Title: That's Not My Name

Summary: Simon did not agree to this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

AN: Warning for referenced sex. Nothing explicit (literally just a brief mention of it) but heads up just in case.

The walls press in on his shoulders and Simon tries to remember how the hell Erza had talked him into this. Simon fidgets, trying to regain some feeling back into his bum. He rolls his shoulders and winces at the bruises that are most definitely forming there.

The walky-talky on his hip crackles to life. "This is Scarlet-Cutlass to Burly-Bloodhound, over."

Simon sighs and tries not to pinch his brow too hard. He picks up the walky-talky, fumbling with the switch. "Erza," he says slowly, letting his head fall back against the wall with a dull thump. "We are not doing code names. Especially not those ones."

Erza grumbles, the words lost in the static. Simon shifts again as he waits. The walky-talky crackles. "How about Falcon Storm and Mr. Bean?"

Simon snorts. "No. We have names Erza, let's use them."

Erza pauses. "But what's the fun in that? We're spies Stalking Chicken, we need code names."

"I'm not going to let you call me Stalking Chicken."

Erza sighs. "Fine. Status report?"

Simons looks up at the ceiling in exasperation. "Clear."

"No you're not!" Simon blinks down at his walky-talky. "I can see you, you didn't even check the hall!"

Simon looks over his shoulder, squinting as he looks through the dusty window and his reflection. "How the hell can you see me?"

"Just check the hall! Operation: Catch Devils cannot fail. Now, Bloody Prince, status report."

Simon snorts and exaggerates looking up and down the hall. "Erza, it's empty. Can you stop with the code names now?"

Erza's silent for a minute and Simon sighs in relief. He begins to stand up when the walky-talky crackles to life again. "Keen Chariot, why are you leaving your station?"

Simon curses under his breath and plops back down. "Erza, Natsu and Levy are not going to be caught by us pretending to play spies. How'd you talk me into doing this anyways?"

"You promised. Still clear on my end, Lonely Warrior out."

Simon frowns. "When did I promise this? And can we stop with the code names already?"

"Cuddly Biscuit, you fail as a spy. You promised me you'd help catch the Unholy Terrors."

Simon rubs the back of his head and presses his lips together. "Erza, don't call me Cuddly Biscuit. And I did not promise to do this."

Erza scoffs and Simon can picture her rolling her eyes. "You said you'd help me by doing anything. Now, if I had known the Exalted Dragonfly was so obnoxious, I might not have been so keen on your help. Still clear on your end?"

Simon squints through the window again. "Yup, all clear," he says distractedly. "Oh, and when I said I would help, I never promised I would do anything."

"Yes you did, Dangerous Dragon. Now be a good spy and stop trying to get out of your promise."

"I'm pretty sure all great spies have to be great liars and break promises all the time anyways." Simon freezes, staring at the walky-talky in disbelief as sparkling eyes and mischievous smiles dance across his mind's eye.

"But you don't break your promises."

Simon clears his throat, vaguely recalling Erza pressed up against him with her hair tangled in his as they fell asleep, indistinguishable words floating through with the memory. "Wait, did I promise I do this last night?"

"Yes!" Erza huffs. "I can't believe you already forgot."

Simon takes a deep breath and pinches his brow. "I was falling asleep! After sex! Those promises are null and void." Simon grits his teeth and stares at the ceiling in frustration. "You would have been falling asleep too if it weren't for your ridiculous stamina," he grumbles.

"If it's so inconvenient and exhausting to you, we can just stop. And it doesn't matter when it happened, you still promised."

Simon snorts. "No need to stop, I just need to remember to not talk at all afterwards. And by the way, it's not sporting to take advantage of me when I'm like that." His stomach grumbles and Simon absently scratches it, his eyes trailing over the empty hall. "You wanna go get lunch? My treat."

"This is no time for food! I'm warning you, sweet words won't get you out of this."

Simon ignores her and stands up, sighing happily as he stretches and hears his back pop.

"Great Castle, stay at your post!"

Simon raises his walky-talky to his lips, turning to grin out the window. "So, me and Gajeel found this awesome burger joint the other night…" Scarlet hair flashes behind some bushes and Simon chuckles to himself as he walks down the hall to the stairwell.

Simon trots down the stairs, pressing his lips together to keep from laughing as Erza's grumbles over the walky-talky. Just as he gets to the bottom of the stairs, Erza yanks the door open and marches up to him.

"You are a horrible spy, Tense Diamond."

Erza's cheeks puff out in a pout and Simon chuckles. He cups the back of her head and ducks down to kiss Erza, grinning against her soft lips as she kisses him back. He pulls away minutely, resting his forehead against hers. "Now, let's drop this and go get a burger, yeah?"

Erza pokes his chest. "No, I wanna catch Levy and Natsu."

Simon snorts and straightens. "Those two are master pranksters. They're not going to be caught by us and certainly not when we're so obvious." Simon flicks her freckled nose gently, his grin growing as she wrinkles her nose adorably. "Stop being a RA for two seconds and get some lunch. Like I said, my treat."

Erza crosses her arms over her chest and narrows her eyes at him. "You have horrible work ethic, Tense Dasher."

Simon chuckles, bringing her head closer to him. He eyes her pout and licks his lips. "Shut up, Red."

AN: I'm still a little iffy on this one tbh but I'm still so upset over Erza's character after that god awful Christmas Special that I'm just gonna post this before I delete it out of sheer irritation. I hope you enjoyed it, esp since idk how often Erza is going to pop up in this later. :(

In case there's confusion, Erza is trying to catch Levy and Natsu red-handed during one of their pranks (there is a dorm-wide prank war happening at this time in the fic and Levy and Natsu are the ultimate prank masters and I should probably write that chapter soon). As a heads up for what might come along in the next few chapters: there's a Mira and Gajeel brotp chapter I'd like to try to finish and publish for Valentine's Day (how well I stick to that deadline is anyone's guess), I might be able to finish up the Gajeel and Mira first meeting chapter soon, and I'd really like to finish the move-in day chapter with Natsu and Lucy (Levy too) before I publish two other chapters (though if that chapter doesn't come along in a bit or if I get distracted by the jerza one-shot again, I'll probably just publish the other two anyways tbh).

That aside, thank you so, so much to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and/or followed this fic. I haven't been able to thank everyone like I normally do bc Life but pls know I appreciate and adore everyone one of you! If you have any questions, feel free to ask here or on my tumblr.

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