Chapter 12

The Choice

"He's beautiful," Mission smiled as she held Bastila's newborn baby in her arms, cradling him side to side. "Just like his mother." She kissed the child tenderly on the forehead, and he let out a yawn, squinting his eyes and waving his arms by his sides as he did so.

"Oh, Mish," Bastila managed a soft laugh, exhausted from her long period of labor in the hospital bed which she currently lay in. "Don't cradle him so thoroughly like that – he just might throw up on you."

"Ew!" Mission squealed quietly and hastily handed the baby back to Bastila. "I like my clothes the way they are, thank you!"

Carth stood next to Mission by Bastila's bedside, a reflective smile on his face which expressed his happiness for Bastila, as well as sorrow at the fact that his own wife was no longer with him.

The ordeal had been excruciating: Bastila had undergone labor for what was over 14 gruelling hours, during which every part of her body was wracked with searing pain which made her want to give up altogether if it weren't for Revan's support through the Force and the memory of her parents giving her the strength to go on. She had lost a lot of blood, to the point where she had to struggle to stay awake after she finally gave birth so that she could see her son with her own eyes as the doctor presented him to her.

Heh. And I thought being tortured by Malak was bad, she humorously thought to herself.

"I'm very happy for you, Bastila," Carth said, crouching down to her eye level and holding her hand. "Being a parent is one of the fulfilling things that can happen to you. I still remember when Dustil was just a small boy. It was the happiest time of our lives, for me and my…"

He trailed off, unable to bring himself to talk about his beloved wife as a small tear escaped his eye.

"I understand, Carth, and my sympathies are with you," Bastila squeezed his hand, speaking softly to him. "The memories of your wife haunt you still, this I know in my heart. But from this day, you can start anew – I'd like you to raise my child with me. I have the utmost hope and belief that Revan will come back, but if he doesn't…I don't want my son to grow up without having someone to look up to as a father."

"You…still haven't given him a name, you know," Carth reminded her, then chuckled. "I know, from the experience of being there for my wife when she went through the same thing, that it's one hell of a tiring ordeal, but you really should at least give him a name."

"Ooh, ooh! How about…" Mission giggled and hopped up and down like an excited child. "Jaden?"

"…I'm not so keen on using my husband's former alias as my son's name, Mish," Bastila winced, then smiled as an idea popped into her head. "I'm thinking of…how about 'Vaner'?"

"But…," Mission stammered, her shoulders drooping down in confusion. "That's just…"

"'Revan' simply rearranged, I know," Bastila finished Mission's sentence for her, speaking with as much clarity as her fatigue allowed. "However, to me, for some reason it just feels…right…He is part of Revan's bloodline, and the Force is strong with him – I can sense it just by looking into his eyes."

"That choice is…kinda depressing, Bas," Mission shrugged. "Eh, your decision, I guess. It's just that I wouldn't exactly think of giving my child a name that's just an anagram of Rodric's name, or mine for that matter. Hell, I don't even think it'll even work!" Mission went on a line of distracted thought, putting her hand against her chin. "Would that even work, though? Could I actually give birth to a half-Twi'lek, half-human kid? Do they even exist?"

"Mission…," Bastila tiredly said, snapping Mission's thoughts back to the matter at hand.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bas," Mission replied, flustered.

"I'm sure you can, kiddo," Carth smiled at Mission and patted her on the back. "And I'm sure you'll be a great mother, as well."

"Thanks, daddy," Mission kidded to Carth, in another one of their father-daughter jokes.

"Well, you might as well start thinking of ways to make yourself more useful around the house, Mission," Bastila grinned mischievously. "I could use some help with nappy-changing once every now and then, don't you agree?"

"Suddenly, I'm not that keen anymore on being a mom," Mission gulped, and Zaalbar softly chuckled behind her. Exploring the Tarisian sewers was one thing – the thought of changing a baby's diapers was another. Bastila's aversion to using automated machines and inclination to undertake manual work did not help in the slightest, either.

Bastila looked up at the three of them with a warm smile on her face, then spoke to them. "I thank you all for staying by my side during this difficult time – not only during my labor, but also ever since Revan's departure. I am sure that he is proud of us all, and that we are always in his heart, just as he is always in ours. But for now…," she looked down at her son, who was playing and fiddling with her tender hand, "I'd like to…rest a moment. Just for a few hours, alone with my son."

"Of course, Bastila," Carth gently took her hand and kissed the top of it. "We'll all be waiting outside." He carefully laid her hand back on the bed and walked away, looking over his shoulder and waiting for Mission.

"Have a nice rest, sis," Mission said and hugged Bastila. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Mish," Bastila smiled, and they exchanged kisses on the cheek. Zaalbar let out a silent, happy growl and followed after Mission as quietly as his massive figure allowed. They exited the room, Carth softly closing the door behind them and giving Bastila another reassuring smile.

Bastila's eyes began to flutter with fatigue, her weariness overtaking her. She smiled and kissed Vaner on the forehead, then drifted off to sleep with him in her arms. As always, she dreamed of her champion, giving him everlasting hope in his fight from the other end of the galaxy.

-o-

Revan's head turned briskly on his pillow at the sound of his door creaking open, and the familiar pounding of Scourge's heavy footsteps which entered his cell. While Scourge was by no means a friend, Revan appreciated his presence as it was the only regular exchange of dialogue he could wish for in his captivity. He eagerly got up from his bed and stood to greet the Sith Lord.

"Hello again, Lord Scourge," he said in a fairly casual way. Where once he had maintained a degree of formality that always came with a customary bow, Revan's relationship with Scourge developed to a point where Scourge was willing to overlook the need for such ceremonious behaviour. "How, may I ask, are affairs in the capital?"

"The same, as always," Scourge grunted, walking to and sitting on the single chair that was placed alongside a small table by the wall. He gestured with his hand for Revan to be seated on his bed, which Revan obeyed. "The Emperor remains hellbent on his war against the Republic. And yet…," he sighed, "he does not dare to make a move."

"He is troubled with doubt, I see," Revan smirked. "Even a being as powerful as the Emperor must think twice before committing himself into an act from which he may not be able to pull himself out of if things go awry."

Scourge was silent, troubled with thought.

"You seem troubled with doubt too, Scourge," Revan noted. "Is your belief and faith in the Emperor finally beginning to crack asunder?"

"My belief in the Emperor are as true as they ever were, Revan," Scourge shot back at him with a glare.

"Ah, but I think I see the truth," Revan flicked a finger upwards in realization. "Your 'belief' in the Emperor is, correct me if I am wrong, purely based on the fact that he is the legitimate ruler of the Sith, in terms of your doctrines and teachings about the right to rule that comes with power. But 'belief' is not the same as 'faith' which I have just now realized."

Scourge looked at him intently. "What are you implying, Revan?"

"Just admit it, Scourge," Revan exhaled rather cockily. "You fear for the future of the Sith, for the survival of your society. You fear that the Emperor's thirst for power and his insatiable hunger to consume all life in the galaxy for himself will lead you to nothing but ruin. So let me ask you this: why do you continue to serve him blindly, if he will do nothing but lead you all to such an end?"

"We have already discussed this the very day you and Clara were subdued and imprisoned, Revan," Scourge puffed. "We have no choice. Even if the Emperor is killed and replaced with another, his successor will one day embark on the same line of ambition. It is inevitable, and you know it."

"That's not exactly what Clara and I had in mind…" Revan scratched his head.

"Bah!" Scourge barked. "And what good do you think will come if Nyriss, or your lover herself had ascended to the mantle of Empress of the Sith Empire? It would only result in the same outcome, Revan. Whether it is five, five hundred or even five thousand years from now, they will grow to become just like Vitiate – a power-hungry tyrant who will stop at nothing to increase his own power and life."

"I'm quite certain that Clara wouldn't be keen on living for that long, Scourge," Revan joked. "She wouldn't look forward to eternal life as a shrivelled and wrinkled hag with much enthusiasm. Her looks are very important to her. I'm certain that I wouldn't want something like that to happen to me, either."

Scourge simply rolled his eyes. While he greatly admired Revan's philosophies regarding the Force and his knowledge as a Jedi, Revan's sense of humor was something that he never really came to appreciate.

"All the same, Revan," Scourge insisted. "No matter who rises up to challenge Vitiate for the throne, the Sith will meet their doom. How long it takes does not matter in the slightest: when the end comes, it shall come."

"Well then, if you're so against the idea of someone else raising their blade against the Emperor…" Revan sighed and leaned forward, placing his left elbow on his knee and resting his chin against his hand, "…then why don't you challenge him for the rulership of the Sith?"

Scourge's eyes gleamed with shock at the suggestion. Betrayal was the way of the Sith, but not for him. He had always believed that the most powerful must rule over all the others, and that far too often had betrayal weakened the Sith as a whole; powerful Sith masters would be assassinated by their apprentices who were full of passion and ambition, but were mere weaklings who only advanced themselves through cunning acts of treason. Whilst Scourge valued cunning and resourcefulness just as much as any other Sith, he respected the authority of power far more to ever possibly consider an act which he considered to be downright cowardly.

Seeing the hesitance in Scourge's eyes, Revan went on. "In case you still think otherwise, neither Clara nor I have any interest in the title of Emperor of the Sith. I know very well that you still have a deep sense of distrust towards Clara, but tell me…are her eyes still the fiery orange orbs of ambition and hatred? Or are they a serene emerald green and a sea of purity? If you ask for my opinion, then I wouldn't hesitate to suggest that it is in the best interests of the Empire that Vitiate is replaced by you as ruler as soon as possible. There is no Sith who is wiser and fitter to rule than you, Scourge. I know it."

Scourge retorted. "What makes you think that I will be so easily swayed by your words, Revan? There lies nothing in your words but the intent to mislead me, so that I will release you and Clara from your state of imprisonment. It is laid bare for me to see."

"You said it yourself," Revan quickly answered, putting increased pressure on Scourge. "The Emperor is mad with power and his will to consume all life. He no longer cares at all for the Sith, you know this. He cares only about feeding his hunger – a hunger that will never be satisfied until either he or the galaxy itself is dead. Surely you can see that? Surely you do not wish for that to happen?"

"That is enough, Revan," Scourge angrily declared, storming off of his seat and sending it back against the table with violent force. "I will listen to your words no longer. This conversation is over."

"As you wish, milord," Revan exhaled, leaning back against his bed as Scourge began to walk away. "But I have one request I'd like to ask of you."

"Speak," Scourge said, turning slightly and looking at Revan with a narrowed gaze.

"Please consider what I've told you. You never know when the time may come. That is all."

Scourge paced out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He stared down at the cold floor, his mind conflicted with the thoughts evoked by Revan's words as he stormed away to return to the citadel and his master.

-o-

Three years.

It was so hard to believe that such a long time had passed since Revan's departure, as Bastila looked fondly upon their wedding picture which lay in her hands. Whereas most other women would have lost all hope and sought the company of other men, Bastila's loyalty to Revan remain as unwavering as the day he left her.

She still vividly remembered the terrifying moments of her life that came a few months after Revan's departure. Suddenly without warning, all across the galaxy, Jedi were being systematically hunted down, eradicated and murdered by unknown assailants, whose identities were only recently revealed to be Sith stalkers, trained to sense and feel the Force energies of Jedi, or any other Force-sensitive being, and kill them without mercy. But whether it was by a miraculous stroke of luck or the incomprehensible will of the Force, Bastila had survived. No Sith agent had ever come to end her life. Until recently.

After placing the picture back on the top of her bedroom drawer, she walked to Vaner's room to find her young son lying soundly asleep in bed. She tried desperately to erase the memories of the terrible battle that had come to the steps of Telos. The moment in which she, Carth and all the others could have lost everything. She had hoped that she would never have to raise her lightsaber again; never to take another life, even that of a Sith.

She was wrong.

She had fought desperately alongside all the others, having no time at all to apply her Battle Meditation due to the swarms of Sith who threatened to overwhelm the entire station itself. It was at this time that she had briefly met the Jedi Exile in the midst of battle, and immediately felt for herself the presence that was described by so many as a 'wound in the Force'.

She could feel the Exile's anguish, her sorrow and regrets with every step she took; with every stroke of her lightsaber against that of the Sith. Looking at the Exile was like looking into a never-ending pit of emptiness, where any and all emotion was drowned out by a perpetual state of nullity.

And yet, amidst the darkness and despairing pursuit of redemption, Bastila saw in the woman's eyes a bright light of hope that she did not even see in Revan. She sensed the Exile's anguish that came with the atrocities that she had committed, but at the same time, an ever-burning hope to be finally redeemed in the eyes of those who had abandoned and forsaken her in the past.

To her relief, Bastila found that fate had not been so cruel a master after all: Juhani and Jolee had survived the Jedi Purge, and fought alongside her in defending the station. They had told her that the Force gave them a vision of the battle that was to come over the planet of Telos, and that it gave them the courage to put their own lives on the line once more to protect the lives of others. Here, all of the old companions were reunited once again, standing side by side with the Exile's followers in their common objective to protect the Republic.

All except for Revan…

Victory had ultimately come at a very steep price: many thousands of Republic soldiers and civilians were dead, and the debris of Republic ships scattered across the surface of the planet. Juhani and Mission were both left with wounds, the Twi'lek brandishing a noticeable gash on her right side from a Sith vibroblade that came ever so close to ending her life if it wasn't for Bastila's swift reaction. Once everything was over, Rodric, thinking he had lost Mission in the fierce battle, ran over to her and embraced her tightly, determined never to let her face such dangers alone again.

Bastila tended to Mission and Juhani herself in her apartment, and the former crew of the Ebon Hawk all stayed awhile, conversing with one another and discussing their activities over the five years that had passed since the last time they all saw each other at Bastila and Revan's wedding. The Jedi Purge had been a terrifying event, not only for Bastila, Juhani or Jolee, but for all Jedi who have had to live in a perpetual state of anxiety. Canderous had revealed to them that he had taken up the mantle of the new Mandalore with Revan's help, and both Carth and Bastila felt relieved to know that he had committed the Mandalorians to aid and protect the Republic from the Sith threat.

Jolee and Juhani remained for longer to recuperate after the gruelling battle they had fought, but Canderous, along with T3 and HK-47, soon left to accompany the Exile to the ruined graveyard that was Malachor V. Bastila did not get a chance to speak to her about Revan.

But before they left, Bastila took the chance to record another personal message within T3, thanking him for following her request and providing him with further instructions to continue to protect the Exile, and to do all that he could to find Revan. She then recorded herself along with her three-year-old son, crouching down beside Vaner as they made cheerful smiles and waves intended for Revan to see.

A week later, the Exile returned from Malachor, having finally ended the threat that the Sith had posed against the galaxy. It had been a most difficult trial, as despite Kreia's open admission and self-proclamation of being Darth Traya, Meetra still thought of her as her teacher, mentor, and a friend. Where once she killed without second thought while serving under Revan, Meetra, like her companion Mira, felt a terrible sense of guilt and futility with every life she took.

Meetra's companions, still not convinced that the Sith threat had been truly eliminated, decided upon their return to Telos that they would re-establish the Jedi Order in the academy that was founded by Atris, who was held prisoner there. Here, they would set out to produce new Padawans and Jedi Knights who would commit themselves to the protection of the galaxy, albeit with one fundamental difference.

They had all seen love for what it truly means for a Jedi. It did not weaken or corrupt them, but strengthened them by giving them all the will to fight on for the people who were important in their lives. They would teach their Padawans not to reject the feelings of love, but to embrace them and use their feelings when protecting the ones they cared about.

Breathing a sigh of relief at the fact that the worst was now over, Bastila turned around and silently walked out of Vaner's bedroom and made her way to the living room, where Meetra was sitting alone on the couch, looking out to the night sky. T3 stayed silent by her side, his lights dimmed. The formerly exiled Jedi Knight turned her head and gave a small smile at Bastila as she approached.

"I am sorry that I kept you waiting," Bastila apologized with a slight bow and sat down beside Meetra. "I was just…checking on my son."

"No, it is I who am sorry," Meetra shook her head. "I've come at a rather bad time, I'm afraid."

"Not at all," Bastila insisted. "In fact, it is a good thing that you've come at this late hour: if Mission wasn't sound asleep, I couldn't possibly begin to think of the questions she'd fire away at you," she chuckled. Whilst Mission was now considered to be mature at the age of 19, the same definitely could not be said about her behavior.

Meetra laughed softly and spoke to her. "I see that my choice wasn't as unwise as I thought it to be, then." She then assumed a more neutral, controlled tone. "Now I know that this may cause you some pain, but I really must know anything that you can tell me about where Revan has gone. I'm aware that he has gone to confront the True Sith, as Kreia had told me, but I cannot say that I have any idea of what he's facing out there right now."

"It is…terrible…is all I can say," Bastila replied, dismayed as she hung her head. Meetra comforted her by placing an arm around her, gently squeezing her on the shoulder to implore her to go on. "You see, I…somehow, I have always felt Revan's presence through the Force. We were always there for each other, supporting one another emotionally while we were each situated on opposite ends of the galaxy. And when the day came where I finally gave birth to my son, I…I felt his…voice within me, giving me the strength and will to go on. Revan is alive – this I know. But I still fear for him. He is trappedsomewhere, and he is struggling to free himself. Every time we spoke to each other through the Force, I could always hear his voice accompanied by a relentless thundering of storms. And every time I asked him where he was, his voice would always be drowned out by the darkness around him. As if it did not want his location to be known to me."

"I see," Meetra exhaled, then moved to speak before T3 interrupted with a series of beeps. "You what, T3?" she said in surprise. "Why didn't you mention any of this earlier?"

T3 beeped apologetically.

"What did he say just now?" Bastila asked.

"He said that he had stored data and information about the hyperspace route that Revan had taken out in the Unknown Regions," Meetra replied. "He still remembers the planet on which Revan went missing, and how to get there."

"You…," Bastila murmured, "you're going out there to find him, aren't you?"

Meetra could see Bastila's eyes enlivening with hope as she spoke. While Revan was a close friend of hers whom she still deeply respected and cared about, she could never possibly hope to truly understand the feelings that Bastila and Revan had for one another. Her own love with Atton, as deep as it was, could never come close to being the truly passionate affair that Bastila shared with her husband.

"Yes," Meetra nodded. "I have to find him. I have to help him fight the threat he has gone out alone to face. It is my duty."

"And you'll be going alone, just as Revan did?"

"Yes," Meetra said sullenly, crushed by the thought of having to leave Atton, the love of her life, behind. "Like Revan, I cannot risk the lives of others by taking them along with me. I must go alone, although T3 and HK-47 may accompany me."

"I just simply cannot believe that you actually trust that droid," Bastila smirked in reference to the homicidal droid. "Does he not irk or irritate you in any way at all?"

"Quite the contrary," Meetra answered, surprising her. "I find him rather helpful."

Bastila raised an eyebrow. "You…find him… 'helpful'?"

Meetra laughed. "And of course, he can be quite a pain in the backside at times. But he's proven himself to be reliable when he must. I have faith in him."

Bastila sighed. "Thank the Force for that…"

"I will go to the Unknown Regions and bring Revan back. I assure you of that," Meetra said with a convincing light in her eyes. "I am not going to let your son grow up without a father."

Bastila's eyes fluttered and heart pounded wildly at the thought of someone finally deciding to go to search for her husband. All at once, every part of her being wished to free herself of her restraints and accompany Meetra so that she could find her beloved Revan. But deep down, she knew that she couldn't. She knew that she could not abandon her son out of the impulses of her heart.

"You…want to look for him yourself…don't you?" Meetra asked, sensing the conflict within Bastila.

"Yes," Bastila sobbed. "I miss him. I miss him so much. Not a second goes by when I don't want to go out there by myself to search for him, caring not whether I live or die so long as I find him and hold him once again in my arms."

Meetra placed a tender hand on Bastila's cheek, wiping away her tears. She lifted her chin up so that she would meet her eyes, and Bastila soon found hope by peering into the eyes of the older woman.

"I promise you…I will find him," Meetra whispered to her.

"Thank you," Bastila said silently, and embraced her in a hug.

"It is time for me to leave now," Meetra said, standing up and giving Bastila a small bow which she reciprocated with a lower one. "I thank you for having me here, and I promise that I will do my utmost to bring Revan back to you."

"Safe journeys," Bastila farewelled her, "and may the Force be with you."

As she watched Meetra walk away from her, Bastila couldn't help but dart her eyes towards the vase which held Revan's mask. Although she felt a great urge to present it to Meetra so that she could eventually return it to Revan, something prevented her from doing so.

Why am I doing this? Why am I being so selfish?! Bastila thought, but still found that she was unable to move her own feet, let alone utter words for Meetra to stop in her tracks. By the time she regained her senses, Meetra was long gone. Bastila fell onto her knees, ashamed of what she had just done.

She stayed there on her knees, for what felt like an eternity to her as she couldn't bring herself to fathom just why she had not given Revan's mask to Meetra. She loathed herself for being such a selfish person by keeping it when it could have potentially aided Revan in rediscovering so much of his lost memories. She hated herself for placing her own emotional attachment to his mask above the greater good which would have come had she relented it.

She held such thoughts until finally, it dawned upon her.

She had wanted to present it to Revan herself.

Yes, Bastila thought. This is what my heart truly desires. I can fight it no longer. Revan must be saved. No matter what we do here with our lives, it will mean nothing if Revan ultimately fails in his quest to put an end to the Sith threat once and for all. Revan is fighting not only for me and his son, but for the whole galaxy. Without Revan, there is no Republic; I realize that now. I shall wait no longer. I shall make preparations for my departure tomorrow.

She got up and walked up to the vase which held the key to Revan's lost past, and removed the case from within. She took the mask in her hands and walked into her bedroom, closing the door silently behind her. She slipped into her bed and grasped Revan's mask in her hands, soon finding comfort in hearing Revan's voice as she fell asleep.

No, Bastila, no, she heard him implore her. You promised me that you would raise our son…Don't you remember?

There are greater things at stake, Revan, she responded. You and I both know that should you fail, the Sith will exterminate all life in the galaxy. And should their invasion come to pass, neither the Republic nor the Jedi will be able to stop them. You know this. I cannot spend another day here, waiting for you to come back to me by your own, when you never will. I am coming for you, Revan. We will be together once again, my love.

Bastila…please…no…

I am sorry, Revan. This is what my heart desires, and I will follow my own convictions from this day forward…no matter what you or the others say. I will see you again, Revan. That I promise you.