Tuesday

I decided to keep silent on the car ride back home. Mom was awful persistent, though. Thing is, she just really misses her eldest son. I can't blame her. I sure as heck hope that none of my future kids don't turn out like their pathetic, miscreant uncle Rod. Ugh, they'll be shipped off to Spag Union Military Academy right away.

"At least tell me how you two got along!"

"You know, Mom, it...uh, went OK I guess…"

"Ugh...Was his, em, older friend there?"

"Ward? Yeah, he showed up…"

"Great…"

Yeah, it didn't go too well on the way home. Frankly, yesterday was just not a very fantastic day. It was Monday after all, the official worst day of the week in everyone's book, especially Rowley's.

When I got back home last night, I decided to call biggest wimp of the year. I doubted that he was in the ER, but I couldn't be too sure, after what happened. It may have been more extreme that I thought.

"Yep?"

He was home, and he sounded gloomy, not like I expected him to be chipper after his hectic day, but he sounded pretty disheartened.

"Hey, so, how ya feeling?"

I sigh returned from the other end. "Got three broken toes, man...I've got my foot up on a stool right now. My little victim's are pretty purple right now, but there was not much my pediatrician could do. Said that toes just need to heal on their own…"

"Damn. I'm sorry, Rowley, god...that sucks."

"Well, yeah, but it has its perks. I get to skip school tomorrow, and I've been here in my room gaming on the Xbox for hours! Maybe this wasn't such a bad thing…"

I frowned at that. It seemed a bit early for him to be playing hooky, even at his injured expense. Jealously consumed me all of the sudden. I thought we were in this together.

"Lucky son of a bitch" I bit humorously. Then I remembered that Rowley doesn't have that sarcastic wit that I have. He was abashed at my tease.

"Wha- Greg! What the heck is your prob?!"

"Um, Row-"

"OHHH...Jealous, are we? Hmmph! I must say, Gregory...it's a bit immature to call me out so rudely just because I won't be attending school with ya tomorrow."

"Listen, Rowley, I was just-"

"Go to hell! I - I hope that Fregley really gets ya tomorrow! Yeah, he he, don't drop the soa- uh, book, buddy," he warned grimly, actually unnerving me with his seriousness and authentic fury. Boy, that was the last time I'd be joking around with him.

I awkwardly rubbed the back of my tingling neck and sighed. "Whatever, dude. Just get your rest, and I'll see ya Wednesday."

"Hmm, we'll see…" Then he hung up. Moron. I perhaps should've just left him alone at lunch that day in third grade when I first met him. This friendship is becoming more and more stressful every year.

Oh well, I had my own problems to attend to. Ward had just threatened my life if I didn't get my art teacher's first name, so I had that to do, though I knew it would be awkward...very awkward. Heck, it wasn't even any of my business.

Well, it wasn't like I really had much of a choice. The last thing I needed was to be beaten to a pulp by Ward's old, drunk druggie goons. Egh, yeah, my life depended on this.

Anyways, I decided that it was time for some leisurely recreation on my gaming system. Just when I turned my old PS2 on, Mom was at my threshold with her arms crossed and a look of disappointment on her face. Standing next to her was Manny.

"Gregory, it's enough of a disappointment that my oldest son has completely expelled himself from this family, please don't even think about venturing out into your own little world as well."

The controller was in my hands and I was already pretty dang comfy in my large, blue beanbag. I thought I was done dealing with drama for the day. Apparently, I was not.

"Umm...what do you want, Mom?" I asked as sincerely as I could.

"It's not about what I want, Greg." She then looked down at Manny and gestured her hand at him. "Your little brother needs a role model."

I sighed dejectedly inside. Here we went. Ever since my lame-ass brother took off on us not to college, but into Ward's booze and drug-ridden apartment, Mom's been nagging me to be a 'supportive older brother' for Manny. I know I can prove myself far better than Rodrick, but I doubt that "role model" would make for a decent definition.

I pinched my temples in mild frustration. "Okay...so, what do you want me to-"

"I want you to converse with your little brother, sweetie. Ask him about his first day in first grade. Then maybe tell him about your first day in first grade. Just, make conversation, hon."

She then patted Manny's little shoulder and heeled out of my room. I was left alone with a kid more than half of my age. I knew I'd have to turn my TV off to prevent my 6-year-old brother from seeing M-rated imagery from the game I was going to play.

"Hey, there" I said. He stared back at me for a moment before giving a quick wave at me and coming inside. He plopped down next to me in my large bean bag and sunk into it, then he crossed his legs, criss-cross applesauce, as he would put it, as I did when I was younger.

"Whatcha doin?" he asked. I had to admire his innocence and youth. It's nice having someone who looks up to me. It makes me feel important, in fact. Like I'm not such a loser.

"Playing a videogame," I answered. I knew I had to start interrogating him on his school activities before Mom returned and scowled at me like I was the bad egg. "So...how was school?"

He shifted around in his position and shrugged. "Kay, I guess My teacher's name is Mrs. Hykma. She's nice."

Ah, such a beautiful, narrow mind. What I'd give to be six again for a day. I smiled and nodded in response to his brief depiction. "Cool. What did ya do?"

"Oh...just self portraits and stuff. Then we had like three recesses! Kate tripped in the wood chips and got her knee scraped. Me and Josh leaped off the swing like a hundred feet. It was fun."

I was beginning to enjoy his presence. Finally, no one to judge what I had to say, and having to hear simple and appropriate responses to my questions. No critique or patronization. Just pure and wholesome conversation.

"That's nice, Manny. So, when I was in first grade I was a bit of a klutz. Like, I was always dropping my pencil and getting paint on my shirt. He he, then I got to meet this girl named Holly Hills."

I paused and thought about the day I met her. I was on the swing aside to Chirag. We were having a 'swinging contest' to see who could go higher. I was pumping my legs furiously, beating Chirag by far, most likely because I was (and still am) quite a bit taller than him. Then, just as I had dragged my feet on the gravel to stop myself, a girl with blonde hair in pigtails, pink overalls and amazing blue eyes stood before me. I may have been just a little kid at the time, but I knew that this was love at first sight. My heart rate increased by a good ten+ pulses a second, and I felt my cheeks burn like they were set on fire.

"Hi, I'm Holly. What's your name?" she asked, while her arms were crossed around her back. Chirag had just managed to stop himself beside me. He had some trouble doing so, due to his short stature.

"Uhh...Greg." I remember my mind blanked out for a brief moment. She made me very nervous. My first (and last) crush, she was.

"How's in goin?" she inquired confidently. My head began to throb in embarrassment. I almost had difficulty comprehending her simple words.

"Good."

Just then, Chirag hopped off his swing and took off, so swift he had kicked some wood chips our way while beating it. "I got to pee!" he hollered after us, then getting behind a bush off in the distance. She asked me another question while I silently hoped that one of the playground aids wouldn't catch him relieving himself outdoors.

"What?"

She giggled. "Can I swing with you?"

I then seriously thought my face was on fire. I was so nerve-wracked I awkwardly said "got any marshmallows?"

She looked at me quizzically then giggled. "Hm, hm, no...you're goofy."

I laughed lightly at that. "Thanks. Yeah, let's swing."

A big and valiant grin struck her lips as she sat down on the swing to my right. We then swung triumphantly for the remaining four minutes of recess we had, even going fifteen seconds after the whistle was blown.

I guess I was relishing a bit too intensely judging Manny's odd look chucked my way. "Did you say something, bud?"

He shook his head. "Do you think that Roddy's ever gonna come home?"

I was disheartened by his saddened tone. I know he misses Rodrick almost as much as Mom does. Honestly, I know that Rodrick won't be stopping by here anytime soon, in fact, probably not until at least Thanksgiving, but, then again, who knows with him...maybe he'll never return.

"He has his own home now. I'm not sure when he is going to be visiting us."

A look of disappointment struck his features. "Where's that?"

"In an apartment across the city. He lives with his friend from his band."

He sighed and fumbled his fingers before standing back up, leaving a small butt imprint on my bean bag in conclusion. "I gotta poop," he mumbled defeatedly, then sluggishly made his way out of my room. I hadn't seen him so disappointed in quite a while. He, for some mystifying reason, looks up to our brother who is twelve years his senior. It's not like Rodrick is or has ever been too fond of him in return. The kindest he'd ever do for him was scruff his hair here and there and call him a "little rock star." So, he does care for him, at least more than he does me, but he really doesn't give too much of a damn for him, like he should.

Whatever though. Rodrick is his own person, so what do I have to say against him. He's proven himself to be the most defiant and powerful Heffley in generations. I hate to admit that, but it's true. He is a Boss.

Just as I was about to turn my TV back on, Mom called me down for dinner. Ugh, oh well, maybe Tuesday would be better, I figured.

Today wasn't as eventful as yesterday for sure. This morning was horrible. I was alone at the bus stop with Fregley. Of course I tried to stay as far away from his creepy ass as possible, but it's like an impossible feat. He just keeps right at me, no matter what.

I yearned for my blonde beauty to show up with her friends, but they never showed. I think they saw transportation by bus to be too 'low class', and decided to be driven to school instead.

My heart didn't go on the brink of explosion until the four-eyed creature chased me in circles around the bus stop sign, a freshly picked ball of mucus on his index finger, ready to be smeared onto me. I knew that if the bus wouldn't be showing up within those next thirty seconds, I'd have no choice but to kick my attacker in the you-know-whats and then beat it down the street.

Luckily though, bus number 24 popped out from around the block. I was right at the door when it stopped. I'd never in my life been more eager to get on a school bus. I decided to sit in the front by the driver, so I could get some easy help in case the spawn freakazoid decided to latch onto my ankles a little early.

However, the ride to school was pretty neutral. I guess Fregley had his fun with me...so far, anyway. I was still jealous that Rowley got to stay home today, yet, at the same time I am thankful that I'm not as flimsy as he is. At least I can hold on to a book, no matter its weight. Unless it's like forty pounds or something, then I might have some trouble.

Anyway, I got to gym class like fifteen minutes early today. I was the only guy in the locker room. It doesn't take a genius to figure out why. No one's ever in a hurry to get to the gym, except maybe America's toughest trainer, Jillian Michaels. I'm sure the gymnasium is her personal sanctuary.

Well, I decided to take a look around the locker room before the students began showing up. There are five long rows of lockers, all colored a deep gray. They are all numbered, and there are 105 total. God knows why, though, for your average PE class generally has no more than 30 students. At least mine does.

There is a large shower room off to the left side of the room. My stomach's contents of nothing more than two bites of milk-soaked cereal churned in angst. For the first time ever, I'd be showering in front of other guys.

Then again, maybe I could just do what Rodrick did for the semester he took while he was in high school. He told me that he just wet his hair down after each class (on the days he did attend) when the teacher wasn't looking. Apparently, he'd get away with it every time. It wasn't a bad idea. I hoped that the results would turn out to be the same for me.

I picked out locker number 34 that was more off into a corner (for more privacy, of course). I removed my sandals and got out my fresh pair of socks along with the tennis shoes I brought, for simple sandals were not permitted, unfortunately.

We had yet to be given our uniforms, so I just wore my T shirt and shorts that I wore to school. The clock on the wall read the time to be 7:32. I got out my ipod touch and played this game called 'Flappy Bird'. It's really popular, apparently, and pretty addicting. I personally think that it's rigged, for I can never get past the fifth um, totem poll thing, or pipe, whatever they are. At least the game's free.

Then I heard someone say "hey, Greg." I looked up to see my new sophomore friend, Earl. Good thing he showed up, for I was about ready to muster some curses under my breath for the early morning frustration I was feeling at my horrible app play.

"Oh, hey Earl. How's it going?"

"Fine, I guess. Got to bed really late last night. I'm pretty fatigued."

"Same here, only my Monday was extremely eventful. So, my friend dropped his bio book onto his foot, and ended up breaking three toes, so he's home today." I stopped briefly to wait for his sniggering to sustain. I knew, I knew, it was funny and pathetic at the same time. "And then after school, I had to go to my brother's apartment. He's lives in the Taylor Inn with a thirty-something alcoholic who plays in a band and lives on welfare checks, a big loser, really. His place was a mess. There were bags of weed and empty beer bottles everywhere. God, it was just disgusting. When I got there, he tossed a beer at me, but I didn't see it coming, so it hit the wall behind me and shattered into a pile of broken shards and spilled alcohol. The scent burned my nostrils, by the way."

I then summarized the rest up by telling him about Ward and his threat against me to find out my art teachers first name...so I had that to look forward to in about four hours here. I was just glad that Earl took in what I had to say with consideration and understanding. He, like Manny, didn't judge me or laugh at my often unfortunate life.

He adjusted his glasses back up his nose from where they slid down. "Eh, my life's nothing pleasant either, Greg. Let's just say having above average intelligence gets you the good grades and the high GPA, but not the ladies."

I immediately caught on. He was having girl troubles, just like myself. Yup, I am fourteen and have never dated. I haven't even held hands with someone the opposite sex yet, except for Mom, who loves to do it, even now, while out in public, much to my humiliation.

"Been trying to ask out this girl, Monica, who's in my grade. I'm just too far out of her league. I think she likes the jocks."

I nodded in full understanding. It seems as if all the girls like the jocks. Especially the football players. They're crazy for them, and their outrageously large shoulder blades, goofy helmets and tight yoga-like pants. I know I won't ever be an NFL player. Not in a million years. I kind of like tennis, though, and basketball, but I'm not good enough at either to consider trying out for them.

"So, have you talked to her?" I asked. I personally thought that Earl has a better chance of scoring a date than myself. He seems more witty and he's even better looking than myself. Phew, I'm just glad that this journal is confidential. I wont be telling Earl himself these things, even if they are complementary.

"Nah, I don't know what to say to her. I mean, girls are different from us, Greg. They think differently, look differently, talk differently, and hell, they even smell different from us. What could I say to her? Hey, you ever watch 'World War Two stories' on the history channel? You know what the girls like. They watch shows like 'Pretty Liars' or whatever it's called, and I dunno, 'Gossip gals'. Huh, I like sci fi. Currently, I'm watching 'Dr. Who', the new one they have on, and 'The Big Bang Theory', love that one, you ever see it?"

"No, I like older shows, like 'Freaks and Geeks' and sometimes 'Star Trek'. I really don't watch too much TV. I'm more of a gamer. I've just completed Twisted Wizard II, and now I'm waiting for the third release."

"Ah, I enjoy playing consoles as well, but I tend to get kind of dizzy if I play too long. I have motion sickness, or something like that. It sucks. Johnny makes fun of me for it. He can game away for hours without so much as a blink."

Whoa, that would suck. Not even my weak-as-a-twig friend had that. Sure, I was a far better gamer than him, but he at least he didn't go all crosseyed with an urge to vomit when his Warlock was moving about on his broomstick with much agility.

"My condolences…"

He waved his arm to dismiss my empathy. "It's cool. I've got to focus on my school work anyways...and maybe actually getting a date for Homecoming."

Yeah, I don't think that I'm doing that...at least not this year. No way in heck I'm gonna be able to pick up the courage to ask my one-sided love, Holly to this dance. Then again, the thought of another guy escorting my lady to the semi prom made my insides boil. Heck, I just hoped that she'd be going to the event with just her, as she'd probably put, 'girlies'. Chances were that she would be going, though. It was like a requirement for all the popular kids. And the yearbook geeks, presumably.

"Man...we have class in like eight minutes…" groaned Earl. The time was 7:38. The locker room was oddly still empty minus the two of us.

"Where is everyone?"

"Oh, this is normal. No one wants to come to gym class, especially this early in the morning. We probably won't be seeing another living organism in here for at least another four minutes," he replied like your typical high school know-it-all. Just a year ahead of me and already acting like a senior.

So gym did start at 7:45, and only half the class from yesterday showed up. One can assume that they switched out or cut class. I wish I could do the same. I'm just too much of a dork to do that, unfortunately. At least I could be accompanied by my new friend during the 2nd worst hour of the day, the first being -

Oh God!

I just remembered that I had to get to the guidance office right after my english class, and I had to switch out of Slike's class. He was just too abusive. I am a mere freshman. I don't think I'll be able to handle teacher's like him till at least Junior year.

Okay, I had to relax. Everything would be okay. I was sure that they'd allow me to switch right out, no issue at all. All would be good, right?

…

So all we did in gym was run around in circles for the first ten minutes in a cruel attempt to really 'perk us up', then we teamed up for basketball for the remaining thirty-five minutes we had. We would have gotten a full hour in PE, had we not been forced to shower after each class. I guess it was their new policy or something.

My insides churned wretchedly as I saw a flash of at least ten backsides run into the shower space like their lives depended on it. I cringed at the sight and sound of wet washcloths being smacked onto bare rears.

I fought to remove my eyeballs from the eyesore, that was comprised of adolescent guys and a few jocks mixed into one big crowd underneath a lukewarm shower, one bar of soap to pass around, and the crooning of the song 'Smells like Teen Spirit'. They all looked like drunken idiots. Naked drunken idiots. There was no way I was getting in there!

I felt a hand land on my right shoulder. I turned to see Earl still fully clothed, like myself, wearing a frown on his face, like me. "This is the burden we bear, brother." His tone signified complete loss of hope. He slipped his semi sweaty T shirt off. "Let's get this over with."

Um, no.

I backed away with crossed arms, shaking my head. "Heck no. Count me out."

"Greg, it's mandatory…" By now his shorts were down around his ankles. I decided to walk away at this point, for I wouldn't be able to look at my new friend the same way ever again had I seen him in the nude.

I went for the sink and dipped my head into it. I was about to take the only good advice Rodrick had ever given me in my life. The convincing 'fake shower'. All I had to do was soak my hair, then towel-dry. Seemed convincing enough, didn't it?

I had luckily gotten done with my 'shower' just as Mr. Hondis entered the room. I was at my locker changing back into my sandals. Earl approached me with a white towel wrapped around his waist, and a scowl on his face.

"It wasn't that bad, ya know…"

I shut my locker and continued to pat away at my damp hair. "Oh? Did it start getting fun when the guy with the prettiest butt dropped the soap?" It was a cruel move, but I had to be honest. I would NEVER be showering with other guys!

"Tsk, welcome to high school, Heffley. I think you should understand that there are going to be times in your life when you just might have to see people naked." He grabbed his glasses from the top shelf of his locker, then carelessly let his only privacy fall to the floor. I turned away swiftly just in time to - see Benny Hills' abnormally large

GOD NO.

"Yeah, and that will be with my wife-to-be Holly!"

"Pfft, as if you can win her over."

"You haven't even seen her!"

"Don't need to. I already know you're out of her league."

"Wha - why you…. dork." The blows just kept on getting lower. I decided to leave. Gosh, my first fight with my new friend. Sure, I had gotten into plenty of arguments with Rowley over the years, all of them having been short-lived and pathetic in general, but I was hoping to make this new acquaintance last a little longer.

"See ya at lunch, Heffley!" called the four-eyed sophomore playfully. Okay, so I guess he wasn't really mad at me. Good. I was thankful that he could overlook something like this so easily. Had this altercation been with my other friend, then he'd never have anything of me again.