Chapter 11

Lou couldn't remember when she had experienced a more miserable ride. It was getting to the point where she was starting to feel genuinely afraid. Getting down to Abilene hadn't been so bad. It was only 90 miles from Rock Creek and they had made a decent pace with their four horses plus the two they brought as extra so none of their mounts would get overly tired. They had reached Abilene on the second day. It was a small town and had one rancher who sold Longhorns there. He had the stock but proved to be a bit of a problem when he realized he'd be selling to a "dirty breed". He had been persuaded otherwise when Lou cocked her gun in his face and icily said that she had killed a man for calling Buck less and to either take the money or they'd take their business elsewhere, where she'd be sure to pass on what an ignorant jackass he was. The man had lost all his bluster after that and meekly sold them the cattle. While Henry and Jeremiah found Lou's gunslinger act amusing, Buck had not.

"You can't go and pull your gun on everyone who calls me a name, not all of them will be a coward like that guy." Buck pulled her aside as Henry went to show Jeremiah the stock. Lou stopped and turned to face him. She hadn't been feeling good all day and her mood was worse.

"Well someone had to say something to that braying jackass and you weren't going to."

"You gotta know when it's worth it and when it's not, it wasn't worth it that time. You could've gotten hurt." Buck gave Lou a look that usually would have made her back down.

"I can take care of myself, Buck!"

Buck was truly exasperated now.

"Well so can I! I've been dealing with types like that my whole life, on my own."

"You want to be alone right now, fine. Be alone."

She walked away from him, then started to walk faster as she ignored Buck calling after her. She felt her stomach turning and the bile in the back of her throat. She was going to be sick and she didn't want anyone to see her loose her breakfast, especially Buck.

They had been on the trail for several days and it seemed like every little thing that could go wrong, had. The bull was an ornery beast and all their horses were terrified of it. Henry was the only one that could keep the bull going in the direction they wanted to go. The rest of the cattle were surprisingly docile, but they hadn't yet figured out a good way to keep them going at the pace they wanted. Jeremiah especially was nervous of the horns. He tried to lasso one of the cows who had wandered off like Henry showed him, making and extra wide loop, aiming for both horns with the intention of tightening the loop at the base of the horns. His inexperience however did him in as his aim went wide, only roping one horn. He was tugged forward like a fisherman with a big fish for a second before being jerked back as the loop slipped. He teetered on his horse, arms flailing until he finally found enough balance to stay upright. It would have been funny if they weren't already miserable. The weather had turned and it rained on and off for two days straight. It was so cold and wet, they could barely sleep at night. It was hard to keep a fire going or cook anything to eat. They all had to take shifts watching the cattle through the night to make sure the herd stayed together. It was all taking it's toll on Lou and by the last day she couldn't hide how sick she was anymore.

"Buck, I'm worried bout Lou."

Jeremiah reined in his horse and fell along side his new friend. It was obvious Lou and Buck weren't getting along the best, but it didn't matter to him. Buck had taken Jeremiah under his wing since the day they left the orphanage. Buck had taught him how to hunt with a bow and arrow, and helped him skin his first kill, a rabbit. He had showed him how to split rails and swing a hammer as they built up the ranch. He never lost his patience, even when he'd show Jeremiah the same thing multiple times. Buck had earned Jeremiah's undying loyalty although he would be too embarrassed to ever say so.

"She's white as a sheet and she's run off to empty her stomach a few times. I don't know if it's somethin she ate or what."

Jeremiah kept his voice low to make sure Lou couldn't hear them. Buck let out a sigh. He had felt nearly as sick watching her go from bad to worse the last several days, here they were on day five in the home stretch and he was starting to think she was going to fall right out of her saddle. He hadn't understood what had gotten into her at first, she was being more ornery than he had ever seen her and looked ready to bite his head off any time he tried to talk to her, and she had never been that way to him. Her and Kid could argue something fierce, but Buck's friendship with Lou had always been easy. The sting subsided though when he realized that like always, it was easier for Lou to be angry than scared.

"I'm going to try and talk to her." Buck said. Jeremiah nodded to him and fell back.

"Good luck, you'll need it."

Buck brought his horse up to hers and glanced over at Lou. She looked about ready to drop.

"Lou, please, I can't let you keep going like this, we need to stop so you can rest."

"No, we're almost home, we can't stop now. I can make it."

Her voice sounded raspy and her breathing was ragged, she looked deathly pale. That did it. Enough was enough.

"Like hell." Buck got as close as he could and lifted her off her horse and put her in front of himself in one motion.

"Damn it. You're not gonna let me pretend to be ok anymore, are you?"

All the fight left Lou as she let out a breath she felt she had been holding for days. She let all her weight fall against Buck and she closed her eyes. Buck felt a physical ache in his chest, he rested his chin on the top of her head and felt her forehead with his hand.

"No. Lou, you're burning up. We need to get you to a doctor as soon as we get home."

"Hmph... I'll be right as rain once I get a hot bath and a hot meal."

"If you say so" Buck would be damned sure she didn't leave her bed until the doc gave his ok, but he really didn't want argue with her. She was shivering in his arms and he tried to hold her closer to keep her warm.

"We should have stopped. I figured you were sick even in Abilene, we should've stayed there til you felt better."

"Mmm. No, I wouldn't have let you. I just want to go home." She turned to look at him and saw his fear for her written all over his face. She reached up and lightly touched his cheek and gave him a small smile. He blinked at her in surprise.

"I really have been rotten, Buck. I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me for all your days after how I've been actin."

"You could be more ornery than that bull, Lou and I still wouldn't hate you" He gave her a half smile. Lou's eyes started to fill with tears.

"I can't remember when I've been this sick or this scared. Everything hurts, I'm too hot, then I'm too cold. My head feels like it's in a vice and I can't keep anything down. I feel as weak as a new born foal, but what scares me the most is that I need you... I'm not going to be able to make it home without you."

Lou spoke so softly Buck could barely hear her, it was like she was admitting her deepest secret that she was human and needed help.

"Good thing you have me then."

Buck waited to see if she would say anything else, but she had fallen silent. He looked down and she was fast asleep. He could feel the iron control he usually held over his emotions slipping. The woman he loved was sleeping in his arms. She trusted him and needed him. There was a small voice in the back of his mind screaming to be heard. There might just be hope, that one day...

"You're a miracle worker, you know that? You got her to sleep even? Wow." Jeremiah hadn't heard his sister yell once and had ridden up to see if he needed to help Buck out but now saw there was no need.

"She's real sick Miah. She's burnin up. Go get Henry, we need to figure out how fast we can get these cattle home."

Jeremiah saw the fear on Buck's face and it made him even more uneasy. He rode back to Henry's position, bringing up the rear of the herd and asked him to come see Buck. Henry rode up to Buck's left and Jeremiah went to the right.

"She's taken a turn for the worse?" Henry asked. He rubbed his greying whiskers in concern. Buck just nodded in confirmation.

"She has a fever."

"We should have the boy ride ahead and fetch Doc Gollmer then, bring him out to the ranch. We're bout five miles out I reckon."

"That's what I thought. How quickly can we move these cows?"

"If we push the pace we could be home in two hours or so."

"I spose that's the best we can do... Jeremiah, do you know the way back to Rock Creek from here?"

"Straight north and west. It's starting to look familiar. Yeah, I can do this." Jeremiah paused and looked to Buck for the go ahead.

"Ride fast, Miah" Buck watched the boy urge his horse into a gallop and felt a bit of pride for the man Jeremiah was becoming before going back to the problem at hand.

"I'll go back to the rear, see if I can't get these 'horns goin." Henry turned his horse to go back the way he came when Buck stopped him.

"We couldn't have come this far without you. We'll have some coin waiting for you when we get home, but even that won't be enough to thank you for helpin us."

Henry dropped his eyes and shrugged, he wasn't comfortable with such praise.

"Shucks, weren't nothin, forgot how much fun it is to ride the trail, haven't felt this alive in years."

Buck cracked a smile.

"I wouldn't call this fun, but I do know anytime you feel like doin a bit of ranching when we get home, we'd love to have your help."

"Might just do that." and with that Henry rode to the rear. Buck soon heard the cattle lowing as they were urged forward.

"Hang on Lou." Buck whispered in the sleeping girl's ear.

It was mid afternoon and Cody was nearly done with the finishing touches on the second bedroom. It jutted out awkwardly from the rest of the rectangular house, but the boards were snug and would do the job of keeping whoever slept in there warm and dry. He leaned against the side of the house and wiped the sweat out of his eyes and let his mind wander for a minute. He wasn't sure what exactly he'd do when this war was over, but he knew he wouldn't have a career in carpentry any time soon. He had enough of sawing and hammering to last a lifetime. Having a career in the theater on the other hand, well that was a whole other story; the applause, the fame, the women... He saw a rider coming in fast from town alone. His senses went on alert and he dropped his hammer, the bedroom instantly forgotten. He headed towards the barn, not taking his eyes off the rider, he could just about make out who it was.

"Teaspoon! Jeremiah's riding in here like he's got hounds of hell chasin him. Something's wrong."

Teaspoon had been showing Theresa the barn cats' hiding spots, but came out in a hurry, reaching for his gun. Cody joined him with his rifle and walked towards Jeremiah. He came to a dead stop right in front of them.

"There trouble boy?" Teaspoon asked as he grabbed Jeremiah's lead.

"Not the gun kind."

Jeremiah got off his horse and paused to catch his breath for a second. Both men only relaxed their stance slightly.

"Lou's sick, she's got some fever. She got sick in Abilene and just kept gettin worse. She had to ride with Buck, she couldn't hold her saddle no more."

Teaspoon's eyebrows shot up in alarm. She had to be real bad off to not keep her horse.

"The doctor?" Teaspoon asked

"Behind me, said he'd need to get his supplies first."

"And Buck and Lou?" Cody followed up.

"With the cattle. Henry was gonna try and hurry em up so they could get here faster. They shouldn't be too far behind me."

"You did a might fine job boy, let's get you inside, cleaned up and tell Rachel what's coming. She'll want to get things ready."

Teaspoon but his arm around Jeremiah and passed the reins of the horse to Cody.

Within a half hour, the horse was stabled, Jeremiah had washed and eaten and Rachel had the bedroom and fresh water ready for Lou's arrival. Doctor Gollmer had come in from town. The were just sitting down to get to the awful business of waiting when they heard the sounds of the cattle in the distance.

"Lou, wake up. We made it, we're home."

Buck gently nudged her. She had been sleeping since Jeremiah had rode off, but it had been fitful. He had never been so glad to see a place in his life. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Henry head a bit to the left. Buck had described the pastureland for the cattle earlier and Henry recognized the spot and was going to stay behind to make sure all the cattle settled in there. Buck couldn't be more grateful for the man. Lou moved slightly and mumbled something he couldn't understand.

"Good you're awake, stay with me alright? Teaspoon and everyone are comin out to see you. I'm going to get off the horse, you think you hold on here for a minute?"

She gave him a small nod. He quickly slid off the horse then turned back to her, she held her arms out to him and he carried her towards to house and their waiting family.

"Don't like Doctors, Buck, don't want him bleedin me." Lou whispered. Buck shivered at the thought. The white medicine idea of bleeding out a person's life force didn't make any sense to Buck's Kiowa side.

"I won't let him cut you." He whispered in her ear and held her tighter. The rest of the group reached him, they were all talking at once. Rachel and Doc Gollmer stepped forward.

"Bring her in the bedroom, Buck." Rachel said.

He laid her down and she squeezed his hand, her eyes gazed hauntingly into his. She never had looked more fragile. Buck could hardly stand still. The doctor took in Buck's distraught appearance and put his hand on the young man's shoulder.

"I need to you leave now so I can examine her, don't worry, Rachel will be here for her."

He started to lead him to the door. Buck stood his ground. He looked the doctor straight in the eye with such intensity, if Gollmer wasn't familiar with Buck he would've been a bit scared.

"You can't bleed her doc. She doesn't want it. Promise me you won't cut her and I'll leave."

"You have my word. I haven't used leeches or cut veins in years, new research doesn't support it. Now, if you'll leave me to my patient."

With that Buck was on the other side of a closed door.

"I hate waitin. What in tarnation is takin him so long?" Cody broke the silence. He couldn't take the tension any more. Everyone was quiet and thinking, even Theresa sitting on Teaspoon's lap.

"We gotta give the man the space to do his job, son" Teaspoon answered, he felt the same as Cody though, he had just lived long enough to know pacing round and round the room wasn't going to help.

"Well it's just a fever, right Buck? We've all had those before; some sleep, Rachel's chicken soup and we've all been as good as new." Cody looked at his friend for an answer, but Buck barely looked up from his spot by the fire.

"I've never seen a fever like this one before" Jeremiah answered for him.

"She has more than a fever." The doctor came in the room followed by Rachel. The whole room stood up. Doc Gollmer looked over to Rachel for some kind of permission and Rachel nodded at him.

"She wanted you to tell them, said we don't have any secrets in this family."

Doc Gollmer nodded and took a deep breath before continuing.

"She should've never made that trip. She's suffering from exposure, dehydration and exhaustion. She picked up the fever and the illness in her lungs from pushing herself too far. She needs a lot of sleep and fluids. She needs to be kept cool, the fever must break and soon. That is the most important thing, in her condition."

Those last words fell heavily as their meaning dawned on each person.

"What condition?" Theresa asked the doctor.

"Louise is pregnant, about three or four months along. The fever could be very dangerous for her unborn child."

"Lou is... pregnant?"

Buck looked as if someone had punched him in the stomach and Gollmer wondered for a moment if the idle gossip was true. He had heard some of the women in town gleefully saying that Kid had divorced Louise and left because she had taken up with the half breed. That they lived out on this ranch now was only adding fuel to the fire. Gollmer had to admit the way the boy was acting certainly made him think there was something to the talk, but it wasn't his place or his way to speculate or talk about his patient's personal lives.

"I gotta get out of here." Buck had a wild look in his eyes, he reached for his coat and made for the door.

"Where are you going? She was asking for you, Buck" Rachel rushed up to him and put her hand on his arm. That made him pause.

"Don't let her go worrying for me alright, I just need to get out for a bit. Clear my head."

The desire to escape was so strong it was all he could do to not start running. He made his way to a fresh horse and grabbed the ax off the wall. Cody stuck his out the door just in time to see him gallop off as fast as he could.

Rachel came back into the bedroom and sat down next to Lou, she gave her a small smile as she put a wet cloth on her forehead. Then she poured some warm water in a cup and held it up to Lou's mouth.

"Doc says you need to drink lots and keep cool to get rid of this fever." Lou struggled to lift her head and took a few small sips.

"Where's Buck?"

Rachel made her voice light and unaffected.

"Oh he'll be back soon."

"Back? Did he leave?" She tried to sit up and Rachel put her hand on her shoulder.

"Yes, but he didn't want you to fret over him, he'll be right by your side soon enough, I think he's been so worried for you, he just needed some time to get over his worry in his way."

"Oh Rachel I've made a mess of everything" Lou cried, tears fell unchecked from her eyes.

"Shh now that ain't true."

"Yes it is. How could I not have known? I haven't had my monthly in a while, but that ain't so unusual. Spent so much time ridin, pretending I was a boy, it was like my body got confused and I'd only get my monthly every so often."

Rachel just murmured in sympathy and brushed Lou's hair away from her face.

"My body's felt different for a while, there's just been so much to do and with Kid leaving I just pushed it all out of my head... Rachel how could he leave? How could he leave me with a child?" She paused and took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I hate him you know, no really I mean it. I still love him and I hate him at the same time."

"We could write him, he would want to know, maybe then..." Rachel offered hesitantly. Lou's eyes flew open in alarm.

"No! No, please don't write him, not you, Teaspoon, nobody. I don't want him to know. He divorced me and left me for Virginia. If he came back just for that? No. He gave up his rights to this child when he gave up his rights to me."

"Alright Louise, no one will tell him. Please rest. I know it's hard, you've gotten some big news, but you need to sleep and put these thoughts away for a while."

Lou's eyes were heavy, her whole body was heavy and screaming for rest, she reached for Rachel's hand.

"I should've told them all myself... bout the baby. I was a coward. I hope they'll forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Louise." Rachel stroked Lou's hand and watched her finally let go of her worries and fall into a deep sleep.

Thwack! Thwack! Buck's arm brought the ax down harder and harder against the fallen three. He had seen this tree a week or so ago on the property. It was large and had been down for quite a while. He had thought it would be perfect for fence rails. Just now though he wasn't thinking about anything but beating the tree with all the aggression he had in his body. His shoulder had turned numb a while ago, he hadn't brought his gloves and his hands were raw. None of it mattered. His guilt over Lou's sickness felt like it was going to crush him, she never should have gone the doc had said... she had endured that whole miserable drive and she had been pregnant? He couldn't wrap his mind around it.

He thought of Kid and his rage increased. It was his fault, all of this. His fault for leaving Lou hurt and broken and now with child. His fault for divorcing her and leaving her alone here, with him. When Kid was here together with Lou, Buck had come to peace with his feelings. He had been her friend, nothing more. But the bastard had left and every day Lou had looked to him more and more and their friendship was closer than ever. He had actually started to think that maybe someday he'd be able to let Lou see just how much he cared, that they would build a life together with the ranch and it would grow into a life with him. If she returned even a portion of how he felt about her, he would be a happy man. With a baby though, Kid's baby, how would it be possible? He couldn't hit the tree hard enough, pieces of wood flew around him, sometimes hitting him, he barely felt it. Kid would always have her now. It didn't make a damn difference that he was never coming back.

"Bastard!" Buck growled at the tree.

"Buck? That tree's already dead, you don't need to beat on it like that."

Cody walked up to Buck, keeping his distance. Just how far could Buck throw that ax, he wondered. Cody backed up a few extra feet just to be sure. Buck looked at Cody, shooting him a glare that would leave him dead, if it had the power to do so. He went back to swinging at the tree.

"Go away Cody. Don't need the company just now."

"Well everyone else was wondering where you went. I saw the ax and remembered you said something about this tree making good rail. It's not even going to be good enough for firewood if you keep it up like that, there won't be anything left."

"I told you to go away."

"You know I think I know what your problem is, I feel partially to blame."

Buck stopped mid swing and let his hand drop. He looked at Cody like he was crazy.

"Oh this is going to be good. What Cody? What is my problem? I'd love to hear what you've figured out."

"Well you don't have to take your mad out at me Buck, I know you're blamin yourself for Lou getting sick, but I think you should let that one go, even if she had known she was carrying she would've wanted to make that trip, fool that she is. Don't know if she'd been able to talk to you into it, but she would've wanted to go."

Buck decided to hold off punching Cody, this part at least, was probably true.

"Problem is, Kid's gone and Jimmy, and I ain't able to come around much either. You've become brother to Lou's siblings and the man of the house for Lou without any of the benefits. So instead of sharing a bed with a woman, you're out here destroying this tree. It ain't right."

Buck just stared at him, he almost had to smile.

"You're crazy."

"I am not! I should've seen this sooner. Next time I go to Miss Belle's, you're coming with me. There's this girl, they call her Candy and she is Buck, as sweet as can be, she can take you places no man's never been before."

"I'm pretty sure lots of men have been there before."

"Well you'd never know it! When you're with her, it's like you're the only man alive. I'm telling you, you'll thank me... and you know what else? I'm going to try and come around more, share the "man of the house" responsibilities."

"Please don't do me any favors, sides you're too busy scouting for the army to come round here much."

"I'm not even going to bite at that Buck. Not going to let you get me sidetracked." Cody was looking damned pleased with himself.

Buck let out a big sigh and dropped the ax. He looked at his battered hands, he'd still be able to hit that smirk of Cody's face if he had to.

"Get it through your thick skull that I'm not going to go whoring with you. Not ever."

"Why on earth not? It's either that or you're going to be chopping down a lot of trees. There won't be one left standing for miles."

"Do I really need to spell this out for you? Fine. For the Kiowa becoming one with a woman is not something we take lightly, but even if that wasn't important to me, do you think I could just use a woman, throw some coin at her and leave? Look at me Cody. My white father used my Kiowa mother, he used her violently then left her for dead. I may not be forcing a whore, but I'm still using her. I'm takin something from her even as I give her money for the pleasure of using her. I can't do it."

Cody looked at Buck, mouth agape for long moment, then he screwed up his face like he had just smelled something foul.

"Aw Hell Buck! Why'd you have to go and put all those ideas in my head for? It's going to be long time before I'll be able to forget them and enjoy Miss Belle's again!"

Buck tried to hold his frown but couldn't, his shoulders started to shake and before he could stop himself he was full out laughing, holding his sides.

"What did I say? huh? Buck are you alright?"

"Oh Cody you idiot... let's go home."

A/N: So yeah, this is a long one, with a bit of a bombshell in it, hope you stuck with me. I was prepared to leave this chapter on a dramatic note, but when Cody started talking it veered in a totally different direction. I admit, when I heard what his solution was, I laughed out loud. Hope you all are enjoying good company and good food, wherever you are on the globe!