I own none of the characters of Bones
Bones' POV
When I heard him accuse me of stealing his son, my body reacted instinctively. Before I realized what was happening my hand shot out and connected hard with his cheek. I knew I slapped him hard because his head jerked from the force of my slap and my hand tingled when it was done.
"You son of a bitch! How dare you?" I said loudly. I wanted to scream and yell at him but since Parker was down the hall sleeping I didn't want to risk waking him. "How dare you accuse me of stealing your son? I know how much Parker means to you and I would never take him away from you."
"You could have fooled me." He snapped, rubbing his cheek. "He doesn't want anything to do with me. All he cares about is being with you."
"You abandoned your own son for months because you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself. I'm the one who had to make up excuses for your sorry ass when you wouldn't come to the phone to talk to him so he wouldn't get hurt. I'm the one who went and took him out to lunch on the weekends that you were supposed to spend with him, during which time I spent trying to convince him that he didn't do anything wrong and that you still loved him – that you were just too sick to talk to him." She paused for a moment.
"Besides Rebecca, I have been the only constant in his life since you got shot. I was his link to the man that he loves more than anything and we bonded while you were wallowing in self-pity. Did you know that Parker did not want to spend the night here with you? He only agreed to come over because I would be here." I never had planned on telling him that but he hurt me so I wanted to hurt him, which made me more furious with him because now I was acting like a child. "Can you blame him for not opening up to you - getting his hopes up? Every time in the past few months that he has done so you have disappointed him and you have no one to blame but yourself."
"You don't know what it's been like." He yelled.
"Keep your voice down. You'll wake YOUR son."
"You have no idea how hard it's been." He said in a lower tone of voice.
"You're right. I don't personally know how hard it's been but I can see how hard it is for you. Regardless, that doesn't give you the right to act like an ass." He turned his chair away from me but I quickly grabbed it and turned him back around to face me. "Don't you dare walk away from me. We are not done with this conversation." As soon as those words were out of my mouth he flinched and I knew that I shouldn't have said that, but I was so angry I wasn't thinking before I spoke.
"Nice, Bones. Real god damned nice." He snapped, fury burning his dark brown eyes.
"I'm sorry, Booth. I shouldn't have said that. You just make me so furious I can't think straight." I wiped my tears from my face but it was no use; they just kept falling. "Look what you have done to me. The last time I cried this much was when my parents left me." His features softened slightly.
"I don't need you making me feel any more shitty than I do."
"I can't make you feel anything, Booth. How you feel is up to you. People cannot continue to tiptoe around you for the rest of your life. Mistakes will be made, people will make insensitive comments but not with the intention of hurting you, like I just did. You need to learn to let things roll off of your back like water rolls off a bird's back."
"A duck's back, Bones." He muttered but I ignored him.
"I'm tired of you using your paralysis as an excuse to be an asshole. That only worked the first one hundred times you did it. You are your own man and you need to take back control of your life. You need to stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself."
"Easy for you to say." I wanted to strangle him.
"No, it's not easy for me. Do you think I like seeing you like this? I hate it. I hate what this has done to you. Your paralysis has turned you into a miserable person and no one wants to be around you. I'm tired of making excuses for you - lying for you. Do you have any idea how many times I lied to Parker, to Rebecca? Instead of telling them that you were too drunk to or too busy gambling away your son's future to talk on the phone I would make an excuse for it and right now I'm so damned tired of covering for you. I never told Rebecca about your renewed gambling habit because I knew that she would have taken Parker away from you forever and I didn't want to see that happen to you."
"Now I am starting to think that maybe I should have told her because you don't deserve that wonderful little boy. And you know what else?" I didn't wait for him to respond. "You don't deserve me either. Parker and I love you and we only want you to be happy but you are making it hard to love you. When will you finally be happy, Booth? What will it take? Do you have to push everyone out of your life before you can be happy? Because if that's the case, you are well on your way to accomplishing it. Your own child doesn't want to be alone with you and I… I can't even look at you. You make me sick, Seeley Booth."
"Bones…"
"I warned you, Booth. I can't live like this. I won't live like this. You need to find somewhere else to live."
"I have nowhere else to go."
"And I should care about that like you care about my feelings?"
"Dammit, Bones… please don't make me go." He begged tearfully.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, "I have to for my own peace of mind."
"I promise, it won't happen again."
"I've heard that before but it always does. Maybe I'm not what you need to get better." I slowly sat on the couch and to my surprise he wheeled over to the end of the couch, transferred his body over to the couch and then scooted over next to me. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, each shedding tears. When his body began to shake my angry resolve fell away and I took him in my arms and held him tightly while he sobbed.
"I'm sorry… so sorry." He mumbled over and over again until his sobs subsided.
He eventually cried himself to sleep, head on my chest. While he slept my tears continued to fall. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to be pissed and there was still a part of me that was, but what I didn't know was if I was still angry enough to kick him out and let him heal on his own. I was afraid that if I did he wouldn't make it. I fell asleep on the couch, holding Booth with these questions running through my mind.
Booth's POV
My eyes fluttered opened and it took me a minute to realize where I was and when I figured it out I was conflicted. I loved that I was in Bones' arms but I hated and regretted the reason that brought me there. I crossed the line tonight and I knew it and I didn't know if we would ever recover from it. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die when she told me that she hadn't cried this much since her parents abandoned her and that statement made total sense to me. I did the same thing to her that they did; I abandoned her. Sure, I was here physically, but emotionally I had abandoned her. I left her alone and shattered her faith, trust and apparently from her earlier comment about her and Parker loving me, her love.
I slowly pulled myself off of her chest and out of her arms into a sitting position so I could look at her. It still amazed me that every time I looked at her beautiful face my heart still skipped a beat. She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever had the pleasure of looking at and she had no idea how gorgeous she truly was - one of the many reasons that I loved her. I had been with beautiful woman before that knew that were beautiful and they made sure that everyone else knew it too. I can't stand those types of woman.
I truly believe that it was what is inside a person that made them beautiful and I know, without a shadow of doubt, that even if Bones wasn't as beautiful as she is I would still love her because she is a wonderful woman on the inside. I reached out and gently traced a finger over her delicate features. "So beautiful." I murmured when my fingers reached her lips. All of a sudden I felt her breathing change and I knew she was going to wake so I quickly pulled my hand away just as her eyes opened.
"What time is it?" She mumbled sleepily.
"After two."
"Wow." She said avoiding my eyes. I reached out and took her hand.
"Bones, I understand why you want me to leave and I'll be out of here as soon as I can."
"Booth, I…"
"You had your say earlier so please can I have mine?" I interrupted and she nodded. "I'm going to call Hank tomorrow and see if he'll put my sorry ass up until I can get the money together to get my own place. I am so ashamed of myself, for what I said to you, for making you cry. You didn't deserve that and my only excuse is that I'm an ass which is a horrible reason but right now it's the only one I have."
"Booth, I don't want you to leave." She whispered softly, tears filling her eyes again.
"Bones, please don't cry. I've already caused you enough tears to last a lifetime."
"You've come so far in these last couple of days and I'm afraid that if you leave then you'll retreat back into the dark place that you were and I want you to get better. I want that more than anything."
"I want that too. I want to get better for Parker, for you and myself. I want that so damn bad but I'm not strong enough to do it by myself." I admitted to her.
"I'm not going to let you do it alone."
"Why, Temperance? After everything I have said to you, after the horrible way that I have treated you, why aren't you giving up on me?" I asked her, looking at the floor in shame.
"Because I love you and I can't give up on someone that I love." I jerked my head up to look at her. I was sure that I heard her wrong. She had tears streaming down her face and she looked as astonished as I was that she had spoken those precious words.
"Bones…" She left me practically speechless.
"I love you, Seeley Booth. I've loved you for so long, I wanted to tell you for months but I…" I didn't let her finish her sentence. I gently pulled our hands apart and cupped her face with both of my hands, pulling her towards me.
"I love you, Bones." I closed the distance between us and I placed my lips tenderly on hers. The second our lips met my heart started pounding like crazy. Our first kiss began slow and hesitant until I felt her mouth open beneath mine. Her arms weaved around my neck and her fingers grazed through my hair, my fingers threading themselves into her locks. Her tongue found mine first, frantically exploring until she had to pull away to catch her breath.
As we both waited for our breath to return we gazed into each other's eyes, searching for any doubt and upon finding none, our bodies and lips returned to each other. This time I shoved my tongue into her mouth, savoring the sweetness of it. I have kissed a lot of women before but until this moment I knew I had never truly kissed anyone. Her taste, her lips, the soft moans from her mouth was intoxicating and I wanted this feeling to last forever.
"Bones." I gasped when we reluctantly pulled apart to breathe. She smiled, somewhat shyly, and laid her head on my chest, linking her hand with mine.
"When I said I love you, it wasn't in a friend way." She told me softly.
"I got that from the kiss."
"I know that I just blurted out that statement, it wasn't how I wanted you to find out, and I will understand if your reply was because of the heat of the moment. I don't expect you to return my feelings and if you don't I understand and it will have no effect on our friendship." My heart broke at her words.
"Sweet Bones, I didn't reply in the heat of the moment. I love you too. I've loved you for a long time and I was a coward and never told you because I knew how you felt about love and I didn't want to risk our friendship over something that could possibly be one-sided."
"After I got shot, I knew that I would never tell you how I really felt because you didn't, and still don't, deserve the man that I have become. You deserve someone so much better, someone that can walk, that doesn't feel sorry for himself. Someone that won't yell at you when you're just trying to help and someone that won't make you cry. I am none of those things any more, Bones, and I don't know if I will ever be again. I want to make you happy but all I can do is make you cry." She sat up and glared at me.
"This is my life, Booth. Don't you think that I am perfectly capable of determining what I do and do not deserve?" I nodded dumbly. "Booth, there is no one better than the man that you used to be and that man is who I want to be with. What I don't deserve is to be your punching bag when you are angry. I understand that you are frustrated at the situation and you should be - hell, I'm mad and I'm not the one in the chair. You don't deserve to be confined to a wheel chair but you need to learn other ways to deal with your anger. Yelling at me or pushing me away is not the most appropriate way to deal with your feelings."
"I'm trying, Bones. I really am." I said desperately.
"I know you are which is why I am letting you stay. You have only had four hours worth of therapy which I'm sure hasn't been enough time to obtain the tools that you need to handle these feelings You need to get those tools quickly though, because if this happens again I… Booth, you really hurt me tonight and no matter how much I love you, I don't think I'll be able to cope if it happens anymore." Dammit, her tears were falling again. I took her in my arms and kissed her softly.
"I'm not going to promise that I won't hurt you again because we know how much that promise is worth, but what I am going to promise you is that I am going to try my hardest not to do it. I swear, Bones, I will not leave Derek's office on Monday until I learn better ways to deal with all of this emotional shit."
"I didn't mean what I said earlier about you not deserving to be Parker's father. The pre-paralyzed Booth was a wonderful father and I know that he is still there. It's just going to take some time for Parker to trust you again."
"I can't believe what I've done to my life, to you, to Parker. I am so ashamed of myself. I promise that I will fix this, Bones."
"I'll help you, support you and love you until you are fixed."
"And when I'm fixed? What happens then?"
"I will still love you, if you'll let me."
"Bones, are you sure you that you want this? I may never walk again. Do you want to commit to a man who is in a wheelchair, a man who may never be able to make love to you?"
"Only if that man is you." I swallowed back a sob. "I don't care that you may never walk again. I didn't fall in love with your legs. I fell in love with you and the fact that you are in a wheelchair doesn't change that."
"But what if we can't make love?"
"Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having sexual intercourse, but if it doesn't happen I will be okay with that."
"How can you say that? You are a young, healthy woman who has sexual needs and desires."
"There is more than one way to satisfy my sexual needs and desires." I felt myself turn red.
"BONES!" She rolled her eyes.
"What? Masturbation is a total normal activity."
"Okay, whatever you say." She placed a hand on my cheek.
"Booth, no matter what happens between us sexually I am here for as long as you want me to be."
"I just don't want you to have any regrets." I told her softly. One of my biggest fears is that she will commit to a relationship with me and then regret it.
"How can I possibly regret being with you?"
"I can be an ass."
"So don't be."
"Are you sure about this, Bones, about us?" I asked her again. I was giving her a chance to back out with no hard feelings.
"Being with you feels… right and being without you feels wrong. Am I sure that I want to be with you? Booth, I have never been more sure of anything."
"Not even your bones?" I smirked
"Not even my bones." Grinning, she leaned forward and we shared a passionate kiss.
"Bones, you are a great kisser." I told her when we broke apart.
"Yes I know. I have been told that many times."
"Can we please not talk about you kissing other men? I'm not entirely comfortable with that topic of conversation."
"I'm sorry that I slapped you." She mumbled as she settled herself into the crook of my arm.
"Don't be. I deserved it."
"Yes you did,' She agreed.
Bones and I spent the rest of the night talking. By the time the sun rose we had come to an agreement to help me not blow up at her until I learned how to better deal with my emotions. Whenever I felt the urge to snap or yell at her, I was going to wheel myself away from her and the situation, no questions asked. It's something simple that I should have been doing this whole time but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to see the simple things.
"What am I going to do about Parker?" I asked her. We had moved out onto the balcony to watch the sun rise. She was sitting next to my wheelchair and we were holding hands and drinking coffee. Watching a sunrise with the person that you love is an amazing experience.
"Why are you asking me? I'm not a mother."
'I'm asking you because I value your opinion, because you guys have bonded and because I have no idea what to do." She giggled. "Hey that's not funny."
"I'm sorry. In my opinion, you need tell him that you understand why he is so angry and hurt and that it's okay to feel like that. Tell him that you are never going to abandon him again and you still love him."
"Sounds familiar." She had told me the same thing over and over these past few months.
"It worked didn't it?"
"It did, Temperance. It really did." I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. "Jesus, Bones, you should have given up on me."
"I came pretty damn close, Booth, but I just couldn't do it. If our positions were reversed would you have given up on me?"
"Never."
"You taught me that, Booth. Over the past four years you have never given up on anything. You taught me the value of friendship and you taught me how to love."
"You've always known how to love, Bones. You just needed the right person to love."
"And that person is you?"
"That person is me." I leaned over my chair and kissed her again.
"Hmm." She mumbled into my mouth. "We should probably get our showers before Parker wakes up."
"I would much rather sit out here and kiss you all day."
"I would rather not confuse Parker."
"You're right." She stood from her seat and pushed me into my bedroom.
"I'll see you soon."
"Bet your ass you will."
An hour later I wheeled myself out into the kitchen to the smell of bacon and eggs and the sounds of laughter from the two people that I love most in the world. I sat there in silence watching them interact. For a woman who claims to never want children, she sure is great with him. "Good morning." I said cheerfully.
"Good morning." Parker mumbled.
"Good morning. Breakfast will be ready shortly. Are you hungry?" Bones asked.
"You know me. I am always hungry." She smiled and nodded her head towards Parker. I knew exactly what she was telling me. "Hey, Park, can I talk to you in the living room?" I watched as he slowly shuffled in that direction.
"Good luck." Bones whispered as I turned my chair to follow him.
"Thanks." I wheeled into the living room and found him on the far end of the couch, the same spot where Bones sat last night. I got my chair as close to him as I possibly could. "How did you sleep?"
"Fine."
"That's good." Parker didn't respond. "Look, Parks, I know that you are mad at me and I want you to know that it's okay to be mad."
"It is?"
"Not all the time but this time it is. Parker I haven't been a very good dad to you since my legs got hurt and you should be mad. Just know that when you are done being mad I'll be here because I'm your dad and I'll always love you." I saw two tears fall from Parker's eyes.
"Why wouldn't you talk to me on the phone or let me come over and spend the night?"
"Because I was dumb."
"I thought you didn't love me anymore." I reached out for my son and he let me pull him onto my lap.
"Parker, I never stopped loving you. I just stopped loving myself. I was wrong. I handled things so badly. I ignored you and I was very mean to Bones."
"Why were you mean to, Bones?"
"Because I was mad. I was mad that I couldn't walk anymore and she could so I was mean to her."
"Is she mad at you?"
"She was but she understands now."
"I don't like it when you're mad and grumpy."
" I don't like it either."
"I missed you, daddy."
"I missed you too, bub, and I promise that I am never going to go away like that again, okay?"
"Okay." He wrapped his arms around my neck and I hugged my boy as tightly as I could without crushing him.
"Boys, breakfast is ready." Bones called from the kitchen.
"Are you ready to eat?" He grinned and nodded.
"Can I ride on your lap?"
"Absolutely." I laughed as Parker made racecar noises all the way to the kitchen.
Bones' POV
The rest of the day went very smoothly. I stood off to the side and watched as Parker and Booth slowly began to reconnect. I could tell that Parker was hesitant to open up to Booth again but he was slowly trying while Booth was taking every morsel that Parker offered him. By the time Rebecca came to pick Parker up, I could see definite progress in their relationship.
"Thanks, Bones." He said wistfully looking in Parker's empty room. "I feel like Parker is coming back to me." I walked behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder.
"You did it, Booth, not me." He turned his chair around and pulled me down on his lap.
"I couldn't have done it without your love and support." I smiled softly at him, leaned forward and kissed him.
Even though sitting on his lap was not the most comfortable place I have ever sat due to the handlebars were pressing into my lower back, I didn't want to be anywhere else but right there, kissing him. We sat in the hallway for the better part of an hour, making out like two teenagers until he pulled away yawning.
"I'm so sorry, Bones."
"Don't be. I'm exhausted too. We only slept for two hours last night." He glanced at his watch.
"Damn, it's only four. Too late for a nap but too early for bed."
"Nonsense. If you're tired you should go to bed."
"What about you? Are you going to go to bed?"
"I could go to bed for the night." We sat there smiling at each other.
"Bones, would you like sleep in your old bed?"
"Alone?"
"No with me." Booth said shyly, something that I had never seen before.
"As long as all we will be doing is sleeping. I am too exhausted to do anything else." I wanted to take the pressure of having sex away from him because I knew that he was worried about not being able to perform sexually it wasn't what I wanted from him right now. All I wanted was to fall asleep and wake up in his strong arms.
"I believe that can be arranged." I stiffly pulled myself off of his lap.
"I'm going to change my clothes and I'll meet you in a few minutes." I winked and walked down the hall to my room.
After debating on whether or not to wear a sexy nightgown, I opted for shorts and a tee shirt. I didn't want to make things more difficult for Booth by wearing something sexy. By the time I made it back to my old room, he was already in bed. I took a second to allow my eyes to travel over his bare chest while his eyes traveled up and down my legs. When he finally had his fill of the view, he patted the spot next to him on the bed. Grinning, I walked over and climbed under the covers. He shifted his body so he was lying down and reached out for me and I easily settled myself into arms.
"This is nice." He whispered, running his fingers through my hair.
"It is." He placed his hand under my chin, lifted my face and kissed me sweetly.
"Goodnight, Temperance. I love you."
"I love you too, Booth." He tightened his arms around me and within minutes we both fell into a deep sleep.
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