I never noticed, my Microsoft word has somehow been auto correcting Kavanagh (I have no idea how) -_- it's spelled Kavanaugh in all my chapters. I apologize.

CHAPTER 12

He is just standing there not knowing what to say. I can tell he is frustrated. He told me he wants me and I just want to laugh. When did I ever get this strong? If he were here two months back, I would have taken him back in a heartbeat. But now it's different.

I am different.

Gone is that emotional fool and coward.

This is another person altogether. A person, who has suffered heartbreak and humiliation. A person, whose ability to trust has been squeezed out of her system. A person who will forever shy away from all matters of the heart, including Christian Grey.

How times have changed. I don't know if I will ever want to be in a relationship again.

I am unfixable and while I don't hate Christian, but I'm not so sure if it is love I feel for him either. It wasn't his fault alone. I loved too much, cared too much, and I faced consequences as a result.

Christian has his own trust issues to deal with first. And I have, nor the patience or love to sit and fix him. Heck, I need someone else to fix me instead.

Right now I am just a shell of a person and I don't want to change in the foreseeable future. Plus it's not so bad living like this. I finally have a secured job and the Kavanaghs have more than been generous, even Kate and Ethan's parents. They treat me like one of them.

He comes and sits beside me. His eyes look tortured. I want to feel bad for him, I really do but somehow I don't. I'm far too damaged to empathize with him.

"I'm sorry I acted so rashly and pulled your hair. I just wanted to somehow let go of those pent up anger I had for you, I guess. I wasn't planning on it," I tell him.

After a few moments he replies with a sly smile, "It's ok Ana. I guess I did deserve it. Atleast you spared my balls this time."

I chuckle.

"That felt really good." And we both laugh at that.

"So?" He asks giving me carte blanche to decide where we go from here.

"Christian I hope you understand where I'm coming from and now is not a good time. It may never be a good time," I say trying to keep my side clear so that he does not have any hopes up.

"I know," he says more to himself than to me.

"Why are you suddenly so in love with me again? Sub club not doing it for you anymore?" I joke.

"I was never out of love with you to be in love with you again. And there hasn't been any subs either. I never meant it when I told you that I wanted subs and not you. It was to get you away from me. I am ruined for anyone else as much as you Anastasia," he simply says.

Not wanting to dwell in the matter any further, I try and change the subject of discussion. Somehow I have lost my ability for heavy and fully loaded emotional pondering. I just can't.

"How did you get inside the apartment?" I ask him, having full knowledge of his stalker-ish tendencies.

"Well I had Taylor make duplicate keys after the Leila incident."

I don't understand, if he had already made up his mind to leave me then why the keys?

"You left me so why would you need keys? I mean you wouldn't know if I was in any kind of danger to barge in and rescue the damsel in distress. Right?"

Christian shifts on the couch not looking at me.

The bastard has been keeping an eye on me.

"Christian!" I gasp now fully comprehending the situation.

"I need to know you're safe," he says nonchalantly.

"You have no right!" my voice is rising and I can feel my temper coming back. My inner goddess tsks and my subconscious shake her head in disapproval.

"Well I don't care if I have no right. I will have you followed until you're 100 years old and crippled enough to not walk around to cause yourself any harm. I will always keep you safe Ana," he simply says as if he were reading the newspaper.

"You need to get yourself fixed Grey! And I don't want you meddling around in my affairs. I will go to the police for violation of privacy," I snap at him and glare putting my arms across my chest.

"Try me."

A challenge.

"Fine. Once Ethan is here, I'll take him to the cops with me. It's not just me you're violating the privacy of. It's also him and Kate," I smirk, knowing full well that this time he will have no other option but to back off as Kate will lash out on him in the media.

"Miss Steele, you are as exasperating as ever. I want my birthday gift," saying that he pulls me toward him and gives me a kiss.

I try to push him away, but he has my arms clasped in his hand. My strength is no match against his tight grip.

He lets go of me and I see his lips curve in a smile. I scowl.

"Mine."

He stands and leaves.

My inner goddess is still swooning after the kiss and my subconscious just scowls at her.

Oh Christian, what am I going to do with you? I feel so frustrated. I decide not to think about what just happened and start getting ready for work. Atleast work will keep my mind off of things and later when we are home I'll talk to Ethan and Kate about what happened.

Once at work, I forget all that has happened early morning and concentrate solely on my work.

At lunch break, everyone seems to be talking about a weekend getaway to the Hamptons. This has me very excited. I quickly call Kate to let her know that I would like for us to join the rest of the "gang" too and on Kate's affirmation, I felt like I was on the moon.

So excited.

Deciding not to tell either Kate or Ethan about my confrontation with Christian, as it would sour their mood for a great getaway, I call Ethan, Jose and also Kevin to check if they were available next weekend. Kevin is great and I would really like for him to be friendly with my friends so that we can all hang out together once we are back in Seattle after the trip.

Kate will handle all the reservations and planning. Finally something I look forward to.

Even next day at work, I have this glow on my face. I am beaming with joy. It would be my first trip to the Hamptons.

Beep. There's a text message on my cell phone.

Christian. Do I even want to know how he got my new number? My inner goddess purrs. Lousy little romantic, I taunt my inner goddess.

May I know the reason of your infectious smile, Miss Steele?

Christian. He's here and he's stalking. I look around trying to find him but I don't. My good mood just evaporating in thin air and I decide not to reply back.

Again. Beep.

No reply? That is very bad manners, Miss Steele. Don't fret, I'm not stalking, just a meeting with Mr. Kavanagh.

Ignorance is bliss, I tell myself and put my phone on silent and put it inside my bag, so that I won't be distracted by him.

I am typing this new article when a tap on my shoulder startles me. The pen dangling from my mouth is removed by sleek long manicured fingers, that i recognize immediately and look up into smouldering gray eyes.

"I thought you said you weren't stalking Christian!" I snap at him feeling irritated by his never-ending megalomaniac characteristics.

"I wouldn't if you would have the decency to reply. You know, I vowed that I would be patient with you, but somehow around you, all my self control is out the window and I am acting like a love sick puppy," he tries to clear his part but I know better.

"Oh please stop with all your BS!"

"BS?" he questions.

"Bull shit," he tests my patience every single time.

"You think my feelings are nothing but crap?" he glares at me. Suddenly I am being pulled to the nearest exit and backed against the wall.

"Let's remind you how utterly bull shit your self restraint against me is," he smirks and leans in for a kiss.

Just as our lips are about to come in contact, someone bursts through the door.

"Err. I'm sorry; I didn't know this place was occupied. I was just here for a cigarette break," he tries to hide his embarrassment.

Christian curses the man loud enough for me to hear but not the man. He takes his leave and taking this opportune moment as an advantage I move away from him.

"Next time you try anything like this Grey, I am calling the security, or worse I'll release an article saying you were trying to force yourself on me."

Christian's lips presses into a hard line. He is not happy to hear that.

"You and your defiance will be the end of me Anastasia."

"I am not yours to be the end of you," I remind him.

"But you will be."

Giving me his panty-dropping smile, he turns around and leaves.

Motherfucker.

On our way back to the apartment, all three of us decide on a Chinese takeout. The car is parked on the next block. We are all engrossed in an excited conversation of our Hamptons trip and none of us notice the car heading towards me.

Suddenly I am pulled from the incoming car and look up to see a stiff looking man. He's obviously a hired CPO. This is how Christian has his eyes on me.

"What the hell," Ethan comes between us and murmurs a Thank You to the CPO not knowing he is one.

"Are you okay Ana?" Kate asks worried.

"I'm fine." I look around and see the man has disappeared again. How the hell do they do that?

Atleast the CPO was put to good use finally. I know if I tell my friends, their mood will go down the drain and I don't want to dampen their spirits before the Hamptons trip. For now all I can think about is Thursday. We all are flying late Thursday taking a one-day leave from work for our trip. Perks of knowing the boss' daughter.

On Wednesday, waking up, I see five missed calls from Christian. Why why why? Why is he doing this? Can't he see for once I am trying so hard to be happy? I look up and shout at the ceiling, "Why is it always me? Why can't you let me be happy like just any other normal person?"

I feel so low that I decide to call my parents.

First I call mom but I guess she is busy as she goes to voice mail. I decide to leave a message.

"Hey mom just called to let you know I am going to the Hamptons on Thursday night for a weekend with all my friends from work. Love you mom. Take care."

Next I call Ray, he picks up after three rings.

"Hey Annie! What's up?" Ray asks.

"Hey daddy!" I squeal like a little girl, my good mood returning as soon as I hear him. "Guess what? I am going to the Hamptons for a trip with all my friends. Isn't it great?" I tell him not being able to undermine my excitement.

"That's great baby girl," he says his voice so gentle and calm. He has been treating me like a 2 year old ever since Kate informed him I tried to slit my wrists.

I chuckle at the way he calls me baby girl. As much as I'd like to remind him I am a grown up, I don't because I love him adoring me like a baby.

Kevin comes over to the apartment that evening to get to know both Ethan and Kate so that it won't be awkward the next day. We stay in and chat and order pizza and cheap beer.

It feels so normal.

Thursday night couldn't come any sooner. The day whisked by in a flash. Maybe it's all the excitement.

Packing all the good bikinis, shorts and tops I have, I throw in 2 nice dresses I had acquired one day when Kate dragged me to the store with her.

We're all the at the airport flying in coach since the whole crew wants to fly together. Ethan and Kate are also joining us so that we all could fly together.

As I watch the plane run through the tarmac, I feel butterflies in my stomach.

Both my inner goddess and subconscious hi-five.

Let the fun times roll in.