Title: Origins: A Lost Soul

Author: MarieCarro

Beta: Mylissa

Pre-reader: JeniK & chatnoirmd

Genre: Angst/Family/Supernatural

Rating: NC-17

Summary: It was during the month of March in the year of 1918 that the first signs of the influenza were revealed to the public, although no one ever imagined the damages this historic event would have on the American people.

One citizen, in particular, faces an irrevocable change that causes a chain of events to unfold through the twentieth century. The price was to give up his old life, but he would later gain more than he ever thought he would.

Edward Masen was a normal 17-year-old boy with dreams of becoming a soldier, but when tragedy struck his family, his entire life changed. Edward was introduced to the supernatural world he had no idea even existed, and he certainly didn't want to live in it. Canon

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER 11

FRIDAY, APRIL 15th 1921

I exhaled with relief when I reached my destination and sat down on the stony beach shore at one of the more secluded parts on the west side of Devil's Lake.

It was not yet season for vacations at the hotels on the south side, or for camping on the north-east side, so the humans I could hear were considerably fewer than what they would be in a month's time.

The lake was a popular attraction, especially when The Ringling Brothers themselves had owned a summerhouse down by the shore while their circus was still enjoyed by many and they had allowed their elephants to bathe in the waters.

Over a hundred thousand people had visited the lake two years ago, and I could definitely see the lake's appeal with its untouched and wild beauty.

I could hear the fleeting thoughts of a group of women playing cricket in one of the hotel parks, but they were too far away for me to hear their spoken conversation.

Even though I could still hear thoughts, it felt pleasant to have some form of peace compared to what I had at home in Ashland. I never felt truly alone there with Carlisle's thoughts ceaselessly in my head, although he had become better at concealing those thoughts he wanted to remain private.

Still, it had become a consistency of mine to run a few hundred miles from home whenever I felt the need to escape from everything.

Carlisle had asked that I keep away from public places whenever I went on a run. I hadn't killed a human since returning to America, and I thought I had done well, but I could still understand Carlisle's hesitance. He had been present for all my slips, but that had certainly not hindered me from killing those humans. Had I been in his position, I undoubtedly would have made the same request.

As much as I wanted to explore more of the area, I didn't want to disappoint him again; or kill another innocent for that matter.

I remained in my spot for a few hours until it was obvious that the sun would make an effort and break through the clouds that covered the sky. I didn't want to risk being seen by the humans on the opposite shore, so I straightened up, brushed the dirt off my clothes and began my run back home.

The journey would take me hours since I was in no rush. It felt good to run; to stretch my muscles and be alone, so I was gladly taking my time. I stayed away from the cities as I passed over the state, and the sky had already begun to darken when I closed in on Ashland.

I cast a glance on my pocket watch when I crossed the city limit and noted that Carlisle would have already gone to the hospital since he was working the night shift.

However, when I turned on our street, I could feel a change in the air. Something was out of place. My entire body shivered with the prospect of a huge alteration that was about to happen.

Automatically, I slowed my run to a walk that wasn't faster than a human's and started to listen in on the thoughts of our neighbors.

Some were already asleep; children pretended to sleep when their parents looked inside their rooms but opened their eyes immediately when the door was once again closed; maids readied themselves to go home for the night; couples, both wedded and men with their mistresses, kissed passionately while they steered their steps toward their bedrooms.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but I couldn't rid myself of the feeling that had now taken root inside my body.

I cautiously climbed the small steps up to the front door of our house while still searching my surroundings, but the house was dark and silent and the streets were quiet, so with one last glance over my shoulder, I entered.

Since it was downright unnecessary to turn on the lights, I left them off and wandered around to guarantee there wasn't anything that could explain why I felt so uneasy.

Everything was as I had left it, apart from a book Carlisle had left on the table in the lounge where he had most likely been reading before he went to work.

I forced myself to calm down and took a seat by the dinner table to write down the day's events in one of the leather-bound journals I had bought when we came back to America. I found it very tranquil to write down my thoughts, as well as the thoughts of others, which ran through my head at all hours of the day. It was a relief, almost as if I could let it out of mind as soon as it was written in ink on paper.

In the journals, I wrote my innermost thoughts, things that plagued me, doubts, and fruitless dreams. I wrote about everything I couldn't discuss with Carlisle because he wouldn't understand. Things such as my wavering faith.

I still believed in God, in heaven and hell, but I couldn't find it in me to accept that He would allow creatures such as Carlisle and myself to continue living on when we were created solely to kill and feed on His most precious creation.

Not long after Carlisle and I came back from Europe, I wanted to know if vampires only existed in mythology or if there were facts and evidence of their existence in history. Naturally, I first turned to the book which had given me and my family answers throughout my life, but for the first time ever, it had let me down.

Vampires were never directly mentioned in the bible, hence the reason why I didn't believe they existed before I was changed, but I had heard the folklore stories of how they came to be. The tales of how Lucifer created a creature alike the human in many ways but held powers the greediest human could only dream of possessing; how he made this act solely because he wanted God to suffer when His humans died in the arms of a divine creature.

I didn't see myself as divine at all, and no matter what Carlisle said, I could never believe we were a creation of Him. It didn't feel right. I had tried to discuss these thoughts with him in the beginning, but when it was quickly revealed we had two different beliefs on the matter, we simply let it be.

My mentor wanted to believe God had chosen him to become what we are because there was something he was supposed to do, something far into the future, and when his time came, God would welcome him into the afterlife. He couldn't accept that there wasn't some greater purpose for all of this.

I, on the other hand, believed God had damned us. He was punishing us for our sins, and our price was to aimlessly walk this earth for eternity, always stuck in between. I didn't believe we possessed souls anymore, but my perception of the soul had also changed after I became a vampire.

As a human, I'd believed the soul was the intelligent part of us, the very essence which made us who we are and allowed us to think, and feel, and control our bodies. Now I knew the soul was the immortal part which was supposed to progress toward something better after our death. By becoming a vampire, that part had been traded away to grant me immortality on earth instead of in paradise.

You could call it a Faustian compromise. Instead of waiting for the gratification of the afterlife, we were given it now.

This was our afterlife. It didn't matter I hadn't chosen it. I could never go back, and I could never regain my mortality. I had the same benefits as anyone who traded for this life, and so I was bound by the same compromise. Our way of life didn't grant us any reprieve, either. We were still monsters who lived through the death of others.

The sound of a rapidly accelerating heartbeat, running feet, and Carlisle's disorderly thoughts brought me out of my musings.

"What have I done? I couldn't just leave her! She was still alive. She can make it. I saved her. It was the right decision. I couldn't just leave her to die. It would have been wrong. I was the only one that knew she was alive. I saved her!"

His thoughts continued in this confusing manner as he closed in on the house. The sound of the heartbeat became louder, and I could smell fresh blood from open wounds in the air.

When my throat burst into flames and my body jerked in anticipation, I quickly cut off my air supply and closed my eyes, waiting for my instincts to die down. I would not kill another innocent!

I slowly rose from my chair, still refusing to breathe, and walked up to the front door in time to meet Carlisle as he burst inside. He appeared agitated in a way I had never seen him before. His eyes were wide and his hair was not as smooth, but his appearance was just a passing thought. My attention was entirely on the bruised and broken woman that Carlisle was placing on our sofa. It was her heartbeat and as the seconds passed I heard it accelerate further; changed.

I broke my stare away from the shocking sight and tried to meet Carlisle's eyes, but he wasn't paying me any attention. He was holding one of the woman's hands in his, kissing her knuckles and continuously breathing out apologies to her. I was quite positive she couldn't hear him. Apart from her panting breath and fluttering eyelids, she seemed immobile.

As I studied her closer, I understood why. Her spine was broken as well as both of her legs and arms. She couldn't move even if she had wanted to.

When a small and pained cry escaped the woman's lips, I broke out of the trance which shock had put on my body.

I didn't care if my actions were disrespectful toward Carlisle. I wanted answers and I wanted them now, so I grabbed the back of Carlisle's shirt and forced him to stand up in front of me, but before I could drag him into another room where the smell of blood wasn't in the air, he grabbed my arm and pried it away from his shirt.

When he finally met my gaze, I saw that he wasn't angry with me. He wasn't the slightest bit upset with the way I had handled him. His eyes were scared and confused, but calmer than before. His thoughts were still chaos though.

I saw fragmented images of when the woman was brought into the emergency room and how she was pronounced dead almost immediately. Only Carlisle could hear the faint heartbeat which indicated she was still alive.

There was something lingering in the back of his mind. He wasn't trying to hide it from me, he simply wasn't thinking about it, but I could read the taste of the thought.

I gestured with my hand that we should go into the backyard where there was some fresh air for me to breathe in.

With a glance over his shoulder at the woman, Carlisle took the lead and walked into the dark night.

As soon as I could feel the night air swirl around me, I took a cautious breath in case the smell of blood lingered. I could still smell it, but it was not as appealing anymore. The smell was wrong, tainted with what I knew was Carlisle's venom.

I took a deeper breath and prepared myself to demand an explanation when Carlisle spoke.

"She was still alive. I couldn't leave her."

"Why not? Why did you feel the need to condemn another one?"

He sighed. "I'm not having that discussion with you, Edward. I haven't condemned her as I didn't condemn you. Your beliefs are yours, and I won't question them. She was still alive despite her injuries, and to me, that's a sign from God. Why else would I be there to hear her heartbeat when everyone else said she was already dead?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, but she wouldn't be the first human you couldn't save in a traditional manner. Why her? What does she mean to you?"

Carlisle hung his head and wiped his hands over his face. He allowed them to remain there when he answered me. "She's Esme," he said lowly and her name sounded as if he was revealing a hidden secret.

"Who?"

Carlisle removed his hands from his face and looked straight at me. "Ten years ago, a month before I moved to Chicago, I worked at a hospital in Columbus, Ohio. One night, a sixteen-year-old girl was brought in just as I started my shift. She had fallen out of a tree and broken her femur bone, but the local doctor who made house-calls had traveled out of town, so the family had no choice but to take her to the hospital, despite it being hours away from their farm. The girl must have been in excruciating pain the entire journey, yet she didn't cry as I treated her." He looked over his shoulder in the direction of where the woman was. "She was a very curious girl. She wondered why my hands were cold and said I had strange eyes. I sidestepped her questions by asking about her instead. Her name was Esme Anne Platt and she dreamt of becoming a teacher when she grew up. She loved children and wanted to work with them."

"Are you saying that the woman in there is the same girl you treated ten years ago?" I asked incredulously.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes. At first, I couldn't believe it was her when they brought her into the emergency room, broken and beyond human repair, but it was her, and all I could see in front of me was that curious, happy, young girl who dreamt of working with children. I just couldn't leave her to die."

I understood his position, yet my mind was still reeling with the consequences that would come with his decision. Esme was a long way from her childhood home in Ohio. What if she had built a life here in Wisconsin, with a husband and children? What would become of them? She would have to leave them now and never come back.

We would have to leave as well. We couldn't stay once Esme's presumed dead body was reported missing. There would be questions asked. Questions I wasn't certain Carlisle would be able to answer.

The cries from inside were increasing in volume and Carlisle turned to go back inside. I stopped him by placing my hand softly on his arm. He met my serious eyes with an expression that told me he knew exactly what kind of consequences would come out of his decision, but he was prepared to face them.

Instead of laying it out on him as I first had intended, I released his arm. "We will have to move her down to the basement until her change is complete," I said, and in addition to reading the relief in Carlisle's thoughts, I could feel it radiate from his body.

"We will figure everything out, Edward. It's going to be fine," he said before he went back to Esme.

I stayed outside and nodded to myself. I hoped this was one of those things that Carlisle knew exactly how to handle, just like he had handled my change.

A/N:

Historical facts:

Devil's Lake: There is a total of 5 Devil's Lake in the U.S. The one I'm referring to is the one in Wisconsin, south of Baraboo and west of Milwaukee.

What was said about the lake is all fact. You can find more if you want to read here: http : (doubleslash) .gov (slash) topic (slash) parks (slash) name (slash) devilslake (slash)

Edward's belief on their souls is almost a direct quote from Stephenie Meyer over at Twilightlexicon.