Note: I kept my promise. Yay for that. Now, I have to go. I have to finish my homework.

I don't own Buttercup, other people, and Tabasco sauce.

Chapter 12

I am not stalking this cat.

I am merely following her as she walks through town. Somebody has to follow her, and it might as well be me.

Isn't it a turn-on to be stalked?

Not really

Shut up, thinking voice.

I am getting superb at mentally muting my inner voice. Now, I can't even hear him! Ha. Take that, sucker

Actually, I am just shutting up like you told me to, my thinking voice whispered. You give yourself too much credit.

I give up trying to make my thinking voice shut his trap. I tried threats, asking, polite suggestions. Nothing works! I even tried blackmailing him with a naked picture.

I don't have naked pictures of myself, said my thinking voice. I don't even think it's possible for a thinking voice to get naked.

Instead of listening to my thinking voice explain his nakedness, I focus on the cat I am currently following. Her name is Princess, and I love her. She is just the most ravishing feline in town. She has fluffy white hair, a cute little black nose, and beady black eyes. And she can kill a mouse fifty different ways without spilling a drop of blood. Sigh. She's hotter than Tabasco sauce.

Today Princess is wearing a pink bow around her neck. She could wear a skunk around her neck, and I would still want to jump on her and nuzzle her nose. Woah. Nuzzling noses! This is getting Rated R.

Princess is quietly making way to her house. Even her little kitty strut is perfect. I'm surprised other male cats aren't kissing the ground she has touched. I tried once. Dirt is certainly not delicious.

Every few seconds, I zig-zag in order to follow her without her knowing I'm here. Naturally, she would appreciate my devotion to her, but she might take me following her home the wrong way. I don't want to risk my chances of ending up with her. I planned out our wedding. She'll be wearing a blue bow, and there'll be a whole table of mice appetizers...

I must say, I am the most sneakiest cat in the world. Naturally, there is no prize for such matters, but if there was, I would most definitely receive that prize.

Princess scratches at the back door of her house, and a pretty blonde girl opens the door to let Princess in. Compared to the rest of District 12, this girl and her family are of great wealth. I know this because Katniss and dreamy stranger sell strawberries to this family. Strawberries are precious. Almost nobody eats them, except this family, of course. Sometimes Katniss brings a couple strawberries back from the woods after selling most of them to the rich family. I have never had one, since to eat such a lovely object is treason against beautiful things. Rule #561: "To digest a beautiful object and allow digestive acids to consume a beautiful object is a disgrace to the beautiful community." Katniss shoves them into her mouth. But then again, Katniss doesn't appreciate beauty.

Soon, the last thing I see is Princess' behind. But I cover my eyes. It is not gentleman like to look at a female cat's tooshie.

After climbing a tree and running around in circles around the house in attempts to see Princess, I walk home. The walk home seems serene and wonderful as Princess' beauty affects the world around her.

I decide to take another short nap of five hours, since naps are the best defense against bad stuff. A wise cat once said that evil doesn't feel like attacking those who appear dead. Naturally, it's less exciting to injure something that is already dead.

I got to sleep with dreams of a gorgeous cat-angel shining down from the bright blue sky. It's amazing that Princess has even touched the blue sky. Sigh x3.

I love love.

A couple weeks later

My heart just shattered into tiny little shards of kitty.

I am telling Lady the entire story of how I fell in love with Princess' soft white hair and wet black nose. And how I was following her when I saw her nuzzling her nose against another cat! She wasn't supposed to end up with another cat. The cat was the neighborhood's most eligible bachelor, Nacho. What a stupid name for a stupid cat. I hate Nacho. I even officially hate the snack, nachos, now, even though I was obsessed with the deliciously cheesy snack. I cry a couple times. The tears were for losing Princess, but the other 75% of tears were for being unable to eat nachos ever again.

I was supposed to be Nacho. I even planned out what Princess and I would name our kittens: Princess Jr. and Buttercup Jr. Now the dream has been murdered by a dirty, rotten cat named Nacho!

Who cares that Nacho has wind swept fur? Who cares that he killed the abnormally large Killer Rat? I'm just as attractive as him. I have fur like the evening sunset and can kill a million mice with one swipe of my sharp claws.

Actually, your fur is like vomit after eating macaroni and cheese, and you've only killed 2 mice. One was in a coma, and the other was that fat one you finally killed after catching him nineteen times.

"That doesn't matter. Because I thought love was not supposed to be based on looks. Love was based on what's on the inside. Love is the eye of the beh-"

"SNOOOOOOOOORT"

Lady is snoring again. At least she listened for a couple minutes before snoring.

Nevertheless, I don't even bother talking to Lady anymore. Sometimes I wonder if such inferior mammals like cow-goats realize what a priviledge it is to be able to listen to the golden words of an intellectual animal like me. Cow-goats. They just don't get it, do they?

I huff my way into the house and cry myself to sleep on the bouncy sofa. Not so much cry, since I would rather choke on a katniss tubey plant thing than emit water. Cats and water do not belong in the same equation. But I whimper softly until I fall asleep.

Now Princess and Nacho are going to have Princess Jr.'s and Nacho Jr.'s. Stupid little cheesy Nacho Jr.'s.

Why do Buttercup Jr.'s always have to die?

Note: The next one, I think, will be a fight between Gale and Peeta.