A/N: Here's another angsty chapter. I promise, it gets fluffier soon!

Anyways, enjoy!

Killian tried his hardest to not think about anything on their way up the coast, to Ghost Trees.

He knew this would be the hardest thing he's ever done in his life.

And that terrified him.

"You okay?" Emma asked softly.

Killian diverted his gaze from the window to give her a small smile.

"Aye, I'm alright."

Emma clearly saw right through him, but instead of saying something quip-y as usual, she simply reached for his hand gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You sure you want to do this, mate?" Robin asked, "We don't have to."

"No, I need to do it. I can't get back into this without seeing it." Killian spoke firmly, causing Robin to take a deep breath and nod.

"Well, we're close."

Killian nodded, glancing back to the window.

Emma held onto his hand for the duration of the ride, until they finally made it to Ghost Trees.

Killian felt his breath catch in his throat as he looked over the bluff to the deadly waves below, all of his memories flooding back.

He felt like he could finally breathe as Emma took his hand, and Robin set a hand on his shoulder.

"You're strong, Killian. Most people couldn't do this." Emma noted.

"We're proud of you, mate." Robin added.

Killian looked out to the water, taking a deep breath before shaking his head and hurrying back to the car and opening the door.

He climbed in and slammed the door, locking it before bringing his knees to his chin and closing his eyes. He couldn't help the tears that had fallen from his eyes.

Though he knew he had to move forward, the mental scars were still there.

Out of nowhere, Killian darted off to the car.

Emma nearly ran after him, but Robin stopped her, grabbing her arm.

"Hey, let him go." Robin spoke softly, "This is a lot for him."

"I know, I just wanted-"

"He needs a few minutes alone. Promise." Robin said, causing Emma to swallow hard and nod.

"Killian told me how it happened." Emma spoke softly.

"I'm sure he didn't tell you the whole story."

"He said he was fading in and out, so I'm sure there were missing parts." Emma replied.

"I was so scared I was going to lose my best friend." Robin said, looking out at the water, "He was losing so much blood, but he was so... calm. Like, he knew it was going to be okay, or he'd accepted his fate. Whichever you see, I guess."

"I'm guessing Liam was right there." Emma spoke softly.

"His brother was the one to call 911. He tied up Killian's hand with my shirt until the ambulance got there. We just... We knew he was losing a lot of blood, and we couldn't waste time." Robin said, "But, nothing was more painful than sitting in the waiting room for hours, waiting for the final say. We knew it wasn't very likely that Killian would be able to keep his hand, but... We hoped he could."

"How long... How long was it before Killian could surf again?"

"He surfed as soon as the stitches were out. He was aching to get back into the water." Robin smiled, "But, learning was a whole other experience. He basically had to re-learn how to surf."

"All over?"

"Yep. He had to find new ways to do simple things, like stand up, or duck dive." He said, "But, he stopped doing competitions entirely. He didn't think he could do it. He got lost in parties and whatever else with Liam, and..."

"Milah, I know." Emma nodded.

"Once he lost both of them... Killian was in a dark place. My best shot at that point was getting him back into surfing. So, little by little, with help from a coach who worked with people like Killian, we got him back out there. He's been doing it ever since, but... He's never been the same. He won't be."

"I'm sorry you went through all of that." Emma offered.

"Don't be. Because of it, I learned a lot of things that I would have never learned. I helped a friend." Robin spoke with a sincere smile, making Emma smile, "Go talk to him. He'd benefit from you."

"Thank you, Robin." Emma smiled and kissed Robin's cheek before hurrying to the car and gently knocking on the window. She saw Killian curled up in the seat, his knees to his chin, and Emma knew he was crying by the way his body shook.

She gave the window one last knock, and Killian looked up to her, his eyes reddened. She mouthed 'can I come in?', to which he nodded and Emma heard the lock click.

She opened the door and slipped inside, sitting beside Killian as he scooted over.

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Hey, it's okay." Emma spoke with a small smile, "I get it. Not totally, but... I know why you're scared."

"Thank you." He sniffled, wiping at his tears.

Emma smiled and reached over to brush away his tears gently, causing him to chuckle and close his eyes.

"This is stressful, I know." Emma whispered, "Just know that you are not expected to do anything."

"I know."

"If you don't want to do this, I won't be disappointed, Killian." Emma said.

"I'm going to do this, Emma. I want to prove that I can do this."

"Good." Emma smiled, "I know you can."

Killian nodded and leaned against her, making her smile and wrap her arm around him.

Her surfer was so strong, and she knew that.

It was time for the rest of the world to see that, too.