Chapter Twelve – Swallow your Pride

Swallow your pride if you know you are being prideful

It is blinding you from the desires of your heart.

Should you put it all on the line for her,

You know you she wouldn't turn you away

Be the bigger person and make it work

Before you lose her once more

-Jace-

After getting into it with Clary, I found it hard to focus on anything or anyone. Kaelie overheard the entire conversation and it made things a bit awkward afterwards.

"So are you going to explain what that was all about?" she slipped her bra and shirt back on. I grabbed mine from the floor and pulled it over my head.

"That was…just a dispute between old friends. I don't think she'll be back but I'm suddenly no longer in the mood so …"

Kaelie nodded and finished getting dressed, storming out the door. I fell back on the bed just as Church claimed the spot where Kaelie was sitting.

"Yeah I'm not expecting anymore company tonight. I doubt either of them will be back anytime soon. God, I don't know what is wrong with me. She always could bring out the best and the worse in me. Some would call that love, I call it annoying."

Church mewed softly as I sighed. I picked him up and placed him on my belly, scratching him in his favorite spot behind his ears. I looked at his sleepy grey face and commented on an old proverb that rang truer than ever at this moment.

"Whoever said women only bring trouble and drama didn't know just how right they were."

The next day, things were awkward at the bar. Kaelie kept shooting me daggers when she wasn't flirting. Izzy gave me a look that suggested she knew I had a secret. But every time I questioned her about it, she didn't say anything. Clary kept to herself, avoiding the town like a plague. I ran into her Mom a couple of times at the store and every time she would ask me to come to Friday dinners at her place.

"You and Clary should catch up now that she'll be living in town again." She would always say. And every time she asked, I would come up with some excuse as to why I wasn't available. I knew that Jocelyn could tell but she was polite enough to not say anything.

My father picked up on my sour mood and didn't neglect to comment on it.

"Jonathan, you walk around here like you lost your one true love."

"Pop you know my one true love remains myself. I occasionally turn myself down just to keep it interesting." I slapped his leg and walked into the kitchen.

He scoffed and shooed me off before following after me. "Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Clary? She was so upset that day you left. Did you apologize to her?"

I finished off my glass of water and nodded. I figured if anyone could give me advice about loving a woman you couldn't have, it would be my father. He still carried a torch for my mother and no woman would ever replace her.

"Clary and I ran into each other at Gosman's Dock the other day. We talked without arguing for once and I made her dinner. After dinner things became a bit more physical. Then morning came and she saw things differently than I did."

He crossed his arms. "Well what were you hoping for?"

I shrugged. It was a good question, one I hadn't thought of an answer to.

"I don't know. I guess I was hoping that things between us would change. I spent all this time avoiding her because I knew I would hate my best memory of her. It would only serve as a reminder and proof that people could fake the emotion love, that love eventually ends and worst of all, love wasn't powerful enough to change a person or a life. But when we made up that night at the dock, I opened up my heart once more believing that time had healed the wound. I kept hope in my heart that Clary would realize that things between us weren't over and that she should be with me rather than her Hipster fiancée. Every time I open my heart to her, she steps all over it, leaving the battered and bruised remains in her absence. I still carry that pain with me Pop. It started when she left for school but I've lived with it for so long that I've accepted it as an inevitable part of me."

"You can ignore the memories of Clary but you'll always remember the feelings she invoked in you. That's because the two of you have a great deal of history, just like your mother and I. When she was gone, I heard from everyone around me. They all said the same thing—you'll get over it and move you. I said it too but I knew in my heart that it wasn't true. Now I have no doubt that you'll be happy again but you won't forget her either. Every single time that you fall for someone, it will be because there's something there that reminds you of Clary. But the love that you have for her is one that you can't give up so easily one. When the love is gone, you'll know what a gift her love was. Now you need to decide whether you are going to fight to keep that love or let it go."

I shook my head. "It hurts. Everything about her makes me hurt. It hurts to love and I hate her for that. Yet I don't think I can exist without her."

"Then you have your answer son. It doesn't matter if she is engaged, married or taking vows to become a nun. If you truly love her then you need to fight for her. If you believe that she is worth it, then you need to go tell her how wrong you were and win her back from the hipster boy."

Sophie walked in from her evening walk and gave her two cents while she gathered my father's pills.

"You know Jace, anyone who is strong enough to open their heart to love and suffer a loss, are strong enough to take on the world. Love and loss are linked and some who lose their love never truly love again. But you have that chance. Don't let it go."

I took everything that they said to heart and drove around town for a bit, processing it all and weighing all my options. I had put myself out there once before and laid it all on the line. When she came to me I turned her away despite her giving me exactly what I wanted.

And just like that, the light bulb when off in my head. She came to tell me that she was choosing me. She was going to break off her engagement to the Hipster and be with me. I swerved my bike around and drove in the direction of the bar.

I jumped off and threw my helmet on the seat and ran inside. I waved to Isabelle and pointed to the loft upstairs. She nodded and finished pouring the shots for the douchebag frat boys.

Once we were away from the noise I explained in as few words as possible that I needed Clary's address.

"I know that her fiancée signed the contract for their engagement party so I don't tell me that you don't know it. I need it right now!"

Isabelle looked like she wanted to argue or protest but said nothing and shifted through the papers on the desk. Before she handed me the post it on which she wrote down the address she gave me a serious look.

"Are you sure this is what you want? Have you given it enough thought?"

Even when we were younger Izzy and Alec were always watching out for me, making sure I thought all my decisions through. I knew that I was prone to making rash decisions but this time that wasn't the case. This decision has been in the making since I let her walk out of my life six years ago.

"Yes. For once I have thought it through and I am tired of thinking. I want this. I want Clary."

Isabelle smiled and handed over the post it, saying it was about time. I gave her a quick squeeze and ran back out the office and to my bike. I looked over the address and programed it into my phone. Clary's place was near the outskirts, away from the beach in the more heavily wooded area. I went over the direction a few times and headed off, thinking about what I wanted to say to her.

When I pulled into her driveway, I stayed there and composed myself and mostly tried not to chicken out.

"Just do it." I told myself. I slid off my bike and pushed my hair back, walking towards her front door.

I knocked on the door, finally feeling like everything was going right in my life. But as it slowly opened, the smile fell from my face as I was greeted by her fiancée.

AN: Don't worry the story isn't over yet. ;)