Aki- Okay, time frame, this over a week since the last chapter. Other things, has anyone noticed all the great song lyrics that I specifically and laboriously pick out for each chapter? Do you like them? Do you even read them? Well, whatever, I'm still going to do them for the rest of the story… Also the song I'm using this chapter, which I used in the last chapter and will use in a chapter to come, pretty much inspired this story or the Luke aspect of it, the Rory and Jess aspect were a apart of another plotline, in which Rory was having problems when Lorelai was in a coma and Jess came to the rescue and was potentially was entitled "Here Comes the Rain Again" but then I decided to combine them because they were so similar anyway… The verses are out of order, but I have this thing of listening to songs and making Gilmore Girls fanfiction storied to fit with them. I'm weird like that.

Chapter 12

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
- "I'm Moving On" Rascall Flatts

"Mom… I've missed you so much. You have no idea. It's been really hard without you. It's hard to move on and you kind of don't want to because you think moving on might make you forget forever. But I'll never forget you. I can't, it's impossible. You're the reason for who I am today. You've told me you're proud of me, but that's only because you made me that way… I love you so much.

"Things are okay down here. It's hard sometimes though, when people don't know and they ask how you are doing and you have to tell them. People don't treat you the same anymore once they know what's happened. The sugar coast everything and it seems that whatever they say they are saying it wrong because I know they are not acting like themselves around me because I lost you.

"Luke and I haven't been talking much. It's hard on him, it really is. He shuts himself away and doesn't let anyone help, not even Jess. Oh yeah, Jess is here and don't judge too quickly. We're actually getting along great… I know what you are thinking! And maybe," Rory shrugged with a small smile. "Maybe, but I don't know yet. It's almost been a month since you left us and he's the only one who has been there for me the whole, through the ups and downs.

Rory bit the inside of her lip before continuing after her momentary pause, "It's weird. Talking to you when you can't talk back, which was one of your favorite things to do. God this is hard, but it's going to be okay, right? It's going to be okay, eventually. I know it, but you wouldn't have left me if you knew I couldn't handle it… I love you so much, Mom. I love you."

Rory brushed the tears off of her cheeks with her hands before pushing herself off the grassy ground. She started at her mother's head stone for a moment longer, rereading it over and over again:

Lorelai Victoria Gilmore

Beloved Daughter, Mother,

Fiancé, and Friend

The words had once seemed a piece of cruel, twisted fate of how someone with so many good things written about them could be dead. But now it seemed like the proper thing to have a list of her accomplishments there for everyone to see for all eternity, although it did seem to be missing the most important parts. Like how much coffee she drank or how much Chinese food she could at in one sitting. Their was no stone large enough to tell how great a mother she had been, especially under the circumstances, or how hard it was for her to try and be the perfect daughter or how long it took her to find that someone to spend the rest of her life with or what an amazing friend she had been to anyone who let her.

Rory slowly turned away and walked across the graveyard, rubbing her hands to keep them warm on the cool, breezy day.

"Thanks for coming with me," said Rory with a small smile to Jess when she reached him where he waited on the sidewalk.

"It's fine," replied Jess with a small grin of his own.

"This the first time I've been back here since the funeral. I didn't want to do it by myself," explained Rory as she and Jess began walking to where Jess's car waited on the side of the street a ways down.

"I can understand that," Jess agreed. "So, how does it feel?"

Rory gave a little shrug, hands tucked into her pockets. "It's tough, facing the reality that she is gone for good, but at the same time… I don't know. I'm glad, because once I accept I can realize that she will never truly be gone."

Jess through an arm around her shoulder. Some might have viewed it as romantic, but it was more playful then that. More friendly. More reassuring.

"So, whatcha going to do now?"

Rory turned her head and looked at him. "I was going to ask you the same question."

"What?" asked Jess, confused.

"It's been a month basically. More time than I think you planned to stay here. Back in Philadelphia you have a life, a job, an apartment, yet you are still here. So whatcha going to do now that I got my life back together?"

"Well, I don't quite trust you and Luke to go back to your own devices yet."

"No?" Rory asked, turned to face Jess as they paused on the sidewalk next to Jess's car.

"Nope."

"How long before you trust us to our own devices?"

"I don't know. How long do you need me for?"

Rory stared at him for a moment before averting her eyes, "So we better get going…"

"Yeah," agreed Jess, walking around to the driver's side of the car. Jess smirked secretly, unbeknownst to Rory she had given him all the information he needed when she didn't answer.

----

Luke had walked around in haze for, what was it now, eight, nine days? Ever since he came to his realization that he had lost his home. Jess had tried to talk to him, but Luke really hadn't been receptive. He had talked to Rory once or twice. He apologized for yelling at her. She said it was fine. But they hadn't really talked, just small talked and that didn't count.

Life had become so dull. He was lost in the dimensions of his thoughts, and felt as if everything else around him was fake and faded. An idea popped into his mind, but he quickly pushed it out. The idea had occurred to him before, but each time he stifled it. It was not an option, no matter how appealing it seemed at times.

No, he wasn't suicidal. It was something completely different. He wanted to leave it all behind: Stars Hollow, the dinner, his life, his memories, the people, the places, the feelings of regret. If he left, maybe he could start things over, do them right. Find another home since this one had been lost to him.

He knew, though, that he could never find another home, because home isn't just a place. It is the little things in it. The memories in insignificant objects. The hopes in the future of it. The people that made it worth coming back to. It was all too painful now.

He also knew deep down that he could never run away from the pain no matter how far he physically traveled away. It was torture. To leave or not to leave. He didn't know what to do.

The rather annoying bell on the door ringed as Jess and Rory entered the dinner and came up to the counter.

"What can I get you guys?" Luke asked.

"Coffee," replied Rory swiftly.

"Should I have even asked?"

"Probably not."

"Any you?" asked Luke, directing his question to Jess.

"I'll pass," he answered, sitting down on a stool. Luke filled Rory a cup and set it in front of her. Rory picked it up and took a long sip, eyes closed as though savoring the flavor. Jess watched her for a moment before nudging her with his elbow as thought to bring her back to reality or reminder her of something.

She rolled her eyes and set the coffee cup back on the counter. "Luke, can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure."

"Theirs a window in the house that I can't get closed and as it is getting colder…"

"I'll fix it," replied Luke easily, partially relieved that she hadn't asked something harder or more personal of him. "After work."

"Oh, um, you still have your key, right, because I'll be in Hartford."

"Yeah," answered Luke sudden bit of nervousness over taking him as he released he would be in that house alone.

"Are you okay," asked Rory, concerned, prompted by Luke's distant expression.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts before answering, "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about a …dinner supply thing." Rory observed him for a second and accepted his answer hesitantly. Jess gave him a skeptical, disbelieving look. Luke turned away from them and began refilling the not-so-empty coffee makers.

When Luke entered the house hours later with his toolbox, so affectionately donned Bert, he was assaulted by a trail of bright pink post-it notes stuck on the wall, each with a single black arrow drawn on them. He followed them up the stairs to Lorelai's room. He pushed the partially open door, as he stood outside, with his fingertips, letting it swing open to reveal a pink post-it on the wall next to the window on the far wall. Luke had a keen idea that Rory had intentionally not mentioned that the window that needed fixing had been in this particular room.

He hesitated only a moment before walked determinedly across the room. He purposely did not let his eyes wander from the window. When he reached it, he set his toolbox on the floor. He inspected the window pane first, trying to see if he could push it closed, but it was stuck tight. He retrieved a piece of sandpaper and began his work. It seemed that in no time at all the window slide shut.

He put his tools away, keeping his eyes down, knowing this was his chance to get away, but then looked up. And when he looked up and he knew he wouldn't be able to leave that easily. Right next to him was the bed that he had spent so many nights with her. Through the door to the left was the bathroom he had remodeled, with two sinks, just for her. There was a vanity in the corner, replacing the antique old Luke had tried to put in this room.

Luke didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he walked over to the closet and opened it. On the floor the shoes, which Paul Anka, who was living with Sookie and Jackson, had been so fond of relocating, were in disarray. He observed the hanging clothes, which were organized in no particular way, with interest. He spied the black and pink the dress she had wore the day she proposed to him. The outfit she wore on their first date and the pale pink dress she wore to Liz's wedding. He also saw the turquoise shirt she wore on the day the shared their first kiss. He spotted a shirt with pain stains on it and almost smiled. That seemed like so very long ago. Almost every article he could identify with a memory, and those he couldn't, reminded him of a mood or a personality trait of Lorelai's. The shirts with the unknown rock band logos on them or the self decorated blue jeans.

Luke took a step back from the closet, his vision blurring as a mix of emotions overcame him. He loved this room, this room that was supremely her but had bee refitted to allow him into it. He hated this room, because of the pain it caused when it reminded him of everything he wanted to forget. The days spent together, the humorous conversation, kissing before falling to sleep…things that should make him happy, but actually haunted him. It was torture…

He had thought that very thought before, earlier that very day. He had held on before, after his father's death, trying to remember everything, but it destroyed him, and now he was doing it again and he knew he wouldn't be able to survive this time. He had to leave, he had to run away. It might have been the coward's way out, but that is what he had to do. It was his only chance to be able to live again. And no matter how slim that chance was, he had to take it.