Perhaps unsurprisingly, my favorite part of this chapter is the nightmare. I can't help but look at what Bioware gave us and think "Oh, I can do better than that." I decided to include a nod to the original nightmare and then run in a new direction. I wanted to convey as clearly as possible just what is at stake in this final battle. As for the romance scene, I will admit that I loved what was in the game. I thought, given the fact that every Shepard is different, that that scene was damn near perfect. So I didn't want to deviate too much. However, I wanted to add some personal touches that are more in line with Sophia.

The poems referenced in this chapter are from Milton's "Paradise Lost" and the collected poems of Stevie Smith. All three (Milton's is a mix of two segments) have been modified to better fit within the story. Also to save you time, the latin phrase in the last poem translates to "Fate drags me unwilling." And for anyone interested in poetry: yes, I am aware of certain implications made by the selections I have chosen. I actually have thought very hard about how those implications function within the work and I'll be more than happy to discuss those issues with anyone who is curious or interested. Otherwise you can just take the selections at face value. Oh, and also there is a very brief Shakespeare reference (I'm not really a Shakespeare fan though, but it's a good line).

It has really just dawned on me that I now have only one more chapter to write in this story. It will be almost a year and a half since I started writing this series - it seems so odd now that it will soon come to an end. But I suppose I will save my closing remarks for the next chapter.

To celebrate the last chapter, though, I plan to read through the entire story again and finally fix some of the formatting errors and grammatical mistakes that have been lingering. Not to mention revisit it all one more time. It has really been quite a journey.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

I Will Arise

"So, what do you think?" Shepard asked, leaning over the holographic display in the war room of the Normandy. Standing across from her, on the other side of the circular projector, Garrus rapped his talons on the metallic rim before shaking his head.

"I think there is a lot of ways this can go wrong, Shepard."

They were completely alone in the room, and Shepard had even ordered EDI to refrain from listening in on their conversation. She wanted his honest opinion on her plan of action. His opinion and no one else's. She knew he would see it as it truly was and that he would weigh everything into the decision - no matter how unpleasant it was to consider certain things.

Her plan, now that they knew where Cerberus was, thanks to Miranda's help and what they had learned from that godforsaken place on Horizon, was to charge in at once. Storm the Cerberus base, recover the stolen data, and blow the place sky high. There would be no subtlety and no mercy. But that wasn't the part that troubled him, Shepard knew. The problem with the plan was what came after the Cerberus base. She'd proposed an immediate turn around from the attack on Cerberus to the attack on the Reapers. Once they knew what the catalyst was, they would find it, fix it to the Crucible and launch the final battle. No down time other than what was absolutely necessary. No turning back. From a strategic point of view, Shepard would be forcing the galaxy to go all in. They would defeat the Reapers or they would all die.

"I hate to say it, Shepard, but this plan all hinges on us getting out of the Cerberus base alive."

"Do we have a choice?" she said dryly, shrugging her shoulders. "The fate of the galaxy hinges on that stolen data. I'll make sure we get that data, no matter what."

"How?"

"EDI has asked to go to the Cerberus base. I think she wants revenge, but all the same she's made a persuasive argument for being included. She knows their system and can hack into it. She'll get us in and she'll keep us alive. At least long enough for us to get the data. All she needs is a second with that data to upload it to the Normandy. One second. I'll do whatever it takes to get that second."

His mandibles twitched as if he'd tasted something sour. "So, we infiltrate Cerberus and if our backs are against the wall we make sure that EDI gets her hands on the data, even if it costs our lives. Is that it?"

"No, not we," Shepard answered quietly. "You won't be coming on this mission, Garrus."

He stared at her, both stunned and angry, unable to form words. He began pacing back and forth, glaring at her across the holographic images. "I understand bringing EDI, but she's not a fighter. You need someone to watch your back and, by the spirits, it should be me! Who could you take that would be better than me?"

Shepard could see that his pride was hurt, and she couldn't blame him. If their roles were reversed, she'd demand that he take her. But she had her reasons, all the same. "No one. There's no one that I could trust more than you to protect me, Garrus. But you have a more important role to play, though I hope you will never have to fulfill it."

He stopped his pacing. Shepard could see him working it out on his own, even as she explained it.

"If I don't make it back from the Cerberus base, then it will be up to you to finish this. You'll take the data to Hackett, finish the Crucible, and crush the Reapers. You made me that promise, remember?"

"I do," he answered. Then taking a deep breaths and sighing, he said, "Unfortunately, I do remember."

Shepard wished that she could tell him how thankful she was that he didn't continue to fight her. That was precisely why they were such good friends. Garrus, like her, was logical. And he was honorable. He'd keep his word. Shepard forced a smile for him and added, "Don't worry too much. I have no intention of dying anyway. You know I always have a million backup plans that I never end up using." Coming over to the holographic display, the commander changed the image to one of the Crucible. "Now, can we agree that the attack on the Cerberus base has to happen? No alternatives?"

Though reluctant, he said, "Yes, we can agree."

"Then let's talk about the Crucible and the second part of the plan. What do you think?"

"Is the immediate turnaround after the base a good idea? Why not lay low and plan?"

"We're running out of time. I talked to Anderson the other day and from the sound of it they're barely holding on to Earth. Now Thessia has fallen, along with the Hanar home world. For now only Rannoch and Sur'kesh and Tuchunka are free. That won't last long. The longer we wait the fewer resources we'll have."

"Still, a little time to gather might be worth the cost. I hate to say this Shepard, but... have you thought about giving up Earth? The Reapers hit it first because they wanted to hurt you, and they won't let up until it's completely fallen. But if we focused our attention elsewhere... chose to fight elsewhere, then we could have a little more time." The commander knew that he didn't mean any malice by suggesting it. Like her, he knew that leaders had to make hard decisions and must consider every possibility.

Shepard looked down at the floor, frowning. "I'm sorry to say, yes. I have thought about abandoning Earth." Placing both hands on the rim of the projector she bowed her head. "It feels like a betrayal just thinking about it, but I had to consider it. If abandoning Earth meant winning the war then we might have had to do it." She looked up at Garrus, her face like stone. "But I don't think abandoning Earth will help us. The last time I talked to the Illusive Man I thought... well, I think that he's been indoctrinated. And if that's the case, then the Reapers know everything. About the Crucible, about the Catalyst, about our desperation. That's why this has to be so fast. They'll be coming for us, soon. We have to strike first. I think it's our only chance."

"If that's true," Garrus replied, "then you're right. If this were a war with the turians, they would come at us without mercy. The Reapers are even more ruthless. I can't even imagine what they will do if allowed to strike first."

"My thoughts exactly." Pushing away from the projector, Shepard pulled herself up to her full height and stared Garrus straight in the eye. "But please, Garrus, if you see any other plan, anything better, please tell me. I know that so much could go wrong with this plan. I just don't see any other way."

He stared back at her, thinking, and then shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't think of anything better, Shepard. You're right. This is our only chance of survival. But I'm with you. Every step of the way."

~.~.~.~.~

There were few things Shepard found more comforting than the feel of a book in her hands. She couldn't help feeling sentimental while turning the pages and looking at the printed words. Relics of a dead age some might call them, but to her books represented everything that was best in humanity. Sources of knowledge, entertainment, and wonder, passed from hand to hand and shared among all. It reminded her of all the countless people who had come before her and all the countless people she hoped would come after.

Sitting on the couch in her room, feet propped up on the coffee table, Shepard leisurely flipped through the book of poetry in her hands. As her eyes scanned the pages she saw all her old favorites, marked heavily in ink with her own annotations and thoughts. Yet she had already revisited all those and the words had not assuaged the foreboding in her heart. She'd hoped to find some sort of way to put her emotions into words - some sort of clue that she was not the only human to ever feel such a terrible mixture of grief, fear, relief, and resolve.

She picked some poems at random, scanned the lines, found them unsuitable and moved on to the next. Shepard was still consumed by her search when she heard the door to her room open and looked up to see Liara walking down the stairs. The asari wore a simple lab outfit, a zipped up, white jacket and long pants.

The asari smiled with such a look of love and tenderness that Shepard felt her breath catch in her throat. "I wondered where you were," she said.

When Shepard managed to find her voice again she said, "EDI didn't tell you?"

At that Liara smirked. "She respects your privacy. Not like me." Coming to stand at the edge of the couch, she pointed to the book in Shepard's hand and asked, "What are you doing?"

Swinging her legs off the table and sitting up, Shepard shut the book and held it up for Liara's inspection. "Just reading some poetry. It helps me put things into perspective."

Reaching out to take the book, Liara examined the cover intently. "I know this book. It was one of the books you had in our apartment after the fight with Saren. You read it all the time. When you... after the collector attack it was the only one not on the bookshelf."

Shepard nodded. "And now I have it again, thanks to you. I'm so glad you saved all my old books. I lost a lot that day. It's nice that not everything was destroyed. And besides," she added, pointing at the book, "that particular poet, despite being my favorite, was never very famous. It would have been nearly impossible to find a replacement copy of that book."

Liara flipped through the pages, though she couldn't understand the words written in an alien language. "You have talked a lot about this poet before. What sort of poetry does she write? Love poems?"

At that, Shepard laughed. "No, not really. She has very few love poems. No, her stuff has always been criticized for being too dark - which is a shame because she's actually the most optimistic poet I have ever read. People just couldn't see it, I guess. Anyway, her poetry is all about big ideas. Things we can only wrap our brains around when it's expressed in poetry."

Liara shook her head with a small laugh, setting the book down on the coffee table. "I am afraid that I will never really understand poetry like you do. Often it seems too simple and too complex, all at the same time. Although somehow I understand it better when you say it. You make the words come alive."

Shepard rose to her feet, grinning. "That's funny because you make certain words come alive for me. Lines of poetry that I never truly understood until I met you." Coming over to Liara, Shepard cupped the asari's face in her hands and stared into her sapphire eyes. They seemed like deep, dark oceans - endless and vast. And even though Shepard knew how young Liara was by asari standards, somehow her eyes always seemed to hold such wisdom.

The words were already on the tip of her tongue, called forth in an effort to explain Liara's perfection. She said the words without really thinking. They just seemed so natural. "Fairest of creation, last and best of all God's works. In whom whatever can to sight or thought be formed: holy, divine, good, amiable, or sweet." And each word did taste sweet to say. Liara looked at her with wide, wondering eyes and lips slightly parted. "Who my thoughts pursue with wonder... and do love... so lively shines in her divine resemblance, and such grace the hand that formed her on her shape hath poured."

Liara blinked at the commander. "I... I do not know what to say, Shepard. That was beautiful." Laying a hand over Shepard's and pressing her face into the human's hands which were still cupping her face, she added, "None of it was true, of course. You give me way too much credit. But the words were lovely."

Shepard smiled and softly kissed Liara before saying, "Not true? Oh, Liara, if you only knew... I admit that I never saw a goddess go; but I have seen you, and that is far better in my book."

Liara flushed a darker shade of blue and averted her eyes. Shepard laughed at that, pleased to find herself on the other side of things for a change. Before she could press her advantage, though, Liara tactfully changed the subject. "I wanted to make sure that you were doing alright, Shepard. After you told the crew about the mission plan to the Cerberus base you vanished. Do you..." She trailed off, thinking about the right way to phrase it. After a while she shook her head and said, "Do you feel ready?"

Shepard's expression darkened and she let her hands fall from Liara's face. Shrugging, she walked the few feet in order to sit on the edge of the bed. Her shoulders sagged a little, as if from holding up the entire galaxy for so long. "You first," she said.

"Huh, very fair," Liara replied with a smirk. Looking down at her hands, she considered the question for a minute before replying. "What I want most is for this war to end, while there is still a galaxy left to save." She paused, thinking about that and then added, "And everyone is counting on you to do that for us. It must be overwhelming."

"How do you get ready for something like this? How do you fight an enemy like this?"

Liara continued to stare at her hands and then shrugged, shaking her head. Looking back at Shepard with a smile, she said, "You cajole, and threaten, and make tremendous sacrifices." Coming over to sit next to Shepard, the asari placed a hand on the human's knee. "Until the galaxy realizes that it has someone worth following."

"You think so?"

"There is no doubt in my mind. You have led us this far already. You are the only person who could have done all this. And if anyone can lead us to victory, it is you."

Both leaned back on the bed to look up at the sky window. Distant stars twinkled in the black void, endless and vast. Countless worlds and countless lives - all counting on them, all counting on a triumphant end to the war, all counting on Shepard.

Liara gently placed her hand over Shepard's, intertwining their fingers. When the commander turned her head to look at her, Liara smiled. "It would be easy for a single ship to get lost out there. Wouldn't it?"

Shepard knew exactly what she meant. With the Normandy they could easily run away from it all. "Yeah, it would," she whispered.

"To find some place very far away, where we could spend the rest of our lives in peace. And happiness."

But how long could it last? A few years maybe? How could they ever be happy when they knew that the end was coming after them? Always chasing at their heels. Always seeking to destroy them.

So, Shepard shook her head. "Our place is right here, aboard the Normandy, leading the fight. It always has been. For good or for bad we were destined to be here." Looking at Liara intently, feeling her heart ache under the strain of constraining all her love, Shepard said, "And my place is here, next to you. Right now there's no place I'd rather be."

"Neither would I." Liara leaned in and kissed the commander, her lips soft and warm against Shepard's mouth. Pulling away only slightly, so that their foreheads touched, Liara whispered, "I love you, Shepard."

Looking at Liara and knowing no words could ever quite express how much she loved her, Shepard said, "I love you sub specie aeternitatis."

Leaning in again and brushing her lips against Shepard's, not quite a kiss, Liara murmured, "Show me."

Not needing to be told twice, Shepard kissed Liara passionately, pressing her down onto the bed. She loomed over her lover, hungrily demanding kisses while Liara's hands wandered along her body, unbuttoning her officer's jacket with practiced efficiency. Shepard's own hands found the zipper of Liara's lab jacket and she eagerly stripped off the top, exposing the blue flesh beneath. Her kisses trailed down to the asari's neck and she could feel Liara's pulse pounding against her lips: fast and strong. A sign that they were both still alive, despite everything the galaxy had thrown at them. A sign that Liara's heart still belonged to Shepard.

At some point Liara had managed to rip off Shepard's jacket, though the commander had hardly noticed. Sitting back, Shepard crossed her arms at her waist and pulled her undershirt over her head in one fluid motion. With a seductive smile, Liara used her biotics to draw Shepard back in, dragging the commander so that their bare flesh touched. She twisted her slender, blue fingers into the human's black hair, undoing the tight, military bun so that the black locks fell around Shepard's shoulders. Then their lips met again and Shepard felt suddenly intoxicated, drunk off of the way Liara filled her senses: her taste, her smell, the way she looked, the way her breathing came out in quick intakes of breath or long sighs, and the way she felt pressed against the commander's body.

She was so absorbed in these sensations that it almost surprised her when she felt Liara's hand trail down her body, starting at the throat, sliding over her breasts and stomach - causing her abdominal muscles to involuntarily contract as if aroused by the very touch - and then coming to rest over the zipper of her pants. That coupled with the slight pain from the twisting of her hair and the sweetness of the kiss made Shepard groan into Liara's mouth and cup one hand around Liara's waist to steady herself.

She felt torn between her desire to just rip off the rest of Liara's clothes as quickly as possible and to savor every moment of their time together. After all, considering that the final attack on the Reapers was imminent, it was possible that this could be their last night together. The thought suddenly brought Shepard up short and a cold fear clutched at her chest. Breaking the kiss, she leaned back enough so that she could see Liara's face, but not far enough to break the contact of their bodies. She saw Liara search her eyes for a minute and then reflect the fear that she must have seen there.

"Liara," Shepard said in a low whisper, "if-"

Those sapphire eyes, which moments before had seemed liquid and fluid, now turned instantly hard. "No, Shepard. Anything you say that starts with the word 'if' is something I do not want to hear."

"I know, but -"

"I said no, Shepard. I will not hear it." Moving one hand from Shepard's hair to her shoulder, and the other to her torso, Liara surprised the commander by rolling her over so that Liara now looked down at Shepard. She pinned the human's legs with her hips and leaned over her so that their faces hovered mere inches from one another. "I will not let you say goodbye, Shepard," she said firmly. "Never again."

Shepard's cheeks flushed red. Liara had seen through her in an instant. She was suddenly hyper aware of her chest rising and falling as she breathed heavily, and her stomach twisting into knots as she looked at Liara's face. It would be useless to deny that saying goodbye was precisely what she had intended to do. It seemed like over the last few weeks everyone had been trying to say goodbye to her; and while the sentiment had disturbed her, she allowed it because there was always the possibility that it was their only chance.

"How could you think that I would let you say goodbye to me?" Liara said, her voice half angry - as if she wanted to slap Shepard - and half passionate - as if she wanted to kiss her at the same time. "Would you have ever allowed me to say goodbye to you?"

Shepard blinked. No, she never would have let Liara say goodbye to her. At least, not in the same way. If Liara died, Shepard knew that she wouldn't live long. She would throw herself into a suicide mission the instant she realized that she would have to face the future without Liara. She wouldn't allow herself to feel that pain. She just couldn't do it.

When Liara saw the stunned realization on Shepard's face, her own expression softened and she leaned in to softly kiss Shepard before saying, "You made a promise to me, Shepard. You promised to always come back to me. I want you to promise me again - right now - that you will come back to me. No matter what."

Wrapping her arms around Liara and pulling her in closer, Shepard smiled and looked into Liara's sapphire eyes. "I promise, she said, before kissing the asari and putting her fears to rest.

The mood of their passion has changed though, from a hungry sort of aggression to a softer, more tender approach. When their clothes had vanished and they were completely entangled in the sheets, their lovemaking was long and rewarding. And when they finally fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms, they were both fully content and ready to face the future.

~.~.~.~.~

Shepard knew these woods, this dark place. She knew the black and shriveled trees, rotted and decayed. She knew the gray, lifeless pallor of the sky and the stillness of the air. She knew that only death waltzed through this orchard of despair. And she knew what she saw here could only bring her pain.

So she shut her eyes and willed herself elsewhere. Back to her bed with Liara lying next to her, safe and happy. If she knew that she was dreaming, why couldn't she wake up? It wasn't real. All in her head, it was all in her head. Somehow the Reapers were able to reach into her thoughts while she slept and twist her memories into perversions of true horror. If only she could get her mind back. If only she could wake up. If only...

The sound of laughter filled her ears, a child's giggle in the distance. Trying to ignore it and with her eyes still shut, Shepard concentrated on what she knew to be true. This is a dream. You are really asleep aboard the Normandy. You must fight the Reapers. You must win. The galaxy depends on it. You were born on Mindoir and -

Another bout of laughter. Closer this time. Shepard could feel herself slipping. Gritting her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut tighter, she tried to concentrate harder. You were born on Mindoir and batarians attacked when you were sixteen. You joined the Alliance. You fought on Elysium. You fought Saren. And you met Liara. You're in love with Liara.

Something brushed against her and she gasped in surprise, losing her train of thought. Suddenly her eyes were open and she found herself surrounded by lush and vibrant trees. The sky was an endless blue and the ground covered by soft, green grass. She had no idea where she was, but something in the back of her mind itched at her to be cautious. Something she should remember... about who she was and what this place was and who was really in control. But she couldn't remember. Trying to recall was like trying to slog upstream in a swift river.

More child's laughter echoed through the trees and Shepard caught a glimpse of someone before they disappeared behind a row of trees. It was enough to loosen her footing in the river of concentration and she found herself floating helplessly downstream, forgetting everything she had known just moments before.

Her feet moved of their own accord, taking her to where she had seen the child. Peering around a great oak tree, Shepard saw the child sitting on an old-fashioned swing, a wooden seat connected to the upper branch of the oak tree by thick ropes. The little boy looked up at her with his brown eyes and swung his legs forward. The swing began to move, back and forth. Gradually, Shepard realized that she recognized the boy, the one she'd seen on Earth. But hadn't she seen him die? As the pendulum of the swing lengthened, he came closer and closer to where she stood. Soon he swung just before her, his outstretched legs only inches from her, and he smiled up at her, nodding.

Shepard reached out her hand, touching his foot as he came close and pushed him gently, sending him back. His smile grew and when he came back she pushed him again. This started a steady rhythm and he laughed as she pushed him on the swing and after a while Shepard found a smile creeping up onto her face. She forgot everything else and took joy in the child's amusement, content to just push him along.

Then, suddenly when the child swung back to her it wasn't the little boy anymore. Now a little girl sat on the swing, with blonde hair hanging down in two braids and her brown eyes looking at Shepard with adoration. Somehow Shepard managed to keep her rhythm, never faltering in her pushing of the swing as she stared at her little sister in wonder. Jamie laughed, kicking her legs back and forth. And then after a few pushes the child changed yet again. Another boy, but this one lankier, with blue eyes and messy brown hair. The age never changed, but now Shepard stared at her brother Andrew, just as she remembered him as a child. And sure enough, after a few more pushes he too changed into another little boy with black hair and dark eyes: David.

But what did it mean? That same cautious part of herself from earlier awoke and began tugging at her, urging her not to trust what she saw. Your brothers and sister are gone, it said. They cannot come back to you. This is a lie.

She made up her mind to turn away just as the child changed yet again. Her hand faltered as the child swung close and then the commander stood gaping instead. The little girl who sat on the swing had long, black hair and violet eyes - eyes that sparked with confidence and said that she was ready to take on anything that came.

Her eyes.

Shepard stared at the ten year old version of herself and then slowly took a few steps back, unsure what was happening. The child - Sophia - continued to swing on her own, her expression changing to one of betrayal.

No, Shepard thought. That isn't me. I'm not that little girl anymore. All around her the trees began to warp, melting from their vibrant green and brown to a dead black. A gray veil fell over the sky and every color seemed suddenly muted. Her feelings of foreboding instantly returned and she realized that she had been drawn into something terrible.

The child changed one more time. A little asari sat on the swing, still kicking herself back and forth and staring at the commander with a look of wounded betrayal. Though still wary, Shepard at first was confused by this change since she didn't know any asari children. She watched the little girl, trying to place her. Her heart stirred at the sight of the child, her soul guessed instantly who she looked at, but her mind struggled to catch up. Then she noticed the child's eyes: violet and piercing. Her eyes. And the freckles that dotted her face, bridging her tiny nose from cheek to cheek. So much like Liara.

And suddenly she knew. She knew exactly who the little asari was.

Shepard stumbled forward, reaching out to the child. As she did, a strange light surrounded the little girl, growing brighter by the second. Then flames erupted around the swing, wreathing the girl in yellow tongues of fire. Shepard ran, even as she saw the asari turn to ashes before her eyes. The child did not call out or move at all, just watched Shepard with sad, violet eyes. Her skin blackened and crumbled like sand, blowing away in the air like the burned remains of a sheet of paper. Shepard reached the girl and threw her arms around her, hugging the child tightly and trying to pull her from the flames. But the fire just spread to engulf them both and Shepard could feel the heat on her skin. The agony as she too turned to ashes and parts of her dissolved into nothing.

Holding her child to her body, all she could do was weep as the fire consumed them both.

~.~.~.~.~

Shepard gasped as she jerked awake, eyes instantly wide open and her heart pounding. She lay on her back, staring up at the void visible through her ceiling window. Her chest heaved as she tried to get control over her breathing and her hands trembled even as she dug her fingers into the mattress. My... my... was all her brain could stammer. Her what? She'd lost something, of that she was certain, but even as she lay there still in the grip of fear, the details of the dream were slipping away. She tried desperately to hold onto them, to remember what she had seen, but she might as well have tried to hold the ocean in her hands.

Eventually it was all gone. Every detail of the dream. All that remained were the feelings: the fear, the sorrow, the emptiness. Sitting up, Shepard swung her legs over the side of the bed and cradled her head in her hands. Her breathing came out in ragged gasps and she forced herself to correct that by taking slow, measured breaths.

Liara, awoken by Shepard's violent gasps and her sudden movement, lifted her head and blinked groggily through the darkness of the room. When she saw Shepard's hunched position on the edge of the bed, however, the asari found herself much more alert and she pulled herself closer to Shepard so that she could put a hand on Shepard's arm.

"What is the matter?" she asked worriedly.

Shepard couldn't seem to find any words. She just shook her head.

"The Reaper dreams?" Liara guessed. "What did you see?"

Steeling herself with a few more deep breaths, Shepard managed to whisper, "I don't know. I - I can't remember. But I think I watched someone die."

"Was it me?" Liara whispered.

"I don't think so... But it had something to do with you, I think. I just can't remember. All I know is that I feel so hollow right now. Like I just had my heart ripped out."

Sitting up so that she could rest her cheek on Shepard's shoulder, Liara said, "It wasn't real, Shepard. Whatever it was. You have to remember that."

The commander nodded. She wanted to say that just because it wasn't real didn't mean that it couldn't harm her, but she didn't. There was no use troubling Liara over something she couldn't even remember.

Liara kissed Shepard's shoulder and then added, "I can hold you until you fall back asleep. You need to get some rest."

That was true. She was getting so few hours of sleep these days due to the almost constant nightmares. But at the moment she couldn't imagine sleeping with so much adrenaline pumping through her veins.

"I'm going to take a shower and clear my head," she said, looking at Liara. "I'll come back to bed right after, I promise." She ducked her head to kiss Liara before adding, "Get some rest. I'll be fine. Don't worry."

Liara gave her a worried look, but nodded her understanding. As the asari settled back down to sleep, Shepard padded across the room to the bathroom. She set the water to as hot as it would go and stepped under the faucet so that the water hit the top of her head and snaked down around her face to hit the rest of her body. Tilting her chin up, Shepard stood with her eyes closed and holding her breath as the hot water drummed her face. She remained like that for as long as she could - trying to wipe her mind clean - until the need for air forced her to turn away.

When had the nightmares gotten so out of hand? She could remember when they were chasing Saren, after her first contact with the prothean beacon, when she would have nightmares every night. She'd lost sleep over those, covered it all up with makeup and bravado, and moved on. But those had been different. Those nightmares had been about the prothean extinction. There'd been death and chaos and fear, but it had all belonged to someone else. Not her.

Then, those dreams had gone away. For a long time. She'd had an occasional nightmare during the fight with the collectors, but nothing serious. The protheans were put on the back-burner while she concentrated on saving humanity. And then, a few months ago the nightmares had come back. They'd started the same - images of the prothean extinction. Then little by little they had become more personal. People she knew began to appear in the dreams, and her own fears were brought to the forefront. She'd watched everyone she loved die over and over, faced every possible nightmare and been helpless. She wished she could go back to the simplicity and detachment of the prothean dreams.

So, why the change? The answer troubled her as much as the nightmares. The return of the nightmares lined up exactly with the return of the Reapers, and the subject of the dreams seemed targeted to undermine her will to fight. Over the last few years, Shepard had been exposed to more Reaper technology than perhaps any other person alive; miraculously, she had been able to avoid indoctrination, but she doubted that she had come out of those encounters unscathed. Perhaps she was vulnerable enough in her sleep for the Reapers to exert some level of indoctrination - enough to twist her nightmares towards their own ends.

Placing both hands on the wall in front of her, Shepard used it to support some of her weight, feeling suddenly dizzy. Were the Reapers really in her head? If she wasn't careful, could they get control? Images of Saren flashed through her mind. He'd been so sure of himself as he committed atrocities - a willing slave while the Reapers changed his body and soul. And in the end she'd seen a glimpse of who he had been - a spectre who wanted to do the right thing for the galaxy. He'd thanked her when he put the gun under his chin and fired. Could she be heading down that same path?

The more she considered it, the more her gut twisted. Was she putting Liara at risk every time they melded? If the Reapers had some sort of grip on her mind, could she accidentally transfer that grip to Liara without realizing it? And even if that weren't possible, the Reapers obviously knew about Liara. Knew how much losing Liara would devastate Shepard. Would they target her? And what would happen if they did get control of Shepard? Was she just a ticking time bomb waiting to destroy everyone close to her?

The commander shivered, feeling ice cold on the inside despite the hot water cascading down her back. Her thoughts wandered back to her earlier conversation with Liara: how could she face something like this? And how could she stop from losing herself in the process?

Sighing, Shepard shut off the shower since it didn't seem to be warming her at all now. She grabbed a towel and dried off her hair before wrapping the towel around herself. Exiting the bathroom, she quietly made her way to the couch and sat in the darkness for a while. She could see Liara still asleep on the bed, curled up in the sheets and at peace. The sight of her brought a small smile to the commander's lips; there lay her whole world, the only thing she wanted in exchange for all her sacrifice. A future with Liara. And she would fight as hard as she had to in order to protect that hope.

Her eyes then fell to the coffee table, where the book of poetry still rested and she leaned across the table to pick it up. As she sat back, Shepard ran her thumb along the pages, selecting a point at random to stop and open the book. She scanned the page, noting the three separate poems printed, and suddenly found her eyes drawn to one in particular. She read it once, recalling that she'd often given it little thought before since it seemed to have no connection to her own life. But this time the words jumped out at her. Shepard read the poem again, slowly, weighing every word. The poem was so short and lacked any definite structure. In fact, it was really more of a final declaration than anything else, yet she felt drawn to it.

Reading it a third time, Shepard almost wanted to laugh at the simplicity. The words seemed an answer to her fears, and that answer was to merely do what needed to be done. This war with the Reapers, and with herself, could only be over when she decided that she had had enough. All she could do was give up or arise and put an end to it.

And she had arisen. She had arisen and raised the galaxy with her. All that was left was to look the Reapers in the eye and say that it must come to an end. Never again could they take everything away. It was not theirs to take.

Never again will I weep

And wring my hands

And beat my head against the wall

Because

Me nolentem fata trahunt

But

I will arise

And I will say:

I have had enough.