Thanks for the reviews. Here's the next (very long) chapter.
Harvey was walking on the streets of New York, his anger still boiling inside him. He wanted to punch something, he needed to punch something. But after what had just happened at the firm he considered it better to go to the boxing club instead of some bar. After throwing punches at the boxing ball he still didn't feel better, but the need to punch something had disappeared. He found himself walking back to the office again, but he stopped in front of the glass building; he couldn't go back there. Not today. He turned around again and did something he hadn't done in a while. He walked to the coffee cart guy.
At the moment, Harvey's best friend was called Macallen, and he poured himself another glass. He hadn't bothered to smoke the weed he'd bought. There wasn't any fun in using it alone and if he called Mike, the pup would give him a lecture on how much he had screwed up. But had he? She left, left me, he thought. He grabbed his phone to call Jessica, she always appreciated a good joint, but he didn't when he saw all the missed calls on his display. Most of them where from Donna. He hadn't bothered to answer any calls that day and all he got now were voice mail messages. Although he was pissed at her, he wanted to hear her voice. He listened to the messages.
'Harvey! What the hell did you do to Louis! Where the hell are you! We need to talk. '
'Harvey, please! You've got this all wrong. Talk to me!'
'Harvey, please talk to me.'
Every message was shorter than the one before and the last was just 'Harvey, please?'
He stared at the screen of his phone when a message from Jessica popped up: 'Harvey! What the hell! My office, first thing tomorrow morning!' He screamed as he threw his phone on his couch and lay down himself after another glass of scotch.
The next morning Harvey woke up with a massive headache. He wanted to call in sick, stay home, but he knew Jessica had every reason for firing him for what happened yesterday. She might as well do so, he thought about the job that was all that he's got left now, but didn't mean anything without her, without Donna. Harvey, however, dragged himself out of bed (the bed that still smelled of Donna's perfume) and got dressed to go to the office.
He found himself looking at his reflection in the elevator, yet again. But this time he looked miserable. He wanted to see Donna, but at the same time he didn't. He hoped he would be there before her, but Donna being Donna meant she was already sitting at her new desk as she saw Harvey walking towards Jessica's office. She smiled at him hesitantly, but he didn't respond. He didn't even look at her.
Harvey entered Jessica's office. "Jessica, you look lovely today. I heard you wanted to see me?" he tried to play it cool.
"Cut the bullshit, Harvey!" Jessica replied, "What the hell is wrong with you? Punching a fellow name partner!"
"I … Louis…" Harvey started.
"No! This has nothing to do with Louis and you know it! This is about you and Donna! Why else would she now be sitting in front of Louis' office?!"
"I don't want to talk about it!" he yelled.
"Well too bad, Harvey. Cause, I've brought someone here to talk with you."
"No! I'm not going to a shrink!"
"This is non-negotiable, Harvey! If you want to remain name-partner, you'll have to!"
There was it again, the work threat… it was all he had left, he couldn't let it go. "Fine, but it better not be dr. Lipschitz and his stupid doll therapy!"
"Dr. Who?" Jessica asked as she escorted Harvey out of her office and towards his.
"Louis' shrink."
"No, Harvey. Trust me. This isn't any therapist. I know you don't like talking about your feelings, so I figured it's best if I got someone who knows you and Donna. That's why I brought you .."
"Katie?" Harvey asked as he walked into his office.
"Hello, Harvey," Katie replied.
"How, why are you here?" Harvey asked, looking at both women.
"Jessica called Marcus," Katie explained, "and that's why I'm here."
"I'll leave you two to it. Good luck Katie. Harvey," Jessica said as she left his office again.
"So," Katie started, "What.."
"Can we not do this here?" Harvey interrupted her.
"Harvey, I'm not leaving until I know what's wrong."
"I know, but can't we go somewhere else?" he asked, "I don't want to talk about here," he said as he pointed at his non-existent door.
"Sure, we'll go to your place."
Donna came back from the coffee room as she saw Harvey in the corner of her eye. It stopped her in her track. Next to him was a brunette and his hand was on her back as he escorted the woman in the elevator. Asshole, she thought as once again a tear ran down her face.
Harvey and Katie entered his apartment and he looked at his coffee table. Shit, I should have cleaned that up. Katie looked around, she hadn't been there in a long time, but the place looked pretty much the same. She hung her coat over a barstool and suddenly saw a drawing hanging on the fridge. I looked like it didn't belong in this house, but when she examined the drawing she realised her daughter must have made it.
"So," she started again as she pointed to the couch, ordering Harvey to sit down. "Last time I saw you, you seemed happy. Care to tell me want happened these past days."
"Yeah, that was then and this is now. I don't want to talk about it!"
"Harvey, Marcus told me you would give me a hard time. But I'm not leaving until I help you realize what's going on."
"Fine."
"Does this change in your behaviour have anything to do with Donna?" she asked; figured it was best to press where it hurts immediately.
"No," he lied.
"Harvey, I'm not stupid. I know when I'm being lied to." She held the drawing she just grabbed from the fridge in front of him: "and last time I checked my daughter isn't blind."
Harvey looked at the drawing his niece had made two days ago. It showed Harvey with a flower in his one hand and Donna's hand in his other hand. Around them, pink glittery hearts were drawn. He sighed.
"Okay, so can you tell me why Emily would have drawn that."
"She asked if Donna was my girlfriend."
"Is she?"
"No, maybe. I don't know."
"Is there any reason Emily might have thought that was the case?"
"Maybe. I guess. We went on a date the night before."
Katie raised her eyebrows and encouraged him to elaborate more.
"But I didn't sleep with her that night. We just kissed."
Katie wrote something down in her notebook.
"You've known Donna for more than ten years, right?"
"That's correct."
"What's different now, than all those other years. How come you two went on a date after all this time."
"Mike told me I had to show her I cared, that I couldn't treat her like all the others."
"Mike sounds like a wise man," Katie replied, "why did Mike give you this advice?"
"Do you know Reginald? Ricks son?"
"Yes."
"I assume Marcus also told you about him and Stephanie and how she had left Reggie in front of my apartment."
"Uhu, but what has Reggie got to do with Donna?"
"Donna helped me when Reggie was here. We practically lived here for two days like a small family. It was different than usual, it was nice. And when the whole Reggie case was over I asked her to stay for a drink."
"Something happened?"
"No, not really, she left cause she had plans with Rachel."
"Rachel?" Katie asked as she made another note.
"One of my associates, she's with Mike, my other associate."
"Okay, so Donna left to see Rachel and you?"
"I went over to Mike for pizza and beer, but the pup couldn't leave it at that. He noticed something was bothering me and he knew it had to do with Donna. He asked if I was in love with her."
Katie wanted to ask if he was, but she knew her brother-in-law longer than today and knew that wouldn't help the process: "How did you answer?"
"I said I didn't do feelings."
"Well, Harvey, you might not express them easily. But you do have them, otherwise you wouldn't be here."
Harvey raised his eyebrows, "you've talked to Mike already, didn't you?"
"No, why do you think that?"
"Because he said the same thing! Mike told me to tell her, but I told him I didn't know how. I don't know how."
"So he advised you to show Donna you care?"
"Yes."
"And you did by asking her out? You could have started with a casual coffee," she said, "or some surprise flowers," she added when she looked at the drawing again.
"I did … buy her flowers, but they were more a thank you and apology in one."
"Why did you feel you had to apologize?"
"Okay, so that night I also found out that Mike was going to propose to Rachel. He said he was waiting for the right time."
"Then he can wait forever."
"That's what I said! So we joined Rachel and Donna in the club, but they soon ditched us. I spend the rest of the evening with Donna. We got drunk and she asked me to take her home, so I did. I was about to kiss her, when I heard Mike's words again: 'You can't just get drunk and then sleep with her!' so I pulled back and left."
"Without an explanation?"
Harvey let his head hang down. Shit, if you put it like that… he acted like an ass.
"So apology flowers, what happened next?"
"I knew I screwed up that night, so first thing I did Monday morning was buying her flowers and asking her out."
"On a date?"
"Yes, on a date."
"Did you use those words?"
"What do you mean?"
"Did you explicitly tell her you wanted to take her out on a date, the romantic kind?"
"Yes."
Katie smiled and scribbled something down again.
"Good?" Harvey asked.
"Yes, that's a good thing. It means you expressed what you wanted. You defined your question to her, it means she wouldn't have to guess what you meant or what it could mean."
Harvey thought about Katie's last statement and he wondered how often his requests or remarks to Donna had been ambiguous.
.
"Okay, after that the two of you went on a date, that I assume went great, cause when I saw you last Sunday you looked happier than I've seen you these past years. But now, sorry to say it Harvey, you look like shit. What happened? What changed?"
"She left me."
"Oh, do you know why she left?"
"No, she said that it wasn't working for her anymore. That she transferred to Louis' desk."
"What do you think she meant when she said it wasn't working anymore?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, let's take a step back in time. Tell me how you met."
"You know how we met!"
"Harvey, work with me here. I know the two of you worked together at the DA's office, but I want you tell me how you fell about her then."
"I was out with colleagues one night when this redhead came to me."
"Donna, I assume."
He nodded, "she told me it was my lucky day. That I got to meet Donna. She said she wanted to work at my desk."
"I never knew it was Donna who made the two of you work together, how did that make you feel?"
"She did and I was stunned. Of course she was is attractive, but she clearly knew what she wanted and I found that even more attractive. I tried to pursue her, but she told me about her rule: that she doesn't get involved with the men she works with."
"So nothing has ever happened?"
Harvey sighed, "once. When we both quit the DA's office."
"How come she ended up working for you?"
"The next day I asked her if she'd come with me to Pearson Hardman. And she did as we agreed to never speak of that night again."
"And her rule?"
"I told her I would have never come over if I'd known I'd gotten both of us a job at the firm and she reinforced the rule."
"So, you basically told her you only slept with her because you could and that you only wanted to work with her."
Harvey thought about Katie's words. "No, that's not what I meant or wanted."
"But it is what you told her. Would you have wanted a relationship with her?"
"Maybe, I would have wanted to try. But I knew she didn't do both and I needed her at work."
"So you decided your work was more important."
"I guess I did."
.
"Okay, so do you think this rule could be the reason she transferred to Louis' office?"
"No, it shouldn't be."
"Why do you think that?"
"She has bent her rule before; with Stephen."
"Who's Stephen?"
"He worked for Darby International, the firm we merged with for a while."
"Why did their relationship end?"
"He turned out to be responsible for murders."
"Ooh," Katie said, not expecting that answer, "so back to the rule. How did you feel about her waving the rule for Stephen?"
"It bothered me."
"Bothered?"
"She said she had to live her life, but what made him so special to wave the rule?"
"Instead of you?"
"Yeah."
"Any other man in Donna's life?"
"After Tom, not really. Not anyone serious. At least, not that I know of."
"Tell me about Tom."
"They dated for a while back in the DA's office. He used to work in the mailroom."
"I'm starting to see a pattern here," Katie said, "Donna dated Tom who worked in the mailroom at the DA's office and she dated Stephen at the firm, yet she told you she had a rule."
Harvey just looked at her, he didn't know what to say.
"I think Donna created that rule especially for you."
"For me?"
"Yes, to protect her in some way."
Harvey wondered if that was true, if Donna had felt the need to protect herself from him.
.
Katie looked at her notes: "Take me back to your date of last weekend. You said you didn't sleep with her that night, but if we look at Donna's rule and the fact that she quit working for you. Now, I'm not at all interested in your sex life, Harvey, but I can only assume something did happen. Or she wants something to happen."
Harvey sighed, "she did sleep over that night, but we stopped before anything serious happened."
"Do you think she did that to protect herself, so to say?"
"Maybe. No, cause Sunday night she was all over me."
"Okay," Katie said, "don't get me wrong Harvey, you've got the looks. But hearing all this doesn't sound like she would sleep with you just because of a great date. Something must have changed between the two of you."
"I told her I loved her," he heard himself say.
"You told Donna you loved her?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Why? What made you confess that?"
"She asked."
"She asked if you loved her?"
"No, she asked why I had asked her on a date."
"Why did you?"
"Because I really did wanted to show her what she means to me."
"So, how did you answer that question?"
"I told her she meant something to me, that I won't let anything happen to her. That she's different. She asked why she was different. I told her she already knew, cause Donna always knows everything. She probably knows me better than I know myself, but she shook her head. That's when I said I loved her."
"How did Donna react to your confession?"
"She asked me how, how I loved her."
"How do you love her, Harvey?"
"I don't know. "
"Harvey?"
"I love her, okay!" he said, "but I don't know if I'm in love with her."
"You told her that?"
"No, she interrupted me. She said she needed to know if I was in love with her, because she was in love with me."
"Then what did you tell her? How did you respond?"
Harvey realised that he hadn't said anything, that he just acted, "I just kissed her."
"Okay, so when she told you she was leaving you at work…"
"Can we not talk about that anymore! She left me, okay. Fact."
"No, Harvey. Not fact, you're missing the bigger picture here. Did you ask her why she left?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"She said she wasn't leaving me, that she was choosing us. But clearly she didn't, she chose Louis!"
Katie laughed.
"That's not funny!"
"I'm sorry, Harvey, but somehow, you're not seeing the bigger picture here. I'm going to recap this all for a moment and tell you what I think. Is that okay?"
"I suppose."
"You and Donna met over ten years ago, you thought she was attractive and pursued her. But she told you about the rule, that she doesn't want to mix work with pleasure. I don't know why she set that rule, but I do think she created it specifically for you. Then you both quit the job and you slept together. The next day you asked her to join you at the firm. You assumed she still didn't want to mix work and pleasure and decided that your work was more important than her, at that point. But you never asked her, if she would have wanted to wave the rule. I think she reinforced it, because you asked for a professional relationship. To protect herself, maybe from falling in love with you, maybe for falling even deeper in love with you."
Katie paused for a second, "and now after all this time, you pursued her again. You told her you loved her, she said she's in love with you, but you never truly answered her question. I think she has found herself in the same position she found herself all those years ago, except this time you are actually still working with each other and your feelings for each other are out on the table. I think she's in conflict with herself, because of the rule. But this time it's not you, it's her deciding the terms. I think she isn't bending the rule for you, because she wants certainty. She wants you to choose between a professional or a personal relationship. You seem to think she has left you, but she hasn't. Maybe as your secretary, but she's till at the firm. So I think you're wrong on that, she hasn't left you. Not really, in fact, as she said herself she chose you. You need to realise that work isn't everything, Harvey."
Harvey swallowed and let Katie's word sink in; her repeated them in his head: 'she chose you.'
"Ooh and Harvey, can I ask you one more thing?" she said as she stood up.
He nodded.
"You say you love her, but you don't know if you are in love with her. What the hell do you think being in love is looks like? You find her attractive, but you find her mind, her character even more attractive. It bothers you when she is with other man, you want to protect her! You say you need her in your life. I'm sorry to say, Harvey, but in all my years as a therapist I've never talked to a man who was so clearly in love with a woman, as you are with Donna."
He looked up at her; "and Marcus?"
"Except for Marcus," she smiled.
"You're going?" he asked.
"Yes, Harvey, I'm going home. I think you know everything you need to know. Just think about what we discussed and what I told you. You know what to do," she said as she reached for her bag.
"Ooh and here, I think you should read this," she handed him the letter, "it's from Donna, Jessica found it on your desk and made me read it. I am sorry about that, but I think it was helpful knowing her side the story."
He took the letter: "Thank you, Katie," he said as he walked her to the door.
"Good luck, Romeo! Ooh and say hi to Donna for me."
Katie's words and Donna's letter were on repeat in his mind. He wanted to talk to Donna, he needed to talk to her. But calling her wasn't an option, this wasn't a conversation to be held over the phone.
So this was a very long chapter, but I didn't want to make the therapy thing a reoccurring event. It didn't seem logical to let Harvey go to therapy for weeks after what has already happened with Donna.. that's why I turned Katie into the therapist, someone who already knew him (and Donna) which would make it more likely to help him in one time. Can't let Donna wait for another ten years... I hope you liked it :)