Chapter Eleven: Thoughts

Miriam leaned against the counter of her kitchen in her new apartment, sipping a cup of coffee.

She had moved in about two years ago. Her parents had allowed her to live with them after the divorce, but only until she found a job and was able to find a place to live on her on. They had even agreed to split the rent, but Miriam had to have a job.

The apartment she lived in was a one bedroom, one bathroom, living room and kitchenette type setting. It was called Palm Tree Grove Apartments, and was settled in downtown Hillwood. It was small, but it was perfect for just one person.

Ever since the divorce, she had not talked to either Bob or Helga. She kept in contact with Olga from time to time, grateful that even after all that had happened, her oldest daughter still wanted to have somewhat of a normal relationship with her mother. It really only resorted to the occasional phone call and e-mail, but for Miriam, it was better than nothing.

The only time Bob ever contacted Miriam after the divorce, was when he mailed her the rest of her stuff, along with some wedding albums, and her wedding gown. Their marriage license was also included. There was a note attached to it, in Bob's own handwriting, claiming that she had more use for the items than he ever would.

It was the first sign Miriam got after the divorce that told her that he was more than ready to move on.

She had too, in a sense. She had not started dating again, or anything like that, but had come to accept the fact that she and Bob were officially over. They hadn't had any contact after that. It was as if they had never even met.

However, at first, the divorce sent Miriam into a deep depression. Her mother had eventually gotten her to see a therapist, and although Miriam was sorry that the divorce even happened, she knew that it was time to move on from the past.

Until she saw Helga at that coffee shop.

Miriam did not contact Helga after the divorce. She figured that doing so would only cause problems. Also, Helga seemed to want space between her mother, and Miriam, while it broke her heart, believed that respecting Helga's wishes was the wisest course of action.

There were times when Miriam would grab her cell phone, search for Helga's number in her address book, and attempt to call her. But, this always ended with a sign, and placing her phone back in her purse.

Unless you count the time, however, when she did call. When Helga picked up, she asked repeatedly who it was. Too scared to say anything, Miriam drew a shaky breath, and jabbed her finger into the red button on her phone.

She just couldn't do it. And if she had said anything, there was still no guarantee that Helga even would want to talk to her.

However, at the coffee shop, Helga did something that Miriam never thought would happen: she actually engaged in conversation with her mother!

Unless you call that awkward talk an actual conversation. Helga had looked bewildered when she saw her mother standing there. Miriam was happy that Helga wasn't as hostile as she was when Miriam came home after ten years of being absent from her family, but it was in no means friendly.

Forced civility was a better word for it.

Miriam did miss Helga, very much so. And, she still wanted to be a part of her daughter's life, wanted to show her that she truly did care.

But, just how do you re-enter someone's life, when they don't want you in their life?

It was only recently that she finally and truly grasped the damage that she had caused. It was after she talked to her sister, Carol (1), who had spent some time with Miriam after the divorce. She still remembered her sister's words very well: "I am not taking sides, Miriam, but I do see where Bob and Helga are coming from. You said that Bob 'forced you' to have Olga and Helga, right? Well, I hate to break it to you, sis, but in the end, you did have a choice, and you chose to have both of your children, even though you knew you weren't ready. And, you also chose to walk away. Nobody forced you to do anything. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you chose the life that you had. You chose it all, whether you want to accept it or not. However, I also believe that you truly are sorry, and do want to be in your children's lives. "

Miriam smiled and shook her head. Her sister certainly had a way with words.

And what's more, she was absolutely right. Miriam did choose the life that she had when she married Bob and had both Olga and Helga.

There was no sense in putting the blame on anyone else.

She just wanted to Helga to know that she cared.

Notes:

1: Miriam has a sister in this story. She might appear a few more times, but she is not going to have a major roll at all.