Drowning
Chapter 12 – Help
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Summary: At night, we whisper, and slowly, but surely, the truth comes out.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl.
AN: So here's Chapter 12! This chapter's going to start with a flashback from that night at the back room at Victrola. It was mentioned in Chapter 8, so if you need to go back, well, do so. Vote on the poll on my profile! I really need your help with deciding what I'm going to write!
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He smelled of scotch and cigarettes, as he always did.
Her tongue was tangled in his, something that felt so right. But intoxication would be their excuse if others questioned them later; sober, the two knew better.
"You're beautiful," He whispered in her mouth.
She swore to herself that she wouldn't remember those words.
She swore that she wouldn't remember him.
She blamed it all on the alcohol and cursed herself for being convinced to do this again.
He was always so convincing.
The alcohol always impaired her judgment. Her feelings won.
She wouldn't remember how he made her feel. She wouldn't admit that he had taken her heart.
But she kissed him because he was there.
She had sex with him because he was there.
And that was it, she swore.
Feelings had nothing to do with it.
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"Blair?" His calls comes from over her shoulder, interrupting her thoughts. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
She stares at the card, her vision blurring. "Yeah. I'm sure."
She places the card on the nightstand and tucks herself into his bed. She turns away from the nightstand to see his face. He's absolutely expressionless and has nothing to say. He only turns on his side and away from her, acknowledging that nothing can happen. It's entirely obvious that he's not okay with that, but he'd rather just be friends with her than not talk to her at all.
"Chuck?" His name comes out of her mouth almost in a whisper.
He doesn't answer, only stirs.
"Are you okay with this?" She gulps. "What I'm doing…Is it okay with you?"
He shuts his eyes for a moment. "I'm okay with anything you want to do."
"I'm asking about you," She's never done that before. "Do you want to do this?"
He sighs, but doesn't say anything.
"I need you to be okay with this," Her voice cracks.
His brows furrow. "Why?"
"I don't want you…I don't want you to hate me."
This is when he turns towards her again, his jaw tight.
"Listen to me," He whispers. "I will never hate you."
She's tearing up, and she hates herself for it. "But you hate what I'm doing."
"I never said that."
"You don't have to," She tries to put on a brave face. "Tell me the truth. Are you okay with this?"
"The truth?" She nods, and he sighs. "I don't know, Blair. I don't know about any of this."
"I asked you to help me choose," She's entirely dependent on him, and she's pretty sure he knows it. "So help me."
He helps her because he knows she can't do this alone. "I don't hate what you're doing. I understand it."
"That doesn't mean you like it, either," She argues with him once more. "Charles Bass, tell me the truth. Are you okay with it?"
"Blair…" He almost begs her to let it go, but she doesn't budge. "No, I'm not."
She nods slowly, then turns to the nightstand. She picks up the card and examines it once more. She turns away again, facing Chuck, but saying nothing.
"Are you angry?" He asks tentatively.
"No," She closes her eyes. "I understand."
And so she goes to sleep without another word. No promises to forget about the card with the date and time neatly typed on it, almost begging her to erase the past. She doesn't say anything about honoring his wishes. She only sleeps.
So he turns away from her and begins to doze off, the weight of things unsaid falling upon him.
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When he wakes up, she is no longer beside him. He only hears the retching behind the bathroom's closed door and he groans.
She exits the bathroom in her school uniform, prim and proper, as if nothing had happened.
"I'm never eating room service again." She's sworn this for weeks now.
He rises from his bed and wipes his eyes, shuffling to the bathroom. He takes a look in the mirror at his dismal self.
His eyes dart towards the wastebasket and he only sees the card that was on the nightstand last night, torn up, its date and time meaningless now.
Blair walks into the bathroom, smiling. She nudges him out of the way and applies her ruby red lipstick, looking in the mirror.
Once she's done, she places the tube in her bag and faces him.
"I hope you know what you're getting into," She smirks as she leaves the bathroom. "Oh, and hurry up. We're going to be late!"
He feels a smile coming upon his lips, finally realizing that he does matter.
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They're still whispering when they arrive at school. Blair is more confident than the day before and has a bit more strut in her step.
She approaches Jenny Humphrey and puts on her trademark smirk.
"So, Little J," She is unfazed by Penelope's glare behind the blonde's shoulder. "How's royalty treating you?"
She giggles viciously. "Just fine, Blair." She turns to whisper to her minions. "I hear you're shacking up with Chuck Bass."
Blair nods. "Yes, I've been staying with him."
Jenny snorts. "Gee, Blair. I never thought you would stoop that low."
Blair just rolls her eyes. "This is coming from the girl who Chuck nearly violated at my Kiss on the Lips party."
Behind Jenny, Isabel snorts and Hazel lets out a small snicker. Penelope just sighs.
"Oops," Blair lets out a fake giggle. "I forgot that was a secret. It's funny how people just let those slip."
Jenny turns beet red and tightens her gaze. She doesn't say anything, but she's aware that this means war.
She turns away from Blair, gesturing towards the bunch behind her. "Come on, let's go." They follow obediently, knowing that Jenny's throne is already threatened and it's only the second day back.
Blair, satisfied, hears everyone's cell phones go off. Perfect timing.
Oh, Little J, looks like you won't be Queen very long. If you're going to let someone embarrass you that easily without any defense strategy, you obviously don't have what it takes.
Score one for our former Queen B.
xoxo Gossip Girl
And suddenly, there's an uproar in the courtyard.
Blair locks eyes with Chuck, and just like that, they both smirk.
The bitch is back.
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They sit together on the steps at lunch. She picks at a fruit salad as he downs some sushi.
"Eat." He gestures towards her lunch, which isn't even half gone.
"What's going on with her?" Serena's voice pokes in. "Why are you telling her to eat?"
"Well, hello, sister," He drawls. "Obviously, I asked her to eat because she isn't eating."
Serena sits down on the step below them. "Well, is there a reason she isn't?"
"Serena," Blair speaks up. "There's nothing wrong with me."
"Are you sure?" She questions her for the millionth time. "Is it back?"
Blair's nose flares. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Serena," Chuck butts in. "I can safely say, considering that I've been spending most of my time with Blair, that her condition hasn't returned."
Serena stands up. "Fine. But you two are hiding something."
They both roll their eyes as Serena leaves.
Blair swallows a grape.
"Are you going to tell her?" Chuck asks.
"Soon."
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Spotted: S demanding C and B reveal the secret they've been hiding. Sadly, the two stayed tight-lipped. Looks like I'll have to do a bit more investigating to finally find out the truth.
xoxo Gossip Girl
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"When are we going to tell people?"
"When the time is right." Blair doesn't elaborate.
"Well, do you have any idea when that is?" He's getting impatient.
"Look, I'd rather not argue about this," She snaps. "I'll tell everyone when I'm ready."
"If Gossip Girl finds out before we start telling people-"
"She won't," Blair's lips are in a thin line. "As long as we stay under her radar, we'll be fine."
He knows she's got a plan and with that, he doesn't argue anymore.
"Having second thoughts about that appointment?"
"Are you?"
He shakes his head.
Her ruby red lips curl into a smile. "Then, I don't have any either."
At this moment, they should be in a panic, wondering where to go from here, but they just sink into the moment and leave their troubles for later.
They had finally made a choice.
Whether that choice had consequences, they had yet to find out.
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tbc