Day Twenty-Two

"Hey, Buck. Why weren't you at breakfast this morning? You weren't in D.C. again, were you?" Alex joked, walking straight into the cabin and plopping down next to Bucky in his bunk.

Bucky pushed his face into his pillow and shook his head.

"Then why? They had chocolate chip pancakes this morning."

Bucky lifted his head off of his pillow. "Was Steve there?"

"I don't know. I wasn't looking for him. Was he not supposed to be?" Alex asked, cocking his head to the side. "Is something going on between you guys? Was your night out not everything that you were hoping for? You didn't tell him that you loved him, did you?"

"No, I didn't tell him." Bucky replied dismally. "And I don't think I'll ever get the chance."

"Did you two break up? Already?"

Bucky tried to smile. "Well, it has been a few years in camp time."

"Seriously? You're over?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

"What happened?" Alex climbed out of the bed and swiped a box of granola bars out from under Tony's bed. He sat back on the bed and offered Bucky a granola bar. Bucky shook his head. Alex shrugged and took two out of the box anyway.

"Coulson told me that I can't see Steve anymore." Bucky replied, his voice quivering.

"So? Who cares? Your love life isn't up to him." Alex reminded him, handing over a granola bar. Bucky accepted it.

"He's threatening to fire Steve."

"Ouch." Alex took a bite out of his granola bar. "That does suck. Can't Steve just find a new job, though?"

"I don't think it's that easy. This place is his home. He doesn't have anywhere else to go."

"That does make things a little more complicated." Alex said, nodding his head.

"I don't know what I'm going to do." Bucky mumbled, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his head on his knees. "I know that I shouldn't even have to think about it, but god. I love him, y'know? I really do. I don't want to give him up so easily."

"I don't know what to tell you, Buck. I don't think there's a good answer here."

"What would you do?"

"I don't know, Bucky, I just…" Alex shook his head, obviously not wanting to answer.

"Alex. C'mon. I can take it."

Alex stared at Bucky for a minute before sighing. "I think that I would at least talk to him. It's not really fair for you to make a decision without him. Other than that, I honestly have no idea what I'd do. I'm glad I'm not you."

Bucky tried to glare at Alex but wound up smiling. "Thanks a lot."

"No problem." Alex smiled despite his mouth being full of granola.

"You need to end it." Nat said, her voice firm. "You heard Coulson. Your job is at risk. No guy is worth losing your home for."

"Bucky is." Steve bit back.

"No he isn't." Nat argued. "He's a camper. There are hundreds of them who won't make you lose your job. Just choose another one."

"You know I can't do that."

"You can't just let Bucky Barnes ruin your life."

"He isn't ruining my life."

"Really?"

"Come on, Nat." Steve shook his head. "We've all gotten in trouble before. This'll all blow over in a week or two. You're getting too worked up over this."

"You're not getting worked up enough." Nat decided. "This isn't like the times we've snuck out for an hour or two, or even like the time Sam threw the lake party on the last night of camp. This is a whole different issue. That kid is changing you, Steve. Last summer, you didn't break a single rule. You didn't even miss the end-of-summer picnic. No one goes to that. Now all of the sudden you're sneaking campers out, you're staying out all night, and you're not even considering putting an end to it?"

"I love him." Steve mumbled.

"I know you do." Nat placed a hand on his arm and looked at him pitifully. "But that doesn't magically make everything else fall into place. You have to do what's best for you right now."

"He is what's best for me."

"You know that he isn't."

"Nat." Steve looked at her imploringly. "Can't you just trust me to make the right decision for myself?"

Nat smiled. It was not a happy smile. "I'm your best friend. Of course I can't."

Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets and dragged his feet along the ground as he trudged towards Steve's cabin. He was not looking forward to the conversation they were going to have.

Steve was probably mad at him. He probably blamed him for getting him into trouble. Bucky swallowed hard and attempted to gather up what little courage remained in his chest. Whether or not Steve was mad, they needed to talk about what Coulson had said.

Bucky sucked in a giant breath as he reached Steve's cabin.

This was necessary.

This would be fine.

This would make everything all better.

He knocked on the door.

Natasha answered the door.

"Bucky." She seemed genuinely surprised to see him. Bucky tried to muster a smile and failed spectacularly. "Does Sam know that you're here?"

"Uh," Bucky considered lying but thought better of it. "No. He doesn't. I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble, I swear. I just want to talk to Steve."

Natasha looked over her shoulder, considering this. After a few seconds, she nodded. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Steve, Bucky is here to talk to you."

"Bucky?" Steve shot up out of his bed. He attempted to flatten his unruly hair as Bucky entered the room. He heard the cabin door slam shut as Nat left. He was grateful for the privacy.

"Hey Steve." Something about Bucky's smile wasn't right. His eyes weren't sparkling. He looked tired.

"Hey," Steve tried not to sound as anxious as he felt.

"I'm sorry I wasn't at breakfast. I just…" Bucky's eyes were focused on his shoes. He paused for a moment, probably thinking of an adequate excuse for not wanting to be around Steve. Steve understood. "I didn't know what to say. I still don't. I...Coulson told me that I could cause you to get fired. To lose your home. Steve, I don't want to be the thing that ruins your life."

Fight for me, Steve. Fight for me.

Bucky watched Steve's face, his heart hammering against his chest. His nerves were at an all-time high. He wanted nothing more than for Steve to tell him that he was being ridiculous. He wanted Steve to tell him that he was wrong.

He wanted Steve to say "I love you".

"Ah." Steve said instead. He looked at Bucky with an unreadable expression. Bucky swallowed hard and hoped for a happy ending.

So this was how it was going to end. Bucky was going to break up with him.

Steve struggled to swallow down the feeling of panic rising in his chest. First Peggy had left him, and now Bucky was leaving him. Bitterness chased through his veins. Everyone always left.

"I understand." He tried to keep his voice even. "This is getting too serious."

Bucky didn't look up from his shoes. His eyebrows knit together. He shifted from foot to foot. "It isn't that I don't like you…"

"No, I know that." Steve interrupted. He couldn't keep the coldness out of his voice. "But this is just a summer thing. It's not worth risking everything for."

Steve would have gladly risked everything for Bucky. He just wasn't pathetic enough to let Bucky know that.

"Just a summer thing." Bucky echoed, finally looking up from his shoes. Pain was written clear across his face. Steve wondered if he had misread Bucky's intentions after all. "That's all I was to you?"

"Buck, it's not like -"

"I get it." Bucky snapped, his voice taking on a cruel element that was entirely foreign to Steve. Steve flinched back. "You've had your fun and now you're ready to move on to the next camper. That's what you do, isn't it? God, I can't believe I bought your whole act. The sneaking out, the inside jokes, the promises; everyone gets those, don't they? I was just another one of them." His voice was quivering. He nodded his head firmly despite his trembling bottom lip. Steve wanted nothing more than to wrap Bucky up in his arms and tell him that he was wrong. Instead, he remained silent.

"Well, I guess that's it, then. You're free. Go nuts. Find yourself a new camper. I hear that Wade is looking for someone new."

"Bucky…" Steve sighed.

"No." Bucky snapped. "No, it's fine. I get it. Hey, maybe I'll find somebody new, too. He could be right outside waiting for me. No time like the present."

He stomped out of the cabin. The screen door slammed shut behind him.

Steve scrubbed his face with his hands and wished that he was dead.

He had lost Bucky Barnes.

My poor children. Okay, so this was not at all what I intended when I started this story, but what can you do? This is why I really need to write outlines. At any rate, now this is happening. Bucky is too insecure to accept that maybe Steve did really like him, and Steve is too afraid of getting hurt to let himself tell Bucky what he really wants. Will it get better in the next chapter? I don't know. What a mess. Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this disaster in the making!