12- Dear Jeff

John was performing regular computer checks when he came across it.

Within minutes, he'd sent the file to all of his brothers, Tin-Tin, and Lady P. Alan, Gordon, and Scott were together in the lounge when the message came through.

"What could this possibly be?" Gordon asked for all of them.

They opened the file John had sent and read:

Dear Jeff,

So I really like this guy. We dated a little a few years back and now he's back in my life again. We went on one date and it was lovely. But when our second date came around, he stood me up. He said it was a work thing but I don't know if I should believe him.

What should I do? How do I know if he's interested in me or just blowing me off? Any insight into the male psyche would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Stood Up

Dear Stood Up,

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. But the solution is rather simple! I'm sure that he did indeed have a work emergency. I'm certain that he'll write and all will be well.

Sincerely,

Jeff

Gordon burst out in a fit of laughter, pressing his fist to his mouth and as rocked back and forth on the couch.

"Oh. My. Gosh," Alan said. "Dad writes an advice column!"

"And he's horrible at it!" Gordon added between gasping laughs. Alan slapped him on the back as though it would help.

"There are more!" Scott said, scrolling down to the next letter.

"Read it!" Gordon ordered. Scott read it aloud:

Dear Jeff,

I was on vacation in Hawaii and I met this incredible guy. He was tall, blond, and gorgeous. He was kinder and sweeter than any man I've ever met.

But it seems that he's disappeared off the face of the planet. He said his name was Jonathan Pink but no one of that name and his description exists. I'm worried that he gave me a fake name and now I'll never find that blond god again. What should I do? I want to marry him.

Sincerely,

Abandoned

Dear Abandoned,

This is quite the predicament. You know, I have a son named John and he looks a lot like the man that you're describing. What a funny coincidence!

I think the best strategy would be to wait and see what happens. He'll write. He'll find you.

Sincerely,

Jeff

"NO WAY!" Alan shouted, having held back his outburst until Scott had finished.

"That is totally John," Scott said. "Remember when he took his vacation in Hawaii a few years back? And he wouldn't let me go with him."

"It seems our blond god of a brother has a lot more fun than we ever get to hear about," Gordon said.

"And our father is a relationship advisor," Alan added. "All the secrets in this family!"

"How can dad be so terrible at giving advice?" Gordon asked. "Doesn't he know that NO ONE writes letters anymore?"

"Yeah," Scott agreed, "that was so 60 years ago."

At that moment, Virgil came into the lounge.

"Did you read John's message?" he asked.

"Oh, did we," Gordon answered.

"Penelope is positively dying over it," Virgil said. "She won't stop messaging me about it."

"I'm sure she's getting a kick out of it," Gordon said.

"And could anyone not get a kick out it?" Virgil pointed out. "And Penelope says she agrees with the 'blond god' description."

"I knew she always had a thing for John," Gordon said. Scott rolled his eyes.

"But my question," Virgil started, "is: where is this getting published?"

"And, more importantly, why?" Gordon added.

"I guess some research is in order," Virgil concluded.

"Let's get Jonathan Pink on it pronto," Gordon said with a mischievous smile.

A few minutes later, they had their answer.

"Seventeen magazine!?" Scott said incredulously. "But I thought they went out of business!"

"You would know that…" Gordon muttered.

"Well, it is out of business," Virgil clarified.

"And we know why," Alan said. Scott let out a long sigh and said,

"I miss that magazine."