CHAPTER ELEVEN

Reagan's POV

Reagan knew in her heart that it was all wrong. She knew she had feelings for Amy, strong feelings, and she was pretty sure that Amy reciprocate them. But she knew it was wrong to force her to choose now. It was wrong because maybe their relationship wasn't solid enough yet. Sure, things between them were going full sail ahead, but how could Reagan compete with a ten years' friendship? A part of her knew she had done the right thing, talking openly with Amy and telling her that she needed time to think. But another part (which now seemed to have taken over), was scared to death by the possibility of losing Amy.

Reagan firmly drove out that irrational thinking. Karma wasn't gay. She was into guys, so there was no threat, right? Bullshit, Reagan thought. It didn't even matter that Karma could reciprocate Amy's feelings or not. The real problem was that those feelings existed, they had been right before Reagan's eyes since that damn dinner where she had met Karma and though she had tried to ignore them, making herself believe that Amy and Karma were only friends, now she could no longer do so.

For a moment Reagan considered the idea of continuing to ignore them. After all, if she had committed, she could have done it. Karma would have always been a part of Amy life – take a Raudenfeld and get an Ashcroft free - and Reagan could accept it, as long as their relationship remained platonic. And it was destined to remain like that, since Karma wasn't gay. Amy would have stayed with Reagan and she would have been ok with having only a part of Amy's heart. After all, what was the alternative? Losing Amy because she couldn't stand the thought that she might love Karma as well?

Reagan grabbed her phone and dialed Amy's number but stopped herself a moment before calling her. What was she doing? She couldn't let the fear take control of her. Though it was scary, it had been the right choice. Reagan knew herself too well to know that she couldn't stand the thought of sharing Amy with someone else. It would have been something that would have corroded their relationship up to destroy it completely. Reagan had to leave Amy the time and the opportunity to fix things now, when there was still a hope that between the two of them it might work.

The thought of being able to have Amy all to herself was the only thing that kept her from fuck everything up.

Amy's POV

Someone might consider the the whole situation at least comic.

Yet Amy wasn't really in the mood to joke right now.

Was it possible to want something so much and when you finally get it, you realized that you don't want it anymore? Or, at least, you're quite sure you don't want it anymore.

If Karma had reciprocated Amy's feelings few weeks earlier, everything would have been incredibly easier. How was it possible that, now, that same damn thing could mess everything up if up to a short time before it would have been the easiest solution? Yeah, right. Everything had changed. Up to a short time before there was no Reagan, there was no justified fear of suffering once again because the last time you trusted and you tried to handed your best friend your heart she chopped it up like a spicy tuna roll.

How could Amy trust again? I mean, it wasn't the first time Karma refused to be honest with herself. Amy was definitely the person who knew Karma the most because first of all even Karma herself had difficulty understanding herself.

Amy couldn't be a phase to Karma. She couldn't.

No, that wasn't right. It wasn't like she couldn't, she didn't want to. She didn't want to because now she had Reagan. Right? Right, Reagan. Who would have been so stupid to give up on something so amazingly real for an uncertainty. Although that uncertainty was Karma.

Amy felt guilty just to think about those things. Reagan didn't deserve to be a second choice, she didn't deserve to be chosen just because Amy was afraid to suffer because of Karma. In all that time, Reagan had always been perfect. And perfection didn't suit with being a second choice.

Amy was confused. She couldn't talk to Reagan because she had asked her to clear her mind first. Obviously she couldn't talk to Karma because she was afraid that another word from Karma could only cloud her mind even more. Lauren, as much as their relationship had improved in recent times, was still out of the question. Once again, Shane could be her only savior.

Karma's POV

The main problem was that Karma had never had a good timing in figuring things up.

Like, wouldn't everything have been so much easier if she had done that fucking dream/nightmare/something that will ruin a ten years' friendship the day before Farrah's wedding? Alright, maybe that was exaggerated. Having Amy saying that she loved her after a dream like that, it wouldn't have been very nice, perhaps confusing. It would have been right if Karma had done that dream after their first kiss at the assembly. If that had happened, Karma would have had plenty of time to understand her feelings for Amy and to be ready at the right time.

And once again she was running, making plans without even knowing what she really wanted. God, she hated herself sometimes.

Someone might think that being determined was a good quality, but it wasn't when your determination begins to blur reality.

Like, let's pretend to be lesbian, it won't affect our friendship at all. Yeah, right.

Or,I had a strange dream about my best friend that may remotely mean that I might have feelings for her. Let's jump to conclusions and tell her everything not caring if that could upset her.

Yeah, Karma really hated herself sometimes.

A/N: Hi guys, sorry for the wait. I know in this chapter nothing really happened but I just want to set thing up for the next chapter, that I hope I'll be able to update soon. There's an atmosphere of complete confusion, here. But fortunately, I think I figured out how I want this story to end. That's why I want to hear your opinion, so... Karmy or Reamy? Let me know. Also, thanks to everyone who has read, follow, favorited and reviewed this.