Chapter Twelve

The next few days were extremely uncomfortable for Cas whenever Dean came into the bakery. Caught between completely suppressing his feelings and the urge to blurt them all out whenever he saw Dean, he spent most of his time in a state of constant anxiety.

Alfie noticed Cas's discomfort and tried to keep him from hurting himself in the kitchen, but there was only so much he could do during his three hour shift.

After a particularly difficult lunchtime, in which Dean lingered longer than usual, Cas hid in the kitchen for a while, trying to focus on something - anything - else, to de-frazzle his mind.

'Stupid,' he muttered. 'This is not sustainable.'

'Cas, are you okay?' Alfie called from the front of the shop.

'Yes, I'm fine,' Cas lied.

Just as he was beginning to feel a little better, he heard his phone vibrating somewhere and scrambled to find it, eventually pulling it out from inside a stack of cake pans, briefly confused as to how it got there.

'Gabriel?' he said, seeing his name on the screen.

'Hey, you answered! Congratulations.'

'I'll give myself a pat on the back.'

'You're hilarious. Anyway, how are you doing?'

'I'm doing fine.'

'Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good.'

'I said I'm fine, Gabriel.'

'Well, I'm convinced.'

'You should be,' Cas said stubbornly.

'Okay, then, if you're sure… Mom wants to call tomorrow.'

Cas dropped his phone on the floor, and was glad he hadn't opted for something more expensive.

'Cas, you there?'

'I'm here,' Cas said faintly.

'You still okay?'

'Actually, yes, I'm fine.'

'Really? So I can give her the go ahead?'

'Uh… Yes, all right,' Cas said hesitantly. 'Thanks for the warning. I appreciate it.'

'Of course. I gotta go. Catch you later.'

Gabriel hung up, but Cas kept his phone clutched in his hand, a knot forming in his stomach, where it remained for the rest of the day.

There was a feeble attempt at dinner, but most of his noodles were uneaten when they got cold. He plugged his phone in, but kept checking it to make sure it was charging correctly, then changed into his pajamas. However, even look at his bed he knew that he would not be able to sleep. He picked up his phone again, careful not to dislodge the charger, and looked through his contacts for someone who could distract him. All it did, however, was serve as a sad reminder that he knew hardly anyone. The list consisted of Alfie, Charlie, Dean, Gabriel and Sam. He stared at Dean's number. It would be a distraction at the very least.

I can't sleep. Any tips? he texted.

There was an almost immediate response. Get a blanket and a pillow and meet me outside.

Cas froze, having not expected Dean to want to come over. He looked down at himself in his pajamas and tried to reason with himself that Dean had seen him in them before.

Once the initial shock at Dean's willingness to come over at the drop of a hat, Cas did as he said and grabbed a pillow and a blanket.

Gracie watched him curiously from the couch. She was very used to routine and this was decidedly not part of it.

A little while later, he heard the blast of Dean's horn outside and locked his door behind him, then walked a little way up to the turning in the street, where Dean was waiting for him.

'Hello,' Dean said, his smile and voice both making Cas want to melt right into the pavement.

'What's this about?' Cas asked.

{You always fall asleep in my car. It might help}

'Oh,' Cas said, embarrassed. 'What about you? Don't you need to sleep?'

{I had a nap earlier. I'll be fine. Come on} He grabbed Cas's bedclothes and began arranging them in the backseat, then held the door open for Cas.

He climbed in and lay across the backseat, pulling his blanket over himself, and jumped as he felt Dean arranging it over his legs. 'You don't need to tuck me in, you know,' he said, slightly amused.

{Not true} Dean signed. {Everyone needs to be tucked in by me. I'm the best}

'Well, there's no arguing with that.' Cas scooted down further into the back seat and found it to be a lot more comfortable than he was expecting. He relaxed a little more while Dean got back into the driver's seat and switched on his music.

Once the car was moving, Cas soon drifted off to sleep. It was a soft, dreamless sleep at first, but then he was plunged into a nightmare, where there were angry voices all around him, accompanied by a deep and terrible cold. What seemed like a clawed hand grabbed him by the shoulder and he shot awake with a yell. After a moment, he realised that the car had stopped, and it wasn't a clawed hand that had grabbed him, but rather Dean trying to shake him awake, crouching next to him in the door of the car.

Cas sat up and wrapped his arms around himself, shivering and breathing heavily.

Dean gently tapped him on the arm. {Let's get some air} he signed, then helped Cas out of the car. He hopped up onto the hood of the car and patted the space beside him for Cas to sit on.

Cas climbed up and sat stiffly, with his arms and legs crossed, still shivering until Dean slipped off his leather jacket and draped it over Cas's shoulders.

{What was it about?} Dean asked.

Cas sighed. 'A recurring nightmare I have. It's been a while since the last time, though.'

Dean watched him intently, waiting for more.

Cas pulled the jacket more closely around himself. 'When my parents threw me out,' he began haltingly. 'I didn't have anyone I could go to. Or anywhere. I-' He stopped himself and shook his head, then continued. 'I was homeless. Seventeen years old and wandering around the streets for two months.' Cas was still shivering, so Dean moved closer and put a comforting hand on Cas's back.

'That's what the nightmare is about,' he explained. 'It was January at the time, and you never really appreciate the warmth of your own home until you're stuck outside in the middle of winter, and the cold… It's the worst part. Of course, the hunger is terrible, and the shame of having to beg and not being able to wash regularly… But the cold. Even on the nights I could find some sort of shelter, I was too scared to sleep, in case I froze to death.'

Dean gasped at this.

'Charlie found me eventually. We'd met a few times before and she recognised me when she saw me begging. She took me back to her place and helped me clean up a little. Even though I had a place to stay, I couldn't shake the cold for weeks. I'll never forget it…'

Dean squeezed Cas tightly. {That's terrible. I'm sorry} he signed once he'd let go.

Cas shook his head. He was still shivering slightly, but he somehow felt lighter, and leaned back against the windshield, gazing up at the clear sky. Dean joined him.

'This is the best part of living all the way out here,' Cas said. 'You can actually see the stars. Where are we anyway? What time is it?'

{We're a couple hours outside of town. It's one in the morning}

Cas nodded, already feeling better.

{You like stars? Do you know what we're looking at?}

Cas smiled, the tension in his neck and shoulders fading. He pointed upwards. There are a few constellations visible all year round in the northern hemisphere. I'm sure you already know Ursa Major?'

{What?}

'The Big Dipper?'

{You know the fancy name for it} Dean grinned.

'Well if you follow those two stars on Ursa Major, you can find the Pole Star.' Cas traced the path with his finger. 'You'll always be able to find North as long as you can find that. And then there's Ursa Minor on the other side, and the constellation Draco, that sort of looks like a snake. Do you see it?'

Dean nodded, looking up at it. {Which is your favourite?}

'That's easy,' said Cas. 'Cassiopeia, the Queen. She's up there, near the Pole Star. That one that looks like a "W".' But when he glanced at Dean, he saw the Dean wasn't looking at it at all. Instead, he was staring at Cas, with a twinkle in his eye. 'What?' Cas asked.

Dean shrugged. {I didn't know you were so into that stuff. It's cool}

'I'm glad you think so.'

Dean then stared at him for an uncomfortable amount of time, making him squirm a little.

'Is there something on your mind?' Cas asked quietly.

Dean bit his lip, then slowly raised his hands. {Will you go out with me?}

Cas nearly slipped off the hood of the car. 'What?' he gasped, catching himself.

{Will you go out with me?} Dean asked, more confidently this time. {On a date?}

'You mean it?'

{I do. What do you say?}

'I- I would like that,' Cas said smiling nervously.

{Great} Then Dean's face fell slightly. {Would you do me a favour and not mention it to S-a-m just yet? He doesn't know that I… about… You know?}

'Oh. Of course,' Cas said. 'I understand completely.'

Then Dean was smiling again. {Great. I'll see what work is like tomorrow and text you}

{Good plan} Cas signed.

His heart was fluttering the whole way home, and he went to bed feeling quite giddy, and with Dean asleep in the spare room.

Welcome back everyone! Thanks to Vadergirl2006, VegasGranny, Sherlock Harry Winchester, AGirlIntheGalaxy, bisexualwheezing, roughenedverses, NicIsValid and thewindinthemeadow for the lovely reviews! Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll see you all again next week!

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