AN
This chapter is a sort of continuation from the last chapter. Sorry it took so long, but I'm still figuring out what this story will look like after this chapter. Don't worry, it's not over or anything, I just have to plan out some more chapters. Anyway, this chapter will cover episodes 17 through 20.
Disclaimer-I own nothing.
Summary-Ichigo comes to terms with his grief over losing Rukia and makes an important decision.
What If?
Chapter 12-Conflicting Feelings
The first thing Ichigo was aware of was the numbness. It had started in minor places, like his toes and fingertips, but had spread throughout his whole body. Well, it was better than the pain. Did that mean he was finally dying?
Ichigo nodded off again, and the next time he became aware his body was overwhelmingly warm. Wait, but that couldn't be right. He was wet and cold before, so what did this mean? He couldn't make head nor tails of it. With great effort, Ichigo pried his eyes open.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Ichigo began thrashing around wildly, trying to dislodge the large body ontop of him.
"Boss, you told me to tell you when Ichigo woke up. Well, he's awake!" the man shouted.
"What the hell are you doing! And why are you under the covers with me?! GET OFF!" With a mighty lunge, Ichigo managed to send the huge man flying. He landed against the wall with a loud thump that sounded painful.
Just then, a familiar blonde man entered the room. Ichigo immediately recognised him as the shady shopkeeper that Ru... she used to deal with.
"Just relax," the man advised Ichigo as his companion stood from the floor. "We were barely able to patch you up. If you move around too much, you'll die."
Any other day the man's grave tone might have concerned Ichigo, but at the moment he couldn't bring himself to care much. Reluctantly, he allowed his body to sink back down into the softness of the futon. "Is that right? So, Mr. Hat-n-Clogs, I take it this is your house?"
"Uh-huh." His suddenly cheerful face made Ichigo sick.
A thought occurred to him then. "Are you the one who saved me? Huh?"
Urahara's expression changed. "It seems to me by the underlying tone of your voice maybe you didn't want me to rescue you."
Ichigo thought of saying many things then. He felt the anger building up inside of him, steadily increasing like a giant wave and it took all he had to suppress it. He wanted to shout at the guy, make him understand. But what would he even say?
No, I didn't want to be saved because I just lost the most important person in my life? Yeah, right. Imagine him saying that. But then another thought occurred to him. If this man was capable of saving him, why hadn't he saved Rukia? Knowing him, he'd probably been watching from the sidelines the entire time!
Indignation made him see red for a few seconds until common sense returned. He didn't know the extent of Urahara's powers, if any there were, and that brother of hers had been something else. Whose to say that Hat-n-Clogs would've been any more successful than Ichigo himself had been?
Fatigue and frustration made him turn his thoughts elsewhere. "Wait, so what happened to Uryu? I remember that he was there with me helping me out." Ichigo remembered being shocked to find Uryu laying beaten and bloodied at Rukia's feet and her trying to protect him from that red-haired bastard's blows when he'd first arrived. He'd been too caught up in the immediate danger to think much of it, but now he realized how very weird it had all been.
For starters, Uryu was a Quincy. The last Quincy to be exact and Rukia was a Soul Reaper, the very thing he so passionately hated. And yet there they had been, protecting each other from a common enemy. Ichigo realized that if Uryu hadn't shown up when he did, Rukia would've probably been even more battered than she was if not seriously injured, and Uryu himself might be dead. The thought made his stomach clench uncomfortably as he asked the dreaded question. "So is he alive?"
Urahara nodded and Ichigo felt his body relax marginally. "I treated Uryu at the sight but then he went home. He actually did lose a considerable amount of blood but his wounds weren't as serious as yours. Even if he had just layed there for a couple of days, I don't think he would've died. So, after I cleaned and dressed his wounds he went home."
Well good for him, Ichigo thought trying to keep the bitterness at bay.
"When he left, he was worried about you," Urahara went on.
Ichigo scoffed. He highly doubted that. He and Uryu had never been the best of friends even if they had come to a sort of understanding. He didn't think that would change. "Uryu was worried. No way."
"I asked him to consider resting here for a while so that he could regain his strength, but he turned me down. He insisted he was fine and told me to take care of you. He said it was pretty apparent that if there is anyone who can defeat those guys it certainly wasn't him. The only one who could save Rukia is you, so he said."
Hearing her name spoken aloud sent a dagger of pain lancing through him. What was more, his words were preposterous. Why would he even say something like that? "Only me? What the hell can I do?"
Ichigo felt the helplessness welling up inside him. "Don't you understand!" he shouted as he leaped from the bed. "Rukia's gone back to the Soul Society, so just how do I go after her? How am I supposed to save her?" Ichigo felt his energy ebbing away like a receding tide. It physically pained him to say this but... "It can't be done."
The absolute finality of the words made Ichigo want to curl up and die. It was a death sentence, plain and simple. It wasn't that he didn't want to save her. He did, with every fiber of his being. But even though he was often accused of being stupid, the truth was that he wasn't.
He knew a hopeless situation when he saw one, and unfortunately, this was a hopeless situation. Especially now. He was just a 'lowly human' now. There was nothing he could do but mourn Rukia like every other normal person who had just lost someone. There would be no funeral or gravestone to visit, but maybe he could gather all her things and burn them.
"I can't do it!" The exclamation was as much about getting rid of her stuff as it was about saving her. Like it or not (definitely not), he was completely helpless to do anything.
"Do you really believe that?"
Urahara's dry indifferent tone notwithstanding, the question itself sparked a seed of hope within Ichigo. After all, he wouldn't ask if he didn't have something up his sleeve, right?
"There's a way into the Soul Society."
"There's a way?" Ichigo felt the seed grow into a tiny blossom. "How? Tell me?" All pretenses of tiredness and hopelessness fled Ichigo in a giant burst of movement, and before he knew it he found himself in Urahara's face, practically grabbing his collar and shaking him in his desperation to know more. "How do I get there?"
Urahara detached himself from Ichigo with a careless air. "Of course I'll tell you. But on one condition," he said grabbing Ichigo's shoulder before he could turn away from him.
Ichigo felt his wariness return in the blink of an eye. He knew this guy was shady, but Rukia had trusted him hadn't she? And anyway, he would do anything it took to get to her. Still... "What's that?" he asked cautiously.
"For the next ten days you will study with me and let me teach you how to fight properly."
"Study?" That one word was filled with all the disbelief Ichigo felt. Was this guy insane! Anything could be happening to Rukia right now and he wanted him to wait TEN DAYS! "You want me to waste time training with you? I don't have that kind of time, okay! Rukia is gone and she could be executed any second! So we've got to get to the Soul Society as soon as we can!"
In his angry haze, images began to flash through his mind. He saw Rukia being strangled by Renji, being stabbed by her so-called brother, being tied up in a prison cell, being tortured with kido-
"Why don't you understand? Huh?"
Before he knew it, Ichigo was on his back on the ground, reeling from the blow Urahara had dealt him.
"Don't act so dumb. If you try to go there now, you'll die."
Ichigo felt his confidence deflate. He remembered how Rukia's brother had humiliated him by defeating him so quickly. He'd felt so powerful and self-assured beating Renji and then before he knew it, he was sprawled out on the ground powerless and bleeding to death. With a sinking feeling, Ichigo realized that he was right.
"You think you can beat them. You honestly believe your ready to fight them. I went ahead and let you try fighting them in order to prove a point. I figured you'd understand results better than words. My hope was that you would learn your lesson. With the amount of strength you have now, you won't be able to do much once you get into the Soul Society."
Ichigo bristled. He didn't have to put it like that. It wasn't as if he was overconfident or bragging or anything. Wait a minute, did he just say he 'went ahead and let me fight them?' So that proved his suspicions about Urahara being aware and probably even watching the whole thing without offering any help until it was too late!
Urahara continued on. "Right now, your weak. And anytime a weak person attempts to enter the enemy's den, it's basically suicide. So you want to save Rukia? Don't make me laugh. If you get yourself killed they'll be no one to blame."
Ichigo remained silent, not knowing what to say or even if he had the strength to protest any of Urahara's points.
"The Soul Society usually has a one month waiting period before an execution. Usually they respect their own rules. Let's hope that's the case with Rukia's execution."
Ichigo felt the anger building again. That crass bastard! "Let's hope so!" He had to stop himself from decking the guy. He wanted them to go on hope. To base all their plans on speculation.
"It's all together different from the way humans are executed."
And just what did he mean by that! As if his mental pictures weren't horrible enough! He decided to shut those thoughts down before they got even worse.
"So that gives me about ten days to torture you. Then seven days to open the gate to the Soul Society. Then we'll have thirteen days after we get there to get the job done. So we've got lots of time."
Ichigo wanted to wipe that smug look off his face. How dare he talk about rescuing Rukia as if it were a chore. Yes his plan sounded logical enough, but it also sounded clinical and detached. What if there were complications?
Ichigo shook himself and forced himself to focus. None of that mattered. He would do it. He would rescue Rukia. He just had one other concern. "Will I become strong enough in ten days?"
"Yes. So long as you truly wish to save Rukia from the bottom of your heart."
His words and tone didn't match, but the words struck a chord in Ichigo. He didn't even have to think about it. He wanted to save Rukia from the bottom of his very soul. His every fiber was screaming for him to take action.
"Your will must be stronger than steel. You must abandon any doubts that you have. Ten days to prepare for a game of life and death."
Ichigo's resolve hardened. All his doubts and fears were shoved aside to make room for his burgeoning will. He was ready to take on anything. He had to be. "Do I really have a choice?" he asked Urahara as much as himself.
For Urahara, the question was rhetorical and answered itself. But to Ichigo himself, the answer was no. He didn't have a choice. He just had to save Rukia. End of story. There was simply no other way to go on.
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The last day of school was a torturous experience for Ichigo. He couldn't concentrate on anything, and no matter how he tried he couldn't take his thoughts away from Rukia. Everything felt so unreal. He couldn't believe that he was just sitting there in class like any normal borring high school student.
He couldn't even remember a time when he'd actually put 100 percent into a school lesson since meeting her. He felt like he was pretending, trying to fit in. But in reality, he knew it was so wrong to be there. It was all so strange. To think that 24 hours ago he'd been beaten up and almost killed by those two guys from the Soul Society.
But the strangest thing of all was that she wasn't there anymore. It was hard to believe that she'd only disrupted his routine for two measly months, and yet now it felt wrong because she was absent. So many things had been altered and irrevocably changed, and now he was left floundering.
He missed waking up with her in his arms. In those first few moments of consciousness, they would just lay there, uninterrupted and uninhibited. They would luxuriate in each other's presence and just let everything else fade away. There was no need for him to scowl or for her to hide her thoughts because in those few moments, nothing else mattered but them.
He missed bringing her breakfast and watching her eyes light up with wonder at the different foods. He missed arguing with her on the walks to and from school. But most of all, he missed her touch. Sure she was tough, demanding and bossy, but she also had the most delicate and wonderful touch. He just missed her presence in everything that he would do, whether it was copying his homework or watching TV with him.
But what he found most unbelievable was that not a single one of his classmates even remembered that Rukia had ever existed. It was surreal. To think that she'd affected him so strongly, while the others acted as if she'd never shown up. There was Keigo, still laughing like Don Kanonji and acting as if he'd never chased after Rukia.
Speaking of Don Kanonji, he still vividly remembered her trying to get him to lighten up at that stupid festival, and though he'd teased her about it, seeing her do that stupid laugh had really made his day. And then there was Orihime. While eating their ice cream, Rukia had casually mentioned that the auburn-haired girl had invited her to the fireworks festival. While at first confused and wary, Rukia had seemed genuinely happy to be included and couldn't wait to try out this new experience. And now Orihime was acting as if she'd never invited Rukia in the first place. No plans indeed.
Was this what it meant to be returned to the Soul Society? You just disappear from this world completely? Your erased from people's memories? But what did that mean for him?
He still remembered Rukia. He couldn't ever forget Rukia. So how could they? It was a travesty. Every trace of Rukia was vanishing right before his eyes; fading away into white.
Her smell, which had once overwhelmed his room, was now slowly slipping away. He'd taken her pillows out of the closet to try and reclaim her scent, but even they were growing fainter by the day. Then there was his window. It had once been left open for Rukia's comings and goings, but now he saw no point and had firmly closed it. Besides, it only served in evaporating her scent faster.
His last hope had ironically been the Quincy. He'd been the one person who he thought might remember Rukia, but the guy had decided today of all days to play hooky. Thanks alot, jackass.
"Ichigo!"
The teen had to work hard to suppress his growl of frustration. Maybe Uryu had the right idea. Who needed these guys, anyway? All they did was annoy him. But what was his alternative. Sitting at home and reminiscing. He was already doing that here, and at least there was the occational distraction.
"Now, then!" Keigo continued. "See if you can hit the watermellon!"
Ichigo hardly had to pay attention to whack Keigo a good one. He had to admit, he took some small satisfaction out of Keigo's pain. But as usual, the dimwit recovered all too quickly.
"Nice try, but that was my mellon! It's okay though, because I don't need a head to think about anything anymore!"
Ichigo tuned out his friend's blabber. Like he'd ever used his head in the first place. Time passed and before he knew it, he was walking home.
All he could think about was how weird the situation felt as a whole. It was unfathomable that the world still rotated without Rukia. After all, she'd changed his world completely and look at him. He couldn't even get through one class without thinking about her. Or look at any familiar sight without remembering things related to Rukia.
It was literally pathetic. Just looking at the drab school lockers brought back memories of Rukia collecting her books after a partiuilarly long day. Or of how she'd struggled at first to open what she'd referred to the locker as as a "complicated contraption." But then why shouldn't the world still turn. After all, Rukia was originally from the Soul Society. Maybe she never really belonged over here.
Just having the thought felt like treason to Rukia. But what if it was true? What did that mean for him? What should he do now?
Ichigo suddenly sensed a presence behind him. Turning quickly, he was surprised to see Orihime casually following him. What was this about? "Orihime? What are you doing? Is something wrong?"
Something sure felt wrong. For starters, he was used to walking home with Rukia. Walking this route with another girl even if it was unintentionally felt traitorous. And then there was Orihime herself. He'd never seen her look quite so serious. Just where was the space cadet he knew and tolerated?
"Ichigo?" she finally spoke up. "Where is Rukia?"
Ichigo's body jolted as if he'd been zapped. Sure he'd been thinking of her all day, but hearing her name spoken aloud by another person made it all the more real and painful. So then she had noticed. But what did that mean for the rest of his classmates? Had they all just been pretending?
Orihime went on. "Why has everyone forgotten about her, like she never even existed? I need you to explain what's happening around here."
Well, that answered a few questions. So his classmates hadn't been pretending, and he wasn't the only one who noticed. How strange was it that he was connecting with Orihime of all people about this. They continued on walking and Ichigo explained to her in simpler terms what had happened. In return, Orihime explained that she could see Rukia and himself in spirit form.
"So your saying Rukia went back to this other world she came from?"
Ichigo knew that it sounded like something out of Orihime's wildest fantasies, but it was all true. At this point, he didn't care how crazy it sounded. "Yeah." But there was something else he wondered. "I gotta admit, I am surprised. I really had no idea you've been able to see us, Orihime. For how long?"
"ever since the incident with my brother."
What was it with evil brothers these days? First there was Orihime's possessed one and then Rukia's... well he didn't want to think about Rukia's brother. At least Orihime's had a legitimate excuse and came back to his senses. What was Rukia's brother's excuse? Scratch that, he didn't want to know. "Oh. Makes sense."
"I don't think I've ever properly thanked you for everything you did for him. By guiding his spirit on to the other side, he's finally in a place where all he knows is peace and happiness now. Somehow I can just feel it."
He didn't want to seem rude, but hearing about peace and happiness was the last thing he wanted right now. But he hoped for her sake that she was right, because from what he'd witnessed from the so-called balancers, they weren't very peaceful. Finally, he managed to say, "Is that so?"
"Mmm-hmm. I imagine Rukia is happy on the other side as well. She probably has friends and family waiting for her."
Ichigo held back a snort. Yeah, well, keep imagining Princess. She didn't seem all that happy to me being manhandled by her fellow Soul Reapers. Friends and family, huh? Well, from what he'd witnessed she didn't have very good examples of neither. Oh, Rukia...
Well, he couldn't let Orihime's words just hang in the air. He had to pop her bubble of naivety. "I have to go and bring her back." The statement was as much for Orihime's benefit as it was for his own. He had no right to feel conflicted about whose world she belonged in. The fact was that she was better off here and if she stayed there, her beautiful life would be extinguished.
"But... why should you bring her back if she's happy there?"
Ichigo sighed. This was why he didn't talk with this girl that often. Nobody ever said she was happy there. Who could be happy sitting in prison and awaiting a death sentence. It was time to make himself absolutely clear so as to leave no room for delusions. "Because I know she's in serious trouble and they just might kill her if I don't get her out in time."
Yeah, if and just might. Those were shaky terms at best. From what he'd saw, "just might" was incorrect. They would kill her without mercy, and for no good reason that he could see. There was no ifs, ands or buts about it. He had to get her out of there. He would save her.
He didn't even hear Orihime anymore. As far as he was concerned, he was alone on the sidewalk. All he could see now was a tiny porcelain face, framed by a crazy bang and exquisite violet eyes that sparkled like no other jewel could ever hope to. "You really were here. I know that. And you belong here Rukia." You belong here with me.
Suddenly, he could see Orihime again, standing next to him and watching him intently. He owed her one. She might be silly and naive, but she had a good heart. And he could now honestly call her a friend. "Thanks a lot, Orihime." And with that, Ichigo took off running, now more determined than ever to accomplish his goal.
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Rukia sat slumped over in her cell, her gaze fixed unwaveringly on the prison bars. Since her arrival, she'd tried not to let her mind wander. It was easier to retreat within herself and block out the harsh reality of the world. To think would be too painful. She was all alone now, and had no one to blame but herself. Renji's voice startled her to awareness.
"I had to come in and check on the prisoner. Is she still insubordinate and difficult?"
Rukia scowled. How dare he talk about her like she wasn't even there! "I'm not insubordinate." He didn't want to see what insubordinate was!
"If your not insubordinate then why do you refuse to eat?"
Did it ever occur to him that maybe she just wasn't all that hungry. They were so sensitive over here that not eating was probably a crime punishable by death as well. She couldn't care less. They had her where they wanted her now but she'd be damned if they forced her to do anything else! "Maybe I'm just not hungry. Does that bother you, Mr. Lieutenant?"
She hoped it did. Who would have an appetite after what she'd been through, anyway? She was supposed to chow down after watching a man die! A man who had meant the world to her. A man-
"Oh, so you resent that I'm the Lieutenant now, is that it? I can hear it in the tone of your voice!"
Oh, please. As if Renji was smart enough to catch subtle cues like that. The only reason he'd noticed it was because she'd intentionally been mocking him. Did she resent him because he had made Lieutenant? Maybe a little bit. But she resented him for a lot more than that. The way he'd been treating her lately had been abysmal. Not to mention Ichigo... Rukia cut off that line of thought. She couldn't afford to think about him right now. She still had to deal with the stupid Pineapple head. "Hit a nerve, did I?" Condescension filled her voice. "Well don't worry, Mr. Officer. Now you have the rank, and the pompous attitude and the weird eyebrows to go with it!"
Rukia could see steam coming out of Renji's ears, but she didn't care. She'd never talked to him that way, had never so outwardly insulted him before but a lot had changed. And anyway, it felt wonderful to let out some of her indignation and fury at the world. Renji had just been a convenient target. And it wasn't like he didn't deserve it, anyhow. He'd had it coming, and if circumstances were different, she'd have already given him a good beating!
"How dare you mock me! I could kill you for an insult like that!"
The word kill had Rkia sobering immediately. That seemed to be a theme in her life. She killed Hollows for a living. When she was younger, the threat of being killed was constant. Now, just about everyone she knew was set on killing her. And then her brother had killed her Ichigo in cold blood... In a sick way, Rukia almost wished that they would get on with it. Just stop with the looming threats and end her miserable life. Because of course, how could she forget Kaien. She'd killed him as well, and she might as well have killed Ichigo, too.
"Tell me something. Am I really going to die, Renji?"
He didn't hesitate to answer. "Oh, absolutely. For what you did, I expect you'll be executed immediately!"
Rukia hung her head. She deserved nothing more and nothing less. "Very well. I understand."
Renji stared at her in shock. "What do you mean you understand? I was just kidding, Rukia! It was only a joke!"
So much for reading vocal cues. Couldn't the moron tell that she'd asked a serious question? And he was a Lieutenant! "So which one is it, you idiot."
Renji puffed up again. "An idiot, huh? If I'm an idiot then how come your the one locked up in the cell?"
She had no answer for that.
"Your pretty lucky Captain Kuchiki is probably pleading for clemency for you even as we speak."
Rukia suppresed a snort. Yeah, right, and bunnies pooped chocolate bars. "Well, I doubt that."
Renji looked outraged. "How can you say such a thing? A man like Kuchiki would never stand by and do nothing while his own sister faces a death sentence."
A man like Kuchiki. And just what did he mean by that? Mr. honorable, noble Byakuya Kuchiki pleading for anything was a visual that Rukia could not handle. And she certainly didn't feel like his sister. She felt more like the house pet or the house charity case. "Your quite correct about that. He'd rather kill me himself."
Rukia had no doubt that what she said was true. Even as his insignificant so-called "little sister", she had brought the great Kuchiki house shame. And as such, Byakuya would hate her for it. He'd probably take great pleasure in disposing of her himself. And at this point, it didn't matter who did the deed.
Rukia continued. "I know it for certain because I know full well the kind of man he is." Forty years had passed since she was taken in by the Kuchiki family, and in all those years he had never once looked at her. The rejection had stung at first, but Rukia had grown used to it; so used to it in fact that she now accepted it as part of their relationship.
Renji had nothing to say to her after that and Rukia went back to brooding over her thoughts. It felt like only a short while later that Renji returned with Byakuya in tow. With no visible expression, Byakuya had delivered his grim news. Rukia couldn't say she was suprrised. Actually, of the two, Renji seemed more horrified.
"What? What did you just say, Captain Kuchiki? What do you mean?!"
Rukia almost wanted to laugh at him. What did he think was going to happen after they dragged her here? That Byakuya would suddenly have a change of heart and use his influence to pardon her? And then they would all frolic into the sunset, right?
Byakuya remained as emotionless as ever. "It is as I said. Do I need to repeat myself? Twenty-five days from now, she'll go to the Central Execution Grounds where she will suffer the ultimate punishment. That is the final decision of the Soul Society."
As if his announcement wasn't enough, he kept referring to her in third person as if she wasn't even there! He could at least turn and face her when he sentenced her to death! But of course, that was too much to ask.
Byakuya turned and gave her the tiniest of glances. "And this will be the last time that you and I shall ever exchange words. Rukia, the next time that I see you will be at your execution." And with that, he strode from the room, letting the door slam closed with finality.
Renji stood there looking dumbstruck. Rukia turned away from him, suddenly needing to hide her face. She could feel a strange burning in her eyes and a lump in her throat that meant trouble and humiliation. They, as Soul Reapers, were tought never to shed tears. For to shed tears meant that the body had been defeated by emotion. And to them, that simple act of crying only proved without question that the existance of emotion was nothing but a burden.
Rukia let out a shuddery breath. She would not cry. Not now, at least. Not in front of Renji, or the guards, or any of them! They would never see her tears. The only person she trusted with her tears was gone now forever. Oh, Ichigo... One teardrop dared to fall. Rukia caught it on her fingertip and wiped it away. Then she turned back to face the world and withdrew back into herself.
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The next few days were a literal hell for Ichigo. Fighting a little girl had been weird, but her fierceness in battle kind of reminded him of a certain little midget. Being thrown down that shaft was certainly not fun, and at the time, his situation had seemed hopeless. He kept trying to think what would Rukia do, but all he had come up with was never giving up. She would certainly never do that.
Through perseverance, he completed that challenge. He had to admit, that crazy Hat-n-Clogs had scared him a bit in the last challenge. He'd cut through his sword as if it were butter and then started chasing him around with that maniacal laugh. At the time, he hadn't understood why he was running away. Was that all the backbone he had? Was he just a coward after all? He'd been so disgusted with himself; screaming inside his mind with increasing frequency that he was pathetic.
And he had been. If Rukia had been there, she would have kicked some sense into his head. But Thank God for Zangetsu. And so he cleared the final lesson as well. The rest of the week he was given off. But no matter what he did, his thoughts never strayed far from Rukia.
He looked for her beauty and grace in every girl he saw on the street. He looked for her fierceness, her intelligence, her wittiness and her determination. But it didn't take him long to realize that there was only one Rukia. And she needed him to be strong right now.
He grudgingly went along to the fireworks festival for his sisters, but he couldn't stop seeing her dazzling smile and bright eyes in every explosion of color. It was insane! She was there, always lurking somewhere in every aspect of his thoughts, no matter how mundane a task he could be doing. The reality of his situation was world changing. He really did need Rukia in every aspect of the word. She made his world go round, she was the gear that pushed him forward. Without her, he simply drifted from day to day. Life was meaningless.
Deep in his heart, he knew what this meant, but he still wasn't ready to think the words. It was absurd that someone of his age could feel so strongly about another person so soon, but thats what it was looking like. But regardless of his mixed up and confused feelings, the bottom line was that Rukia had a beautiful soul and a pure heart and didn't deserve to die. So he would save her, if only for that one reason.
After saying goodbye to his family, Ichigo set out for Urahara's. Without preamble, memories of Rukia began swirling around in his head. Rukia, looking so serious as she told him about being a Soul Reaper. Rukia, looking so very compassionate as she'd taken his hand in hers and explained to him that exercising a Hollow was not the same thing as killing it. Rukia, wondering about his mother's mysterious death. Rukia, as she glared down at him for grabbing her brother. Rukia, as she tearfully forbidded him from persuing her.
Everything was so strange. But he couldn't pretend like none of it had ever happened. He wouldn't do that. Because if he did, that would mean he would never had met Rukia. He would still be just some punk kid who was angry at the world and powerless to do anything about it.
Ichigo was surprised to say the least that his three friends wanted to tag along. Chad he could almost understand. They had a special understanding and looked out for each other. But Ichigo would have never guessed that he cared even a little about Rukia's wellbeing. He was greatful to have his best friend along to help him out.
The other two were harder to figure out. Orihime didn't seem like the type who could handle herself in a fight, and Ichigo really didn't want to spend all his time worrying about her and feeling guilty if anything should happen to her. He had to concentrate on Rukia, after all. And Uryu was supposed to be a Soul Reaper hating Quincy, and yet he was risking his life to go help save a Soul Reaper. Even if he said he just wanted to fight, Ichigo could tell that there was more to it then that. But who was he to refuse help. He didn't know the nature of Orihime's powers. Whow knows, she might just come in handy. And at least Uryu knew how to fight, so back up was always good. Ichigo was no fool, he knew they were going up against unbelievable odds. But he didn't care. He was going to save Rukia, with or without help.
He became impatient when Urahara took too long explaining about the gate and even more perplexed at the craziness of his scheme. But unlike the others, he didn't need Yoruichi's speech. He was already determined. He had no fear or doubts. Sure, he worried sometimes, but the big picture was more than clear. He would bust in there, beat up some Soul Reapers and get his partner in life back. That was it. She was more important to him than any doubts, fears or worries. The main concern was her safety, and he would do anything to make sure that goal was achieved. You better look out Soul Society, cause here I come.
Just hold on, Rukia... I haven't given up on you, so don't give up on me. Because I'm coming to save you. I promise you that.
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