Chapter 12 – Ties That Bind
Angelo smiled and waved at Daughter as she sat at a park bench watching Jarod push little Timmy higher and higher into the air on the park swing. There was something about her today that beckoned to him, however, and so he left Sydney standing and spotting in case the boy decided to slip from the swing and walked over to join her on the bench. "Daughter confused," he announced with a tip of the head.
Miss Parker looked into those knowing blue eyes with real surprise, and then nodded. "That pretty well sums it up," she admitted both to herself and to her old childhood friend.
"Everything new – different." Angelo narrowed his eyes slightly and struggled to find words to express what he was feeling from her. It wasn't an easy task — the emotions she was projecting were jumbled, tending to make very little sense. "Strange." He pondered for a moment, then reached out and took one of her hands in his. "A good strange." His crystal blue gaze was piercing, as if willing her to understand.
"I know," she answered his fractured reassurance and squeezed his hand in appreciation. "I just feel a little lost, that's all."
That was a masterpiece of understatement. She was completely a-sea in the new relationships that she found herself in every waking moment now. Timmy was an active and inquisitive two and a half year old, and he kept her very busy answering questions and running after him when the group would land in a place for one of their thirty-six hour rests between days of driving. With Timmy claiming the bulk of her attention and Angelo present too, there had been no chance for her to have the heart-to-heart talk with Sydney that she desperately needed. As for Jarod, he wasn't pushing her into an intimate relationship at all — and in many ways, that was the most confusing thing of all.
They'd been on the road for over two weeks now — and had made it as far as Lincoln, Nebraska before they'd stopped for one of their extended rests again. The emotional turmoil of the days before the rescue in Blue Cove had been set aside for the most part, and the days since been relatively uneventful. Conversation had been kept light and non-confrontational. For her, the entire trip had taken on an almost surreal feeling — she was completely comfortable and contented to be with the people she was traveling with, and yet she felt as if she wasn't entirely sure where she stood with any of them, except her little brother.
Timmy adored his big sister without any reservation whatsoever and took every opportunity to remind her of that. For the first time in her life, she felt anchored by another person's love for her and knew the joy of being able to return it in full and uninhibited measure. Life with Timmy was proving to be one continuous voyage of discovery filled with new sights and sounds and tastes for him, new insights into just how isolated he'd been for her and new guilt that she'd not been able to protect him from that until now.
But Jarod's love for her and the way he was demonstrating it to her was something she couldn't quite fathom, however. Their nights together were still for pure rest and comfort, neither were willing at this point to upset the fragile peaceful apple cart by adding passion to the mix. Neither of them was suffering from nightmares, and the fact that both were awakening in the morning rested and ready to face the challenges of the day was encouraging. But there was something gnawing away in the pit of her stomach — something that felt off — and she didn't have the vaguest idea how to identify it or disarm it.
"Daughter need Sydney," Angelo understood suddenly, as if a light had blinked on and illuminated that corner of her psyche. "Angelo fix." He rose quickly and was gone from her side almost before she could respond and call him back.
She watched in mortification as Angelo walked up to Sydney and spoke a few words – enough that Sydney turned and looked at her with a quizzical look on his face. Sydney in turn said something brief to Jarod, making that one nod absentmindedly, and then the older man walked resolutely in her direction. "What did he tell you?" she asked him in frustration as he drew closer.
"That you needed to speak to me privately," he replied and then seated himself next to her. "I'd been thinking that you and I were going to need some private time fairly soon anyway. I'm just sorry that we haven't exactly had the chance to talk very much before now. We haven't exactly had time to ourselves, have we?"
"No, we haven't," she agreed, and then let her attention be caught by Timmy's delighted screams as Jarod pushed him to even greater heights on the swing.
Sydney let his eyes wander back to where the others were playing for a while, and then he looked back at her. He lifted a dark tendril of hair out of her face with careful fingers, grateful that she had taken the time to return her looks to normal as soon as Jarod had pronounced the coast clear. His own silver was finally beginning to show as the rinse washed out more and more everyday, which pleased him no end. That Jarod was still enjoying life as a blonde was as amusing as it was disconcerting. "What's going on, Parker?" he pressed very gently. "You've been stewing for days."
She lifted one shoulder listlessly. "I don't know," she said softly, then looked up at him with wide, grey eyes. "Is it just me, or does everything seem a little… superficial… lately?"
Sydney's lips quirked in the beginnings of a smile. "You mean you'd gotten used to living life with your emotions all exposed and raw, and you're having trouble adjusting to social niceties again?"
She tipped her head for a moment. "I suppose that's part of it," she admitted. "We were so close, so intense, for a while…"
He nodded slowly. "We needed to be at the time. We had to tear our former relationships to shreds so that we could begin to build new ones. We may very well need to be that way again before everything's said and done, but…" He smoothed the hair with his hand, letting his palm linger at the side of her head. "That's not all of it, is it?"
"No." Miss Parker thought long and hard, and then gave in to the temptation and leaned, glad to feel that hand at her head slip around her shoulder and hold her close. "Sydney, I don't know what to do…"
"About what?"
"Jarod." She leaned just a little harder.
Her answer had startled him, and he tightened his hold on her just a bit. "But I thought you and he…"
She shook her head against his chest. "It's nothing like that. We sleep together, and that's all — just sleep."
"And you want more, is that it?" What did she want from him — permission to take Jarod as a lover? Sydney suddenly felt the mantle of parental responsibility settle about his shoulders like a warm and heavy cloak as the perspective through which he saw her on every level of his being made a sudden, drastic and very permanent shift. There was no more doubt, no more hypothesizing, no more intellectualizing. No longer was she the daughter he wished he'd had all those years. This WAS his daughter, as much a part of him as the air he was breathing — and she was coming to him for advice and comfort. He'd never felt quite so honored before — or so inadequate.
"I thought I needed space to work out our relationships — especially now, with Timmy and Angelo with us. And in a way, I suppose it's helped NOT having to worry about… But…"
"Do you love him?" The question was soft and low.
The dark head nodded very slowly against his chest. "I think so."
"You only think so?" His voice conveyed his skepticism.
She thought for a moment. No — it was more than that. "Yes, I love him," she stated more firmly. She did. That was half the problem.
She felt him nod over her. "OK. Does he know you love him?"
"He knows I'm willing to see where a relationship with him might go…"
"That's not what I asked, Parker." Sydney pushed her away just far enough so that he could look into her face. "Does he know that you love him?"
"I don't know," she answered softly, unable to keep meeting that kind, warm gaze.
"What's stopping you from telling him so in so many words?" His question earned him the sensation of her flinching ever so slightly within his embrace. "You're still not sure you can trust him not to leave you."
"If the FBI decides to press charges, he could go to prison, Sydney," she exclaimed and leaned in again. "I'd lose him…"
"Parker, that's not losing him," he soothed, tightening his arm around her shoulder again. "That's just having life put into a holding pattern for a while. Besides, Jarod's pretty sure that he can swing a deal to get a suspended sentence." He dropped a kiss onto the top of her head fondly. "What is it you REALLY want of him? Don't be coy — say it straight out. What do you want?"
She couldn't believe it! He was calling up her fighting spirit — the part of her that could withstand anything, a part of her that she'd thought wasn't wanted within the new rules of her family. "I can't just…"
"Sure you can, Parker." He pushed her away again and held her face between his hands. "What's stopping you?"
"I thought…"
He knew exactly what was stopping her — and it was time to put an end to that illusion. "Sweetheart, you don't have to change who you are to be more loveable. You have no less right to stand up and ask for what you want than you ever have — how you go about getting what you want is what really matters. Jarod knows you easily as well as I do, maybe even better. And if he's anything like me, he loves YOU — the person you really are — not some idealized woman. The person you really are tends to be just a little temperamental and opinionated, a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to do what it takes to get it – not a lapdog afraid to make her wishes known." He pinned her with a probing gaze. "Now stop trying to be someone you're not and just tell me. What do YOU want?"
Miss Parker could feel the confidence pouring from him into her, the acceptance of her right to be herself without apology. "I want Jarod," she said softly — and then, when he tipped his brows at her in challenge, she repeated a little more firmly, "I want Jarod."
"Good." He nodded in satisfaction and settled back in his seat, letting his eyes wander back to where Jarod and Angelo now each had Timmy by the hands and were swinging him into the air between them. "Now all you have to do is figure out how to get him."
"That part I think I know," she commented and worked hard not to blush when he turned a surprise smile at her.
"Yes," he agreed carefully, making certain that the moment wasn't allowed to morph into a crude joke, "I'd imagine you do." He raised his eyebrows again when her gaze sobered and continued to rest on his face. "What?"
"You know what?" she asked softly.
"What?"
"All my life I've wanted a father that I could go to who could help me think things through — someone I could trust with my very soul, if need be, and know that he'd make sure I was going to be OK in the end." She leaned into his upper arm, but this time as a gesture of affection rather than in an effort to receive comfort. "Finally, I've found him. I love you, Sydney."
He kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Parker," he answered, finding the words not at all difficult to say anymore, "I always have, and I always will." She had said the word 'trust' — and that certainly had been the key. Each iteration of the declaration he'd just made had graven the emotion deeper into his psyche. It was an insight worth sharing, under the circumstances.
"You know, loving someone is taking a huge risk, because the only way to love another person is to be completely vulnerable to them and trust that they won't take advantage of that vulnerability. It has taken me a very long time to learn that trust," he told her simply. "But I'm finding that the more I open to loving you as a daughter, the easier it gets and the more I can depend on it. Maybe what you need to do is find a kernel of trust that you can have in Jarod right now and then build on that."
She nodded, seeing the reason in his words. "Maybe."
He shrugged at her. "It's the only wisdom I have for you, sweetheart. I'm sorry…"
She squeezed his upper arm a little more tightly. "It's fine, Sydney. Honest." It was better than fine, actually — this was that father-daughter relationship they'd been working so hard at building finally functioning properly and smoothly between them, and part of the feeling of surrealism fell away. Sydney was right — the intensity had served its purpose, but it wasn't needed all the time.
She looked up at the two men and little boy and their horseplay and smiled at the joy on all three's faces. "You suppose we should go over there before those two dislocate that poor kid's shoulders?"
"If you think you've discussed all you need to for the time being," he nodded. "Feel better?"
Her dark head nodded with much more assurance. "Thanks."
He rose and looked at her for a long moment, cherishing the closeness he felt with her now. "You're entirely welcome," he responded and held out an elbow so that they could walk together to rejoin the others.
oOoOo
The picnic lunch they had assembled at the outdoor table vanished almost the moment it was set out, inhaled by two hungry men and a little boy who was finally beginning to lose that gaunt, institutionalized look he'd had a week earlier. As Parker had made the sandwiches and portioned out the salad and chips and drinks, Jarod appointed himself cleanup crew and waved her off to join Timmy and Angelo in their play. Timmy ran to the sandbox and plunked himself down amid several other children near his age while Miss Parker settled onto a swing to keep an eye on him, smiling when Angelo moved closer to the box and then sat in the grass watching the little ones intently.
Jarod glanced over at his former mentor, who was wrapping the leftover food carefully and putting it back in the grocery sack while he was clearing the table of the paper plates and plastic utensils. "Hey, Sydney, do you have a minute?"
Sydney looked up with surprise. "Of course. What's up?"
Jarod walked his sack of trash over to the can and deposited it firmly, then walked back to the picnic table. "I need some advice."
"This seems to be my day," Sydney commented with a chuckle and seated himself again. "I should hang out my 'the doctor is IN' sign. So… What kind of advice are you looking for?"
"Advice that will help me understand where things are going with Parker."
The older psychiatrist managed to keep a straight face. "Aren't things going well between you two? I mean…I thought…"
"It's not that," Jarod exclaimed and then seated himself across the table from Sydney. "I mean, we sleep together, but we don't… you know…" He paused and, at the blank look in his mentor's face, added, "Sleeping is ALL we do."
Sydney's brows slid up his forehead. "And this is a problem?"
"No…" Jarod sighed. "Yes." He gestured vaguely with his hands. "We decided that we'd try to see where a relationship would lead, but we figured that we'd keep it from getting complicated by not… becoming intimately involved…"
"I get it," Sydney took pity on the younger man. "What's the problem?"
"We just don't seem to be going anywhere with things anymore," Jarod breathed in frustration. "I don't know how to get her to trust that I'm not just going to walk away the minute we get settled. And without that trust…"
"She has a point," Sydney reasoned gently. "All she has is your word that you aren't going to vanish some evening like you always used to."
"How do I show her…"
"By not vanishing," Sydney answered firmly. "By being there when she needs to lean."
"I have been," Jarod exclaimed, his frustration making his voice strident. "I'm there for her in the night, I don't push for more than she's ready to give…"
"I know," the older man nodded understandingly.
"How long…"
"Jarod…" Now it was Sydney's turn to sigh. "You spent years being a shadow that she could see for a brief moment, only to evaporate the minute she looked closely. You don't undo the conditioning years of that kind of behavior creates in just a few days."
"I know that this is for the long haul," Jarod sighed back. "And I intend to be here day in and day out from now on. But it's hard, loving her and not…" He folded one hand into a fist and banged it ever so gently against the tabletop.
"What do you want, Jarod?" Sydney's question was soft.
"I want her, Sydney."
"You mean, in bed…"
"Yes. No!" Jarod was astonished and almost outraged at the suggestion coming from Sydney, of all people. "I want…" His gaze shifted as he ran directly into what he really wanted and found it bigger than he'd thought.
"Well?" Sydney could be patient.
"I want a wife, a family."
"I thought we'd all decided we were family," Sydney protested, knowing where his protégé needed to go in his mind and willing to lead him there.
"I want more — with her," Jarod admitted quietly. "I've never wanted anything quite so much in my life."
"Not even to find your mother?"
Dark chocolate eyes looked up sharply only to find themselves pinned by an equally sharp chestnut stare. Eventually Jarod looked away. "Finding my family is important," he admitted, "but I think that this is more important now. I don't see my future without her in it — and I don't want to."
"Does she love you?" Sydney asked gently.
"I don't know," the Pretender sighed again. "I want to think so, but…"
"Have you asked her?"
Jarod shook his head. "Not in so many words."
"I think," Sydney announced finally, moving his feet around the end of the picnic table bench, "that the two of you need to have a long and serious talk the next time you're alone."
"I don't want to push her…"
"I know you don't," Sydney soothed and clapped a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You just need to figure out a way to broach the subject without it seeming like you're simply pushing her to…" He paused and sought a diplomatic way to express the thought. "…start a more intimate relationship."
"I was hoping maybe you had some advice to help me be patient," Jarod replied after a long moment. "Some way to get through the days and nights without going crazy while she learns that I mean what I say – that I'm not going to just up and vanish on her when the mood strikes."
Sydney smiled tightly and shook his head. "Patience is a practice that can't be taught, Jarod. If you want patience, then you learn it by being patient and deliberately setting aside frustration and worry as counterproductive." The chestnut eyes rested warmly on Jarod's face. "It is a moment-by-moment decision not to get angry or pushy — nothing more, and nothing less."
"And you make it look so easy…"
At that, Sydney burst out laughing. "Nothing could be further from the truth. Patience is never an easy practice…"
"And yet you waited for Michelle for years."
Sydney's grin died very quickly, and he heaved a sigh. "Yes, I did — and you can see what it got me. Patience has its place, but don't make my mistake and let it go on too long." The psychiatrist's face grew melancholy. "Perhaps, if I had pressed my suit with a little more vigor, I could have won her back. I'll never know now." He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and then looked at Jarod sharply. "Take my advice — if you want Parker that badly, then keep the issue fresh. You don't have to push, but don't let it languish on a back-burner of your mind either."
Jarod swung his feet over the bench and turned so that he could prop his back against the table and watch Miss Parker playing in the sand with Timmy. "Thanks, Sydney," he told the man who moved to sit on the bench next to him, also leaning back and making himself comfortable to watch the others. "That helps."
Sydney nodded. Things between these two people were reaching another turning point — he could only hope that what he'd said could help them make the right choice.
oOoOo
"Sissy?"
"Yes, Timmy?" Miss Parker rolled her eyes and then glowered at Jarod when he started having trouble stifling his chuckles at the sound of adult patience beginning to be stretched thin by youthful questioning. Just wait until she gave HIM charge of Timmy for an entire afternoon of Q and A! He'd not be chuckling quite so much then!
"Why me not gots a Mommy or Daddy?" The wide grey eyes gazed up into his big sister's face trustingly. "Where dey goed? Doze kids gots Mommies and Daddies — why me not gots 'em too?"
It was the one line of questions that Miss Parker had been both expecting and dreading, and she felt the bottom fall out of the pit of her stomach. She paused next to the little boy and went down on one knee next to him, her hands landing on his shoulders gently. "Sweetie, your real Mommy and Daddy are gone. Your Mommy died when you were born, and your Daddy…" How was she going to explain how or why Mr. Parker had stepped out of an airplane over a stormy nighttime Atlantic?
"Him deaded too?" The grey eyes had tears in them by the time she started to nod. "What me gonna do?"
"Well…" Miss Parker could feel Jarod moving to be near her, and she'd never appreciated his support more until that very moment. "I knew that you were going to be asking these questions someday, and I was thinking that maybe I could become like a Mommy to you, and Jarod here could be like a Daddy. That way you'd still have a family of your own – only a new one to take the place of the one you don't have anymore."
"You be my Mommy?" Timmy's voice sank into an awestruck whisper. "And Jarod be my Daddy?" Miss Parker nodded vigorously. "What about Sydney? Him be my Grandpa den?"
"I don't know — maybe you should ask him," Miss Parker suggested with a twinkle in her eye.
Timmy moved away from his big sister and walked right up to the older man with whom he'd become fast friends. "Sissy say me should ask you if you wanna be my Grandpa," he pronounced seriously. "Please, Sydney?"
Sydney, like Miss Parker, went down on one knee to put himself at the little boy's level. "If that's what you want…" he started, then stopped as he ended up with an armful of child launched at his neck like from a catapult.
"Grandpa," the little boy purred, then squirmed out of Sydney's grasp and ran pell-mell back to Miss Parker and launched himself at her. "Me call you Mommy now?"
"Yeah, little man," she cuddled her little br… her son, she corrected herself immediately, tightly.
Timmy squirmed from her grasp then and looked up at Jarod. "And you be my Daddy?"
Jarod bent and lifted the boy up into his arms. "I would be very proud to be your Daddy, Timmy," the Pretender said softly, not having realized until that very moment just how much having a small child look to him as a father could mean. He gave Sydney a knowing glance, suddenly finding common ground with a man who had become as his father over the past few weeks.
"What about Angelo?" Timmy looked down into the empath's upturned blue eyes.
"Angelo uncle," the empath answered with a brilliant smile. "Family too."
Miss Parker smiled at her old childhood friend, remembering that Jarod had warned her that he understood a great deal more than any of them had ever given him credit for. "I like that," she remarked softly, drawing the crystal blue gaze to her. "I like that a lot."
"We going home soon?" was the next question from the inexhaustible curiosity of the cherub in Jarod's arms.
"We're on our way home now," Jarod told the boy firmly, with a glance at Miss Parker to make sure that everyone was on the same page. She nodded. Yes — it was a slow and restful trip, and at the end of it would be a new home for all of them.
"Where home?"
"Colorado," Angelo announced with total conviction. "Mountains."
"Mountains?" Timmy smiled widely. "Home is in da mountains?"
"That's what Uncle Angelo says," Miss Parker confirmed, pulling Timmy's striped tee shirt down to cover his back in an automatic gesture and then smoothing her hand across his back fondly.
oOoOo
With Angelo and Timmy settled down on the end of one bed watching cartoons and Miss Parker at a local Laundromat, taking care of the family's laundering needs, Sydney found himself wandering over to stand behind Jarod at the laptop. "Any news?" he asked his former protégé, seeing the email program open.
"There's a note from Bailey – he's talked to the federal prosecutor; and considering the kind of testimony they want against Raines and Lyle and the rest, there's a very real possibility of either immunity or a suspended sentence on the impersonation charges. But they're going to want to have me give a preliminary deposition sometime in the next month." Jarod scratched his head. "Hopefully we'll have found a place to settle down by then. You have any problem with Colorado, like Angelo insists?"
"I'm not picky at all," Sydney replied. "You and Parker could settle down on the Centre front lawn for all I care – as long as our family stays together, I'll go with the flow." He peeked over the Pretender's shoulder at the email screen. "Is that something from Broots I see there?"
Jarod chuckled. "Never could keep much from you…" he commented so that Sydney could share in the chuckle. "Broots says that he's got himself a new job with Intel and is moving to California at the end of the month. He'll be in touch when he has his new address and phone number so that we can get back in closer contact with him and Debbie."
"Parker will be glad to hear that," the older man nodded. "Any news about Sam?"
Jarod shook his head. "Nothing. But I hacked the FBI site for the report on the raid, and Sam wasn't listed there as having been arrested or detained – nor has there been any warrant issued for him since then. He must have paid attention when she warned him off and found a hole to crawl into."
"Good," Sydney smiled with satisfaction. "The man was always more than just a muscle-bound meathead, despite what Raines thought. He'll be OK – and Parker will be relieved to know this too." He put a warm hand on Jarod's shoulder. "I can hardly believe how well your plan worked, getting the little Sanchez boy out of there and taking Raines and his crew down for good measure — not to mention springing Angelo and Timmy."
"I know," Jarod nodded, pushing the laptop away. "It felt good to get a little of my own back, you know?"
Sydney nodded. "There is an old saying that 'the mills of God are known to grind very slowly, but they grind exceedingly small,' which in essence says that the Centre had it coming for a very long time — it was inevitable that it reap the rewards of its actions."
"I think you told me that one a long time ago, while we were deconstructing a SIM of crime spree." Jarod watched Sydney sit down in the cushioned straight chair near him. "After I got away, and I started to do these Pretends dealing with little people who had been denied justice, it occurred to me that a little bit of honest retribution — in a sufficiently benign form — could be a good thing."
"The thing about retribution that you need to be careful of is that it can get out of control very easily," Sydney shook his head. "Did you never feel tempted to go over the top?"
"A few times," Jarod stated darkly. "And once I suppose I did overstep the line, even though my intention was honorable." He glanced over at his old mentor. "I'm kinda glad to be out of the Pretending business, if you want to know the truth. I'm tired of lying and having to watch very carefully what I say so as not to be caught out."
"I don't exactly see you sitting around the house getting hooked on soap operas or the Home Shopping Network," Sydney chuckled at him. "So now that you've decided to go completely legit, what do you intend to do?"
"I haven't exactly decided that part of it yet, Sydney," Jarod admitted, and then let loose a brilliant smile. "I guess it's finally time for me to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, huh?"
Sydney reached out and ruffled Jarod's hair fondly. "Of course it is," he exclaimed with an indulgent smile. "I'm sure this would have occurred to you earlier if it hadn't been for this artificial stupidity you inflicted on yourself…"
"You don't like it." Jarod sounded petulant.
"It isn't you," Sydney replied firmly.
"I should have just shaved my head anyway. At least then you and Parker wouldn't be calling me names now…"
Sydney shook his head and sighed.
oOoOo
Miss Parker looked up as Jarod walked into the extra bedroom of the motel suite, closing the door behind him. "Timmy's asleep?" she asked, continuing to pull the brush through her dark hair.
"Out like the proverbial light," he replied with a grin. "All that fresh air and playtime in a park on our rest days usually does him in fairly early, if you hadn't noticed."
"Angelo and Syd playing chess again?"
He moved to the other side of the bed and pulled his tee shirt over his head and tucked it into one of the canvas bags the little group had purchased as portable dirty clothes hampers. "Yup." He peeled the black denim jeans from his long legs and pulled on a roomy set of sweatpants. "And Angelo has Sydney pretty well backed into a corner for as early in the game as it is. Something tells me that I'll need to bone up again before I play either one of them or run the risk of being creamed alive. Except for those few games I played with Sydney before we ended up in Blue Cove, I haven't had any decent competition for a long time — I've gotten rusty."
"Did you get a chance to talk to Sydney about Colorado?" she asked then, putting her hairbrush on the little cabinet next to her side of the bed and shifting so she could slip her feet between the crisp, clean sheets – watching his face as she did.
Jarod shrugged. "He said that he was content to go wherever it was that we decide – that he isn't particular." He ran his fingers through his hair – hair that showed the black roots very clearly through the blonde now. "I can't think of a good reason NOT to head to Colorado – can you?" When her answer was a shake of the head, he shrugged again. "Then Colorado it is. You want rural or city?"
"Rural," she answered immediately, wrapping her arms around her knees and leaning her cheek into them. "Between where my father sent me to school in Europe and the confines of the Centre later on, I've had all the high-pressured lifestyle I want for one lifetime." She watched as he sat down on the edge of the bed and then made the same shift to slip his feet between the sheets that she had. "Is that OK with you?"
"I like the rural life," he responded, leaning back against the headboard with his hands tucked behind his neck. "Getting to know the neighbors, working within a small and familiar group of people for social contact and variety." He then leaned forward and reached out a gentle hand to her back and then smoothed small circles against the satiny pajama blouse. "How does it feel being a Mommy rather than a Sissy?"
Impulsively, Miss Parker straightened and then rolled slightly so she could lean her head on his shoulder, feeling him hesitate slightly before wrapping his arm around her to hold her close. "It probably feels just about the same as it feels to be a Daddy rather than a Jarod," she smiled. She lay quiet in his arms for a long and comfortably quiet moment, enjoying the feel of him holding her so carefully and gently and thinking through the way the little boy's – their son's – delight at the idea of having parents had become contagious as the day had worn on. "Are you ready for what's coming?" she asked in a hushed tone eventually, "everything that comes with being a Daddy?"
"I think I've been ready for this my whole life," Jarod replied honestly, his arm tightening around her slightly. "You gotta realize, this is the end of the fairytale for me, Parker – the part that reads 'and they lived happily ever after.' When I was younger and would sit and think about the way I'd want to see my life, this is what I would see."
"But what about your family — your parents?"
"My family is here, Parker. The man who raised me, a little boy who calls me Daddy…" His lips dropped a very soft and almost imperceptible kiss into her hair. "…you…" When he felt her snuggle just a little closer, he allowed himself the cautious luxury of nuzzling her hair more obviously. "I have everything I could ever want, right here. I'll find my parents eventually — I have no doubt about that — but THIS is what I was really after. This is everything to me."
"Everything?" she asked pointedly, tipping her head up so that she could look at the expression on his face – and so that he could see the expression on hers.
"Well…" he hedged, almost holding his breath at the expectant look in her eyes and the way that she seemed to be moving closer yet, "I can think of a few things that would make it absolutely perfect…"
"Such as…?" The expectant look in her eyes had melted into an expression of invitation, and her hand had journeyed from its place at his waist and was tracing the line of his jaw with a soft and exploring fingers.
The sensation was intoxicating. "Parker," Jarod groaned, having to fight his inclination to show her in no uncertain terms what would make his world perfect. But then, amazingly, the hand at his face slipped around the base of his skull and was drawing him down – down until she could stretch up and touch her lips to his.
The touch was electric, and the kiss had deepened before either of them could realize what was happening. Jarod surrounded her with his arms and pulled her into his embrace, rejoicing as she began to respond to him. Just when it seemed as if he was ready to roll her over into her pillows, however, Jarod broke the kiss and held her very close to him, his heart pounding in his chest and breathing hard as if he'd run a marathon. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done to harness his passion and bring it to heel when it would be so easy to just let go and make love to her the way he'd wanted to for so long. "Parker," he tried again, kissing her forehead, her eyes, "tell me to stop. I love you too much to…"
"Jarod," she said softly, the fingers of her hand landing on his lips to stop his words, "I love you too."
He pulled back in sheer astonishment. "What did you say?"
Her lips twitched into a smile. "I said I love you too. What did you think I said?"
"I…" He gazed long into her grey eyes, struggling against the wide smile that wanted to burst across his face in triumph and satisfaction. "You mean it?"
She smiled back a smile of pure mischief, her eyes beginning to twinkle. "Just shut up and kiss me again, boy-genius," she ordered with the faintest hint of the old Ice Queen voice.
She could see the barely restrained passion in his dark eyes simmering in the back of his gaze but still held in check by an iron will. He wasn't ready to play along quite yet — obviously this was too important to him. "If I kiss you again," he informed her very deliberately, "I won't be able to stop again if you change your mind." His hand came up and cupped a cheek gently. "Be very, very sure this is what you want, Parker. I don't want to ruin US…"
Miss Parker ran her hand down his chest in a slow caress, letting her fingertips tangle in the dark curls they found there. "I am sure, Jarod – I'm not going to change my mind. I'm ready for US." She gazed at him earnestly. "I love you."
"God, I love you," Jarod ground out and finally let his lips capture hers in a deep and fiery kiss that left no doubt of his sincerity – or of what was going to happen next. The passion he'd held in tight control surged as those controls were released, and he knew at last the joy of having her permission to show her just how much she meant to him.
oOoOo
"So? Is everybody ready?" Jarod called back into the SUV from his spot in the driver's seat.
"Go," replied Angelo, whose smile for the two in the front seat hadn't dimmed since they'd first appeared that morning.
"Yeah!" cheered Timmy from his car seat tucked safely between his new Grandpa and uncle.
"Whenever you are," Sydney answered with a quietly satisfied smile of his own.
Jarod turned to Miss Parker. "Have you got a suggestion for our next big stop?"
She shook her head at him. "You know what, Jarod? I think I've had enough vacation. Let's go home."
"Colorado?" he inquired with raised brows, and she nodded. He peeked into the rear view mirror at the trio behind them. "Colorado OK with you folks?"
"Go home now," Angelo nodded happily.
"Yeah!" erupted from the car seat in the middle.
"It's time," Sydney agreed with his daughter. "Let's go home. We have lots to do when we get there — the sooner we start…"
"…the sooner we'll get it done," Jarod and Parker intoned with him.
The SUV pulled carefully from the motel parking lot, headed for the nearby interstate highway headed west.