A/N from Panda: Sorry guys, I know there was a bit of a delay on this chapter, but I've been REALLY busy with school. Seriously. I'm stressed to the max. And I got a bit side-tracked with this other one-shot I'm working on that is centered on Axel, Roxas, and Sora, that feels like it's never going to get finished. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this slightly rushed chapter. OH and important note. If any of you guys want to read my blog, please check out my Tumblr! It's where I blog pictures pertaining to my interests, such as kingdom hearts, writing, fashion, zelda, other fandoms, and my stories! I also post the progess of my stories or little snippets of upcoming chapters or projects, and inspiration! So please check it out and follow me if you have a tumblr!
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If Only Tonight We Could Sleep
A Roxas x Sora Story
Chapter 11: Sleepyhead
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There weren't many things in life that I felt I regretted. There was the time I got drunk, barfed all over the house owner's kitchen, and nearly got Roxas in a fight. That was when I decided I wasn't a big fan of drinking. Then there were the times that were few and far between that I ended up leaving my mom with a hurt heart, and broken feelings that I regretted each time the hateful words left my mouth. I always watched my mouth around my mom, as to not disappoint her. But I really felt like what I had just done would be the biggest mistake I had ever made in my entire life. It was a feeling I couldn't shake, and everything I had thought was right had drastically flipped itself upside down in my world. Up was down, down was up, Roxas right, and I was wrong.
I didn't even have to think twice about it. I had to leave now, and hope and pray that I could my brother before it was too late. There was a chance that if I didn't do my best to catch him before that train-whistle called his name with a beckoning squeal that he would be gone forever. Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic, since I'd see him later tonight I was sure. But really...it wasn't. Our relationship was on the verge of crumbling and completely collapsing. I had hurt him so badly that maybe he'd never forgive me, and how could I live with myself then? I couldn't live without Roxas, and that very thought was what made me change my mind about everything. Being without Roxas. That was one of the many thoughts that urged me to seek out my brother and tell him everything that had been on my mind, and how I really felt.
I also wondered if this had happened for a reason. I had always been a strong believer in that old saying that everything did in fact happen because of something beyond your control. But had life really planned this out for us? Something that wasn't at all natural, and wasn't something I had ever expected for us. Neither had Roxas I was sure. But despite everything that was fighting against us I still felt like Roxas had been brave enough to take the giant leap of faith, and give everything up for the sake of having me. He hadn't been afraid to confess to me the secret that had been harboring in his conscience for who knew how long, so why had I just turned him away like I didn't feel the same? Was I really that afraid of the possible consequences?
It was obvious to me I had been lying to myself this whole time. I wanted Roxas just as he wanted me, and the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I felt a knot twisting and twisting in my stomach whenever I thought about how selfish I had been. I had hurt my own brother, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I loved my brother...in every way I could, and it was unfair what I had done.
One second I was treating him like my same old brother, the next I was leaning in a little too close, staring at him a little too long, letting my touch linger a bit too much, and no wonder Roxas had thought he was ready to confess to me. I had been giving him all these signals without even realizing. I treated my feelings as if they weren't real, but I knew they were. I finally understood how I felt, what I wanted, and that the one I wanted was Roxas.
I wanted him every way you could ever want anyone. I wanted everything, and honestly, I was being selfish. I wanted Roxas in a way that no one else could ever have. I wanted a one and only. I thought about how close we were and how I told him everything. We had a strong, special bond that someone would have with a relative, a friend, maybe even a lover. When I thought about it I didn't think being brother would be enough for me because I didn't want to have to let him go one day.
I knew one day we'd both be off to college and maybe even get married, but I didn't want that. I didn't want to go my separate ways. I wanted Roxas a part of my life, and if we could share everything for as long as possible I'd be content. Yes, it was selfish, and it wasn't fair that I didn't want him to have his own life, but it was more of the idea of sharing my life with him. Everything I had ever known was telling me I was wrong, but the way I felt about him felt so real. No one else could even begin to understand how I felt, so why was I letting my emotions be affected by others?
Maybe this was what was right for Roxas and I. I wasn't going to let anything or anyone dictate my decisions. Roxas had been brave enough. Even Kairi and Naminé had been brave enough to live how they wanted, so why couldn't I?
I'd probably have to talk to Kairi and Naminé about this. They had been in the same position that I was in now, and I was sure they could give me insight on the whole situation. But I realized I didn't have enough time to talk to them, I had to do something now. I had to fix this with Roxas before it was too late to do anything about it. I knew what I wanted though. All I had to do was be brave enough to go for it.
I had to leave as soon as I could, and hopefully I could catch Roxas before he got on the train. So as fast as possible I packed all my belongings and said bye to my Grammy. I told her Roxas had left, but I was meeting him at the train station, and although she gave me scrutinizing look, she hugged me good-bye, and sent me off with a container of brownies.
Times like this I wish I had taken up skateboarding, but thankfully the train station wasn't too far away. If I could speed-walk there and the train hadn't already came by the station, there was a big chance I could catch up with Roxas.
"Sora! Hey!" Rikku called out to me, and I glanced over with a frown. I couldn't stop to talk, and knowing how much of a talkative girl Rikku was, I had half a mind to tell her I was too busy. I wasn't that rude though, and being the friendly person I was I greeted her, and stopped so she could run over to me.
"Hey, Rikku, I'm kind of in a hurry right now."
"I saw Roxas right now. Your bro's looking cute as ever," she playfully winked and I laughed, realizing she still had the school-girl crush on him she always had since she first met him when we were young. "He was in a rush though, and he was crying. What's wrong?" She asked, genuinely concerned and I shook my head, obviously not wanting to disclose the nature of our fight. I couldn't believe he was crying, and the guilt welled up in my stomach. I had to catch him and tell him I didn't mean what I had said. I had only done it to protect myself, and him.
"We...got in a fight," I admitted. "Did you see where he went?" I asked, glancing over the train station, and noticing with panic that it was pretty much empty. Damn it, that probably meant the train had already come by.
"Yeah, he just went to the train station. Said he had to get out of here." She reached over and pinched my cheek. "Don't worry Sor! You cuties will get over it. You two love each other, and I'm sure the fight was no biggie."
"It was a little more complicated than that," I told her as I swatted her hand away. "A lot more complicated than you think."
"Well, you always know the right thing to say, Sora. Just tell him you love him and he'll melt." She laughed and reached out her hands. "Here. Lemme help you carry your stuff over there." I smiled and handed her my lightest bag, and we walked over to the train station.
Rikku was a good friend, and I appreciated the fact that she was ready to sit here with me and wait until the next train came in about forty minutes. She tried to figure out what it was that was bothering Roxas and I, but I kept trying to change the subject, and soon she got the hint. There was no way I was going to tell her what had realy happened between us. She wouldn't understand.
"Remember when we first met? Remember how you didn't like me at first? You tried to cut my braids!" She said as she possessively grabbed at her pretty, long hair. I laughed at the memory and nodded.
"Boys will be boys," I told her, but I knew the real reason I hadn't liked Rikku at first was because of what she had done when she had first met Roxas.
"What's wrong Roxas? We're in the middle of a game." I complained as I shoved his shoulder to get his attention.
He didn't say anything for a while before turning to me with a weird look. "I was just thinking about something."
"What is it?" I asked, my interest peaked. I had thought it was something gross, like Roxas had found a new type of beetle or had stepped in worm guts, but I hadn't been expecting what Roxas was going to tell me. Stuff like what Roxas mentioned hadn't really crossed my mind before.
"This girl kissed me today. She was here earlier with big blond hair and orange clothes. Her name was Rikku, and … she just kissed me!" Roxas exclaimed with a grimace. He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry, and I giggled in response.
"Really?" I had asked in surprise since Roxas and I didn't ever talk to girls. Girls were gross, girls had cooties, and we were too young for kissing anyway. Why would she even want to kiss Roxas? And I hoped Roxas had pushed her in the sand afterward."How was it?" I asked, very curious to see if that thing called kissing that grown-ups did was enjoyable. Of course I had never kissed anyone before, so the whole exchange was completely foreign to me, and the fact that my brother had tried it out made me very curious. Obviously Roxas hadn't enjoyed it though, judging by the look of disgust he wore.
"It was kinda gross," he said, and I remember being happy that my brother didn't like kissing that girl. She was a girl, and I didn't want my brother being close with one of them. Roxas was only supposed to hang out with me, Tidus, and Wakka. Boys only, no girls allowed, and especially no kissing.
"I bet!" I said with a laugh as I grabbed onto of the monkey bars before me and dangled from it. I had always liked jungle gyms and monkey bar. I was always pretty good at them. But I didn't go all the way across since we were still involved in a rigorous game of Save the Princess from the Dragon. "Come on, let's finish the game. I just saved you from the Dungeon, aren't you supposed to be like 'Oh Prince Sora, you're so brave and strong. You're the bravest kid on the Playground,' or something like that?" I giggled, swinging from the monkey bars for a few more seconds but getting back on the platform with Roxas.
"Aren't we supposed to kiss?" Roxas asked, and I turned to him with a look of disgust.
"Ick, why would we do that, Princess?"
"I told you I'm not a Princess,I'm a prince without his sword," He insisted, but the thought of kissing did intrigue me. Would it be different with a boy then with a girl? Would it be better since boys were obviously much better than girls?"But yeah, I think we should. When heroes save the other person they always kiss," he reasoned and I wanted to try it out. If grown-ups did it then it must have been fun right? Grown-ups always did fun stuff I thought, like eat ice cream whenever they wanted and stay up late.
"Okay," I said with a big grin.
"You probably won't like it."
"Well I wanna see. I'm sure it'll be fun since it's with you, not a girl." We both stuck our tongues out at the mention of the word 'girl.'
"Okay." He cleared his throat, nervously glancing around before leaning forward slightly. I was anxious, and anticipated what it was going to be like to actually kiss someone. How was it even done? I hoped I didn't do it wrong. Roxas was probably much better at it then me since he had experience.
He closed his eyes tightly and puckered his lips all the way out, and I did the same, mimicking him and what I saw my parents do. We leaned towards each other, and in one quick motion he pressed his lips to mine in a tight-lipped, but moist kiss that lasted no longer than a few seconds. It wasn't a peck, but it definitely wasn't a real kiss.
After it was over, he pulled away and I stared at him, scrunching my face as I tried to evaluate it. "Well? How was it?" I asked him, unsure if I was a better kisser than Rikku. I was sure I was, since boys were better at pretty much everything than girls were. Besides girl stuff like tea parties and playing with dolls.
"I still think kissing is kinda weird."
I pouted, realizing I had kind of liked it. It was a different type of fun than playing make-believe was, but it was still cool, and plus, it had made me feel older. And no other kids were doing it, so I was one of the first kids to get their first kiss. "Really?" I asked, pouting still as I touched my lips, felt them tingle, and wondered if I had done it totally wrong.
"Yeah," he wiped at his mouth. "You like it?"
"I dunno," I lied with a shrug of my shoulders.
"Well…" he began as he fidgeted. "I'd rather kiss you than Rikku anyway."
"Yeah, I bet guys are better than kissing than girls. And at least I won't give you cooties." I laughed, and Roxas joined in with a smile.
"Yeah, girls are weird."
"Yeah, who needs 'em anyway? I can just do that kinda stuff with you," I smiled, liking the idea that it'd just be me and Roxas without any icky girls to bug us. I had never realized that maybe that maybe that had been the start of our relationship being much different then most brothers'.
"Stop dazing off Sora, the train should be coming soon." I heard Rikku's shrill voice say, and I looked over at th clock, noticing the train was about to arrive.
"Sorry. But thanks Rikku, I really appreacite you staying here and waiting with me."
"No problemo, Sora. I gotta run though. I'm going to go meet Tidus for some Blitzball practice." She stood up and gave me one of her rib-crushing hugs before running off and waving goodbye. "Go get your man!" She yelled in jest before she was out of ear shot, and I laughed. I felt like I was in some kind of romance movie, except the couple usually weren't a pair of twin brothers.
.oOo.
I knew he would be here. Where we went to talk, to think, and where we had spent some of our most memorable moments together. He was here, at our park, sitting hunched over on the picnic table by the lake. I was sure he hadn't been here that long since I had left for home as soon as I could, and I was just thankful I knew him so well to know where he would be.
With my bags in hand (and I had wished I had known this would happen, so I could have packed lighter) I hurried over to him. I just hoped it wasn't too late to make amends with him. That was what I was most worried about. What if he didn't forgive me? What if I had made my decision too late? I knew there had to be something I could say to him to make him see that I was ready and genuine in my feelings.
As I walked closer, I heard the faint sound of him crying, no sobbing into his lap. His body was shaking and I felt terrible. I couldn't even imagine how he felt. Everything was falling apart around us, and our relationship would never be the same after this. If he could just hear me out and forgive me, then maybe our relationship could be stronger for it. Not the same, no, it could never be the same again, but I wanted the closeness we had to remain how it was.
I had to push aside my apprehensions and look at the situation, and myself, in a way I had been afraid to all this time. I wanted something more from Roxas, and I had to tell him. It would be selfish to keep something like that to myself, even if my morals were fighting with me the entire time.
"Roxas," I said as I dropped my bags to the floor and watched him. He turned to me quickly, nearly jumping out of his skin when he looked up and saw me there. His eyes were red and glossy, and I could see all the emotions he had through them. Hurt and shame, but most of all fear. He was afraid, and I knew why, and felt awful for it. There were so many things I wanted to do right now: cry, run away, hug him, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him again.
"Get away from me, Sora," he replied, his voice hoarse. He stood up quickly, staring at me with apprehension. I didn't want him to be nervous, and I walked toward him slowly. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, and I inched towards him slowly like you do when you don't want a scared animal to run away before you could catch them.
"Wait," I called to him desperately, and we stood there across from each other. He waited for me to do or say anything, and all the many ways I could handle this, and I had no clue which way would be the best. I had to tell him, no, show him how I felt. So I did the one thing I could admit I had been dying to do: I closed the distance between us, grabbed his face, and pressed my lips to his with as much passion and desperation that I felt. I kissed him like I was afraid he'd disappear, but wouldn't that be so much easier? If he disappeared right before my eyes, and I could wake up, and everything that had happened had all been a dream.
But it wasn't a dream. It was real. The situation was all too real, and I was finally dealing with it in the way I was afraid to for so long. Here I was kissing Roxas with the same ferocity I had imagined myself doing with Riku one day. I never imagined my brother.
All too quickly he pulled away from me, and my heart sank into my stomach. Was I too late? He was pushing me away when I was doing what it was he wanted so badly. What I wanted so badly. I couldn't even blame him though after the way I had treated him. I had messed with his head while I was busy trying to sort out mine, and that hadn't been fair to him.
"Don't you want this?" I asked desperately. It had to have been. He wanted this, I was sure of this. He couldn't have changed his mind already, had he?
"No," He replied cold, but I could see that he was lying.
"Everyone was right about us okay? Axel, Naminé. I know this is what you want. Don't lie to me, or to yourself."
"But...this can't be what you want, can it?"
Finally, I could tell him everything I had to with one word. Everything I had been so scared about, and everything I could finally admit I wanted. With one word it could change everything, but I was finally ready to take a chance, and let myself admit what it I was I wanted more than anything else.
I took in a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, it is." And with that, we kissed in a way that was passionate and dizzying and enough to make my knees wobble and my thighs go up in flames.
It was definitely memorable, and I knew we wouldn't ever be able to look at this place the same way again.
.oOo.
Nothing could have wiped the smile from my face as I laid there with Roxas, fingers intertwined, heart thudding against my ribcage like it was fit to burst from the plethora of emotions I've had kept hidden away all this time. It was weird to finally have Roxas to myself like I wanted, and I could tell he was content, with the way he was looking at me, and holding onto my tightly as if he were worried I'd get up and leave. I wasn't surprised he looked skeptical of us. Just hours prior I was telling him how unfathomable the idea of us as a … couple? … was.
Believe me Roxas, I sure wasn't expecting it either. If anyone would have told me years ago that Roxas would be the one who made butterflies flutter in my stomach, made blood rush to my groin, made me feel like I could do anything, and it'd be okay just for the sole fact I was doing it with him, well I would have grimaced and voiced my disgust.
I guessed this what was just meant for me. I guessed Roxas was the one I was supposed to end up with—for now anyway—and I couldn't deny what I felt was right. Even though I was confused by it all, and deep down, terrified, my brother's smile was a sight for sore eyes, and this adorable wasn't akin to anything I had ever felt with Tidus or Riku, or anyone I'd ever meet. Nothing could compete with this closeness I felt, or the comfort I felt tucked into his arms. He was the person I had been closest to my whole life, and the person I looked to for everything I had ever needed. Besides sex of course, but I guess that was all different now, and Roxas really was my everything. Somehow the more I thought about it, the more okay with it I was.
The exact word for what it was Roxas and I had wasn't exactly familiar to me. I wasn't sure what we were. Brothers? Lovers? Boyfriends? I know it didn't need a label, but it was still so foreign to me, and I wanted to know where we stood. And how we stood to everyone else. Would we tell our family, our friends? Now that was a step I definitely wasn't ready for.
"What's wrong? Don't tell me you're already having second thoughts," Roxas joked, but I could tell there was truth to his jest. The way he sat up in bed showed how aware he was that I could back out any minute. And in most cases, that seemed very probably. I didn't want to back out of this. I was happy, but who knows how I'd feel months, weeks, days from now? This was a huge step.
"No," I answered, sitting up alongside my brother. "I was just wondering-"
"Ugh, I knew it. How stupid was I to think we could actually-"
"Calm down, Roxas," I cut him off quickly before he could talk himself into full-blown hysterics. "I'm not regretting it or anything. I was just wondering what do we call ourselves now? Brothers? Boyfriends?"
His tense shoulders relaxed visibly, and he looked amused now at the fact that I was putting a lot of thought into the whole labeling aspect of our relationship.
"Does it matter?" He asked as he sat back on his palms, giving me a nice view of his bare chest. He had discarded his shirt when we had gotten into bed, and though it had made me squirm a bit, it was something I had seen time and time again. I was just grateful that it was too dark for him to see me red-faced, and sneaking a peak. But why did it matter if I looked at him that way? Wasn't it alright now? We were … something now.
"Nah, not really," I said with a smile as I stretched my arms above my head to relax. "I'm just going to go with the flow." I leaned over, still hesitant of course, but I was beginning to realize how comfortable I felt around him, and how I didn't need to feel nervous around him. I brushed his bangs back gently, and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. I inhaled, the sweet scent of his vanilla hair and personal pheromones nearly enough to make me want to push him down onto his bed and ravage him. But I didn't, partly for the fact that it was too soon, partly for the fact that I was too nervous to do that even if I wanted. Instead, I let my lips gently brush down the bridge of his nose until I reached his lips, and I let mine press a gentle kiss to his. His lips fit like a jigsaw puzzle in between mine, and it was perfect, aside from the fact that he pulled away way too soon.
"Sorry Sora I just … this is really weird." He laughed, and wore a huge grin on his face. "I never expected any of this. Ever."
"You're telling me," I said, still not fully grasping the idea behind what was really happening, but I suspected that was probably for the best. If I over-analyzed everything I'd end up psyching myself out again, and I really didn't want to end up regretting what I had chosen. My choice was more or less permanent anyway. "It was the last thing I expected to happen, but don't worry, I don't regret anything okay? Well, expect for hurting you a lot recently. I didn't want to do that."
"...I'm sorry too. Especially for everything that happened with Axel. He was a dick."
"But you still had sex with him," I muttered, all of a sudden feeling sick to my stomach remembering the awful confession Roxas had made the other day. I couldn't believe Roxas would go as far as to do that, but I guess a part of me wanted to think he might have only did it because he knew nothing could happen between him and I. Whatever his reasons for having sex with Axel, I didn't want to hear them, but was still curious enough to hear him out if he tried to tell me anything.
He didn't say anything, but looked away in shame like I was a parent scolding their child. It wasn't even my place to say anything though, was it? I had no idea what it was we were, although I'd like to think our relationship was something similar to being boyfriends. If I was Roxas' boyfriend—wow the very thought was definitely foreign—then it made sense for me to be disgusted with the fact that Roxas had had sex with Axel, especially when Axel was such a prick. Besides, how could I possibly say anything when I may have not went as far as Roxas had, but I had kissed Riku. And I hadn't even told Roxas. Though Roxas did tell me in a fit of rage at the worst possible time. I didn't think it was a good idea to tell Roxas about Riku and me, especially not now, and especially with Roxas' tendency to get jealous. I guess I understood how Roxas had felt all those times he had been jealous of Riku, and I guess his jealousy towards Tidus hadn't been just a twin-like possessiveness, but jealousy. How long had Roxas had feelings for me that went past brotherhood?
"I'm sorry, Sora, you just made me really mad. And I just said it," he looked at me, and he definitely looked sorry. But was I just supposed to give him for fucking around with the enemy? Maybe I was being a bit dramatic, but still, I didn't have to forgive him so easily. I didn't have to, but it was so hard not to. "I don't like Axel. Seeing him that day made me realize that. I guess he's what made me realize I was finally ready to tell you how I felt."
"I'm glad you did." I leaned over and let my lips brush against the soft skin of his cheek, leading up to his cheekbone. I didn't know why it was so easy to be affectionate with him, but I wasn't about to question it. "I don't forgive you." I told him defiantly as I crossed my arms over my chest and playfully glared at him.
"I don't really deserve it," He said before a smile began to creep up on his face. "Stop making that face," he whispered as he leaned forward and gripped the hair at the base of my neck, while his lips pressed a rough kiss against mine. I laughed against his lips when he whispered against my lips, "I can't resist you when you make that face. It's so cute."
"Narcissist," I whispered before we kissed again. I felt my cheeks blaze as we kissed vigorously, with teeth scraping, nipping, and wet tongues sliding. The kiss was enough for my thighs to go up in flames, and before things got out of hand, I pulled away, my breathing a little rushed. "How long have you felt this way about me? I've been wondering."
He looked stumped, with the way his mouth formed a cute pout and his brows furrowed. "...I don't really know." He pulled away, and looked to be thinking about. As he pondered, I did my best to try and calm myself down. My body had been reacting of course, and I didn't really want Roxas to notice. Thankfully the blanket was doing an excellent job covering my lap. "You know...I think it was after I broke my arm."
"Really?" I asked, honestly surprised he knew a near exact moment when these feelings started to arise. I remembered that time like it was just yesterday. That had been 3 years ago if I remembered correctly. We had moved here when we were 15 from Destiny Islands, and when he was 16 he had really started to get into skateboarding and had broken his arm. It had been terrifying, and even though he was gone in the hospital for surgery, and it was weird not seeing him around 24/7, I remember visiting him in the hospital as often as I could, which wasn't enough for me. I remembered seeing him the first time at the hospital, right after he had had his surgery, and how we had became closer than ever, if that was even possible. Maybe that was when he started to feel something more for me.
"Roxas!" I was so happy to see him, but seeing him still regaining his normal composure after being put under made me uneasy. I didn't like to see him hurting, and I figured he'd be in pain afterwards. I remember when I got my tonsils taken out, and hated the recovery time.
As soon as Roxas saw me his face lit up, and a beaming smile lit up his face. He was a lot more care-free when he was younger, and maybe the cause for all his teenage angst wasn't just hormones, but all the stress of his unnatural feelings for me. Of course, I hadn't picked up on that. The thought had never, ever crossed my mind.
"Sora," he replied, his half-lidded eyes brightening as he beckoned me to go over to his bedside. My parents had let me come in alone to spend some quality time with my brother after they had seen him. They said I was the first thing he mentioned when they saw him, which had excited me, since I was bouncing off the walls anxious to see him. "Ow," he winced as he positioned himself, and his arm was all bandaged up and propped up.
"Careful," I replied as I walked over to him and looked at the half-eaten lunch that sat next to him. I scowled at how gross the hospital food. "The first thing I'm going to do when you get out of here is get you ice cream."
He nodded his head vigorously. "Good. This stuff they call ice cream is really gross." I reached his free arm out and I leaned forward to embrace him. My excitement got the better of me and I clumsily hit his arm. "Oh, sorry Roxas," I said after he winced and hissed. I tried to pull away but he kept his arm around me, holding me in a nice, but awkwardly-positioned hug.
"I missed you Sora. I wish you could have been here with me the whole time. It sucks here." He said as he let me go. I could only imagine being here by himself. I knew Roxas hated hospitals, which was why I joked with him that he should have been more careful when skateboarding. But we were both so reckless, and never thought it'd end up in injury.
"I'm sorry. I totally would have too. I'd rather be here than school to be honest." I laughed, but Roxas shook his head, obviously disagreeing.
"You say that now," he muttered.
"Olette was worried about you," I told him, mentioning his old close friend. I had always thought Roxas and he were going to start dating, not yet aware that he liked boys. I had already dated Tidus at this time, but Roxas hadn't ever mentioned dating anyone. Even at 16. Our mom had always thought that was weird that neither of us had ever brought girls around.
"I know, she called, and told me she wanted to visit me, but I told her you were." He replied as he sat there, looking miserable with his immobile arm. I'd probably have to take care of him afterwards, but I didn't mind.
"Yeah, I came over right after school." I told him, cheerfully, my excitement hard to hide on my face.
"I can't wait to go home and hang out with you." He smiled at me.
"Yeah, we have a lot of fun to catch up on." I shot my fist into the air and smiled.
"...I hate hospitals." He said after a few minutes of silence. "I was really nervous about the surgery." He admitted, and I suddenly felt guilty for the fact that I hadn't been able to see him, and had barely been able to talk to him. I would have been afraid too, and I knew Roxas was deathly afraid of procedures and the doctor. "I really wished you had been the first person I saw when I woke up..." he said with a frown, and I couldn't shake how guilty I felt that instead of sitting around sulking about not seeing Roxas, I had made a bigger attempt at seeing him.
"I'm here now. I'll take care of you."
"Good, i'm glad you said that."
"Of course," I told him.
"Because Olette had volunteered to be my nurse." He grimaced, and the two of us burst into laughter like old times.
.oOo.
"Ugh, I'm tired of doing this," I groaned as Roxas handed me his shirt that he was going to wear before school. "Can't you get dressed on your own for once?" I asked, but took the shirt he handed me anyway. It had been a week of helping Roxas pretty much do everything. Mom and Dad were always gone, so I was the one stuck being Roxas' nurse. I knew I had told him I was already with it, but still, it was kind of awkward changing Roxas all the time.
"Uh, broken arm. Remember?" He said with a laugh as he held his arm up that wasn't in a sling. I sighed in annoyance, but began to help him get his arm through the sleeve of the shirt. That was the easy part, and the difficulty lie in trying to get his other arm through, the one in the sling. But I had done it many times before, and was able to do it without too much of a struggle.
"Help me out here," I told him as I struggled to get the other sleeve onto his arm. Sometimes Roxas would stand there like he never wanted the shirt on or something. Yeah, I knew having no shirt on was comfortable, but it wasn't comfortable for me to stand here and struggle while he stood there like he was completely without usage of his limbs.
My hands brushed the skin of chest as I tried to get his shirt on, and finally I managed to get his head through the neck hole as well. He grinned and grabbed a pair of pants folded on the bed, then handed them to me.
"Ugh," I whined. "Those too?" I asked, but I already knew the answer to that. Of course those too. Roxas had had me do pretty much everything for him now that his arm was healing. The worst part was changing him though, it was awkward, and made me feel uncomfortable, even though it really shouldn't have. "Fine," I muttered as he knelt down and helped him get his leg through the pant leg. My face was extremely close to his crotch, and Roxas always managed to position himself so it was right in my face. I think he did that on purpose though, just to bug me.
"Get your crotch out of my face Roxas," I said as I tried my best to tilt my chin away from his boxers as much as I could. He laughed, didn't move, but instead angled his hips so he was nearly right against my face, and I stuck my tongue out at him.
"Shut up, you know you like it. That's the closest you've got to penis in a while." I blushed and dropped his pant leg.
"Do you wanna do this yourself? I'm sure you're capable." I told him as I went to stand up.
"No, no, you do it. Please? It's hard doing it myself. I'm just messing with you. Don't be such a baby," he half-apologized, and with Roxas' crotch in my face, I put his pants on, zipped, and buttoned them. "Plus, I like it better when you do it." He laughed again and I stood up quickly and glared at him.
"Anything else you need master?" I said, pretending to bow to him.
"Ooh, master. I could get used to that." He laughed again, and I walked out once again with a blush on my face, a weird feeling in my stomach, and the inclination that that was the last time I'd be changing him even though I knew I'd have to do it again later.
"I like it better when you do it though."
"Sora," I heard Roxas call my name and immediately snapped out of my memories. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just thinking about it," I replied and with a small smile, I asked, "Did you used to get off on me putting your pants on?"
"Well it sounds perverted when you say it like that." He laughed but he had an uncomfortable look on his face. "I just remember around that time I was really confused. It sucked. I didn't like any boys, I didn't like any girls, but I knew I had sexual feelings for you. I thought something was wrong with me. And I did everything I could to hide it." He had done a good job. I had no idea in the slightest. "I did good huh?" He asked with a laugh, nearly reading my thoughts, and I thought about how weird it was that Roxas could read my thoughts so easily. And I could tell what he was thinking just as easily.
"Yeah, I never suspected anything. Only that it was weird you never seemed interested in anyone."
"I wish I had been. This wasn't something I wanted. Well this is," he backpedaled as he grinned at me. "But it was the last thing I thought would happen. And I didn't think I wanted to ever tell you how I felt. I thought we'd graduate, go off to college, start a family, and I'd forget about it you know."
"But?" I asked when he trailed off without saying anything for a minute.
"When we kissed I realized just how strong what I felt was. I couldn't take it any more. That's why I kissed you that night after the club. And you kissed me back, and I thought you had to feel the same. And I guess I was right."
"Yeah."
"I don't know where this is going to lead, Sora. It could end up horrible. You could change your mind like that, and I wouldn't blame you. This all happened so fast for you. I just don't-"
"Stop thinking like that," I said as I pressed a finger to his lips to shush him. "Just go with the flow, Roxas. Like this." I waved my arms like they were a rolling wave as I said slowly, "Goo with the floooow."
He laughed and nodded before leaning in and giving me a peck on the lips. "Are you going to sleep with me tonight?"
I blushed because the first thing that popped into my mind wasn't the literal meaning that I was sure Roxas had meant. It was the act of sleeping with someone. I knew he wasn't asking if I was going to have sex with him, but the thought was enough to send a jolt through my stomach in a good way.
"No," I said hesitantly. I wanted to stay here with him tonight, but I didn't think it was a good idea. We had slept in the same bed many times before, but now things were different, and I felt like it would be different. I wanted to take things slow. "Not tonight, sorry." I said with an apalogetic grin.
"It's okay," he told me, thankfully not mad, but understanding. "Sora..." he said, suddenly serious, and I perked up in interest.
"What?"
"...Let's not tell anyone okay?" He asked, his eyes pleading with me. "Not our friends and definitely not mom or dad."
I nearly sighed in relief, and I was more than willing to oblige. I didn't want anyone to ever find out. I definitely wasn't ready for that, and didn't even want to imagine the reactions we'd receive from people. Our relationship was definitely one that wasn't the norm, it was absolute defiance from everything all of us had ever been taught.
"Secrets safe with me," I said and leaned over, giving him a kiss that lingered briefly before reluctantly pulling away. "Goodnight," I whispered before getting out from under his blankets, and heading to my own room with the butterflies in my stomach still busy fluttering around.
.oOo.
A/N: :) Review and hope you enjoyed. Thanks so much for all the reviews and sorry for not replying :/ I just got a little busy. Next chapter will focus on Demyx, Zexion, and Riku as well as Sora and Roxas.