"Really? After everything that's happened? You love me?" Chesh blinked and tears fell from his eyes as he kissed me slow and full of love. "I love you too Nero forever and always I will be with you no matter what through thick and thin, till death do us part ok?" I was so shocked that he said it back that i didn't trust my voice so I just nodded and kissed him again.
A week has gone by with out any mishaps with anyone and Derrick and his group have gotten over that we were gay and me and Chesh had told Cheshire's parents together and even though they weren't shocked they were happy that we finally saw that we were soul mates and were destined to be together in this life and in the next. I wonder what they meant by that but before I could ask Chesh told them that we would be upstairs. I'm glad that the Kats had a large home cause that means that they have multiple bedrooms and bathrooms. Cheshire led me to a room that just happens to be his room and as he shut the door I started to think of things that I shouldn't be thinking of at the moment because this is supposed to be a happy day. A day with the love of my life but as I sit here on his bed in tears. Thinking about that horrible day I thought I had put behind me but I guess I didn't bury it deep enough. That day...why that day? The day of Easter my mother father and my brother Conner got into a huge fight over something that seemed so small but in reality I lt was huge. Conner was dying of cancer that had developed because of smoking. Conner had quit after he heard this but that day had been stressful for all of us I remember crying because I had slipped on something and hit my head and my mother and father were scolding me for running in the house and my brother who was 17 at the time was yelling at them in return. Conner and my parents were okay after about two minuets of screaming. Conner went outside and my mother had caught him taking a pull from a cigaret that he still had in his car. What they didn't understand is that that cigaret was his first in years. I knew this cause every day he went without one he would mark it on his arm with a marker. Mom and dad started to scream at him and Conner defended himself and later that day Conner took me to the park and say me on his lap. He told me his chemotherapy had work and that the cancer cells were gone. But even if they were gone that day would be the last time that I would see him. Me only being 6 at the time started to cry and told him not to leave me here alone I begged him and when he still denied me the one thing that I wanted I started to pound on him with my tiny fist that he had grabbed to keep me from doing that. I cried enough for my parents that day I hung to him laying my head on his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his neck and crying into his neck. Conner held me and told me how much he would miss me as time went by he started to cry to but he never changed his mind about this one thing.
The next day I awoke to screams and sobs as my mother stood at Conner's door looking in with terrified eyes. My 6 year old brain had pieced what happened and everything slowed down I screamed and ran to the door where my father intercepted me and picked me up keeping me from seeing my only brother that had slit his wrist. Now I know what he meant by that day would be the last time I would see him. I pounded at my dad's chest and kicked him with all the force I could trying to get out of the hold I was in by the end of my fit my father was crying and hugging me close I cried out loud in paints I clung to my father and wept into his shoulder as the police arrived so did my aunt and grandparents they were all watching me with the look of sadness and worry mixed in their eyes and when I saw this I growled and clung to my father a lot harder and sobbed louder.
As I came out of my flash back I realized I was on my knees sobbing while Chesh was holding me...he knew why I was like this I know he does and it usually bothers me when people look at me with pity in their eyes or when they tell me I have nothing to be sad about because I was to young to understand what was happening. Well they were and are wrong. I understood perfectly I knew he was going to leave us but not in that way I remember the blood I saw in the form of a hand print on his bedroom wall when I refused to sleep in my room because I wanted to sleep I'm Conner's bed to feel him near me. When my parents heard this they bother nodded and cried silently they lost Conner the day after Easter but they finally pieced together that they've not only lost one son they've lost two. When my parents sent me to school after Easter break I wouldn't hang out with my friends anymore I never talk to my teachers, I did my work better than any of the students there and when it was recess I would sit and color pictures for my brother and hang them all along the wall like I do in my dorm room at the school. Chesh knew all of this I told him the third day I knew him and he hasn't told anyone how I act around that time of the year. This Easter...it'll be 11 years
"Eleven years Chesh eleven years that I could've been with Conner if I would've told my parents...I can believe how stupid I was I should've mentioned it that night at bed time. Or...something but I could've prevented it." I started clawing at my arm and crying more letting Chesh comfort me as I cried. Right before I broke skin Chesh grabbed my hand and moved my face to face his and he kissed me long and slow. He whispered sweet nothings between kisses and somehow we ended up on the bed. As he kissed the tears away he asked if I was sure and I nodded and whimpered with want before he went the next step. He undressed me warily making sure I wanted what was coming. And as we both ended up naked he looked at me and asked me and I kissed him and somehow that answered his question as he started to slowly making love to me there was a sight pain but he shut that thought down when he kissed me. This was more than just lust. It was pure love and the want to be rid of each other's pain and sadness to make each other see and feel the beauty, happiness, and love in the world and as we came to that realization together we both moaned each other's name and clung to each other and panting trying to fall from our high without crashing to the ground to fast.
"I love you" I smiled as we said the three words in sync and we both fell asleep in each other's arms with smiles on our faces.