A long, long, time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

After the events of Chapter Eleven, the cast of the Totally Epical Adventures Of An Emo Hippie were all getting over…the events of Chapter Eleven. Due to some odd, completely unspecific reason, Lucius decided that they would cope in the best way possible: become flight attendants. So hence the chapter sort of begins…

CHAPTER TWELVE: THE POSSIBLE FINALE THAT MAY OF MAY NOT IN ALL ACTUALITY BE THE LAST CHAPTER

P.S—THE AUTHOR IS VERY, VERY SORRY FOR THE LONG UPDATE AND WOULD LIKE TO SAY A GREAT BIG THANK YOU TO MEW-TSUBAKI, WHO CONTRIBUTED SOME IDEA-BITS TO THIS TERRIBLE PIECE OF ART.

THANK YOU AND ENJOY THE FILM.

The plane was one of the finest of its craft: silver and shiny and sort of penis-shaped. The pilot's hands trembled as he put them on the steering-wheel-thing for the first time. There was a tear in his eye.

"Mom, dad, thank you for paying for my flight-school classes," he whispered, looking at the picture of his parents glued to the dashboard. "I will—"

"HEY! PILOT GUY!" shouted Severus Snape, wearing a fishnet body suit. "The plane is delayed due to technical difficulties, so get off the gate and buy yourself some tabloid magazines."

"Aww shit," cursed the pilot, crawling out of the cockpit. Snape waited until he was fully off of the plane before turning on the intercom.

"All systems a-go-go."

There was a roar as the engine started, and the flight attendants began to strut like RuPaul.

"Okay," shouted Narcissa Malfoy over the ridiculously loud plane noise. "Seat belts may prove to be fatal to body inflation fetishers. Just sa—"

Her words were lost in a scream as the plane took off with absolutely no warning whatsoever.

"SORRY!" shouted Snape. "SNAPE'S ON A PLANE!"

"Oh Gaga," sighed Lucius, sitting on some old lady. "Wow, this is like, soooo comfortable!"

IN DRACO LAND…

Unknown to most of the world, there is a closet on every single plane in the entire world. This was currently where Draco Malfoy was sitting, crying desperately.

Two people were with him—'the mother/father/thing' of Voldemort, Harry Fucking Potter, and 'Mary Magdalene Is My Greatest Inspiration' Astoria Greengrass. Both were fighting.

"Well, ex-cuse me, Jezebel, but I have a child with Draco, therefore making him rightfully mine."

"Um, ex-queeeze me, H-P, but you don't even have a working uterus, and Draco wants a real heir, not some gay butt sex baby."

"How can you prove that it's working or not? From the amount of abortions you've had, that thing must be on it's last breath."

"Can you please shut up?" asked Draco, breaking into their conversation. "Why can't I just fuck both of you and call it a day?"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Astoria and Harry in unison.

"Stupid bitches," mumbled Draco, getting out of the closet and onto the actual plane-thing. "Now, if only—Jesus Mary and Joseph, what the hell are you doing?"

"Shh," whispered Lucius, crouching over the knocked out-forms of the first-class passengers. "Can you drag them into that closet-thing?"

Draco stared at his father, then the bodies, then the chicken sitting next to his father.

"Gladly."

I LOVE YOU, PEDOPHILE IN CENTRAL PARK. THAT COTTON CANDY WAS SO GOOD.

(don't ask. Please.)

In the loud-ish roar of the plane's motor, Bellatrix Lestrange was thinking…about…um…

"I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT!" screamed Narcissa Malfoy, sucking on helium. "Bella! Bella!"

Bellatrix jammed her mouth against Narcissa's. You know, because sisterly love is so normal in these pureblood families.

"Oh…my…Gaga," breathed Narcissa. "Are you into…body inflation?"

"Um…"

"TOO LATE!" shrieked Narcissa, pulling out her body inflation stuff. "Okay, so, are you into blueberry? Or are you only into boobs or something?"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!" screamed Bellatrix, running out of the tiny sub-closet. "AND GET THAT TUBE AWAY FROM MY ASS!"

"This is the manifesto of Mother Mons+er," whispered Wormtail into her ear, his tongue—

"AHHHHHH! WORMTAIL!" screamed Bellatrix, sobbing. "You're not supposed to do that!"

Wormtail smirked and ran away. Bellatrix sighed in frustration and walked up to Lucius.

"Lucy," she said, feeling slightly more irritated than normal. "I have a feeling that we're not flight attendants for therapeutic reasons…so what's the catch?"

"Well," said Lucius quietly. "There's this plane, you see, with everyone from the Grammys on it…and the Oscars…and the Potters…"

Bellatrix gasped in utter delight. "You mean we're kidnapping and torturing celebrities until they collaborate on an interactive sing along game for preschoolers with severe normality issues?"

"Exactly, my love," said Lucius, kissing her. "So…um…wanna do it in the cock pit?"

EVEN MORE STUPIDITY

The Grammys/Oscars/Potters plane was having a smooth flight. Nothing was going wrong, and the egg salad sandwiches were delicious.

"Man, these egg salad sandwiches are delicious," said Justin Bieber, staring dreamily into the deep vortexes of Katy Perry's boobs. "Eggs…"

"Eggs…" sang the crew simultaneously. "Wonderful, fantastico, beautiful—"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Lady Gaga, cradling an egg carton. "YOU HAVE NO SYMPATHY TOWARDS THE GAYS!"

At that exact moment, Lucius Malfoy, dressed as a…thing…broke the window, used, up until that point, for a scenic atmosphere.

The effect was immediate—an enormous amount of celebrities were sucked through the window and, screaming loudly, spun through the air, certain of death.

Later

The Mother Mons+er groaned. She was bleeding (blue) and had vomit in her hair (red).

"Oh myself," she sang, because everything pop stars do is auto tuned and inserted into their singles. "Where in the name of Rocky am I?"

"Welcome to the land of obscurity!" shouted some deep, unconnected voice. "Here, nothing ever happens! Ever! You are just another crack whore with little talent and a fetish!"

"NOOOOO! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Ha. This should be humorous, but no. So…um…AUNT BELLA! HOW DO I TORTURE PEOPLE?"

There was a sigh, and Lady Gaga, covered in something resembling cheesecake, shivered on the floor.

"Okay, Draco," said another unconnected voice. "Really good torture has to be really stupid and implied in the stupidest way possible."

There was a long pause. "And…?"

Another sigh.

"Draco, here's the key."

There was the click of a lock opening, and a lone figure stood in the eerie mists and lights that should never be on an airplane.

"Oh God," said the torture-ee, panicking. "Oh God. You…"

"Yes," said Lucius Malfoy, holding up her egg carton. "I'm going to break it."

"!" she screamed.

"Wow," said Lucius, impressed. "You should auto tone that and put it on your next single. But I'm still smashing it."

She broke into hysterical wails and sobs and screams, flailing her limbs and crying as Lucius watched, shredding the egg carton with perfection.

"Okay, Lucy," said Bellatrix, adjusting her bra. "I think that was enough. We can let her out."

They waited patiently at the door, but Lady Gaga didn't move.

"Um…should we poke her or something?" asked Bellatrix nervously.

Lucius cautiously walked towards the crumpled, cheesecake-covered form and gingerly poked it.

Lady Gaga's eyes flickered open, and she hissed and screamed and—

"OH MY GAWD!" screamed Lucius, running out. "SHE'S BITING ME! GET A SPRAY BOTTLE OR SOMETHING!"

Bellatrix quickly grabbed a chainsaw and smashed it against Lady Gaga repetitively until she turned around, bared her freakishly sharp teeth, and climbed into an air vent. Dents appeared in the ceiling, and a claw-like hand ripped through a vent, and creepy, disgusting screaming noises were heard.

"What the fuck was that?" screamed Lucius, foaming at the mouth. "It bit me!"

"Um…I don't understand this plot," said Draco, coming out of the secret passage. "So, if one celebrity is a zombie/vampire/monster…"

"NO!" shouted Lucius and Bellatrix simultaneously. "DON'T—"

There was a terrible screeching noise against the door, and Ke$ha burst through, looking even dirtier than ever. "Brains," she said in that weird, weird, weird, zombie voice. "With…jaaaack."

"OMIGAWDOMIGAWDOMIGAWD," whispered Lucius, backing against the wall. "But why—?"

The sea of celebrities sort of shifted, and a figure stared menacingly at the cast.

"Hi, Draco!1" said Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, her eyes crying tears of blood. "wanNa XXcutXXX our arms?/"

(terrifying void)

"No," said Draco, staring in utter terror as Ebony was joined by Astoria and Harry, both dressed respectively as Hot Topic© junkies. "Oh Krishna no."

"Oh Satan yes," purred Ebony chewing on his ear. "Come with me, Darko, and become a vampire!"

"No, Draco!" shouted Astoria. "Don't believe her! She hadst a whore's proud forehead!"

Ebony turned to Astoria. "Holy shit, you sound like Tom Bombadil," she said. "You know, the guy with no nose…? But Draco, you said we could go to MCR together!"

"Draco, you're half of Voldemort's father!" said Harry beg-ishly. "I need help correcting our son's behavior!"

"NonononononoNO!" roared Draco, having a real freak out. "I'm NOT going out with you, Astoria, because you think you're a saint! I liked you because you were a whore! And I'm not going with you, Harry, because I'm not a stereotypical bisexual that wants to fuck everyone in sight!"

He turned to everyone else in the room, because Draco seriously needs a Moment.

"Bellatrix, deal with the fact that you're not my mother!" he shouted. "And even though we went to that Mother/Son food extravaganza, I don't agree with basically anything you've ever told me EVER!

"Lucius, WTF is wrong with you? You're like, the only straight drag queen I know! And you're a pimp! I have too many half-siblings! And please, please, please realize that no celebrity will ever love you for who you really are!

"Narcissa, you crazy bitch.

"Marge, you should party with Narcissa. She has a body inflation fetish, so you gouys would be perfect together.

"Katy Perry, don't lie about your sexuality. Lady Gaga, it isn't morally right to use somebody's hymen for a hat. Justin Bieber, you should seriously talk to a doctor about that gland problem. And DAMN IT, I FUCKING HATE YOU, EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY!"

He collapsed onto the floor, breathing heavily. Nobody could say anything yet—it was far too awesome of a moment.

"You…liked me because I was a whore?" asked Astoria gingerly, taking off her shirt.

"I can respect that you don't want to have sex with me, Draco, but I still want child support," said Harry calmly.

"I understand that I'm not your mother," said Bellatrix, "but I still have slept with your father for the past sixteen years."

"I'm sorry that I haven't been a good father," said Lucius, studying his nails. "I just really, really like cashmere. And thongs. And shoes."

Narcissa blew smoke into his face. Marge blew some more.

"I''tstealMadonna'ssongOkayI'mapre-op," said the combined voices of Katy Perry, Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.

Everyone looked at EDDRW. She coughed and looked up.

"I…I'm sorry," she said quietly. "My parents were just die-hard Catholics that wanted me to go to…law school. This was my only way out."

There was silence; then, peace.

Nineteen seconds later

Draco smiled crazily at his reflection. "Well. Now that that shit's over with. Does anyone want to see…Twilight?"

And no one said no.

It's possibly over! But it's possibly not! So, to encourage it still continuing, review!