Disclaimer: Durarara! I don't own thee!
Track 12: Hey Tsugaru…
This is the first time I visited you in the morning, huh? Shinra finally let me go home… It's strange; it's like my feet just brought me here.
(Hiss) Ouch… ugh… sitting hurts, standing hurts, lying down hurts… might as well spend the rest of my life on painkillers. (Sigh) I hate pain.
(Silence)
It's quiet here in the morning too… so peaceful… (Chuckle) Too bad, really…
It's happening tonight… the war I was waiting for. I've been trying to do this for so long, but in the end, it happened without me doing anything.
(Laugh) I don't even care anymore. The great Izaya Orihara hasn't touched his work ever since… (Stop) and never will… (Sigh) This isn't like me at all.
Really, what is like me? When did I become so attached? I should've known what was going to happen! I should've just assumed that he wasn't going to do anything and acted on my own before… before…
(Deep breath) No… I can't think of that now. I… I can't… No… What should I think about? (Pause)
If… if she woke up, would she give me an answer? Or… Would they come and take her away?
I feel so… powerless…
(Silence)
(Birds chirping)
(Silence)
Thank you Tsugaru… I'd never thought I can get anyone to listen to me like this. (Pause) Maybe it was because I couldn't… I couldn't even communicate with the humans I claim to love so much.
What a lie… my love…
(End of recording)
Psyche slowly took off the headphones and placed them onto the floor next to his futon. He rolled to the other side, unable to look at them, and clutched his chest with shaking hands, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. His stomach felt smoldered in a vice-grip, and he could feet the lump in his throat threatening to cut off his breathing if he didn't do something about it soon.
"I…"
He finally sniffed and let the tears fall freely onto his pillow. Izaya's emotions felt raw, almost as if they were his own. It was an unbearable mixture of empty despair, and the loneliness threatened to overwhelm him even when Izaya had claimed he was happy that Tsugaru was "listening."
"Why?" Psyche tried to wipe a few of the tears away in vain. "What is this?" He could suddenly see a shrine, shrouded in darkness by night. He felt cold, like the outside wind had penetrated the walls and now sliced at his skin.
Lonliness… Despair… Emptiness…
He curled into a ball under the blankets, trying to will the feelings away. Images he could take, but this level of emotion…
.
Izaya groaned when sunlight from the window woke him and pulled the covers up over his head so that he could sleep some more. He didn't want to wake up, and beckoned sleep to hurry and take him again so that he could escape, even if it was only for another hour.
'Warm… It's so warm…' He almost smiled unconsciously when his thoughts started becoming hazy, indicating sleep's temporary victory. 'So warm…' His bed had never felt this comfortable. 'It's too warm…' he realized. He suddenly felt something next to him shift, and the next thing he knew, arms surrounded him. He thought of ropes and tried to struggle, but his half-asleep body refused to listen and instead succumbed even more to the warmth.
'What… what is this? What…' He thought of Shiki but immediately dismissed the guess. Where had he fallen asleep yesterday? Everything was just so hazy. He remembered a sofa… not his expensive smooth leather one, but a more homely…
"Whoa!" his "captor" suddenly exclaimed, and he heard a thump as the blankets were pulled off of him, following Shizuo to the floor. Snapped back into reality, Izaya sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes, his heart pounding furiously from the effort he had spent trying to wake from his waking dream.
'Was he…' To his surprise, Izaya felt his heartbeat speed up even more.
"So-sorry," Shizuo stuttered. "I thought you were my body pillow."
Izaya looked to the side of the room, finding the object on the nearby chair; Shizuo had moved it off the bed because it took up too much space. "How did I end up here?"
"We-we were talking last night, and you fell asleep! I was going to leave you on the sofa, but I didn't have an extra blanket so…"
The informant suddenly laughed, making him stop. Normally, Shizuo would've wanted to punch the living daylights out of the other whenever he laughed, but this time, he felt an odd sense of relief. It was also kind of strange; he felt like Izaya's laugh was genuine for once.
Izaya finally managed to stop. "Sorry sorry. Your reaction…" He wiped a tear from his eye. "Thank you though."
The bodyguard gaped at him, not expecting him to actually thank him. "Uh… no problem," Shizuo replied awkwardly. "Um… I'll go make breakfast, so sleep some more if you want." He rushed out of the room, his heart still beating rapidly.
"Why am I so flustered over this?" he asked himself as he opened the refrigerator door. 'Body pillow! Just a habit!'
Izaya on the other hand lied back down on the bed, letting out a long sigh as he pulled the covers off the floor and around him.
'It's kind of cold now,' he thought, frowning. "Shizu-chan is pretty warm for a protozoan…"
.
Akabayashi ducked just in time, feeling the bullet whiz past the top of his skull, and fired at his attacker before diving behind his car and unleashing another round of bullets.
"Shit! Why are they so well armed?" he yelled as he reloaded.
"You can't expect something like this to be easy," Shiki replied through the headset.
"Easy for you to say, you got an easier target!" He dashed across the alley and managed to jump onto the fire escape. He shot down the door and entered the building, beckoning the rest of his men with a quick wave of the hand to follow.
Akabayashi took out another one who had run into the hallway after hearing the intrusion and finally managed to find the main room. He simultaneously shot the first man that emerged and hurled a smoke bomb into the room before shooting some more, aided by his team that had finally caught up with him.
"We've secured the second location!" Akabayashi declared half an hour later, idly tapping the lone survivor on the head with his cane while sitting on top of him. "Got any questions for the guy who runs this place?"
"Oh, you captured him alive?" Shiki commented, his voice calm.
"Wasn't easy," Akabayashi said dramatically. "We almost killed him! How are things on your end?"
"Not good. They're all dead. I'm coming over."
The yakuza frowned. "Huh? What about the other places?"
"Failed. They were more prepared than we expected." He heard the sound of a car engine. "See you in five minutes." The headset beeped, indicating that the other had hung up.
Akabayashi sighed, examining his gun. "Your organization's a real piece of work." The other merely stared wide-eyed at the weapon, his voice lost to him.
"Hey boss!" One of his subordinates ran over, waving a phone in his hand. "One of our places have been attacked!"
Akabayashi looked down at his captive, who started sweating even more if that was possible. The red head sighed. "A real piece of work…" he repeated.
.
"This morning, several men were gunned down after they exited their building…"
"There is a fire in one of the apartment complexes in Ikebukuro; we believe it was arson…"
"Another shooting has been reported…"
"We advise everyone to stay indoors until the police have this under control…"
"It's started," the informant stated, switching the channel again only to find more news.
"Already?" Shizuo asked, coming out of the kitchen. It still felt weird, holding a conversation with the flea this long without any hostilities, not to mention what happened in the morning. He drove the thoughts away; they made him blush even now, and that thought frustrated him even more. "Who's attacking who?" he asked, trying to focus on a better subject.
The news was doing an aerial shot, and Izaya vaguely made out a flash of red hair that dived into one of the cars, drove it backwards into one of the shooters, and then zoomed away.
"Both groups." He put the remote down, finding it useless to change the channel if the same thing is going to play. "It's too late to stop it now. At the rate it's going, the smaller groups might also get involved. An all out war!" he waved his arms dramatically before stopping abruptly and lowering them. That word bothered him, and the reason was almost right in front of him, yet he couldn't quite grasp it.
"This isn't something you should be joking around with," Shizuo growled. He had temporary forgotten this side of the flea and wondered why he even felt awkward around Izaya. The words "body pillow" echoed in his mind once again before he could muster up a proper response. "People's lives are just playthings to you, aren't they?"
"But I'm not doing anything," Izaya retorted. "You haven't seen me do anything other than lay around and rot, watching T.V., right?"
"Well… no…" Shizuo acknowledged, as difficult as it was for him to believe.
"So there you go." Izaya returned to the T.V. 'War… war… why did I…' It came to him. 'Celty's head!' He felt the color drain from his face and looked away from the bodyguard, hoping that the other didn't notice. 'No,' he tried to calm himself. 'As long as she's safe in Shinjuku, nothing will happen.'
Shizuo had caught the expression. "Something wrong, flea?"
"No," he replied. He looked at his phones, abandoned earlier on the table. Namie wasn't here, so there was no way he could confirm if Celty's head is still safely locked away in his apartment. He turned back to the T.V. The news hadn't said anything about Shinjuku, so he reasoned that it should still be safe.
After all, he was the only one who knew the security code to the safe anyway. Only him…
.
Psyche felt his eyelids getting heavy. He felt cold, very cold. Ever since the recording that morning, brief glimpses of the outside world spoke to him: the shrine, the streets of Ikebukuro, Izaya's apartment in Shinjuku…
"Are you okay?" Shinra finally asked the time traveler.
"Yeah," Psyche said, rubbing his eyes, refocusing on the sudoku puzzle. "It's just… I keep on seeing Izaya's memories today. I don't know why…"
"Are they frightening memories?"
Psyche shook his head. "No, it's just him walking around… and in his apartment. Maybe something important was supposed to happen today… like a war…"
Shinra suddenly looked at the T.V., sighing in relief when he confirmed it was turned off. Celty had also decided to stay indoors for the day, since no one really knew what was going on anymore, especially when he didn't feel comfortable asking Izaya. Maybe he should check if the informant's still alive, having stayed with the bodyguard for nearly an entire day.
He turned back to Psyche. It was really strange for a clone to see memories like this. "Hey Psyche, you said before you weren't a clone, right?" he asked out of curiosity.
"Yes. I was created from Izaya's 'essence.'"
"May I ask what essence is?" To be truthful, the question had been bothering him ever since he found out about Psyche's experiences with Izaya's memories and physical well-being.
"Essence is…" Psyche frowned. "You know… I really don't know what it is. It's just what Dad said when I asked him. Why do you ask?"
"Your memories. I don't think memories are scientifically transferable, but… then again, maybe I came up with some strange technology that could extract memories from a brain or something." As crazy as the theory sounded, he didn't deny to himself that the possibility did interest him.
Psyche blinked. "Does it have to be the brain?"
"Well… that's where they are stored, right? If not, maybe a 'soul?'" He sighed. "Sorry, I'm thinking way too much about this. It's just my scientific mind being curious."
The time traveler smiled. "It's okay." He left the doctor to his thoughts and returned to the puzzle. After filling out another two boxes, he looked up at the doctor, who was now drinking some tea and trying to read the newspaper without showing the main parts to the time traveler. "Hey Shinra?"
"Hm?" Shinra almost dropped his cup, hoping Psyche didn't see the headlines on the newspaper.
"If the brain is destroyed, can memories still be retrieved?"
Shinra thought for a moment. "I don't think so. Think of it like a computer. If the part that holds the data is destroyed, then it's not plausible to retrieve any data from it."
"Oh." Psyche returned to his puzzle. He shivered again and looked at the temperature reader on the wall. Shinra had already turned up the heater all the way. "I do wonder… What is essence?" he asked himself out loud.
He was in a spacious room with a wall lined with books, a few sofas with a coffee table, and a desk with a computer set up. A few board games with mismatched pieces lay forgotten on the table, a few of the pieces strewn across the floor.
"The head…" his mouth spoke as his hands moved involuntarily to the bookshelf.
A dial…
"Psyche?"
The time traveler gasped, nearly falling off his chair when he was brought back into the present. He grasped his pounding head, panting. "I-I'm sorry, I don't feel very well. I'll… I'll go take a nap."
"Do you have a fever?" Shinra felt his forehead. "Whoa, you're cold! I'll go get you some extra blankets."
Psyche found himself momentarily alone after Shinra rushed out of the room to fetch the blankets. He sat down on the sofa and tried to calm himself, but he felt another wave of emotions wash over him like this morning. "A soul…" he repeated. "What if I'm actually… no… I'm Psyche!" He pulled his knees up to his chest, trying to pull himself closer. "Psyche…" he repeated.
He thought of the memories he had. The lab was his. His dad was his. Tsugaru… his heart tightened when he thought of the other… was his. Psyche's. He looked at his hand, still cold.
He suddenly saw a black sleeve, and pain that wracked his body, his heart… Himself in the mirror with bloodshot brownish red eyes… Izaya…
"Tsugaru… who exactly… am I? Who is Psyche?"
.
Izaya finally picked up his phone, unable to deal with the constant ringing and new missed calls from Akabayashi. He reasoned that he could at least hear the guy out once; after all, the yakuza did save him. He suddenly remembered his other phone was with Shizuo and dismissed it; it was probably out of batteries by now anyway since he had charged these with the bodyguard's charger.
"Oi, Orihara." He nearly sighed in relief when Akabayashi's voice came out of the other line instead of Shiki's.
"If you're putting him on the line, I'm hanging up. If I notice him anywhere near you, I'm hanging up," he warned just for good measure.
"No no! We're good! It's just me."
"Okay, Akabayashi." Izaya sat back down on the sofa as Shizuo watched him from the table with interest.
"Uh… Have you been watching the news today?"
"Yeah, I saw you narrowly escape both the rival group and the police. You went ahead and attacked them?"
"We did, but it's gotten a little more complicated now since they've made contact with the smaller gangs. The tensions' building up right now, and we might have a huge shoot out tonight. We think it's probably…"
"What do you expect me to do?" Izaya interrupted, his voice firm.
The yakuza sighed. "Look, I know you don't want to, but we really need you. You've seen how big it's gotten."
"Akabayashi, think about it. I haven't worked for an entire day. I've already given you all the information I had."
"But…"
"No… I'm sorry. I can't…" He hung up promptly but continued to stare at the phone, his mind caught in battle of tug-of-war.
"Aren't you going to help them?" Shizuo finally asked, bringing Izaya back into reality.
"No," Izaya replied almost immediately, tossing the phone aside. "Why should I?"
"Well… I understand if it's just Shiki, but that guy who went with me to save you is also…"
"No!" Izaya hugged his knees, trying to strengthen his resolve. He couldn't believe Shizuo of all people would want him back interfering with the underworld. "No…" he repeated, his voice cracking a little.
Shizuo sat next to him. "Listen, I know that…"
"Don't you understand?" He grabbed the bodyguard's collar. "Everything I've done was a lie! Everything!"
Shizuo, for once, was the calm one. "But you loved him," he stated. He felt the informant's grip around his collar tighten.
"And I lived like this for all this time, telling myself it was okay as long as I'm was connected to him somehow," he replied, his voice down to a whisper. "It's been too long, Shizuo…"
The bodyguard smiled sadly, not expecting the other to break down so much that he'd discard his pet name. "But you're free now, aren't you? You said it yourself, yesterday. You can do this for yourself, not him. For 'humans,' not Shiki."
Izaya let go of him, rolling back onto the sofa. He felt weak, tired. Even if he did feel like doing something about the impending riots, his body yelled at him to stay still and melt into the floor. Into nothingness. What spark was left for him now?
The news flashed once again to a new incident, and Izaya raised the remote in irritation to turn it off.
"Wait, look!" Shizuo stopped him, grabbing his wrist. "Isn't that your apartment?"
Izaya blinked, focusing on the reporter's words.
"… Shinjuku. Several men have been attacked around the apartment complex. We have confirmed that all of them are alive, but three are in critical condition at the hospital. Witnesses report seeing a male dressed in white running into the building before he was attacked and retaliated."
"This is…" Izaya gasped. Did he ever tell Shiki about the head?
The phone rang, making both of them jump.
Hello! Ah, next chapter (or two) is a big turning point in the story! XD
I'm sorry X.X I thought when summer vacation started I'd write more but instead I've been finishing my mountain of video games. Argh so many things left undone! I'm definitely working/thinking about Broken, but it's just so hard for me to write endings T.T Please bear with me for a little longer, it's slowly coming together.
So a few replies:
girru: Thank you for your criticism on Broken; I was definitely keeping it in mind when writing this story. One question though, from the first review, did you mean 150 chapters at the rate I'm going O.o?
AsikIkisa: Not ending yet hehe…and I'm working on Broken T.T! It's just really hard for me to change gears between these two stories.
Anyone who asked about the tracks/story: (insert smiley face here)
Thank you all for reading! Onward!