Becoming a Cullen

[First, I'm so intrigued about an Eclipse movie article that said, "Jasper's devotion to Maria is unquestioned until she makes a particularly ghoulish request." Sounds like it'll be a fun scene! I like these new insights that aren't in the book. Am so happy that we'll see more of Jasper in Eclipse! I'm looking forward to seeing him with Maria – I didn't think that they'd include scenes about her and Jasper in the movie at all. Anyway, here's the link to that article: .com/articles/2009-8-13-oscar-nominee-joins-the-twilight-saga-eclipse-cast. Second, sorry for the long delay in posting another scene, it's supposed to be a more complete chapter, but I've had such a hard time writing it that I'm going to have to cfontinue it for next time. At least now I know where it's going. I think. -- Please review! Kelli]

Chapter 12. How do you start a New Life?

Jasper Whitlock

Emmett was already charging back toward the porch from the yard. His determination to get to me was clear. Taking Edward's advice, I ran from the Cullen house. Leaving once more because I was afraid of what I might do. No matter his intent, if Emmett laid hands on me, I couldn't trust myself to react as if this were a game. This time though, I stopped for Alice. She was near the back door, holding out her hand, smiling as I came through the door. Knew then that she'd seen we were leaving. At least this time, it would be for a few hours. Not forever.

Alice knew my moods. She didn't speak as we ran. Didn't speak when we came to a mutual stop in a clearing deep in the pine forest. My back against a tree, hiding from the sunlight, I slid down to cradle Alice in my arms, her head nestling on my shoulder. She held Esme's watch in her hands, tracing the design inside the cover with a fingertip. Grateful to feel that she wasn't upset, wasn't angry, wasn't disappointed, I could let myself think. 'Course, couldn't help replaying what had happened today. With Esme. With Edward. With Emmett. They kept surprising me. Not good. For them or for me. Too many decades of living among volatile newborns had honed my instincts for survival until my normal reaction to the unexpected was violence. A few weeks of living with strangers wasn't enough to make those instincts fade. Carlisle had been wise to set boundaries for the others. Today was another reminder that I'm not safe around them. No matter what I wanted, I couldn't trust myself. Lord knows, it had taken years for me to trust Peter behind my back. Peter, my first and only friend while I was in Maria's coven. Peter, whom I'd allowed to escape with Charlotte, had come back to rescue me from my nightmarish existence, for no other reason than that friendship. He was one of the reasons I could believe Alice when she said that I would be a member of Carlisle's family.

Thing is, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm not sure what that means. Being a Cullen, that is. Maria had created her coven for a specific purpose and wielded us all as weapons. She had always had a goal, a plan, a reason that kept us all focused. After I'd left her to join Peter and Charlotte, we just drifted. No goals, no desires except to stay unnoticed and to feed. That didn't change when I left them. Too worn-down by the burden of my gift to do more than go as for as long as I could between kills, I hadn't cared about anything.

Carlisle's goals for creating his family? The most obvious one, the one he admitted to, was companionship. Had been alone long enough before Alice found me to understand Carlisle's loneliness. Where the strangeness came in, as it always did when you thought about the Cullens, was Carlisle's reason for choosing who to turn, and how he treated them. Maria had selected humans who had some characteristic that would make them useful as fighters. Not Carlisle. He'd picked humans he felt sorry for; humans he thought had been cheated out of a future.

Then Carlisle had his personal goal, his peculiar decision to heal humans. Wouldn't be much of an empath if I couldn't sense his passion for his work. Esme seemed to desire nothing more than to be a wife and mother. For her to want to take in a bunch of Carlisle's vampires and treat them, not as underlings, not as tools, but as adopted 'children'? When Alice had told me that, I'd thought that Esme had to be not quite sane. I've met vampires like that before, creatures that live in their own, imaginary world. They don't usually survive for long. Had been a shock to realize Carlisle and Esme's affection was returned, in full, by Carlisle's vampires. A shared madness, if you look at it from a normal vampire's view. I'd met others of our kind while I'd traveled with Peter and Charlotte. Apart from mated vamps, there'd never been any sense of family among the few groups we'd met. Just convenience.

I wasn't Carlisle bloodline. Didn't share their views on the way our world worked. How could I ever feel that same connection that the rest of them did? Couldn't even imagine feeling it, that sense of belonging. Knew Alice felt it. She'd belonged to them since her first visions. Suppose it was stupid of me to dwell on it. After all, I didn't need to feel like I was part of their family. All I had to do was follow Carlisle's rules so that I could stay with Alice. Besides, Emmett already felt like we could be friends, if he'd just give me time to learn to trust him. It wouldn't seem so strange, if I had a friend here. At least I could hope for that.

Alice tensed in my arms. Her eyes were blank. Then she blinked, chasing away whatever she'd seen.

"What is it, honey?"

"Carlisle. He's decided to send Emmett away. Maybe for years." Alice shook her head. "That means Rosalie will leave too."

Alice's sadness wasn't a surprise. She didn't want to lose any member of her new family. Frustration and guilt flooded me. "Because of me? I don't want that. I like Emmett."
"I know."

When Alice didn't reassure me that this was because of me, I knew that it was my fault. It wasn't right. Had to be a way to make it safe for me to be around him. Around all of them. Felt that all too familiar guilt tighten further in my gut. I owed Emmett. "Maybe if I talked to him, I could explain. Make him see that I can't fool around with him yet," I said. "Can you look ahead? See if me and Emmett play-fight each other, the way he and Edward do?"

Alice closed her eyes, her face going lax. It took awhile. Then her eyes flew open and she smiled up at me. The happiness flowing from her gave me my answer. "Thank you." I hesitated, reluctant, but knowing that he'd find out anyway, I asked. "Should I ask Edward?"

"Please." A gentle finger stroked my cheek. "Rosalie too."

Sucked in my breath at that. It was painful for me to be around such a brittle, unhappy person. Had done my best to avoid her. Rosalie made it easier by ignoring me. It'd be harder to talk with her there. She'd be judging everything I admitted to with that ingrained disdain of hers. Well, I'd been through worse. I nodded.

Alice's eyes were soft when she said, "Thank you. It makes a difference."

We stood. I slipped my hand under her arm and we walked back together. Tried to think of what to say and what not to say. While part of me knew that telling them what I'd told Alice about everything that Maria had done to me would help them understand, I couldn't bear the idea of them knowing. Couldn't bear feeling their contempt. Seemed inevitable that Edward would find out, but it wasn't the same as saying it straight out. Couldn't think about that now. Had to figure out how to convince Emmett to let me be for now.

Emmett Cullen

Edward was such a jerk sometimes. Like today, jumping between Jasper and me. Then Esme scolded me for throwing Edward through the front door. It was sort of closed at the time. We barely had time to put a new one in before Carlisle got home. Worse was when Rose ratted me out to Carlisle for trying to mess with Jasper. Carlisle wasn't happy with me, even when I tried to explain that Jasper had expected me to jump him. He didn't buy it.

I couldn't be mad at Rose for telling Carlisle. I knew why. She hadn't taken to Jasper, or to Alice. She resented the way that everyone had welcomed Alice with open arms. For some reason she'd hated that Edward and Alice had bonded so fast. Since most of the time Rose has a hard time being civil to Edward, I'm not sure why she cares. Anyway, it was pretty plain that Rose had hoped Carlisle would send them away. Carlisle's frown had deepened when she complained about Jasper, how she was sure that he'd bring the family trouble. Then Rose had reminded Carlisle that Jasper had admitted that he couldn't be around humans like the rest of us.

Rose was shocked when Carlisle talked about sending us away until Jasper had adjusted to our lifestyle. I knew she was hurt because Carlisle wasn't taking her side. It took me two hours to calm her down. At least she hadn't been mad at me for causing the whole thing. She was too busy being mad at everyone else to think about my part in this mess.

Alice came back alone and said Jasper wanted to talk to us. Rose got mad all over again and said no. Then Alice added that she and Jasper didn't want to see us leave. Rose wasn't happy, but she decided to listen. Edward joined us outside. Of course, he'd 'heard' Alice's invitation.

"Should Carlisle and Esme come?" Edward asked.

Alice shook her head.

"Oh, of course," Edward said.

It was so damned annoying. I interrupted their private conversation. "'Of course what?"

Edward looked at Alice, then at me. "Jasper doesn't feel comfortable around Carlisle."

"He's not comfortable around any us," Rosalie retorted. "All he does is lurk around in the corners."

"He's making progress," Edward snapped back.

"Now you're on his side?" Rosalie put her hands on her hips.

Oh, oh. Major storm signals were brewing. I rubbed Rose's back, trying to soothe her, but she stepped away from me, getting into Edward's face. I knew she was itching for a fight. Not that she and Edward ever got physical. They just screamed at each other. Well, okay, maybe sometimes Rose threw things. And she had really good aim. I winced, remembering a couple of times she'd dinged me.

"Rosalie, please-" Alice started to say.

"Stay out of this!" Rosalie's voice went higher.

Rose took a step toward Alice, her beautiful face twisted in anger. I froze, wanting to protect tiny Alice from Rose's temper, but my wife would never forgive me if I did.

Before either Edward or I could intervene, Jasper was there, standing in front of Alice.

Shit. Fighting for fun was one thing, but protecting your mate was something else. Brought out the worst in us.

This was going to get bad.

On the other hand, at least I'd finally get to see Jasper fight.