Paul was on leave when they heard the news of the outbreak and when his superiors ordered him to come help guard the capital he went AWOL. He knew what was happening, was going to turn into worldwide ruin and wasn't leaving his family for strangers.
"Michael!" Valentine shouted up the stairwell.
"Coming!" her son shouted while jogging down the stairs. Paul was packing the Jeep as Valentine and their son got the last of the essentials from the house. The plan was to get out of the city and head for the woods. Paul's family had a cabin and if they made it there they could be self-sufficient for quite awhile.
They both headed into the garage to join her husband when Valentine saw blood on the floor, a steady pool coming out from under the Jeep. Michael gripped onto the back of her shirt. She felt him tremble behind her and squeak out a nervous whimper.
"Paul?" her voice quivered as she pulled out the handgun he had given her. When he didn't answer Valentine moved them to the passenger door.
"Get in." She whispered opening the door for her son. When she walked around the back of the vehicle she found Paul yanking their gardening shears out of a man's skull. He looked up with strained eyes and explained, "He kept coming at me. He's one of them."
Valentine nodded and stepped forward taking the bloodied tool from him. She tossed it in the trunk space and pulled the machetes off the wall. Paul watched as she put the tools on the back of the Jeep and spoke, "We need to bring anything that will work as a weapon. Save our ammo. Where's that giant crowbar?"
Paul shuffled a few boxes and pulled out the heavy metal tool and added it to their arsenal. Michael climbed out of the car and looked at the dead man bleeding on the ground.
"Mom?" He asked timidly, "was he sick?"
"Yeah baby. Get back in the car, were almost done." She instructed her son over her shoulder. When she didn't hear him move she turned to see him chewing on his trembling lip. Kneeling in front of him Valentine spoke firmly, "He was sick and would've hurt us. Your father did it to protect us. You understand?"
"Yeah. Just... Will I have to...you know... kill people?" Michael wrung his hands while looking at his father wipe his blood covered hands on a rag.
Valentine avoided the question and tried to reassure him, "Me and your father will keep you safe Michael."
"Even if you have to kill people?" He asked, his wide blue eyes flitting to the spreading pool of blood.
"Yes, I'll do everything and anything. Don't worry ok. Everything's going to be just fine." She spoke firmly, pulling her son into her arms. "Whatever it takes, I'll do it." she murmured while looking up at Paul.
Valentine left Doc's and headed towards the common room. As she turned a corner she ran into Rick who seemed to have been waiting for her. He tipped his head to a closet door and slid inside quickly. Once she entered they shut the door and spoke quietly in the dim light from a mini flashlight he carried.
"We're leaving tonight with or without you." Rick spoke firmly, "I know what you've done to save my boy, to save Michonne and I thank you for it but I can't risk them anymore for your plans of revenge. We gotta go tonight."
Daryl had said they wouldn't leave without her but Valentine had doubted Rick would risk his son for some scarred up piece of shit like her. She knew what she had done for Carl or Michonne wouldn't matter, she wasn't one of them and never would be.
Valentine nodded and looked away from the man. He was completely justified. She knew it and even agreed but she wasn't rolling over that easy. If there was one thing living with Negan taught her, it was to not roll over for anyone and keeping herself priority number one.
Valentine glanced back at him and replied, "You won't be able to find the supplies without me." Rick glared and hissed, "Just tell us where they are."
Shaking her head she countered, "I may have helped your boy and your friend but I'm not a complete push over. I saved that shit for myself. If you leave without me, you leave without supplies. I gotta keep it safe for myself to escape."
"Well when's that gonna be? I have people to get back to. A place to keep safe and we've wasted too much fucking time as it is." Rick growled his eyes flashing with anger.
"Has Daryl figured out which guards need to be taken out and when, to escape without notice?" she asked leaning against the metal shelving inside the cramped closet.
"Yeah. He's going to take out the roof spotter on the east wall, Michonne will kill the perimeter guard. That leaves the two outer defense scouts for us to kill once beyond the fences. I'm causing a distraction on the west side." Rick explained before adding, "We can leave without killing him. We will be far enough away that he won't find us. Killing him... it won't bring them back."
Valentine's eyes burned as she chewed her cheek contemplating if she could leave without killing the bastard. Could she give up what she'd be clinging to for so long, the only thing that had kept her going?
She swallowed down her irritation at the idea and gave him a stilted nod, "Fine. Tonight. The escape car is a four hour walk. We should leave ourselves enough night coverage to get there before anyone notices and he sends out scouts. 1 am will probably work."
Rick looked relieved and he moved to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder but she backed away from him. He let it fall to his side and spoke earnestly, "I promise we'll get out of here. He won't find you."
Valentine nodded but didn't speak any further on the matter. She was thinking over her next move. Getting close enough to kill Negan wasn't just going to happen anymore. She didn't have time to wait to get him unguarded and unaware. She would have to make it happen or let it go.
'Survive Val. Survive,' she heard Paul speak as if he were standing in the closet with them. If he knew she threw away a chance to escape for a blood vendetta he'd be so disappointed in her. Valentine could almost see the scowl he'd wear if he heard such a thing.
Swallowing through the nervous knot in her throat she tipped her chin to the door and said, "Gotta go, Carson was looking for me. There's a penance."
"For who?" Rick asked worriedly, his brow furrowed. Valentine shrugged, "No idea. Hopefully not me otherwise leaving tonight is going to be fucking painful. I'll meet you at 1am."
Rick nodded and reassured her, "We'll get out."
Valentine smirked, "Better hope so or he'll slaughter everyone you know and leave you for last. If you're lucky he'll let you join them, if not..." she trailed off and looked down at her scarred hands before slowly raising her eyes back to his. "Meet you at loose panel."
Valentine approached the common room cautiously since the last time they were called there was her punishment for saving Carl. As she walked in she saw Negan standing in front of everyone, Lucille gripped in one hand and the other fisting Mark's hair. Kneeling on the ground nearby was Negan's wife Amber. Sobbing like a child, her mascara running down her cheeks the woman begged 'please Sir, I'm sorry.'
"Valentine, come up here." Negan hollered giving her tense grin. She swallowed thickly and walked past Rick, Carl and Michonne. She made eye contact with Rick for a moment and all she could read was anxiety. The man was obviously worried the next event of the day would be a penance for her. Hell, Valentine was eighty percent sure she was about to accrue some more scars for God only knows why.
"C'mere Love. Don't be shy." He encouraged while smirking. Valentine wove through the crowd and stood in front of Negan and the kneeling Mark. He had a black eye and busted nose, blood dripped off his chin and onto his bare chest. Negan stuck Lucille towards Valentine and requested, "Here hold Lucille for me."
Valentine looked at it with wide eyes and had to restrain herself from stepping backwards away from him. He thrust it at her further and ticked his chin to it. "Come on. I need both hands for this fucking shit."
Swallowing the lump in her throat she reached out and took his bat, her palms felt filthy just holding it. It was like an anchor in her hands. The deplorable actions committed with it had given Lucille the weight of the world. Valentine tightened her grip, wringing the wood and feeling the groves from Negan's constant grasp. The imprints of his murderous hands twisting and stroking the wood, rubbing the grain smooth. There wasn't a splinter or crack in the wood. It was lovingly maintained. Making eye contact with him, Valentine saw his pupils dilate and lips part slightly. His hooded gaze was hungry as he devoured the image of Valentine holding his Lucille.
"Mother of fucking fuck. You look hot as shit holding her. Jesus. That is my new spank bank deposit." Negan practically groaned, adjusting his jeans.
Valentine couldn't help but glare in return. She changed her grip to hold the vicious weapon in one hand at her side, making it look like more of an inconvenience. Like she was holding a bag of groceries or a dirty sock. Negan didn't deserve some sick fantasy of her holding his blood-stained weapon.
Valentine stared at the blunt ended object, picturing the blood that coated it from her husband and son. She could practically hear the sound of it cracking bones and the wet sound of wood hitting raw meat. Memories of the warm crimson liquid splashing her face and the thick metallic taste in her mouth flooded her senses.
Walking away without killing Negan wasn't possible. She couldn't just let it go, she couldn't just forget and walk away. No matter what Paul would've wanted, no matter what she should do to save her own ass, Valentine couldn't do it. She couldn't forget those images or sounds. Negan had to pay, he had to die for what he'd done.
'No more confusion Val. You hate him. You want to kill him.' She told herself angrily.
Grinding her teeth as tears burned in her eyes she looked up to see Michonne watching her closely. The stoic woman was usually a closed book to outsiders. Not much shone on her face on a given day but in that moment Valentine could read her loud and clear. They held something common, some kind of familiar pain.
She stared at the blunt ended weapon until Negan's loud voice grabbed her attention again, her eyes peeling away from the offensive object in her hand.
"Ok ladies and gentlemen. What we have here is a pair of assholes deviating from the rules. We all know them. We're all required to follow them." Negan spoke while still fisting Mark's hair. Amber was still crying but now wrapped up in a robe while being held by Sherry. Valentine watched the woman stare at the man kneeling by Negan's feet. 'Guess she cheated also,' Valentine thought to herself.
"When I choose a new wife, the process is completely voluntary." Negan explained his eyes landing on Amber who sobbed harder. "It's an honor to be with me, to no longer have to earn points to trade for goods and services." He looked at Valentine and grinned widely.
Valentine clenched her teeth and ranted internally, 'Voluntary my ass. Try blackmailed and threatened. And an honor? What a delusion asshole!'
"It comes at a price of course, TOTAL DEVOTION!" he snarled before lowly his voice and speaking more calmly, "That can sometimes be a hard pill for others to swallow, but swallow it they must." He glared at Amber and then dropped his tight grip on Mark. Negan walked over to Carson who was holding the red-hot iron over a barrel of fire. He slowly pulled on his leather gloves, reaching out for the iron handle and added, "Break these rules and it's the iron for you." He approached Mark and spoke almost remorsefully, "Sorry Mark, it is what it is. Hold him down."
The men held Mark down as Negan pressed the red-hot iron to the side of his face. Valentine ground her teeth and suppressed her urge to throw up at the smell and sound of the torture. The scent of burning flesh tickled her nose and made her gut roil. She heard several people throwing up and others gagging. Valentine kept her eyes averted and toward the ground. Despite everything she had done and seen since the world went to hell, watching a man be disfigured by a hot slab of metal was still nauseating.
When Mark passed out Negan stopped pressing it to his boiling flesh and tossed the iron to the side, skin and gore smoking on hot surface. He began repeating the rules of conduct and threatened to come up with even more punishments for deviations of the rules.
Valentine glanced up to see Rick staring, a look of desperation in his eyes. She gave him a subtle dip of the chin, silently reiterating their plan to leave. He looked relieved and thankful.
"Gimme," Negan spoke breaking Valentine out of her roaming mind. She lifted the bat towards him but for a split second she imagined cleaving the sharply covered smooth wood into his head. Negan smirked at her hesitation to give the weapon up.
"You like her don't you. Next time we're out you can use her."
Valentine loosened her hand making him catch Lucille before she fell to the floor. Negan frowned at her disregard for his precious bat. He opened his mouth to speak when Carson came back into the room. "Got a issue Sir."
"What now goddamnit?" Negan snapped angrily his eyes narrowing and teeth showing.
"P-people... Outside the perimeter." The man stammered, his nerves frayed after holding down a friend to be mutilated.
Negan grunted and ticked his head to the door, "Come on Angel. Let's go be the welcome wagon."
She swallowed hard and watched Negan interrogating a group of survivors. They had been spotted by the rooftop scouts and were met outside the walls. Most looked like normal survivors but there were a few predators in the group. Negan had honed in on them just like Valentine. It made her cringe, his words repeating in her head, 'Admit it Valentine... We're alike.'
Shaking her head clear, Valentine tuned back into what Negan was threatening.
She leaned against a tree trunk, arms crossed watching Negan walk down the line tapping each person on the shoulder, "Eeny-meaney-miney-moe!" He strolled around continuing with the child's rhyme. "And you are it."
Lucille swung high above his broad shoulder into the man's skull, the blood and brain matter splashed the other group members. He was one of her picks of possible threats. She flinched just the same as the man shook from the brutal hit.
The kneeling hostages shouted and screamed out at the brutality of Negan's actions. Valentine saw Rick pacing near the back of the crowd fighting his desire to help. She understood it, at least she used to but now nothing phased her.
Moving her attention away from him she looked up to see Negan's eyes scanning his men. They land on her and he grinned, "There you are Angel. C'mere."
Valentine walked forward her arms crossed and face resigned. Negan looked her up and down, "Did I tell you how hot you look today?"
She ignored his statement and looked over the remaining survivors. There were two bodies on the forest floor now, the ones who refused to bend to Negan's will. The examples to set the mood. The men left looked at her with worried eyes and tense shoulders. Negan strutted around them before coming up behind her. She felt her back stiffen and the hair on her arms stand on end.
"You see them don't you." He whispered behind her, "The troublemakers."
Valentine rolled her shoulder denying her assessment. Negan spoke over her shoulder, his head cocked to the side to see her, "What do you think? Keep the rest or say fuck it and not risk it?"
Valentine's eyes slid to his and she raised an eyebrow, unsure why he was asking her.
"I mean I could use the bodies. You keep killing all of my men," he quipped with a coy grin. Valentine tried to suppress the smirk at the statement but couldn't. Negan grinned widely, his eyes gleaming, "You're right. Let's keep some for shits and giggles."
Negan started questioning the men for skills and as it turned out they each had abilities that the Sanctuary needed. He finished explaining the rules of the compound and they headed back inside.
Valentine wandered to the common room knowing it was billiards night. She never went unless instructed to by Negan. He liked showing off his skills on the green felt tables. The Saviors all bet each other rations and better shifts.
She wove through the crowd purposefully passing Negan as he bent over for a shot. She watched out of the corner of her eye to see his head turn as she strode by. Keeping her path she stopped at the bar Negan allowed on billiards night. Valentine never drank but figured if there was any night she needed some libations to calm her nerves, it would be the one.
She held up two fingers after pointing at the whiskey and held the warm glass of amber liquid. Taking a slow breath before she sipped, Valentine leaned on her elbows against the bar. She could feel eyes on her and she just knew they were Negan's. The familiar prickle was between her shoulder blades.
Chewing her lip Valentine took another mouthful before looking to the side to see a set of darkening eyes observing her. Negan smirked and handed his cue to Dwight before sauntering over. He was wearing dark jeans and black t-shirt under the worn black leather jacket. It was one of the few times she'd seen him without Lucille and he was just as intimidating without it.
Swallowing down the golf ball sized lump in her throat, she forced her body to loosen up. Softening her edges and making herself more approachable, Valentine sipped some of her liquid courage.
'You can do this Val.' She gave herself a pep talk as Negan sided up next to her. "Well Love. I don't fucking remember you ever drinking before."
Valentine nodded, sipping again to steel herself for what she was about to do. She reached back into her memories of being a twenty something flirting idiot.
Tilting her head slightly she slid her eyes to his, biting the corner of her bottom lip. Negan's mouth parted and his pupils dilated as her gaze trailed slowly over him before rising back to his face.
Clearing his throat he spoke hoarsely while tipping his chin to her glass, "Want another?" Valentine shook her head, throwing back the last of her drink and setting her glass down. She spun it in between her fingers and felt Negan shift closer before he spoke, "Got something on your mind Love? I'm an excellent fucking listener."
She looked over to find a cheeky grin and a set of twinkling eyes. Valentine paused as her chest clenched anxiously.
Keeping eye contact, she dipped her chin slightly before her gaze flitted away to the exit door. Valentine could hear her heart beat pounding in her skull as she pulled in a nervous breath. Negan cleared his throat awkwardly and spoke low enough for only her to hear, "Was that a yes?"
Valentine fixed him with a pointed look as she backed away from the bar, sliding her way out of the room. She felt him watching the sway of her hips and the curve of her back as she exited.
Once outside she bolted to her room to get a few extra seconds to prepare herself, she knew he'd follow her immediatly. Negan wasn't known for his patience.
Entering her room, Valentine shut the door and sagged into the wood. Taking a few deep calming breaths she raised her walls and prepared for what would be a whole new form of torture. A whole new type of pain. A knock startled her but she shut it down, repeating her life's mantra. 'Survive Val. Survive.'