Crackish moments ahead. I've been putting that in my author's notes a lot lately...Oh well! Enjoy!

Tony flicked through the channels, a bored expression on his face. Natasha, Bruce, and Steve had gone to get groceries, leaving him with Thor and Clint for company. Thor had seen his lover off with a kiss and a request for Wild-Berry Pop-Tarts. He had to admit, those two were pretty great together. They practically never argued, and Tony was always finding them snuggled up somewhere, Steve drawing furiously while Thor spoke of Asgard and adventures he'd been on. Then there was the time Tony had almost walked in on them in the kitchen- but that was something to never be spoken of. Like Budapest...

Tony looked over at Clint, who was in his usual spot on the couch, glass in hand. He was sure there was something going on between the archer and Natasha. Romantic tension, at the very least. He'd seen the way they looked at each other. Might as well investigate...

"How's it going with Nat?"

Clint looked up from his drink. "There's nothing 'going', Tony." Apparently Legolas still needed to grow a pair and make a move.

The billionaire clicked off the TV, after deciding there was nothing interesting on. Thor hadn't said anything the whole time, too busy flipping through a sketchbook that could only belong to Captain Purity. Those were some pretty damn good drawings. Tony didn't even bother putting Point Break in the DVD player- he knew from experience that it would only lead to Clint hiding in the air vents and screeching "Caw caw motherfucker!" at him when he walked by. The guy wouldn't know a good movie if smacked him in the face with his own bow.

"So how's it going with the boy-scout? Done anything interesting lately?" Tony asked, glancing over at Thor. The god smiled at the question, and Tony figured he would get a description of the last movie the two blonds had watched together, or something along those lines.

That was definitely NOT what he got.

"Last night, Steven allowed me to bring him to release with my mouth."

Flashing red lights went off in Tony's conscience, along with a blaring horn that screamed in a voice like that of Nick Fury: TMI Radar, TMI Raaadaar, too much information, keep it to yourself, I don't want to know where your mouth has been- The billionaire's eyebrows leapt up on his forehead.

Clint, who'd been taking a sip of his drink when Tony asked the question, started to choke. Tony pounded his friend's back, cursing the moment Thor had decided to be so open about his sex life.

"Dammit, I think you broke Legolas."

"My apologies, friends. But you asked of the happenings in my relationship, and I answered."

As Clint's breathing returned to normal, Tony heaved a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. He looked up at Thor. Who'd had Steve's dick in his mouth. Ugh. Dear god, why did he have to know about that.

"Okay, new rule. If Steve wouldn't tell me about it, you don't tell me either. Alright?"

"I understand."

"Good."

I need a drink.

As Tony strode into the kitchen, he was suddenly grateful that Steve couldn't get drunk. Alcohol tended to make people talkative, and he was pretty sure he'd pass out if Captain Purity started talking about where his dick had been.