SHULES SHUFFLE

A/N: I've been waiting to write this fic for a long, long time. It came out different than I thought it might but I still like it quite a bit. This song really touched me and when I was watching the show it occurred to me that it would probably describe exactly what Juliet has been feeling all through the forth season. This is set after "Mr. Yin Presents."

World of Chances. Demi Lovato.

Shawn Spencer was born to smile. He's so generous with them, he smiles at everything, for anyone. There are only a couple that are real smiles and I've learned which ones they are. The real ones could break your heart. I guess I would be the subject matter expert: he'd certainly broken mine.

Not that I'm going to tell anyone. But I wonder if he knows how many times I've given him another chance. Probably not: Shawn picks up on a lot of things, Shawn's good at people. But I don't think he has any idea how many times I've picked myself up, brushed myself off, and reminded myself that the ends would justify the means. That he's worth it. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's not.

I've tried saying goodbye, too, since this is such a vicious cycle. Tried to say it over the phone. To email it. To write him a letter. But there are never the right words and then he usually does something wonderful and it's probably by accident ( but how many times can you accidentally be wonderful? ) and I'm back where I started.

But it's not so easy anymore. Things changed on that clock tower whether I wanted them to or not ( and I don't want them to, for the record. I mostly don't want them to ). And it's not easy to pick myself up anymore. I'm running out of chances to give him and he's still burning through each opportunity, not even aware he's doing it. Not even aware that bits of my heart are crumbling away each time a moment passes that could have been the moment except for that he's afraid.

Well, I understand it. Sort of. Shawn loves easy but…saying it. That seems to be his kryptonite. The one limit he has. Maybe it was the way he was brought up, maybe it's his inability to take life seriously. But understanding it doesn't mean I can wait forever.

And maybe one day in the future ( whether it's the near future or a further one is entirely up to him ), maybe I won't be there when he calls. Maybe there won't be a forwarding address. Maybe he'll finally take a chance and I'll be all out of them, and gone, just a memory of something that could have been wonderful.

I hope it doesn't end that way. But that's the way life is, all to often. And as bad as the idea scares me, I can sense that day coming…

Except…except he's being accidentally wonderful again, and maybe he's bought himself a little time. I'll hold onto that, and wait a little while longer, because a world of chances means he does have time. And the look in his eyes tells me that he just might, just maybe will take that chance a little sooner than I'm expecting.