Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. Except for Aarif. He is.

'Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss.'

''The Curious Case of Benjamin Button''

Chapter 12: Birthday Fights, Lakes and Bites

'So, what happened?' Jess asked quietly and kissed the top of Rory's head.

They were lying in her bed, his left hand around her bare torso, her head resting on his chest. It was getting dark outside and the Christmas lights Rory had encircled her window frames with were flickering idly, creating a slightly surreal atmosphere.

'Well, when a boy and a girl like each other…' Rory started meaningfully and looked up at him with exaggerated seriousness.

Jess ruffled her hair with his free hand and chuckled.

'Not what I meant, Mary Poppins.'

Rory smoothed her hair and let out a small sigh.

'Yeah. I know,' she said as she nestled closer to him. He wrapped his right hand around her, too.

'Why are you asking?' she mumbled against his chest.

He shrugged.

'So that I can make it happen again,' he smirked, 'as well as all that followed.'

Rory slapped his arm slightly.

'Pig.'

'What?.' he laughed. 'I do want this to happen again,' he defended himself, 'sooner, preferably.'

'I saw you talking to that girl,' Rory shrugged and lifted her head so that her chin rested on his chest.

'That girl, okay,' Jess nodded expectantly.

Rory's eyebrows knit together in confused accusation.

'So you know what I'm talking about?'

A smile hovered Jess' lips.

'Gilmore, I have no idea what you're talking about. I was just being cooperative,' he shrugged. 'So, you saw me talking to some girl. And?'

Rory licked her lip, starting to feel just how irrational her reaction had been.

'Well, she gave you that card and she was obviously flirting with you and… well, you smiled. You don't smile to people.'

'I smiled?' Jess' chest shook with laughter and Rory lifted to prop her head up against her hand.

'Okay, maybe you didn't exactly smile smile, like smile, but you nodded,' she rambled and Jess' eyebrow cocked up. 'And you took the card,' she added, pointing her index accusingly.

'So,' Jess reasoned, visibly amused by her absurd assumptions, 'you saw me talk to some chick and take her card and, hm, let me think,' he looked up and rubbed a hand against his chin, mocking hard thinking. 'Don't tell me,' ' he pointed his index at her, 'there was also a hotel key with a room number. Or no, even better, a garter belt hanging vulgarly from the card,' he guessed with emphatic excitement.

'Whatever, smartass,' Rory wrinkled her nose in discontent and swatted the hand he had stretched to touch her shoulder.

'Wicked, huh?' he teased. 'I like it when you're jealous,' he smirked conceitedly and traced her collarbone with his thumb.

'I'm not… oh, come on, I wasn't… forget it,' she rolled her eyes and tried to pull the sheet up and roll to the other side of the bed but Jess sat up and caught her shoulders, pulling her on top of him.

Rory tried to frown but couldn't hold back the smile.

Breaking eye-contact for just a moment, Jess took her phone receiver from the night stand and started dialing, a smug smile playing at the corners of his lips.

'What are you doing?' Rory asked disbelievingly, both amused and surprised.

'Shhh,' he put a finger before his lips, 'I'm calling a stripper. You know, so I can get you into the mood.'

For a second Rory's chin dropped.

'You're insane, gimme that phone,' she exclaimed, reaching out for the receiver. Jess, however, put his hand up so she had to reach with both hands to get it. As she did so, his attention was immediately torn from the wrestle, focusing on the considerably wider patches of her bare skin the sheet had revealed wile they were struggling.

He dropped the receiver on the bed and his hands circled her. He rolled them over so that she ended up on her back facing him. It was amazing how wide her pupils could get in record time. He liked that

'Hi,' he said a little hoarsely, observing her in excruciating detail.

There it is, the stormy look, Rory thought and her heartbeat sped up as she felt his weight against her stomach.

'Hi,' she smiled in return, blushing fiercely under his gaze, but entwining her fingers with his nonetheless.

Later they were drinking coffee in the kitchen when Jess suddenly snapped his fingers and exclaimed over the newspaper he was reading,

'Professor Hawkins!'

'Sorry?' Rory asked above her steaming cup while flipping channels on the TV.

'It was Professor Hawkins' card,' he said, sitting on the armrest of the couch with a newspaper in hand. 'The card you saw me taking, I had forgotten to take it earlier,' he explained and slipped his hand in the back pocket of his jeans. He took it out, holding the offended card.

Rory turned on the sofa to face him and tucked her legs under her.

'I think I owe you an apology,' she smiled shyly.

'Are you kidding me?' Jess laughed, 'I think I owe the chick a drink' he said amusedly. 'Make it a bottle,' he added after a second's thought.

Rory rolled her eyes and turned back to the TV.

'Oh, look,' she exclaimed, 'they're playing a 'Pushing Daisies' marathon! I love that show!'

A pizza and four episodes of 'Pushing Daisies' later Rory yawned and looked up at Jess who was fighting a yawn, too.

'I'm beat,' Rory mumbled. 'Come on, let's go sleep.'

As they changed and took their places in bed, with Jess' hand outstretched for her to lie on, Rory reached over to turn off the Christmas lights. She hesitated before pulling the switch, then decided against it and shifted to sit on her ankles, meeting Jess' quizzical look.

She bit a lip.

'Can I ask you something?' she asked timidly.

Jess' eyebrows lifted. Then he traced her look and his forehead furrowed.

Rory reached out and gently touched the scar with her fingertips, tracing it across his hipbone. His abs quivered slightly. He didn't pull back.

He stared at her face as she meticulously observed the smooth scar line.

She saw it this morning, while he was sleeping. Even without the explicit medical knowledge, she could tell he had been wounded. Badly. Cut, she had thought. The scar was too smooth, it had to have been a cut. A long one. Maybe a deep one. Yeah, probably a deep one. Meant to hurt him. Maybe kill him. The thought gave her an uneasy feeling and it lingered.

'You got this in Pakistan, didn't you?' she inquired quietly, carefully.

He studied her face for a while before nodding once.

Rory bent over and left a small kiss over the scar, then sat back on her feet.

'Will you tell me what happened?' she asked softly.

His jaw clenched. She could tell this brought back memories. Unpleasant ones. Her hand found his over the mattress and she laced their fingers, waiting patiently. He could tell her not to dig. He had every right to. She hoped he would open up, though.

Jess took her hand in his and started twiddling with it between his fingers. They stood like that, staring at their hands for a while. Then Rory looked up.

'You're not telling me, are you?'

Jess shook his head. Once.

'I don't wanna lie to you,' he said quietly, meeting her gaze.

Rory studied him with pressed lips, the same way she would try to figure out a complex book.

'Okay,' she nodded.

А glint of surprise. She caught it before it was gone from his eyes. He was thankful she didn't dig.

Rory leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth. Like sealing a promise. She wouldn't dig. Then she turned off the lights and snuggled up to him, feeling him wrap his hands tight around her. Tighter than usual, to the point she felt slight difficulty breathing.

'I'm here,' she whispered and heard him let a breath out. 'I'm here,' she repeated and squeezed him back.

She wouldn't dig, but she hoped he would open up some day. With some luck, she would still be around when that happened.

'I'm not going and that's that,' Jess grunted sulkily above his laptop.

Rory perked a kiss on his temple.

'Come on, it will be fun. Luke's gonna make tons of food, mum's gonna be… you know, mum, Miss Patty's gonna hit on you…'

'Can't wait,' Jess scoffed and continued typing. 'Wait, Miss Patty's gonna hit on me?'

Rory grinned.

'You're a grumpy old man now, Mariano and elderly women are gonna spot you as a hunk of meat. Get used to it,' she grinned as she bent to fix the laces of her heels.

Jess rolled his eyes.

'Twenty seven is a diabolic number,' he said over his shoulder as he continued typing.

'Sounds pretty lucky to me,' Rory said while brushing her hair. 'Have you seen my earrings? I'm pretty sure I had a pair at your place. Oh, boy, I'm so late! Jess…'

'Huh?'

'I'm having an earring emergency, can you please cooperate? I'm running really late, just so you know,' she pleaded, lifting cushions off the couchin search for the tiny metal pieces. 'Jess…'

'Okay, okay,' he rolled his eyes and stood up, joining her in the search.

Five minutes later Rory was putting the precious pair of earrings in front of the corridor mirror.

Jess stood propped against the door frame. His hands were in his pockets and his expression was just as sulky as five minutes ago.

'I don't wanna go,' he whined. 'The place is creepy, I don't want to be crept on my birthday. Why don't we just stay here and lock ourselves in the bedroom?' he tried. Then, a little smugly, 'I promise it's gonna be worth it.'

Rory grabbed her purse and crossed the corridor, passing him by as he opened the door for her. She had already passed through the door when she turned to plant a kiss on his lips. Pushing the elevator call button, she smoothed her skirt.

'In case you don't wanna lock yourself in the bedroom alone, I'm picking you up at six,' she sing-songed.

Then she entered the elevator and gave him a cheerful wave just before the sliding doors hid her from view.

12 hours later

Luke's Diner, Stars Hollow

'What is she doing here?' Jess hissed quietly when he heard Rory follow him into the kitchen.

She closed the door after herself carefully and bit her lip.

He leaned against the kitchen plot with his back to the door.

She was worried. He could tell. He had grown used to the way her footsteps sounded over the floor in his apartment. He knew the difference as they muffled over the carpet in hers. Judging only by the sound of her footsteps, he could usually tell if she was tired or caffeine-high, angry or impatient. He could even tell when she felt guilty. She was worried right now. He didn't need to see her to know. Her feet hardly made any noise as she came in. There was that long pause as her hand rested on the door handle before letting go. She was worried she had taken this too far. And she had.

She held a breath in, bracing herself for a fight.

He could feel her with each of his senses. He was always so damn perceptive when she was concerned.

Rory observed his stiff shoulders, the way his head hung. It looked as if he was carrying a millstone. She rooted herself a few steps behind.

'Rory, what is she doing here?' Jess repeated and his voice slightly rose.

He wasn't going to make this conversation any easier, she knew. Well, she wasn't gonna help him make it any harder, either.

'I invited them,' Rory replied steadily.

'Well, you shouldn't have,' he snarled back.

He went over to a shelf to his right where he knew Luke kept the alcohol. He picked a bottle of scotch and a glass.

Rory watched as he poured himself a drink, listening to the cheerful sound the liquid produced against the glass.

She asked herself if he was right. If she shouldn't have. Hadn't she better stayed away from his complex tangle of family bonds, some of which unexplored (even by him), some so painful she knew were beyond her power to untangle. Maybe it was really none of her business. Maybe no one could fix things betwen him and his mom, ever. Maybe. Or maybe someone had to at least try, one last time. Years had passed. In the name of old habitual neglect he was losing present opportunities he didn't even know ever existed.

'I know, right now you'd rather be in a room full of Emos who worship Twilight than stay here and discuss family matters…'

'Good sense of preference,' Jess gruffed, hoping this conversation would stop at this point and not get any further.

'It's about Doula, Jess. Not about your mom, not about me prying in, it's about Doula. You've only seen her like… twice? When she was a baby and then, on her fourth birthday…'

'Can we skip the time reference and get to the point now?' he asked stiffly.

He took a gulp and lifted the glass to his eyes, observing it with a hint of amusement.

Barley. It was meant to feed chickens. It ferments and then again, it feeds chickens. Helps them forget more easily.

'She's a great kid, Jess,' Rory said quietly.

'So I've heard.'

He didn't seem convinced. He didn't seem to care. But something in his 'ask me if I care' attitude was overplayed. He was too careful to seem unaffected.

She reached forward and rubbed his elbow gently, keeping the eye contact. He didn't pull back at the gesture but didn't return it either.

'Will it hurt to be nice to your little sister?' she asked gently. 'I knew you'd get defensive, cause it's really early for you to deal with this right now,' she put her palm on his chest and felt his heart thump eloquently.

'I don't want to push you. Jess, I don't,' she insisted as she saw the skepticism written over his face.

'I think that with time, you'll get there yourself,' she continued. 'You'll get to know her, talk to her, read to her, maybe even try to talk her into reading broody Hemingway… Who knows, maybe some day you'll let her take you to the bumper cars or ride you piggyback… Only by that time she might be too old to ride piggyback and I… I don't want you to miss it, cause it's a damn good thing being this close to someone. She's growing up so fast, Jess. She's six, turning seven this August and you're missing it. You're missing it without even knowing what you've missed.'

"And yet women-good women - frightened me because they eventually wanted your soul, and what was left of mine, I wanted to keep." Bukowski's words came into Jess' mind and he let out a dry laugh. It was something that he could well imagine Aarif saying, and at that very moment, that seemed pretty hilarious, comparing Aarif to Charles, two men so different they could not be compared at all.

As she heard him laugh, Rory took a step back to study his face. It had involuntarily shifted into a painful grimace and for the first time she thought Jess Mariano might lose his cool. She had seen him bark when he got defensive, she had seen him confess or compromise or even beg, but he had never really lost control. Somehow she felt that if he ever did, it would be because of his family. Whatever that meant in his head right now.

'Piggy back, huh?' he asked acidly and downed his drink in a gulp. 'Wanna know what my seventh birthday was like?'

There was a cold vibe in his voice and Rory couldn't help but think she had crossed an invisible line. She hadn't seen him like this. As teenagers, she had often seen him sour. But not like this. There was something... vile about the way he felt about his past, and she was surprised to realize that parts of him, she didn't know. She didn't know at all.

'She had invited those washed up, neatly combed to the side kids she thought were good to be friends with,' he continued. 'We had just moved in that funny California apartment, one we couldn't afford. She was so sure we'd be able to pull it off, as if being loaded and prosperous was contagious. It was only a matter of time. Time and right friends. Until then, she had started helping in some geriatric center, cause the cash was good. We were playing hide and seek when that snotty kid Toby, I swear I've never seen another kid with such runny nose, came into the kitchen and cried out, Jess, your mom is dead! She's in the bathroom and she's dead!'

Jess paused. His expression was distant. He wasn't talking to her anymore, he was lost in the memory.

'I called 911 and told them Jess Mariano from 29th Willmar Blvd. was calling and...' he swallowed dryly. Rory wished she had never raised the question, she wished they had locked themselves back in NY, back in his room, away from Stars Hollow and away from California, away from all those things he wanted to escape and she brought him back to.

'They didn't believe me at first,' he continued, 'so I had to call the neighbor, that old gossiping spinster Andrews. When she saw Liz, she gave me that look and said, I knew it, boy, the moment I saw her, I knew it, and clicked her tongue. It turned out Liz took some painkillers from work and tried to party.'

Rory watched his face wince at the last word. There was so much suppressed rage, so much cynical stoicism. She wanted to say something, she wanted to at least apologize.

There was a half smile playing on his lips without reaching his eyes. She thought he seemed filled with some wicked content that whatever bad happened to him, he deserved.

'Sometimes I feel like I'm lying on the railway and you're driving the train,' he said. 'Sorry,' he added quickly and looked up, realizing what he'd just confided.

As if waking from a dream, Jess seemed surprised as he saw her pain-inflicted expression.

'I don't know why I said that,' he shook his head. 'I can't be here right now,' he added and left his empty glass before walking out of the room, leaving Rory stare at the translucent glass. In a few seconds she felt her eyes go blurry.

Jess sat down on the bridge, leaving his feet dangle. He could see his reflection over the smooth surface where a few petals were skimming the surface. The evening was slowly unraveling. A cricket nearby. A cuckoo in the distance. And a bile feeling in his throat.

He took out his Zippo and flipped it in his hand a couple of times before lighting a cigarette. He drew in a deep nicotine breath but almost choked down on it when he felt a sudden push on his back. The next moment he was in the water, the unfortunate cigarette swimming a few feet from him. He tossed his head in an attempt to get rid of the water that blurred his eyes and filled his ears. When he looked up at the bridge, he saw a girl. A certain six-year old blonde staying arm-folded as her eyes glared at him. What, was pushing him into lakes also genetic?

'Never make Rory cry again, dodo!' Doula warned in what she must have thought was her most menacing voice.

Jess blinked a couple of times, water drops streaming down his face. Dodo? Really? Did anybody use that word?

Rory. Cry. He made her cry. Did he?

Of course you did, moron.

Jess ran a hand through his wet hair as he made his way out of the water and shook off the streaks running down his skin.

'Go home, kiddo,' he sighed as he passed her by and made his way to the other end of the bridge.

Doula started walking after him, keeping her little arms crossed before her chest. Jeez, was she going to follow him now?

'Honestly, kid, I wouldn't follow if I were you,' Jess snarled to the side as he started to walk faster, his little sister at his heels. Huh, little sister. They shared a mother, and that about wrapped it all. He shouldn't have come here in the first place.

He felt a growing feeling of discontent, but there was also a growing curiosity about the kid. She was following him, and from the corner of his eye he could tell she had the same warning expression she had as she pushed him into the water. Ready for a fight with the nasty stranger who was so fucked up on his own birthday. The one who was supposed to be her big brother. And she followed, anyway. And it felt ridiculously hard to nonchalantly stick your hands into your pockets when your jeans were dripping and sealed to your legs.

'Okay now, why are you following me?' Jess stopped abruptly, causing Doula to almost bump into his legs.

There was a sneeze building up in his airways, he was at the end of his nerve and he didn't really need any more of the how-can-you-be-so-insensitive sermon he always got whenever in this devilish town.

'Mom says I shouldn't be bad with people…' Doula admitted, her voice still bristly, 'unless they really deserve it.'

At that, Jess had to suppress a smile. The kid was hilarious.

She told you right, he thought against his will.

'But Rory told me you were a clam that could bark,' Doula added seriously, as if she was reciting a geography lesson. Temperament geography. Very lyrical.

Jess' eyebrows lifted. Rory told Doula. Rory talked to Doula. Rory talked to Doula about him. A barking clam. Really? His temple started to ache.

'Whatever,' he concluded after studying her face for a couple of seconds and then turned to get back on his way to wherever that little alley by the lake led.

'Why do you hate us so much?' the little voice carried and made him freeze in his track. The question echoed a couple of times in his mind before he managed to nudge his brain back to coherent function. When he got a grip over himeslf, he turned back to meet a pair of watery chocolate brown eyes.

For fuck's sake, Mariano.

'I don't hate you,' Jess said seriously as he peered into Doula's eyes. Maybe it wasn't only the mother they shared. It was the mother and the eye color. 'I am a barking clam,' he added just as seriously. 'Most of the time. Not all of it.'

Doula nodded with understanding. She probably did take the whole temper geography lesson seriously.

'I know you write books,' she informed, as if this was a single fact that shed light on the subject of Jess' character.

Wait, how did she know that?.

'Rory read your book to me.'

Oh. Here's how.

'Huh,' Jess half groaned, half exclaimed. Something between his lungs seemed to change its course for a milisecond. Brown eyes stared into brown for a long moment.

'C'mon,' Jess sighed and made her a sign to follow. 'Let's go back.'

Doula started after him and held on to the rim of his jacket. They walked side by side, keeping the silence.

'Sorry I pushed you into the lake,' Doula mumbled when they crossed the bridge.

'It's okay,' Jess heard himself mumble in reply. 'I probably would've pushed me too.'

Mood song - 'Nightminds', Missy Higgins

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