Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Chapter 12: My Heart Is Broken

Remus's letter was just what Ridley needed to lift her spirits. It reminded her that she and Hailey were not alone, and that they would be with Sirius come Christmas Day. She was shocked and touched by his kindness. He had taken the time to express his worry for her and state how much he cared.

'I am unhappy,' Ridley thought to herself. 'Just like Lupin said. But I have always been unhappy.' She supposed she would be until Voldemort was dead as a doornail and she was safe and alone.

'Professor Lupin,' she wrote. 'I am doing fine here. Snape is not as bad as he seems. In fact, he is actually a good person at heart. The issue of my unhappiness lies elsewhere, and I hope that someday I can tell you all I have felt. Thank you so much for just being there for me and my sister. You have no idea how much I appreciate you. With love, Ridley.'

She gave the letter to Lupin's owl and sent him off. "My heart is broken," she whispered as she watched him fly away. "And you are the only person who's been able to tell." Even her own sister couldn't tell, after she had shielded her from years of nothing but endless pain.

Her eyes suddenly felt heavy. She felt drained and empty. Across the house, she heard the floo roar to life. Snape was home. 'Please don't come into the main room,' she thought as she heard the footsteps getting louder.

"Ridley? What are you doing down here?" Snape asked, his voice neither unkind nor unpleasant.

"Just sending a letter, sir," she answered quietly, keeping her head down.

"Ridley, it just occurred to me that I never fully examined your injuries," he said. "It is very important that I do so."

Ridley held her breath. "They've all healed," she interrupted.

"Please, would you just let me make sure?" Snape asked. "You could end up hurting yourself more."

Ridley swallowed a hard lump in her throat. "Is that what Dumbledore told you?" she asked.

"Ridley, please."

Ridley unwilling pulled herself away from the window and followed Snape into his office. 'At least he won't find my biggest injuries,' she thought to herself. He would never discover the damage to her heart and mind.

"Sit," Snape ordered. Ridley sat sideways in a chair at Snape's desk. Slowly, he pulled out his wand and pointed it at her.

"What are you going to do?" Ridley asked nervously, fighting the panic down.

"Diagnosis," Snape said simply.

Ridley fidgeted uncomfortably. The room smelled faintly of firewhisky. She had to fight the urge to run. "Show me your arms," Snape said.

He pulled up a chair and sat beside her. Ridley held out her shaky arms. He gently examined the scar from the stone. He took her hands in his and ran his fingers over her scarred knuckles. "Explain these," he said.

"Blocking," Ridley said. "I tried to block the attacks."

He dropped her hands, and Ridley felt a strange sense of relief as she snatched them back. It wasn't long before he grabbed them again and rubbed a potion over her knuckles.

"Left shoulder," Snape ordered.

Ridley hesitated. Slowly, she reached up and pulled her collar down, revealing a giant bruise and jagged cut. "Explain," Snape said.

"The bruise is from quiditch. The cut is from last summer."

Snape rubbed various salves on her shoulder. The hairs on the back of her neck stood. She didn't like the contact, even if he was trying to help. "The cut is deep, and possibly infected," Snape said. "How did you get a cut like this?"

"It's from a knife," Ridley whispered. She pulled her arms tightly around her stomach. She could feel the muscles in Snape's hand tense.

He walked around behind her. Ridley's heart echoed loudly in her head. She knew what he was going to ask next. But her never asked it. He grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled it up before she had time to resist. She gasped. The scent of firewhisky filled her nose.

"No!" she screamed, wrenching herself away. She took a few steps before she remembered where she was. Mumbling a quiet apology, she sat down again while Snape stared in shock.

An awkward moment passed before Snape lifted her shirt again. She heard him gasp. "Ridley..." he stammered.

"Don't ask," she said. "Please."

He set to work, rubbing various things onto her skin. Her back stung from her wounds. She hissed in pain, clutching her shirt in her hands. "What are you doing?" she demanded.

"You have infections," Snape said, his voice hard. "I'm sorry it hurts, but it appears as if you've been through worse."

"You know what drinking does to people's minds," she said accusingly. If Snape caught what she was really trying to say, he didn't let it show.

"The Dursleys will pay," Snape said.

"Not yet," Ridley pleaded. "I'm not ready."

Snape reluctantly agreed. He checked her weight and decided that she was underfed. He gave her a potion to drink, which actually tasted pleasant, like homemade pancakes. "Are you going to do this with Hailey?" Ridley asked.

"I will," Snape said.

The smell of beer and firewhisky weren't so different, Ridley decided after breathing in deeply. "Excuse me, sir," she said hesitantly. "But, you really shouldn't drink so much."

Snape froze for a second before spinning around. His face was expressionless, as was his voice. "Then bring me another way to kill the pain."

Ridley stared at the floor. She knew from experience what was best. "People," she said. "That's what's best." How could she have survived all those years without her sister?

"People don't like me," Snape said bitterly.

'His heart is broken,' Ridley decided. 'Just like mine.' Ridley shifted uncomfortably. "For what its worth," she started. "I like you."

Snape thanked her quietly and dissmissed her. Who knew what was on his mind? Ridley could only guess that after years of pushing everyone away, he could only handle so much people.

Her back felt suprisingly better as she climbed the stairs. She checked her sister's room. It was empty. She went into their joint bathroom and closed both doors. She leaned against the counter and stared at herself in the mirror.

Dark circles were under her eyes. She was paler than normal. "What is happening to me?" she whispered. She was scared of what she saw.

"Well, if you can't walk, then crawl," Petunia's voice echoed back to her. There was a sharp pain in her ribs where her aunt's foot made contact. She tumbled over, onto the floor...

Of all the roles she could have been given, Ridley wondered why she had been Hailey's protector. It didn't seem fair that she should've had to put herself through that. Why did she have to be a Potter at all? Why couldn't she have been with a loving family?

The whip of a belt was on her back. She pleaded with Vernon to stop, but he was deaf to her...

Ridley suddenly resented Hailey for doing nothing. "You told her not to," she reminded herself sternly.

"Oh, so that was the one time she was actually willing to follow orders?" Ridley questioned. Hailey was defiant and would do anything to protect her loved one's. Well, almost...

She threw herself in front of Hailey to defend her from the heavy slap across her face. Her world was spinning. She had been pushed to the floor...

"She saved your worthless life, you coward," Ridley hissed at her reflection. She hated everything, everyone. Her rage was uncontrollable. She didn't remember moving, but her hand suddenly collided with the mirror. Shards broke off. Ridley checked her palm and suppressed a scream. As she saw the cut, the pain registered. She grabbed toilet paper and pressed it against her hand. "Am I abusing myself now?" she asked bitterly. A simple Reparo would fix the broken mirror, but not her broken heart.

The hallways on the third floor was dark. There were no grand stairs with plush carpet leading here, only a hidden spiral staircase. Hailey put her hand on the wall to feel for a switch. There was nothing.

She kept walking and found a large room full of dusty cardboard boxes. Forgotten trinkets were scattered on the floor. Hailey picked up an old action figure. He was dressed all in green and missing and arm. His face was lonely and haunting.

Without knowing why, she shoved it into her pocket. She walked towards the sunlight. An old screen door called to her. Gently, she pushed the boxes aside and unlocked the door. The air was cold. She stepped out onto the balcony and looked across Snape's property. There wasn't another building for miles.

She closed the door behind her and slipped her shoes off. Hailey sat on the rail, kicking her feet softly. She laughed at herself. The place made her happy. She wished she had discovered it last night when she had been wandering around the second floor for fear of nightmares.

Suddenly, a searing pain shot through her scar, nearly making Hailey lose her grip. She scrambled back onto the balcony. "Merlin," she gasped.

Using the railing for help, she climbed onto the roof where no one would see her and crawled into a fetal position. She pushed two fingers into her scar. It hurt so bad she could barely think.

"Do you know this for certain, Lucius?" Voldemort hissed.

'No,' Hailey thought firmly. 'Get out of my head!'

"I thought we could trust Severus. I am truly disappointed. Crucio."

Hailey grit her teeth. They had been found out.

"No matter. I shall punish him accordingly. Does anyone know where his private quarters are?" He paused. "No? Crucio."

Just as suddenly as the pain had started, it was gone. The voices had stopped, leaving Hailey alone inside her head again. "Bloody Malfoy," she spat. How did he figure it out?

Using all her strength, Hailey pulled herself off of the roof. She walked anxiously back through the house, searching for Snape while desperately hoping he hadn't been summoned.

She found him moaning on the floor of his office. Hailey stood in the doorway, speechless. She could smell the firewhisky. "You have got to be kidding me," she grumbled.

"Shut the door behind you," Snape wheezed. When Hailey complied, he asked, "What is it you need Lily?"

"Isn't it exhausting, doing this to yourself all the time?" she asked.

"Come here, Lily," Snape groaned. "Please? Let me look into your eyes?"

'This is weird,' Hailey thought to herself, but she still crossed the room and sat beside Snape. She found his hollow eyes. "I'm Hailey. Remember?"

"You're beautiful," Snape slurred, reaching a hand out towards her.

"Not while you're in this state," Hailey grumbled, batting it away. "Not ever, actually."

"Lily," Snape murmured to himself.

"I have something really important to tell you, but you aren't going to understand in this state," Hailey grumbled in frustration. "You better hope I remember to tell you later."

'What if I forget?' Hailey thought, suddenly panicking. She doubted she would, but she decided to write it on her hand, just in case. She stood up to take a quill from Snape's desk.

"Don't leave me," Snape gasped, clutching her ankle. Hailey suppressed the urge to kick him away. He looked up at her helplessly, pleading.

"I hate people," Hailey grumbled, sitting back down. "Really. I do. Are you happy now?"

He wouldn't let go of her ankle. Hailey squirmed and pulled and finally gave up. She could do nothing but watch him watch her. "You are acting like a toddler," Hailey accused when the silence became too much.

Snape only stared back.

"Great," Hailey grumbled. "This is perfect."

Slowly, Snape reached out with his other hand towards her face. Hailey glared at it, and when it got to close, she pulled back. He held fast to her ankle, and she fell over. She thrashed with her other leg, kicking him in the face. He groaned and released her. Hailey scrambled away.

"Don't leave me alone," Snape whined.

"You don't even know who you are," Hailey said coldly before walking out.

"Someday, I will make them pay for making me afraid of people," she swore to herself. Any other thoughts had been pushed far from her mind in her rage.