend, leaning his head on her back.
She smiled down at him, while glancing over her shoulder, "Because it worked for me, albeit I didn't have such a high need for it, so I had no need of anyone, but had I not done it, I wouldn't be who I am." Pansy explained.
Everyone had remained seated while they had their seemingly intimate moment, and they all remained quiet for it to finish, and they all knew it had when Ron dropped his head into his girlfriends hair, breathed in and out, and said out loud, "get rid of him completely, Gin."
"I will Ron, I will."
"I won't let her stop until she wakes up," Draco promised.
When Draco returned to himself on the couch, he found his mother's owl gazing up at him, waiting patiently for him to return from his musings, sighing, Draco reached forward and pulled the letter from the owl's leg, and found, though it wasn't a surprise, his mother's flowing script.
Dear Draco;
I have officially returned from the ministry of magic, and my divorce has been finalized. I also have testified against your father, on both our accounts, though they will be asking you if you're willing to testify as well, eventually.
I sincerely hope that Ginny is doing well in her reawakening process, and I know this must be completely torturous for you, however soon she will be much better off.
I also want to thank you for your courage after all you went through with getting me to where I am, and the courage you are showing to do this for her; I already had Mr. and Mrs. Weasley over to talk to them about why you came to the conclusion of what was required. They cried, but also send their gratitude.
It is with a heavy heart that I have to tell you that your father is now sentenced to life in prison at Azkaban, before you were even able to see the beautiful man he had once been.
The man I fell in love with would be very proud of you, Draco.
Dumbledore has accepted my request to provide his, and only his ears with all the knowledge that I can, of you-know-who's movements and plans. I have handed over to him also the Manor as a place to serve as a secondary head quarters. He seemed pleased.
Love always
Your mother,
Narcissus Malfoy
------ ------
Ginny still had problems sleeping through an entire night, and she still had to frequent her classes along with the rest of her classmates, but progress was being made on getting rid of Tom. With Draco's help she was always able to stay up completing at least a week of her life on paper ever day.
Her only relief was that she was only a sixth year and did not have to worry about NEWTS, and she had Draco's help with her homework.
She was feeling very confident that she would be rid of Tom soon. After having him deep inside of her for so many years she felt the loss, not only with the withdrawal symptoms that she knew came from his end, which was trying desperately to make her stop, but she also now knew what it meant to actually laugh. To break down into hysterics as she had taken to do, both at the Gryffindor table with Blaise, Harry, Ron, Pansy, Hermione and Seamus, and mostly with Draco who was consistently whispering into her ear, just to get a rise out of her over stupid things.
Her favourite was when Draco had looked up and seen Blaise walking patiently behind Harry. Following him to their regular seat, Draco had questioned to Ginny only, knowing how the blush would rise on Harry, and that Ron would then move to the Slytherin table with Pansy, which was amusing to think of, but it made both Blaise and Harry very miserable.
Now seated beside Draco on the couch resting against him, she giggled, as the words in Draco's familiar drawl reverberated through her head.
"Good God Blaise seems to like to be behind Harry, they never walk side by side."
To which Blaise who had just taken a seat beside him had explained, "the view is impeccable, and besides I do a lot of things from behind," with a smirk on his face, and a wink.
And Harry had then added, "you read too many web comics Shadow; can't you make up your own lines?"
To which Blaise let his smirk grow, then he replied, "Well, Raven,, you read them too, or how else would you know what I'm quoting?"
"They're all over your laptop, I can't help it," Harry had mumbled, then trailed off, smiling faintly as he put his hand on Blaise's thigh, "'sides, I like their ideas on how to wake up the 'I hate mornings' boyfriend." Licking his lips, he then added, "and I know you did too."
"Heh, green and black always did remind me of you, in that respect, Raven." Blaise said, glancing at Harry's emerald irises.
-
Ginny had returned to her mussing when Draco, confused as to why she was laughing, started tickling her, starting a match with the owner of six older brothers that loved to tickle, Ginny smiled knowing he didn't have a chance and then chaos, in Draco's mind, ensued, leaving them both breathing heavily, with Ginny having him pinned down to the floor, with his hands above his head, and his hips trapped beneath hers.
Then Ginny, still above him, looked into his eyes. "Why are you doing this?"
"What?" Draco questioned.
"Why are we still acting as if we're dating?" she continued. It had been bothering her for the past month, ever since she'd seen how easily Ron was calmed down by Pansy, and how Harry was definitely not Tom Riddle any longer. She didn't want it to end, but knew the addiction to him was growing, and she knew he would be far more difficult to erase from memory than Tom. She knew she was in love with him, but it was breaking her heart to think of the circumstances around their relationship.
She was sickened by the thought, way back when, when she had sat on his bed beside Blaise, asking the boy she loved to date her to get some other guy off her back. She still remembered Blaise's reminder, which she felt was directed at her, "for show." And she looked down at the claddagh ring on her finger, which was busy pinning his hands above his head. She still felt the inscription on the other side, the inscription which was always cold like his hands, the inscription that said, 'Always yours', two words that Ginny kept repeating in her head.
She felt instantly like crying; and when he said nothing, she found herself removing herself from atop im, in one quick movement, and running like she had never run before to Blaise, the one and only person she trusted to understand all her worries, all her pains.
AN: Hopefully I have redeemed myself, from my forever long break, with those two chapters. Needless to say, I'm still writing, but it will take a little while.. its slow coming, and I've started an RP, and I'm still working on Broken.. also i intend to go to college in the fall... and i have a long distant relationshipship im trying to keep going...