Thanks for the reviews, guys! :) I appreciate the reassurances and feedback! The story is moving along, hopefully not too fast this time. Some of you caught the foreshadowing in the previous chapter, but I'm not going to say what it is! :P
I'm a little behind on replies, please forgive me! I'll get to them as soon as I can. :)
"You did what?"
Renji scratches the back of his head with a sheepish look on his face, his eyes straying to the ground as I shout in disbelief.
"Why would you do that you idiot!" I bury my face in my palms and groan, the excitement that I was feeling earlier now replaced by dread.
I had gone to Renji first thing in the morning, as soon as I arrived at the shop, to tell him about our progress, fully expecting him to finally stop sulking and be happy for me. Instead, he tells me that he had had a confrontation with Grimmjow just the day before.
"No wonder he was so bummed yesterday," I mutter. It makes sense now. If Renji's description is accurate, it sounds like Grimmjow's falling out with Skinny Freak may be a little more serious than what Renji and I had.
Renji crouches down in front of the office chair where I'm currently seated, and rests his hand on my knee and gives it a brief squeeze. "I'm really sorry, I was just so worried, you know?" he says, his lips downturned, showing his own dismay at the situation. "I thought you were never gonna ask, so I..."
I swallow the urge to strangle him and settle for a heavy sigh. "So you take it upon yourself to...ahh, Renji, you little..." I bend over and rest my elbows on my thighs, my face now hovering just a few inches away from Renji's. I search his face and see nothing but regret and concern there, and I know I can't stay mad at him. I give him a punch on the shoulder, one that's a little harder than our usual playful ones, and heave another sigh. "Well, I'll ask him how bad it is later. They've known each other for about as long as I know you, maybe it'll just blow over," I add hopefully.
But secretly I doubt it. Both Skinny Freak and Grimmjow seem like really prideful and stubborn people. Sure, Renji and I are stubborn too, and we butt heads all the time, but we're both not ashamed to show a little bit of sensitivity now and then as long as the shit stays between the two of us. No matter how I picture it, I just don't see either of the older men having even the smallest shard of sentimental bone on them. Much as I hate Skinny Freak, the last thing I want is for them to have a row over me, of all things.
I tell Renji about my suspicion, that maybe the reason Skinny Freak is so upset is because he likes Grimmjow. The face I get in return is priceless - Renji's eyebrows disappear completely under his bandana, and I swear his face turned a light shade of green. I don't even want to know what kind of mental image the closet pervert has conjured up in his head.
"No fucking way," he sputters, still looking horrified. "I can't imagine either one of them..."
"Bottoming?" I finish for him, my lips quirking into a smirk despite the knot in my stomach.
"Y-yeah," Renji nods.
I tilt my head to the side and think about them for a little longer. "Nah, I'm probably wrong," I say, remembering the way Grimmjow talked about his friends over yesterday's dinner. The friendship he spoke of is one of chaste camaraderie, a tight-knit brotherhood, almost. "I don't think it's possible. Just imagine you having the hots for me! That's just all kinds of wrong, man," I add finally, snorting at the image.
Renji doesn't respond for a while. When he does, his voice is oddly quiet. "Yeah," he agrees. He looks downcast, and I feel bad for him because I'm sure he feels guilty for indirectly starting the rift between the two men.
"Don't worry about it, Ren," I tell him, patting him on the shoulder. "I'll talk to Grimmjow. Hell, Skinny Freak seems to hate my guts all along anyway, it's about time I talk to him, you know?"
My best friend gives me a small smile, and we exchange a fist bump before I return to the computer while he leaves the office for another delivery run.
In the end, the logical side of me wins and I decide to wait until we get home before I ask Grimmjow about his situation with Skinny Freak. But now that I know about it, I do notice how they maintain a wide berth between them. It looks really weird, with both of them kind of going through poor Ilforte to get their ends done. I can see that the blonde is exasperated but he doesn't say anything.
They're almost done, anyway. I don't know anything about hardwood flooring, but it looks like there's only a small section of the shop left before the entire floor is covered. I can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment, knowing that I won't get to see Grimmjow everyday after they're done with the work here, but then I remind myself that he lives right below me and immediately feel like an idiot.
I hitch a ride home with him again after work. We stop at a pizza place half way to pick up a large one to share, then we go to his place. I bring my laptop with me so that I can work on the side project for Cero Constructions. It's been sitting on my lap for a few days and I really need to get it done. It feels weird, knowing that Ilforte hired me just so that I have a reason to be closer to Grimmjow, and for some reason I just want to get it out of my hair. Renji, Skinny Freak, Ilforte - they're all the same, each trying to interfere in their own ways. I'm sure they all have the best intentions, but seriously, we're both grown ups, and true to what Grimmjow had said to Renji, they have no right to question what we do.
Alas, my plan to talk to him about Skinny Freak right after dinner dies a premature death when he pounces on me as soon as we finish the last slice of pizza. I've hardly finished cleaning my fingers when he knocks me onto my back on the couch and pins me beneath his body. It doesn't take long for us to undress each other; the actions so familiar by now. Neither of us last very long, and afterwards, he rests his forehead on mine for a moment before flipping us over so that he doesn't crush me with his heavier weight.
Finally, while I'm still draped lazily across his chest, I breach the subject. "I heard you and Nnoitra had an argument," I comment casually.
Grimmjow frowns. "Fucking red-haired snitch," he growls in annoyance.
"Hey," I say immediately. "He means well."
"Tch," Grimmjow rolls his eyes and threads his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck. "It's not a big deal, I'm sure he exaggerated."
I lift my upper body off of him and run my hand up and down his torso, admiring the well-defined ridges of the muscles under the tanned skin. "Why don't you tell me your version, then?" I ask.
He blows out a long-suffering sigh and tucks an arm behind his head. "I told you, it's not a big deal-"
"You're doing it again," I point out, struggling to keep my voice neutral. "Dodging my questions, not talking, brushing me off...can't you just tell me what happened? Much as I don't like Skinny Freak, I don't want you two to have any problems because of me."
His eyes widen slightly with recognition. "So Nnoitra is Skinny Freak, I've been wanting to ask you about that," he says with a smirk. Then he glances at me and rubs his temples when he sees the determined gaze I'm training on him. "Fine, okay, we had a fight. Like I said, he thinks I might run into issues if I start a relationship. It's nothing personal, Ichi, it's just...I told you I had a bad experience, and...and Nnoi just doesn't want it to happen again. I don't like him interfering, so we fought. That's all there is to it." He stops here and quirks his eyebrows at me. "Now can we talk about something else?"
I stare at him, processing the information he just gave me. There's nothing new there. I already know the part about Skinny Freak being worried about him, but what I don't get is why Skinny Freak acts like it would be the end of the world if Grimmjow has another failed relationship - not that I would want that to happen. What on earth happened last time that made Skinny Freak so paranoid?
"So something really bad happened between you and Ilforte's brother huh?" I ask, my curiosity prompting me to prod before my brain has the time to process the implications of my question.
As soon as Grimmjow freezes, I know I've overstepped a line.
"Who told you that?" he asks stiffly, lifting his head from the couch slowly to pin me with an icy glare.
I cringe inwardly. "I...I overheard. Nobody told me anything," I explain. Great, now I'll have to tell him that his friends had talked about him behind his back. This is just brilliant. Open mouth, insert foot, Kurosaki.
To my surprise, he doesn't repeat the question even though I haven't replied. Maybe he's used to his friends discussing this topic secretly? Or maybe he's just too angry now to care about details. I swallow thickly as he sits up completely and untangles his limbs from mine. I stare at his hands, which are balled into tight fists that look like they can easily punch through a dry wall. Minutes tick by in silence. His eyes remains open and dark, looking dead ahead at the television. His entire frame is tense, his shoulders unnaturally squared and rigid.
Finally, I can't stand the strain anymore, so I reach out carefully to touch his arm. I expect him to flinch away to show his anger at me, but he doesn't react at all. It's like he hasn't even noticed my touch.
"Grimmjow?" I call softly, wary of startling him.
The muscles on his angular jaw flex; the only sign that he has even heard me.
"Hey," I whisper, resting my palm a little more forcefully on his arm. "Talk to me."
Another stretch of uncomfortable silence goes by before he finally unfurls his fists and covers his eyes with his palm. "Leave me the fuck alone," he says, his voice hoarse and filled with a deep sense of defeat.
"What?" I shake him roughly, and he rocks in place, not really resisting me but not relenting either. It feels like I'm moving a puppet. "No! Enough of this mysterious shit, if you're sincere about wanting to-"
He cuts me off, shrugging my arm away dismissively. "I told you it's not going to be easy. I warned you," he rasps without looking at me.
What the fuck. Just because he has told me that it's not going to be easy, I'm supposed to accept this kind of behavior? I don't understand why he's acting the way he is, like he's retreating into himself and effectively slamming the door in my face in the process. All this...over an old breakup? Well, I've broken up with someone too, does that mean I get to throw a tantrum as well?
As I ponder the unfairness of it all, the concern I have for him turns into exasperation, which eventually morphs into biting resentment. How many times do I have to be brushed aside for me to understand just how little I mean to this man? Sure, he says he wants to try, but if he shuts down at the first sign of trouble, like this, it's never going to work out no matter how hard I try.
I scramble to my feet, my stomach tying itself into a knot. Fine, if he wants me to "leave him the fuck alone", then I shall do that. As I put my clothes on, instead of anger, all I feel is disappointment - the kind that settles deep in my bones and makes me feel heavy and tired. I don't have the strength or energy to placate him right now. Maybe tomorrow, when we both feel better, we can sit down and go over this. Maybe when he has calmed down, he will see that the only reason I ask these questions is because I care about him.
"Don't give me that look," he says suddenly, his face still turned stubbornly away from me. "If you're so goddamn disappointed then just leave. I never asked you to stick your dick into my life in the first place."
I never thought it's possible to feel so much shock and humiliation and pain that my body just goes completely numb. I always thought that people are just being melodramatic when they say shit like that, but now I know. The second the words register in my head, the jacket that I've been holding slips out of my hand and lands in a heap on the carpet. I don't even bother picking it up before stumbling away from the living room, the only conscious thought in my head being that I need to get as far away from this man as possible.
What have I been thinking, opening myself to such a selfish bastard? I feel like the biggest idiot in the world. Renji's right, he has always been right, and that just makes me hate myself more because I had actually defended Grimmjow, thinking that I know him. What a fucking joke.
I fumble with the door handle, my fingers cold and stiff and I just can't get them to work properly. I hear a frustrated growl, recognizing it as my own voice without even realizing that I've made that sound. When the latch finally releases, I fling the door open with all the strength I can muster and run.
"Fuck, Ichi, what happened?"
I don't even know how I managed to get myself to Renji's house. I must've run all the way, judging from how wobbly my legs feel. I don't remember who answered the door, but whoever it was must've recognized me and had the sense to get Renji before I collapse out of sheer exhaustion on their precious marble floor. So here I am, slumped almost bonelessly against my best friend as he staggers under my weight.
"Get me some towels, will you, and hot tea," I vaguely hear Renji's voice, presumably talking to one of the handful of servants who live with him. "What kind? I don't care what kind, just gimme tea!"
I chuckle, and I feel Renji shift to pat my cheek as though he's trying to wake me up. That's just plain silly because I'm not drunk. I haven't touched a single drop of alcohol. I'm just extremely worn-out and still reeling from shock at the way I was kicked out of Grimmjow's apartment. Renji practically has to half-carry, half-drag my sorry ass upstairs into his room, where he dumps me onto his very big, very comfortable King-sized bed. The minute my back hits the silky sheets, I start laughing.
"Shit, you're freaking me out!" Renji shakes me by the shoulders and slaps me lightly again. "Snap out of it! What the fuck happened? Is it Grimmjow? Did he hurt you? Are you injured?"
On hindsight, I suppose his assumption makes sense, given the limited information he has about Grimmjow. He knows that the man is aggressive, especially in bed, so I don't blame him for jumping to that conclusion. It's kind of funny, but you know what's the saddest part? The saddest, sickest part is that, the first thing that crosses my mind is that I'd rather he hurt me that way.
I drape the back of my arm over my eyes and let my laughter die down before I reply. "No, this has nothing to do with sex, Ren."
The bed dips as Renji climbs into it to sit cross-legged next to me. "Then what is it?" he asks.
What is it? A very bruised dignity and a shattered dream, that's what. This is so pathetic. We lasted what, all of one day? I've had food poisoning that lasted longer than that.
"You were right," I mumble, staring unblinkingly up at the patterned ceiling. "I know you asked me not to make you say 'I told you so', but..." I chuckle mirthlessly. "He asked me to leave, said he never asked me to 'stick my dick in his life'."
Renji bares his teeth, his lips pulled back in a silent snarl.
"My dick, ha! He's the one who sticks his-" My rant is interrupted when Renji abruptly uncurls his legs from beneath him with a stormy look on his face. "Ren? Wait, where're you going?"
Renji ignores me and climbs off the bed, the muscles of his forearms bulging from the way he's cracking his knuckles.
Realization dawns suddenly and I lunge after my best friend. No, no, no, not a fight. Not over me. No matter how the fight goes down, at the end of the day both of them are people whom I care about. I don't want to see them hurt, especially not over a decision that I made on my own. I took a risk and learned things the hard way. Sure, it hurts to be rejected by someone I've been obsessed with for so long, but ultimately the responsibility is mine to bear.
"Just...stay here, please," I tug on Renji's sleeve and pull him back towards the bed. "I didn't come here to recruit you for a fight." I feel a little embarrassed about what I'm about to say, so I scratch my head and mumble, "I'm here because I need someone to talk to."
I hold my breath as I read Renji's face. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry before. He can look very scary with his height and figure, but I've known him for so long that I don't even notice it anymore. But now I can see just how fierce he can be, his six foot two frame tense and practically crackling with almost-tangible fury. It's touching to see how protective he is of me, but this is not what I need from him.
"Look, I'm fine," I reassure him. "I just, uhh," I run my fingers through the tangled mess on my head, cringing at how grimy they are from the sweat that came from the long run from my apartment. "I kinda need a place to crash for a bit." I can't bring myself to go back there now. I don't know if I can resist the urge to go see him, to confront him. In my current state, I don't think that'll be a good idea.
Renji's eyes widen in understanding, then he nods. I breathe a sigh of relief as I watch the tension drain from his body. That's a close one. As he bustles about the room gathering toiletries and whatnot for me, I slowly trudge back to his bed and throw myself onto it once more.
Looks like I'll be here for a while.
To be continued...
So what'd you think? Trouble ahead? :P
A sneak preview of the next chapter: we will finally see Szayel's reaction to Grimmjow's proposal! Hope you're excited for that!