Mr. C has informed me that she is very pleased with the fact that people approve of her exitstence.
This chappie was written this fast all because of Mr. C, who inspired me to write this.
Uhm... Thanks a bunch for reviewing chappie 11; DeathOfAAngel, riddlebox89, XSakixTakashiX, Clarice125, The Famous Fire Lady M, Jay Zero Snake and CarrieChaos! :D Haha.
Don't own RE. I own Joey, though. And Mr. T and Mr. C. :D
Enjoy?
Mr. C had gotten settled quite fast after literally landing near the office. As a matter of fact, it only took her three days to become friends with HUNK, which was very possibly a new record.
Wesker liked her too, but that was mainly because she appeared to get along with Mr. T. So far, T had only scratched her three times, which was very possibly another new record.
Yes, this cow had found a new home, and it appeared to be quite a good one too. Life probably couldn't get any better for her. Or worse, for that matter.
"The cow is bored." Jack was sitting on the face that surrounded the small meadow and pointed at the herbivore. "See? She's eating grass out of sheer boredom. We should entertain her."
"How?" Wesker asked with a bored expression. He didn't want to entertain a cow, he wanted to enjoy the sun, which had finally re-appeared after several weeks of rain.
"Maybe we should make an attempt to communicate?" Jack asked. "Like, you know..."
"No, I don't know."
"Moooooooo!" Jack yelled. "Mooooo?"
Wesker turned his head around. "What the...?"
"Moooooooo!" Jack repeated himself, waiting for a reply. "Mooomoooo?"
"Oh come on, that is just plainly disturbing."
"Why ain't she talking back?"
Wesker shrugged. "Maybe she doesn't speak 'moo'."
"It's a cow!"
"I know... Maybe you don't speak 'moo', then... Or maybe she is a foreign cow, and doesn't understand the English form of mooing. Or perhaps she doesn't feel like you are worthy of speaking to?" Wesker sighed. "Jack, go do something useful?"
"Meh, fine." Jack jumped down from the fence and dusted his clothes off. "Ya know, sir? Maybe you should consider another animal? The meadow is big enough for at least two more cows... Which would equal like, seven chickens?"
"I don't like chickens unless they are fried and ready to be eaten."
"Then what about goats? Or sheep? Bah bah, black sheep, have you any wool?"
"Jack..." Wesker lowered his voice, indicating that he was getting annoyed. "Please go do something useful!"
Jack shrugged. "Yeah, yeah..." Deciding that it was probably in his best interest to leave Wesker alone, Jack started walking back to the office. He didn't really feel like working, but he figured that while he was doing something useful, he could try to think of a cool new animal for Wesker. He knew Wesker liked animals, even though the stern man would never admit it.
But Mr. T had proven that Wesker did have a heart. Sure, Jack had no idea whether it was still beating or not, but that wasn't really the point. The man had a heart, and that was a fact.
On his way to his own office, Jack passed Security. He nodded to himself and decided to get HUNK involved, just to see if maybe that man could come up with a nice idea.
"Yo dude..." Jack walked in to find HUNK sitting around, all alone, smoking like a chimney. "I was wondering... I want to get Wesker another animal, for in his cute meadow, but he doesn't want sheep of chickens."
"So?"
"So... Do you have a good idea?"
HUNK scratched the back of his head and appeared to think for a moment. A nasty smirk appeared on his face. "Hang on for a second..." He grabbed his phone and pressed a few buttons. "Hey Jojo, listen up... I know how you hate cows, right? I was wondering... Are there any other animals you're afraid of?"
Silence. The person on the other end of the line was replying.
"Really? Why the hell would you be scared of ducks?"
Again silence. Quite a long one, too, as the explanation appeared to be an elaborate one.
"You were... Dang woman, you are insane." HUNK snickered. "But hey, thanks for telling me!" He hung up and stared at Jack. "You should get Wesker ducks..."
"Was that Joey?"
"Yeah. Did you know she is afraid of cows, ducks, fountains and windmills?" HUNK frowned. "It makes no sense at all."
"How do you know that?"
"Eh... She told me?" HUNK replied dryly.
Jack smirked. "You tease, you sneer, you scowl and glare, but you know more about the girl than I do... Sounds to me like you're more interested than you are willing to admit... You even called her ´Jojo´."
"Give me a break..."
"Heh, you can't keep secrets from me, I am... OH! I know! I'm getting him a pony!" Jack cheered. "Mr. P!"
"That is so wr..."
"And maybe a duck too, indeed... Mr. D!"
"Jack, you shouldn't get..."
"OH! And, and, and... A goat!" Jack nodded happily, almost causing him to headbutt the wall behind him. "Mr. T, Mr. C, Mr. D, Mr. P and Mr. G! Hahaaaa, Wesker will love me forevermore!"
HUNK just groaned and grabbed his jacket. "I get the point... You're going shopping for animals, and you will tell me to come along. That's just dandy." He heaved a sigh. "Come on, let's just get this over with, then."
The two men left in a hurry, as they didn't want Wesker to see them sneaking off. Getting a duck wouldn't be that hard, they were just going to steal one from the pond, but the pony and goat would probably prove to be a bigger problem. A more expensive one too, actually.
But hey, Jack didn't care. Ever since he had stopped drinking, he found he had a lot of money left by the end of the month. And this seemed like a great opportunity to show Wesker his appreciation for giving him a better life.
=== Cafeteria ===
"Miss! My men have gone missing!" Wesker stalked through the cafeteria, intended on finding out where Krauser and HUNK had gone. "You! Go feed Mr. C!"
"Hell no, strangah!"
"Miss, you must feed Mr. C, because HUNK is not around, and I don't know where her food is!"
Joey shook her head. "No, no... I hate cows. Cows hate me too, you know?" She scowled. "I'd rather go for a walk with Mr. T."
"Go feed Mr. C, that is an order..." Wesker pointed at the door and shot the girl a glare. "Now."
"Fine."
=== Pond ===
"Quack." Jack stated. "Quack, quack..."
"Quack." A random duck replied.
"I want that one!" Jack pointed at the duck who quacked back and smiled. "It's cool! It's white, too, it'll look great with Mr. C!"
"Then go get it..."
Jack nodded. He quietly walked up to the duck and started quacking softly. He didn't want to startle it, because if he did, then the duck would very probably fly away, only to be never seen again. And that was sad, because Jack liked the thought of taking home an animal that he connected with like that.
Just when he was about to grab it, the duck flew away and landed again a feet further from the pond. Jack sighed and rolled his eyes. "Damnit... Quack..."
The duck repeated the same actions over and over again, until HUNK approached it from the back and grabbed its neck. "That's how it's done."
"Don't kill the duck, man!" Jack yelled. "You're killing it!"
"I am not." Was the short reply. HUNK grabbed the basket Jack had brought along and stuffed the bird inside. "Next is the pony."
"Wait!" Jack suddenly exclaimed. "Maybe... Maybe we should leave the duck and get a different Mr. D instead! I just thought of something better!"
HUNK silently shook his head. "What then."
"A donkey!"
"No." HUNK grabbed Jack's arm and pulled his comrade away from the pond. "The duck is staying, and we're going to get a pony now..."
=== Meadow ===
"Hi, cow. I'm Joey. You want food?"
Mr. C didn't respond, she was too busy rolling around in the grass.
"No food?"
Still no response. It appeared Mr. C wasn't interested in the young woman whatsoever. Joey nodded to herself and opened the fence, as this seemed like the right opportunity to walk to the trench and fill it without being bothered by the cow. Just as she was about to open the bag of food, Mr. C got up on her feet and started walking around.
Joey's heart skipped a beat, and she dropped the bag on the ground. Quietly she tried to make her way back to the fence, without being seen.
Sadly, Mr. C had a different plan. Rather than walking to the food, which a normal cow would've done, she decided to take a nap in front of the only place where the fence could be opened.
Joey sighed and turned around. She headed for the nearest tree and climbed into it. "Someone will save me sooner or later..." She muttered while planting her but between two branches. "I'm sure of it."
=== Back to business ===
"I like the pony." Jack stated. "I like the goat too, but the pony is really cute... I think Wesker might even be able to ride it, if he knows how to."
"I feel like a farmer." HUNK replied, not caring about Jack's love for their new pony. "And ya know? It doesn't feel that bad..."
"Quack." The duck in the back of the car stated. "Quack, quack... Quacka."
"I know!" Jack replied. "Mr D, this was indeed a great day! The pony is cute, the goat is awkward, and you are one epic duck..." Jack smiled again, for the tenth time in about two hours. "I am so content..."
"I wonder what Joey will think about the pony... Girls love ponies, right?" HUNK asked. "Maybe she'll end up riding it."
"You'd love to see that, wouldn't you?"
"Shut up before I shoot the duck." HUNK sneered. "I was great at Duck Hunt, you know?"
"Quack! Quack quack!" Mr. D started to move around in the basket.
Jack turned around. "Shhhh, it's okay, Mr. D... He's just kidding." He cooed. "He won't kill you..."
"Quack."
HUNK silently shook his head, for the tenth time in about two hours. "Jack... Sometimes I wish they had kept you in that mental institution."
"Oh shush..." Jack muttered. "Hey listen up! When we get back to the office, you should go to the meadow and I will go see Wesker, okay? Then you let the new animals into the meadow, and I will distract Wesker... When you're done and you put the car and trailer away, you will call me, and I will take Wesker to the meadow, and we will both get to enjoy the look on his face."
"Why don't I distract Wesker, and you let the animals in?"
Jack blushed. "Cause I wanna say thanks for giving me a job, even though I used to work for the government, my arm never healed and I'm pretty loud."
"Okay."
"We're almost there." Jack nodded at the side of the road. "Let me out here, and I will go find Wesker... You go on ahead and get things done." He smiled once again. "Thanks for the help."
"Quack." Mr. D stated.
"No problem, man." HUNK pulled over and let his comrade out. "See ya in a few minutes."
Jack nodded and closed the door. "Oh please sir..." He mumbled to nobody in particular. "Please be happy..."
=== Meadow ===
"Mr. C! Step away from the tree, and nobody will get hurt!"
"Moo." Mr. C was rubbing against the tree, probably to get rid of a nasty itch.
Joey was about to start crying. "Please... Please step away from the tree... I will bring you an apple next time I come by." A sob escaped through clenched teeth. "Or a sugar cube... Or... A car! It's a car!" Joey cheered when she heard a car approach. "Finally, salvation is headed my way!"
=== HUNK ===
"Well duck, I wish you the best of luck..." HUNK opened the basket and set the duck free. "I hope you get to lead a fun life, full of... Grass." HUNK frowned, getting a bit confused. "You need water, do you not? I will make sure you get that too."
"Quack!" Mr. D showed HUNK his gratitude by sitting down on the fence and staring at the sane man. "Quack quock."
HUNK in the meanwhile opened the trailer. A bit annoyed by the giant pony-ass that was blocking his way, he made his way in and untied the pony. "Well pony, grass everywhere, you should be able to enjoy yourself." He led the pony out of the trailer and unhooked the rope. "Now run, or something."
"Heeeelp..."
"Eh... That was odd." HUNK mumbled. "I could've sworn that pony asked for help." He shrugged it off and went to get the goat, which was a lot easier to escort into the meadow. He then drove the car and trailer out of the way and went back to the fence.
"Heeeellppp!"
"Ah come on." HUNK entered the meadow and closed the fence behind him. In the meanwhile he gave Jack a ring. "Jack, I'm done, you can come now."
"Okay, be there in a minute!"
HUNK hung up again and went in the direction of where the cry for help appeared to be coming from. The cry lead him to the tree, but nobody appeared to be around, except for Mr. C, who was very probably not capable of talking. "What the hell?"
"HUNK?" Joey grunted. "Damn it... It's you, strangah. I wasn't waiting for you, I was waiting for Jack."
"Why the hell are you hiding out in a tree?" HUNK asked. "And why do you need help?"
"Wesker made me feed the cow, but then the cow came after me, and now it won't leave me alone." Joey stated shortly. "I'm also positive that I'm stuck."
HUNK smirked. "You are so damn..." He started to laugh. "You're mental, miss Merchant... You never cease to surprise me, you know that?"
"Please chase the cow away."
"The cow won't hurt you..." HUNK snickered. "Did you see the pony?"
"What pony?"
"We got a pony now... And a goat." HUNK refrained from mentioning the duck, as it suddenly seemed a bit mean they had gotten a duck, just to tease Joey.
"I like ponies." Joey stated. "I like goats too, actually... You know, this one time, I dreamt about a goat attacking me, because I had a horn."
"You what?"
"Eh... Maybe that means I don't like goats after all..."
"Could you just come down?"
"I'm kind of scared to... Even if the cow leaves, I might end up falling on my face, and breaking my neck... Which is why I was waiting for Jack, because he's huge and sturdy, so I'd just jump on his back."
"I'm sturdy too, you know." HUNK grunted.
"I know, but I am also aware of the fact you can't stand me, therefore I'll wait for Jack. I'm starting to understand the way your mind works, and even though I once thought it was nice, I'm currently not a fan."
"Oh come on, woman. I won't let you fall on your face, and if the cows comes to close, I'll let you stand behind me... Now just hang on to a branch and let go, you'll be fine."
"Ehhh, I really don't..."
"And make sure you bend your knees when you land, I do not want to carry you to the car because you break a foot or something."
"Fine." Joey grabbed a hold of a branch and lowered herself down. After a second of wondering whether this was the right thing to do, she let go. Not because she wanted to, but because she couldn't hold on. With a thud she landed on ground and toppled over.
"See." HUNK muttered, keeping the girl from falling on her face after all. He let go of her. "Refrain from climbing trees from now on?"
Joey wasn't listening anymore, as she had seen the pony, and was on her way to pet it. "Pony! You are so cute! You are soooo cute! Aren't you the cutest pony? And you're pretty big too, maybe, if I feed Mr. C again, Wesker will let me ride you!" Joey hugged the pony and smiled, completely forgetting about the cow that was also around. "Pretty pony."
HUNK sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Hehe... Women."
=== Wesker ===
"You just took off, while you should have been working, and now you're telling me there is something I should see?" Wesker was obviously very annoyed. "Listen Jack, I'm glad you're happy with your job, and believe me, whenever you act sane, I am happy having hired you, but we have stuff to do."
"Come on sir, you'll love this, I'm sure." Jack said. He said it more to himself, trying to ignore the bad feeling in his stomach. What if he did not like it? What if it would annoy Wesker even more? Or worse, what if it would anger him?
Jack was starting to doubt himself, and wished he wasn't so damn impulsive. He didn't want to anger his boss, he wanted to make him happy. He liked seeing Wesker happy, it was fun to watch.
"But Jack, I really..."
"Sir, listen." They were nearing the meadow and Jack had to cut his boss off for a second. "If you don't like it, we'll get rid of them again. But could you just please, for a second, just look and think about how it makes you... feel?"
"How what makes me feel?" Wesker asked, suddenly on guard.
Jack pointed at the meadow. "There."
Wesker looked, and Wesker saw. He saw a duck sitting on the fence, still in the same place as when HUNK set it free. He saw a pony with a young woman standing next to it, a bit big, but very cute with Punk-like manes. And he saw a goat, chasing around his beloved cow Mr. C. What Wesker saw was technically nothing more than a petting zoo...
"Jack." Wesker whispered.
"Yes?" Jack replied quietly.
"It's a petting zoo."
Jack nodded. "I know. We could get..."
"I've always wanted my own petting zoo... I love petting zoos, they remind me of a time when everything was so much easier. When you only had to worry about getting a cookie after dinner, or whether your best friend would let you play with his Lego."
"You like it, sir?" HUNK popped up and smirked. "You might need to share the pony."
"Quack." Mr. D stated.
"Yeah... Hahaha, I do like it, actually! It's magnificent!" Wesker nodded with a smile on his face, something that happened about once a month. "I do like it, and I don't want you guys to get rid of them, they are pretty cool."
Jack smiled too. "Good."
"There's one problem though." Wesker said with a suddenly very serious expression on his face.
Jack's heart skipped a beat. Maybe Wesker wasn't happy after all? "What is it?"
"There is Mister T, Mister C, Mister D, Mister G and Mister P... Now all I want is a bunny, whom we'll call Mister B."
"You can have mine!" Joey, who had overheard her boss, yelled. "You can have Bunchlax, since he's sad, anyway. He might like a bigger place to play!"
"That girl's got good ears." Wesker stated with a frown. "Thanks miss! Please take him with you tomorrow?"
"Sure!" And Joey went back to petting the pony.
"Hahaha... Jack, remember the tornado? And how chasing one was your childhood dream?" Wesker smiled.
Jack nodded. "Well duh."
Wesker looked at his comrades. "Well men, I think you just fulfilled mine... Thank you."
And they lived happily ever after. At least for another day or two, anyway.
That was fun to write. I was making up farm-animals, and have decided these are my favourites.
Ya know, that dream about being attacked by a goat? I had that dream. -_- It was awful. xD
Uhm. What else to say? Nothing, I suppose. :)
I hope you liked. If you did, then please leave a message. Flamers will be chased by Mr. G.
-FUNK