disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related whatsoever. it's gracefully Stephenie Meyer's.

Also, the song is by Secondhand Serenade. totally not mine!

What seemed like the millionth time since Bella's accident, I was at her front door on a weekend while her father was fishing. We'd come a long way in that time. Bella had just gotten her cast off and everything about her was pretty much healed. Charlie had not even learned of my involvement and thereby was very grateful to me for looking after her.

I was like I was the only one unhappy with my life. Not to get confused, I was very happy because I loved Bella, but I still think I shouldn't be here. Not when the Volturi was obviously a threat. Once they heard what the tracker did, they backed off, but warned us she shouldn't stay human, and to change her before someone gets hurt.

It felt good to be with her, but at the same time it just felt extremely wrong. Like I was obstructing her life, and that she would never be the same again. It was amazing to see her so content--and uplifting that I was the reason why--that I just basically wanted to make her happy. I tried to forget the threats and all the danger she was in. I tried to forget how eager she was for her immortality.

But nevertheless, here I was, grinning at my girlfriend with enthusiasm as I entered her safe haven. She was eating a pop tart at the kitchen table, and there was music playing in the background, a book on the counter that she had been reading.

I recognized it all at once. I was obsessed with this music. I adored the angst in that book. But I didn't know why she would identify with it. "I didn't know you liked Phantom of the Opera."

She swallowed the pop tart in her mouth and then answered. "Oh, I've never actually read it before, or listened to the music. But you like it, and you relate to it so well. You're always referencing to something in the book or play or movie, so I figured I'd see why."

"Have you figured it out yet?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. I'm only on page 76 of the book, and I haven't listened to much of the soundtrack. I haven't watched the movie either. I was kind of waiting for you, if you wanted to watch it."

"Of course. I would never pass up a chance to see the movie. Which version did you get?"

"The 2004 one, with Gerard Butler. Is that okay?"

"It's perfect. Portrays why I connect with it the most. The others don't really follow the story. Except for the 1025 silent black and white Lon Chaney version."

She gave a quiet laugh and started nibbling at her pop tart again, retrieving the movie from where she'd stashed it and put it in the DVD player. We sat down on the couch and immediately she rested her head on my chest, snuggling into my frozen embrace.

I was excited to have her watch this with me. She'd see Christine's naivety, Raoul's feminine, pathetic side, and how broken down Erik really s; how much he just wanted someone to love him and look past his disfigurement. Much like myself here.

Even though Erik died at the end of the book, I always had this strange feeling that the Opera Ghost was immortal. His face was distorted, my body was covered in battle scars. He was in love with a perfect girl and she thought she was too. Until she really knew him, and her childhood friend Raoul de Chagny imposed. Do you see why I feel so strongly towards the movie? Especially since Erik is portrayed as a suave, seductive, sexy man of night. I'd say that's more than a coincidence, right?

Well, I certainly thought so, and I hoped she would immediately grasp it. So then she would know exactly what was going on. But maybe that was too much to ask...

I watched her reactions at certain parts. Where the phantom appeared in the mirror and leads her down to his lair, showed her how much he'd been stalking her. She seemed mesmerized, like Erik was coming out of the tv screen and hypnotizing her. I watched her when Christine tore off his mask and he went off on her. She seemed to be really engrossed.

Most of the rest was boring stuff, free on any kind of drama or interesting phantom-like moments. Just stupid stuff between Raoul and Christine, falling in love, the masquerade...and then the Red Death scene.

It made her face pale a bit as he approached. And then again when Raoul went after him, and the lasso appeared in the mirrored room. Her face wasn't blase anymore after that scene. She grew enthralled at the graveyard scene and then again at the Don Juan play.

Her eyes were wide, mouth slightly ajar, when Erik started to sing Point of No Return. The whole scene was absolutely intriguing and enchanting to watch. You capture the whole essence of seduction in that one scene. That, and the immense love the phantom held in his breast for Christine.

The chandelier crashed, Christine was led down to the lair, and then it was the moment I had been waiting for. The one reaction that mattered the most. The one scene I was hoping would convince her exactly what was going on within; all the turmoil inside.

Erik forced Christine to make a decision; marry him and let her lover go free, or refuse him and let Raoul die. He presented her with the choice, and she thought it through while they sang. Then she kissed the phantom. And he began to realize how wrong it was to entomb her to a life of hell. So he let her go.

By the end of it she was in tears at how sorrowful and depressed the phantom was. "It's horrible!" she murmured. "All he wanted was a modicum of love but he'd give it all up to make her live a happy life. How could someone be that self-sacrificing? She doesn't deserve it. Or him."

"I guess it's all perfect he let her run away. He saw that he shouldn't force her to live that kind of lifestyle, and gave her up in hopen that maybe one day she'd come back for him. He doubted it, but always hoped."

"But she kissed him! She promised to try and love him! How could he pass that up?"

"He wanted her to live her life her way, and not end up depressed, married to a disfigured, immortal man living for the night."

She wiped away a tear from her ivory cheek and sniffled a bit. "If he would open his eyes and see, he would have realized she didn't want to leave him after all. And perhaps would nevere leave him in pursuit of Ja--Raoul," she commented, blushing on the name slip up.

That's how I thought she would percieve things. That I was worried she would leave me for a normal (or seemingly so) guy living in the real world. It was kind of the opposite of what she thought, but I would never actually tell her that.

"Maybe," I agreed with her. "But I guess we'll never know, right? She never came back to see him, for he was rumored to have died." I heard another sniffle from her and she got up to turn off the movie.

It wasn't late in the day, probably about two in the afternoon, and Charlie would be out fishing until later that night. She had the whole house to herself, and I had a pretty good idea of how she wanted to spend it.

By getting carried away. Doing things we could never do when Charlie was around, or else he'd bust a vein. We'd never actually gone that far--I wouldn't allow it in case I lost control--but there's been our fair share of heavily making out. I was getting kind of wary about her wanting to do that with me, and how forceful she was being about the fact she wasn't making a mistake.

"Hey," she said, distracting me as she sat back down on the couch. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just the fact you dad isn't home." I hoped I wouldn't be leading her on or anything, but I guess that was kind of what I had been thinking about.

She grinned at me and leaned in to kss me and before I knew it I couldn't stop. It was as hard for me to pull away as it was for her. While I dazzled her incredibly so, I still felt the pull of her sweet-smelling blood. There was something exceptionally sensual about it that drew me in. I was addicted to the blood coursing throughout her body.

But as the kiss wore on, I suddenly grew repulsed by it. And that was because I realized something. It was like Erik kissing Christine, him knowing he needed to let her go. Give up the charade, because it wasn't safe or moral to keep playing. It wasn't a sane thing to do anymore.

I broke off suddenly, and tried to avoid Bella's confounding stare. I didn't want to meet her eyes, because then she would know that something was wrong. I had to give her some kind of explanation now.

"Look, um, I kind of have to go, but I promise that I will be back before Charlie gets here. Okay?"

She nodded, but I could still feel her confusion. And rejection. I sent a fresh wave of serenity towards her. "Hey, I'll be back. I love you. You know that right?" She nodded again, and I was heading out the door, but then she stopped me.

"Wait! I have a letter for you. Read it and when you come back, give me a responding letter." I took the envelope out of her hands and left.

I was just looking for an excuse to get away from her, to actually think about what I was doing here. And the letter she wrote me was probably going to influence that decision. When I was alone in my room, I tore open the envelope and read away.

'Dear Jasper,

I'm sorry if I have been forcing myself upon you lately. I'm just so scared of losing you. What you said in the hospital has still got me worried. I don't feel like I can hold your attention, and you'll get bored of me.

Maybe it's because I almost died and it's put all our lives into perspective again. But you've been very recluse lately. You won't tell me what's going on. Something in your eyes has changed, and it scares me.

With you, heaven doesn't seem far away. But if I think about it all from your point of view, it seems like you're in hell. And I think I've finally discovered why. You've seen how close I've been growing with Jacob, and it's got you paranoid. You probably think I'm going to realize how dangerous you are and run away from you. That I will suddenly fall in love with Jacob now, and that will be the end of us.

But it won't. As long as you'll allow me in your life, I'll be there. I will always want you the way I do now. I will never love you as much as I do now. And I just want you to know that. Because I feel like you're slipping right on through my grasp and plunging into the depths of depression again. I'm afraid that even though I'm there for you, it may not be enough to keep you sane.

Please tell me what's going on with you, Jasper. I can't bear to be left in the dark any longer.

I love you.

Love, Bella.'

Well, she wants to know what's going on with me...don't wish for things like that. You might regret that once you get the letter I'm writing you, Bella. Matter of fact, pretty sure you'll be upset. Because I know what I want and what I have to do now.

I grabbed a pen from my desk and found a clean sheet of paper and began to write exactly what Bella wanted. I doubted she'd like the words, but I was at least telling her exactly what I wanted.

Then, I sealed it and collected all my thoughts together. I got together a bag and went into the kitchen to talk to Esme, and the rest of the family. Carlisle was thankfully home today, so I could talk to him too.

When I got them all rounded together, I told them what was going on and how I was going to deal with it. Carlisle and Esme understood, and supported my decision, along with most of the rest of my family. Edward was annoyed with me. "Where are you going to run off to this time? Denali?"

"Uh, no. You saw how well that worked out last time," I said bitterly. This time it wouldn't be considered cheating but I wouldn't want to do that with Tanya again. "I hadn't thought that through...I guess I'll just do the Prince Zuko thing and wander around for a bit."

Edward grumbled, but didn't say anything further. I embraced the family--minus Rosalie--and left the house without looking back on all the things I was leaving behind. I made sure I had the letter in my pocket and went to Bella's.

Just as I promised. And even before Charlie had gotten back from his fishing expedition. I rang her doorbell and she greeted me with a hug. I was hesitant about returning it, but decided she would know something was up if I didn't.

"Hey, I was getting worried you wouldn't come," she told me. I swallowed hard.

"I always keep a promise don't I?" I half-smirked. "Um, I kind of have to go back and deal with some stuff, but I have your letter response, like you wanted."

I took it out of my pocket, and handed it over. I gave her a sidelong look, and then I bent down and swept her into a desperate last kiss. Then fled the scene. When she closed the door and was sure she couldn't see me anymore, I crept back and peered through the window.

She didn't immediately open my letter. Instead, she placed it on her kitchen counter and put something into the oven. She set her timer, washed her hands and dried them, and then tore the envelope open. I read the words along with her.

'Bella,

It seems all of these words couldn't be further from the truth. How did I get here? What did I do? Your eyes, telling me lies and making me find myself. While you have your agenda, a life to pursue.

So please let me be free from you. And please, let me be free so I can face the truth.

I'm blind to all of your colors that used to be rainbow in my eyes. Where did they go to? Why disappear? It's hard to be all alone. I never got through your disguise. I guess I'll just go, and face all my fears.

So please let me be free from you. And please, let me be free so I can face the truth.

Put down your world just for one night. Pick me up girl.

So please let me be free from you. And please, let me be free so I can face the truth.

Jasper.'

No 'dear' Bella, or 'love' Jasper. Just plain and simple. Short message, but I got my point across.

I saw her hand shake, tears pooled in her eyes. She broke down, and I had to turn away to ease my own breaking heart. I hated to hurt her his way, but I had to, in order for her to move on. To help me move on and away from thi place. To get over her.

She needed to be with Jacob and not with someone who is holding her back from doing all that she should with her life. She didn't deserve to be stuck in a life of nightmarish hell. She needed to be pushed into someone who will always protect her, not someone who is constantly putting her life into perilous jeopardy.

In time, I knew that she would move in. It might tale a while, but I don't see why she couldn't. Soon enough she'll forget all abou me and the vampire life. She'll be engrossed in her love for Jacob, and will be filled with werewolf knowledge.

Yes, she would move on. I've seen the way that dog looks at her, and as long as he continues that, she will end up falling in love with him. Without me around, there will be nothing holding her back from giving him a shot. And it'll be worth it; he'll make her happy.

And someday, sometime along the road when we've all moved on, I'll come back. And I'll see her, and how happy she is with him, and I won't meddle into her life. I'll just check up, and then be on my way again. But only if I see a joyous scene.

If she's alone, unhappy, and still yearning for my presence, then I'll come back and explain everything to her. I'd hope she'd take me back. That she could still look at me the same way she did before; with love. I'd want her to still love me. If she was sad, I wouldn't back out of her life again.

But until then I was on my way to nowhere. Some place that's full of things to make me forget all about her. A place where I couldn't sit down and contemplate and feel like I was making a mistake by breaking her heart. I didn't know a place that could keep me occupied like that...or did I?

Wasn't it Prince Zuko who, when he disbanded from his uncle to travel on his own, had went on a journey to find the Avatar and bring him down? My avatar is dead, burning incense in a campfire. And wasn't it Prince Zuko who, when he fond his uncle and began to travel with him again, decided to go to the Earth Kingdom and straight into his enemies lair? He was brave enough to face them, and I can too.

So it's decided. It's off to Texas, to walk right into the trap I'd started out in. I was going to track down maria, approach her, and begin to be repulsed with myself again. I would be training newborns to fight, and then killing them when they couldn't learn.

Carlisle would be ashamed of me. But I was not part of their family anymore and he didn't need to worry about me, though I knew he would. He told me he'd call me every once in a while just to see if I was okay, and decently happy. I'm sure Edward would call and tell me I was insane for running away. Alice would call too, to give me an update on Bella.

At least she still had her best friend with her. When I told my family I was leaving, Carlisle asked if they should leave too. But I insisted that they stay. It might be difficult for her to see them everyday, but I think it will be good for her. Alice is her best friend, and I couldn't let her lose the two most important people in her lfie all in one day.

Jacob, who was clearly infatuated with her, would sweep in and help her pick up the pieces. He'd play the part of the comforting friend for a while, but he'd be devising a plan all the while. And when he revealed it to her, she'd fall into his trap and he'd get the girl of his dreams. He's impressive and smart enough into tricking her that way. I knew it wold work, because I knew how his mind worked.

I gave Bella one last look, saw her crumpled on the ground, head in her hands, and I wanted to weep along with her. But I didn't. I valiantly dismembered myself from the scene and started to run. That way I could clear my mind. And also so it would take longer to get to my destination. I didn't want to rush into her deceiving arms, because I didn't know what she was going to do with me. Not until I came there and flt her emotions towards me.

She'd probably be extremely furious with me for leaving her and traveling on my own. I don't think she'd attack me, and if she tried, I'd just manipulate her feeling with my charismatic charm--or my powers, whichever one works first.

I started in the direction towards Texas, knowing exactly how long it would take to get there. I'd be wandering around on my own for a long time, probably three or four months until I actually got up the courage to look Maria up. And then it would take a long tim for me to get over my trepidation of making the journey back home to see my family. And of course Bella.

But I really shouldn't be thinking about that right now. Not about her, because I'd be tempted to turn around and rush to Bella's side again. I'd say it was jut too difficult to be away from her and I'd beg for her forgiveness. But I know it was right to be away from her for a while, if not the rest of her life.

My mind began to drift from Bella and towards this morning's movie, and it's lines. 'Down once more to the dungeons of my black despair. Down we plunge towards the prison of my mind. Down that path into darkness deep as hell. Why, you ask, was I bound and chained in this cold and dismal place? Not for any mortal sin, but the wickedness of my abhorrent face!'

I sighed. I should really stop comparing myself to Erik every waking moment. He wasn't a real character, only a figment of Gaston Leroux's imagination. I needed to stop thinking all these things were real, when really it was the complete opposite. It's highly unlikely he would have ever existed in 1881 in Charles Garnier's Opera House, or hat he would have helped with the designs. I didn't think there was any harm in pretending, but clearly it was affecting my life now.

Influencing my decisions, obstructing my justice, obscuring my thoughts...hypnotizing me with its enticing magic...

I needed to move on. So I let it all go. Jasper Whitlock Hale was left behind, among the ashes of Jame and Bella's tears. I was no longer myself anymore, but a figment of a lonely girl's imagination.

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So, nobody kill me for making Jasper leave! So I was thinking about the next chapter, and who's point of view it should be in. Do you guys want it from Bella's or do you still want me to continue with Jasper? See what goes on in Bella's life or if Jasper finds Maria or not? Tell me what you all think (: