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Huge hugs to Snarkymuch and Gredelina1 for sharing their awesome beta skills and to Arrr and Augustmoon99 for pre-reading.

Chapter Eleven — Crying, Waiting, Hoping

Alice POV

Monday morning, we were all congregated in Bella's room, waiting for them to come and take her down for her surgery. I doubt any of us could have slept the night before, even if we were physically able to. The tension was palpable, and Jasper especially had a difficult time dealing with it.

I sat at Bella's bedside, just looking at her. Try as I might, I couldn't dispel the idea that this may be the last time I would see her alive. I thought back to the last words I had spoken to her before we left, the last time I had really seen her.

"You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

I had said it as I had given her the pile of unopened gifts. But there had been no later. She had gone home with Edward, and we didn't see her again until now. Edward had come home in the early hours of the morning while she slept and demanded we all leave.

"No goodbyes," he had said. "It will be easier if you are already gone - easier for her."

I had raged against him, screamed, cried, and begged, all to no avail. His decision was made, and as Carlisle reminded us all, it was his decision to make. I don't think I could have left, if not for my certainty that it would only be temporary. I was sure his feelings for Bella would force him to return sooner or later. I never imagined that there may not be a Bella for him to return to.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered, stroking her hand. "I am so sorry."

I felt a comforting hand on my back. and I turned, expecting to see Jasper, but it was Rosalie there, instead.

"She'd understand," she said simply.

"You think?" I asked.

My feelings for Rosalie had been complex and confusing recently. Jasper assured me that her changed behavior towards Bella was genuine, that she was trying to make amends, but I still struggled with it. I was Bella's best friend, her sister. Surely it was my job to comfort and protect her. How did I know if she would feel comfortable having Rosalie so close?

Or... a small voice whispered in the back of my mind, maybe you just don't like sharing.

I banished the voice and the thoughts. I didn't want to examine them at the moment. Instead, I addressed Rosalie.

"Do you really think she'd understand?"

"Are you kidding? This is Bella we're talking about," Emmett said with a laugh. "I bet she would have apologized to Jasper for bleeding, if she'd been given a chance."

I laughed. He was quite right. I tried to imagine what Bella would be thinking if she could speak now. She'd probably be apologizing for all the trouble she was causing.

Jenny maintained that we should keep a happy atmosphere around her, that she could hear us, but Carlisle was not so sure. He said she was so heavily medicated that it was doubtful she could hear a thing. Though he, too, spoke to her as if she was here. Jasper said her emotions were unreadable-"a calm void," he described it as-but this was Bella. She never did as we expected. Who's to say she was not laying there listening to every word we said?

I was pulled from my musings by the arrival of Jenny.

"They are ready for her now," she said.

"Just give us a moment, please," Carlisle said, and she nodded.

I didn't want to let go of her hand. Once they took her away, I would be unable to see anything, and though I knew I was of no more use sitting here beside her now than I would be in the operating room with her, at least here I could see her.

Carlisle had requested permission to perform the surgery, but he had been refused, as he was Bella's guardian. Nor would they let him be present in the operating room itself. He had been allowed into the gallery, and that had taken some serious bargaining and another hefty donation to the new Pyxis MedStation appeal. I had a suspicion that Dr. Toad was going to use us to revamp the entire wing.

"Come on, darlin'. She'll be back soon enough," Jasper said, coming to my side.

I released Bella's hand and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll be right here when you get back," I promised.

I moved to the side and let Esme and Carlisle each have their moment.

"Take care, sweetheart," Esme said, her voice breaking on the last word.

"See you soon, Bells," Emmett said, patting her hand. Though his tone was light, his face was a study in pain.

Rosalie didn't speak at all. She just touched a kiss to her hand and stood back.

"I'll be right there with you," Carlisle said, kissing her forehead.

"Take care, darlin'," Jasper said softly, and then took me into his arms.

Jenny poked her head around the door. "We ready to go?"

Carlisle nodded, and in a flurry of movement, Bella was wheeled out of the room. It felt strange to be in here without her. Wrong, somehow.

"Can we go to the family room?" Emmett asked, echoing my feelings. "I don't like being in here without her."

"Of course," Carlisle said. "I'd better get to the gallery, I will keep you all informed as best I can. If I am there, Alice may be able to see something, too."

I hadn't thought of that and felt slightly comforted. At least I would have some idea of what was happening.

He kissed Esme on the cheek and left. The rest of us trailed into the family room and took our seats.

Emmett pulled Rosalie to his side, and she buried her face in his shoulder. Jasper tugged my arm, but I was looking at Esme. She was sitting alone, staring at the door Carlisle had just walked out, with an expression of deep pain.

"Here, Mom," I said, moving to sit beside her, pulling Jasper along with me. "You can sit with us."

She took my hand gratefully. "Thank you, sweetheart. Can you see anything yet?"

I focused on Carlisle. I was only able to see a few seconds ahead, and he was just making his way to the gallery now.

"He's on his way now," I said, feeling a little like a sports announcer. "He's taking his seat."

"Can't you see Bella?" Rosalie asked impatiently.

"No, he is too far away from her," I said apologetically.

"You're doing fine, Alice," Esme said, shooting Rosalie a stern look. "Just tell us what you can see."

I settled back in my seat and let my eyes fall closed, focusing on Carlisle.

He sat forward, his hands clasped between his knees, almost as if he was fighting the urge to jump to his feet and right the surgeon from the scalpel to do it himself. I analyzed his every expression, every minute change in his features, and tried to glean information from them.

We went on like this for almost an hour, when I saw him get to his feet and leave the room. He didn't seem unduly worried, so I assumed he was coming to give us an update.

A moment later, he entered the room, and Esme shot to her feet and into his arms.

"It's okay," he soothed. "She's doing well so far. Her stats are remaining stable, and they are just preparing the graft now. She will be placed on the heart lung machine in a moment. I just wanted to check in with you all."

"We're fine. Alice has been keeping us updated as best she can."

He smiled. "Yes, I had the feeling someone was watching me. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful."

"That's okay dear. You get back to Bella now. She needs you close by. We have each other."

He kissed her on the cheek and headed back out the door.

I slipped back into the vision and watched him walking back along the corridor and to the gallery. He stood for a moment at the window that gave him a view into the surgery and placed his hand on the glass. It was a tender gesture. It looked as if he was trying to form a connection to Bella herself. After a moment, he stepped back and took his seat, his hands clasped between his knees again.

"What's the smile for?" Emmett asked.

"Just Carlisle being Carlisle," I said with a shrug.

He looked confused, but Esme understood. She smiled warmly and squeezed my hand.

"How much longer do you think this is going to take?" Esme asked.

"Another hour, at least," Rosalie said. "It can ta-Alice, what's wrong?"

I had jumped to my feet, as had Carlisle. He was now standing with his hands pressed to the glass, a look of horror on his face.

"What the hell is going on, Alice?" Emmett demanded.

"I don't know," I said weakly. "Something is wrong. Carlisle's upset."

"Screw this. I'm going down there," he said savagely.

"You can't," Rosalie said. "You won't be allowed..."

I tuned her voice out and focused on Carlisle. He was now standing with his hands clasped beneath his chin and an expression of deepest concentration on his face. Though I had never seen him in this pose before, I knew exactly what it meant. He was praying.

He slowly lowered his hands, yet his posture stayed taught, all his focus on the vision before him that I couldn't see. He seemed to be battling with himself, and eventually, he gave the unseen vision a tense look and left the room. I thought he was returning to us, but instead, he went to the scrub room and donned a gown and mask.

A nurse came into the room and tried to stop him entering the OR, but after a few terse words, he brushed past her. Now I could see Bella, and I wished I couldn't.

I was a vampire. I had seen terrible things. Before I had control of my thirst, I had done terrible things, but never had I felt so sickened.

Bella was lying sideways on the operating table, held in place by straps and pillows, her arm held above her head and a gaping hole in the side of her chest. I didn't want to look, but at the same time, I couldn't bear to stop.

I focused on Carlisle, instead. He was shouting at the doctor, demanding to know if they got it back. Whatever it was, I had no idea, but it was surely serious.

"Dr. Cullen, you need to leave," someone was saying. "You don't have the authority to be in here."

"I don't care about authority. That is my daughter!" he burst out.

The movement around Bella was frantic, and although I could hear the demands for information from the others, I couldn't tell them anything. I didn't understand what was happening, other that the fact Carlisle was dangerously close to losing control and taking over whatever was happening in that OR himself.

One of the machines started beeping again, and Carlisle stared at the machine, as if memorizing it. I stared with him, not knowing what the hell I was looking at. It wasn't until his tense expression broke into one of relief that I breathed again.

Ignoring the questions and demands of the doctor, Carlisle walked back into the scrub room and removed his gown and mask.

"I'll be right there, Alice," he said, and I fell back into my chair, pulling from the vision.

It was like the volume had been switched to max. I had been so lost in the vision that the sounds around me were muted. Now, they assaulted my ears again.

"...me what's happening, Alice, I am going to slap you," Rosalie was growling.

"Carlisle is coming. I don't exactly know what happened, but I think it's okay now," I said.

"What did you see?" Jasper asked. His tone was gentle, but the intensity was clear in his expression.

"I don't know," I said sadly. "It was confusing."

Rosalie opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as the door swung open and Carlisle shot through it.

There was a mess of noise as everyone fired off questions at him at once.

"What happened?"

"Is she okay?"

"What went wrong?"

"Did someone fuck up?"

"She's okay," Carlisle said, cutting off our questions. "There was a complication with the surgery. Blood flow was compromised for a time, but she's okay now."

"Blood flow," Rosalie said quietly, sharing an intense look with Carlisle.

"Cut that shit out now," Emmett said angrily. "Tell us what the fuck is going on!"

"It's what we discussed before," Carlisle said. "The blood flow was compromised when they transferred her from the heart-lung machine."

"That's the spine thing, right?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, the blood flow was compromised to her spinal cord, but the length of time also meant that the cerebral blood flow was diminished."

"In English, please, Carlisle," Jasper said, his impatience clear.

"Her brain," he said simply.

Esme gasped, and Emmett swore loudly.

Her brain. But that couldn't be right. I may not have been to medical school like Edward or Rosalie, but even I knew what that meant. Brain damage. Bella couldn't be brain damaged. She just couldn't.

"How do they fix that?" Emmett asked. "Another operation, therapy, drugs?"

Carlisle looked as if he was searching for the right words, but he failed. It was Rosalie that spoke.

"They don't," she said softly, sympathetically. "If Bella's brain has been damaged, there is nothing they can do."

Thank you to everyone that read the last chapter, especially those of you that reviewed, I appreciated every one. Nobody guessed the lyrics for the last chapter so I am giving you another chance

~The needles of the clock are moving right to left. Pretend we never heard of things we said, like we've been deaf. And start all over. ~