12. Found Out
Hello, everyone!
I can't believe we're already on Chapter 12! Time flies, I guess... :)
Special thanks to Equine 14 and lizziejean123 for reviewing!
Warnings: Angsty.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.
McCoy was headed down to the mess hall for breakfast when he came across Uhura, who was headed in the same direction. "Lieutenant."
"Doctor."
They walked in silence for a minute or two before Uhura asked, "Have you spoken to Rebecca yet?"
He stopped mid-stride and turned to face the communications officer, giving her a glare that would have most people cowering in fear. Exasperatingly, Uhura simply stared blandly back at him. He eventually gave in. "Fine, I talked to her. For a few minutes last night."
"And?"
"And what? She just got out of a goddamn Klingon mining camp, Uhura!" A couple crewmembers passing by turned to gawk as his voice increased in volume by several notches. He glared at them; they hastily fled. "It's none of your damn business if we talked or not or what we talked about, Uhura, so if you don't mind…"
Uhura interrupted him. "Doctor, I was just asking…It just seems like you two have a lot to work out, that's all."
He narrowed his eyes. Yeah, and you're nosy. "To satisfy your curiosity, Lieutenant…We mostly talked about Reynard." He started walking again.
She kept pace with him. "Well, that's start."
"Start of what?" he demanded, stopping in his tracks yet again.
Uhura looked a bit uncomfortable. "Look, I know it's none of my business…"
"Oh, so we agree on that, then."
She ignored him and continued, "…but I was just thinking that…now that you have her back…"
He suddenly realized what she must be driving at. "Uhura, I haven't seen Rebecca in thirteen goddamn years. I have no idea what she's planning to do now that she and the others have been rescued. Hell, I don't know what I'm going to do. What I do know is that I'm not pushing Rebecca into anything." He managed to shut up then. Did I really have to spill all that to Uhura? Goddamnit.
But the younger woman wasn't finished with him yet. "I understand, Doctor. Just…while you and Rebecca are working things out, I'd suggest that you consider Reynard's feelings in your deliberations." With a toss of her long black ponytail, she headed down the corridor towards the mess hall, leaving McCoy feeling frustrated and maybe just a bit guilty.
It wasn't if he hadn't thought about Reynard's wellbeing while wondering what the future held for himself and Rebecca; he had. Multiple times. If he and Rebecca didn't end up together after all this, how Reynard's situation might change or stay similar was a legitimate concern. McCoy couldn't help but think about it.
But the boy's feelings? Not so much.
Uhura was right. Damn it. It's not her job to worry about it.
He was still irritated with the lieutenant…and himself…when he entered the mess hall. So absorbed was he in his internal grousing that he barely acknowledged anyone around him as he filled his tray.
Until a now-very-familiar voice piped up behind him. "Hi! Are you going to come sit with us?"
He started and turned quickly. "Good morning, Reynard. And that depends; who is 'us'?"
"Sulu, Scotty, Chekov, Uhura, and Evan, plus Mom and me. Oh, and the captain joined us, for some reason." Reynard looked up at him expectantly. "Well?"
"If you've got room at the table, sure."
It would probably be uncomfortable to sit down near Uhura so soon after their recent conversation, but seeing Reynard's broad smile, McCoy decided that it would be worth the awkwardness.
"Bones!" Kirk practically shouted as the doctor approached the table with Reynard in tow. "How are you this fine morning?"
"Well, I can see you're just dandy, Jim." McCoy replied. He was rather distracted by the fact that Rebecca had turned in her seat to look at him. For a moment he found it difficult to concentrate on anything but her eyes and the slight smile on her face.
Reynard moved to the table and sat next to his mother, gesturing for the doctor to sit between him and Chekov. Complying, McCoy found himself sitting across from Sulu, Jim, Uhura, and Scotty. The tall blond man he recalled as Evan Shaw was sitting on the other side of Rebecca.
"I tried to get Spock to join us, but no luck." Jim grinned and speared a piece of egg on his fork. "Maybe that's a good thing…I don't think Dr. McCoy can stomach a Vulcan at the table this early in the morning."
McCoy rolled his eyes and started eating as Scotty and Chekov started talking about some kind of engine efficiency test they wanted to run, with Sulu and Kirk chiming in occasionally. Uhura looked somewhat bored, but Shaw looked mildly interested, as did Rebecca and Reynard.
Since he wasn't called on to join in the discussion, McCoy found himself paying little attention to the food on his plate and spending the next several minutes watching Rebecca. She's controlling her food portions, which is probably a good thing for now…He tried to keep his thoughts on her medical history and on the checkup he would have to give her later, but instead ended up watching her expression change slightly in response to what the others were saying.
He was pulled out of his observation by Reynard tapping him on the shoulder. "What?" he muttered.
"Why are you staring at Mom?" Reynard questioned innocently. A little too innocently.
McCoy hurriedly took a sip of coffee to avoid answering.
"Captain Kirk, how long are your sensor sweeps of the Quirinus system going to take?" Rebecca asked suddenly.
Huh. Subject must've changed.
"We'll be on our way to the nearest starbase before this afternoon." Kirk assured her. "Most likely transport will be arranged there so you all can return to Earth."
"Good." Shaw spoke in a gravely tone. "It will be wonderful to go home." He placed his hand over Rebecca's.
McCoy's coffee mug hit the table so hard that the steaming brown liquid shot in all directions. Everyone jumped, startled. "Sorry!" he growled, seizing a napkin to clean up the mess.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rebecca extract her hand from Shaw's. "Are you all right, Leonard?"
"I'm fine!" he snapped.
A couple quiet, awkward minutes later, Reynard leaned forward in his seat said, "I've been meaning to ask; why do you call him 'Bones', Captain?"
The atmosphere around the table instantly became more relaxed. Chuckling, Kirk said, "That's a funny story, actually. You see, the first time I met Dr. McCoy was on the shuttle to Starfleet Academy. He wasn't in a very good mood, and he started rambling on about the dangers of space, so I reminded him that Starfleet operates in space, and he said he had no where else to go, since…" Jim imitated McCoy's southern accent, "…'the ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones'."
Sulu, Chekov, and Scotty started laughing; apparently they hadn't heard the story before. Even Uhura looked amused. McCoy sighed and turned to see Reynard's reaction.
The boy gave him a wide-eyed look before glancing over at Rebecca.
Ex-wife. Oh. "Shit!" McCoy swore under his breath.
No one was laughing anymore as the extremely pale woman started folding her napkin and unfolding it over and over again, her gaze downcast. "So that's why you joined Starfleet. Nasty divorce."
The mess hall was always abuzz at mealtimes, but at this table, all was silent. It took several seconds for McCoy to reply, "Yeah, pretty much."
Rebecca looked up at him, her expression unreadable. "Anyone I knew?"
"No, you didn't know her."
"Well, that's a relief." She looked down again, before standing up abruptly. "Excuse me."
She left. No one dared follow her, not even McCoy.
I don't have the right to go after her.
"Thanks a lot, Jim." he growled, shoving his seat back. "I'm going to Sickbay."
"Bones…"
The doctor ignored the captain and left the mess hall in an even worse mood than when he had entered. He felt the gazes of the others follow him.
McCoy spent a few hours working, cursing at nurses who didn't really deserve it, and trying not to imagine exacting gruesome revenge on Jim Kirk before Rebecca arrived in Sickbay.
The first time she'd come into Sickbay, after the rescue, he hadn't allowed anyone else to examine her. Now he was tempted to call for a different doctor.
Noting the way she was staring at him across Sickbay, he realized that doing so would simply make everything worse.
She didn't say a word when he told her to take a seat and began his examination. It only took a couple minutes, but the strained silenced was close to driving him insane by the end of it.
"How is the rest of my crew?" she asked quietly as he was finishing up.
"The ones I've seen so far today are fine." He didn't tell her that he'd had someone else perform the checkup on Evan Shaw.
Despite knowing that he was overreacting to a simple gesture, he hadn't trusted himself not to start a fight.
It's ridiculous. The survivors from the Brigadier are understandably very close after what happened to them; Mr. Shaw holding Rebecca's hand was probably just an expression of friendship. Why should McCoy feel threatened by it? He himself had embraced Rebecca twice since she'd come on board, but that could be taken for friendship, too.
"Who was she, Leonard?"
Startled from his thoughts, he stared blankly at her. "What?"
"Who replaced me?" Her tone was quiet, yet strangely menacing.
"Rebecca, I…"
"Who replaced me, Leonard?" Her voice rose in volume and pitch, attracting the attention of some nearby nurses. She sounded dangerously close to hysterics.
"No one replaced you." he responded.
"That's not what I heard earlier." While she looked close to tears, her eyes were filled with fury. "Reynard already knew about it?" The thought seemed to offend her.
"Yes. Because he asked." McCoy had the unstoppable urge to defend himself against her accusing tone, to make her understand. "Stop looking at me like that, Rebecca! Jocelyn was a mistake from day one. I've known that for years."
She scoffed and said scathingly, "Well, everybody makes mistakes." Very deliberately, she turned her gaze elsewhere. "Are you done, Doctor McCoy?" Far from the barely contained rage of a moment ago, her voice sounded merely distant and impersonal.
"Yes. You can go." But as the sight of her retreating back broke what little composure he had left. Starting after her, he said desperately, "Rebecca, wait…"
She turned so quickly that he took a step back. "Leonard, just…stay away." She spun on her heel and left Sickbay.
He finally pulled his gaze from the door and found that he was being watched by at least a dozen people, mostly Sickbay staff members. "Goddamnit! Don't you all have something better to do!"
They scattered back to their work as he once again locked himself in his office. This time, he managed not to destroy anything. Barely.
Fury. Pain. Grief. The emotions caused her throat to feel swollen, making it difficult to breathe as her eyes burned with tears that she would not allow to fall.
A few times on Quirinus IV, when similar feelings had nearly overwhelmed her, she'd snuck off to a cave about a mile away from the camp and screamed obscenities at the orange-green stone walls until her voice gave out. The rest of the time, she internalized her emotions.
Like she was doing now.
Rebecca strode stiffly down the corridors of the Enterprise, headed back to the quarters she had been hiding in for most of the morning and had only vacated when she had to go to her checkup.
In reality, she'd gone to talk to Leonard.
And that was a disaster.
Before that, she had been going through Starfleet records, trying to catch up on the major events that she and the others had missed while marooned on the isolated planet. The last thing she'd read before going down to Sickbay was a report on the destruction of Vulcan. No one had mentioned to her previously.
So her frame of mind had been considerably more fragile than earlier, centered more around numb horror rather than rage. The thought of an entire planet and most of its inhabitants simply vanishing into a black hole made her feel ill. She'd been to Vulcan, and it was difficult to realize that the reddish-brown planet she'd once watched out the Brigadier's viewscreen for five days straight was simply…gone.
She couldn't even imagine what it must be like for the remaining Vulcans…including the first officer of the Enterprise.
After speaking with Leonard, however, she went right back to being angry.
The minuscule part of her mind which remained sensible tried to tell her that she was being idiotic by not bothering to try seeing things from Leonard's point of view.
How dare he…He didn't even have the decency to tell me last night when I talked to him…and "Jocelyn"? What kind of name is Jocelyn? If it was a mistake why didn't he catch it sooner, before he married her and a divorce became necessary? And how soon after I…after I disappeared did he marry her? Maybe I should just ask Reynard; he seems to know everything already…
"Hey, Captain Bra…Rebecca!" Kirk came up to her with a slightly sheepish expression.
Probably feeling guilty about this morning. No need; I had to find out somehow, didn't I? "Yes, Captain?" she replied icily.
"We're leaving the Quirinus system in a few minutes, so I wondered if you'd like to come up to the Bridge and take a 'last look' at Quirinus IV. Lieutenant Shaw and Reynard are up there already, I think."
Why the hell would I want to see that planet again, now or ever? Strangely enough, she did. One last look…"Fine. I'm coming."
Arriving on the Bridge with the captain, Rebecca found not just Evan and Reynard, but most of her remaining crew lined up behind the front stations. Most of them greeted her quietly; she responded with a quick smile and a nod as she went over to stand next to Reynard, who slipped his hand into hers and smiled reassuringly up at her.
Taking the command chair, Kirk said, "Mr. Sulu, take us out of the system, going past Quirinus IV on the way."
"Aye, Captain."
The hum of the ship's engines increased a bit as it picked up speed. Moments later, a planet came up on the viewscreen; a mostly brownish planet with a faint purple tinge to the atmosphere. It nearly filled the screen for a minute…a massive rocky orb that seemed to glower at them…then the ship passed it, and it was gone.
Goodbye, planet. Goodbye, burning purplish sky. Goodbye, having to get water from underground. Goodbye, rock lizards, weird gazelles, and ugly plants.
She had no idea why she felt a tiny prick of sorrow.
"Okay, then." Kirk cleared his throat. "That was Quirinus IV. Mr. Sulu, set course for Earth, Warp 4."
Rebecca frowned. "Earth? I thought you said 'nearest starbase' this morning."
"Change of orders." Kirk spun his chair around to face in her direction. "Starfleet Command decided that they want us to take you all back to Earth right away."
Most of her crewmembers reacted positively to the news. Rebecca had mixed feelings.
On the upside, it'll be a more direct trip for everyone. On the downside…
She'd have to spend more time on the same vessel as Leonard.
Is that really such a bad thing, though?
That would depend on if she managed to speak to him again or not.
She left the Bridge then, seeing no reason to remain.
Evan followed her out into the corridor. "Rebecca!" he called before she got to far ahead.
Halting, she turned to meet his concerned grey-eyed gaze. "How are you doing?" he inquired, his low voice gentle.
She shrugged. "I'm fine. You?"
"Reynie gave me, Jack and Kita a tour of the ship this morning." he answered, referring to a pair of former ensigns from the Brigadier. "He seemed disappointed that you didn't come along."
She sighed, running her hand over her hair. "I should've; I'll ask him to show me around tomorrow." She paused. "Evan, did you…did you hear what happened to Vulcan?"
He winced. "Yes, I heard. It's…terrible."
"I agree, but…it's far beyond that."
Evan reached out and took her left hand in his right one. "I know." After another long pause, he asked hesitantly, "Dr. McCoy…He's Reynard's father, isn't he?"
"Yes, he is, didn't I…Oh, right, I never told you his name." Rebecca shook her head disbelievingly. I don't think I told anyone. "That aside, this is the last place I would've expected to find Leonard."
"I remember you referring to him as a 'land-lubber' once or twice."
"Well, he is. Was."
"Must've been. Took a divorce to drive him off-planet." Evan furrowed his brow. "Reynard mentioned him during our little 'tour'; said that he swears all the time but is nice enough. I suspected from the way he talked about the doctor that he knew…"
"Oh, he knows. He knows way too much for a kid that age." Rebecca sighed, glancing down at her hand that Evan still held in his. "I just don't know, Evan…"
"Everything will be all right. We're going home…can you believe it?" Evan smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. "You'll figure it out."
She looked back up at the man who she had long ago come to see as her second-in-command as well as her friend. "It would help if I could talk to Leonard without shouting or crying."
"You have to talk to him about Reynard. I understand that." His thumb rubbed over her knuckles comfortingly.
"Yes, but it's more than that." Rebecca said earnestly. "I…whatever Leonard has done…getting married included…we never…we were in a long-term relationship never actually 'broke up', per say. I was going to go back to him when I found out I was pregnant…and then the ship crashed, so…"
"That's true…but, Rebecca, he moved on. He got married…"
"And got divorced." The fact was oddly comforting to her.
"That's not the point, Rebecca. The point is this: he moved on. Like normal people do. You were alive but stranded; he didn't know that, so he went on with his life."
Evan's rational thinking was usually part of his charm, but it annoyed her in this case. "Evan, I…I may have been dead to him, but he wasn't dead to me! I can't just talk about Reynard…he's not the only thing Leonard and I need to discuss sooner or later!"
"Rebecca, relax." Evan put his free hand on her shoulder, stepping closer. "I can see you cared about him…"
The anger that had been pushed to the back of her mind on the way to the Bridge came surging to the forefront. Ripping out of Evan's grasp, she backed up a few paces. "I still care about him, Evan! It isn't in past tense for me!"
It never has been.
She whirled and fled down the corridor in the general direction of her quarters, narrowly avoiding a collision with Lieutenant Uhura. Other crewmembers scattered as she ran past, not stopping until she reached her quarters and locked herself inside.
Sitting down heavily on the nearest chair, she curled up, shaking, and wished, for the first time in her life, that it was easier for her to cry.
Reynard came to her quarters to sleep with her again. He'd slept with her every night for most of his life, until he was about ten. Then he had become a little more self-conscious and insisted that he sleep on the other side of their lean-to.
Rebecca didn't object in the slightest when he'd come in an asked to stay with her the previous night. She'd missed having her son so close to her. He had been a comfort in the initial strangeness of her assigned quarters.
Tonight, it took a little longer for both of them to fall asleep. Rebecca was drifting close to a doze when Reynard asked, "Did you talk to him?"
"Yes, sweetie, I did."
"How did it go?"
"Not well. I may have…I lost my temper."
"Because he got married to someone who wasn't you?"
Ouch. Maybe he has a point? Several hours had calmed her anger and pain somewhat. She thought about the question. "Yes…and no. I just…It reminded me how much things have changed, and that was painful."
"Oh." Pause. "Mom?"
"Yes, sweetie?"
"I don't think you know this…I have a half-sister."
She froze. He married, divorced, and had a kid in between? "What?"
"Her name's Joanna." Reynard shifted around so he was facing Rebecca. His face was completely serious. "She's seven years old. He doesn't get to see her much because he's in space all the time and her mother is, and I quote, 'a bitch'." Reynard frowned. "I don't think he meant for me to hear that last bit."
Rebecca couldn't even think of an answer. She remained still, staring blankly at her son, trying to process everything all over again.
"…he moved on…", "I can see you cared about him…", "I still care about him!".
Everything Leonard's done since I've come aboard shows that he still cares about me…but does he care in the same way he used to? Or has he truly moved on?
"Mom?" She struggled to focus on her son as he asked, "Do you still love my father?"
Do I? I thought I did, for years…but now? "Reynard, I don't know." It was the only answer she had to give.
The boy sighed, his hazel eyes sad. "He said the exact same thing about you." Rolling over, he promptly fell asleep, leaving Rebecca to her restless thoughts.
As a result of said thoughts, she was awake when Leonard came into the room hours later. I thought I locked the door behind Reynard…Wait, I'm being stupid. Leonard's the CMO; most likely he has access codes for almost every door in the ship.
She faked sleep as he readjusted the blankets to cover her and Reynard more thoroughly. Then he left, only stopping to utter a soft "goodnight" which she could hardly hear.
I hope I didn't bore you with this one. :)
Reviews are much appreciated.
I'll try to update soon and I hope you all have a great day/night!